:3 tommy and tubbo being not friends (i realize that the song is romantic but idc this is platonic)

He didn't have anything against Ranboo. In fact, he loved the boy. They were all best friends. The youngest group on the SMP gotta stick together, after all.

But Tommy felt himself slowly drift away.

Lying in bed, one has enough time to overthink; thinking about how you change and miss things that you leave behind, while you move forward.

Half an hour ago, Tommy ended his stream. They were slowly getting more sparse, but he kept pushing through, giving as much content as possible. But it was having an effect on him.

They barely streamed together anymore; he and Tubbo. Or made videos. Or talked at all for that matter. The feeling of not being able to confide in anyone was tearing him apart from the inside.

Secrets, even small details about his day, kept like a caged bird. And Tubbo is the key to open it.
They'd promised to stay together, right? What are promises, if not a simple sentence that can be worn away throughout time? Meaningless words that control your every choice for your life.

Maybe that's what I get for pushing them away, saying they were clingy. He sighed, staring up at his ceiling. Tracing small marks on the wall with his eyes, twiddling his toes in boredom. Happy now, Tubbs? Look who's falling apart without their best friend. Oh, but you seem to be doing perfectly fine.

Of course they were fine. He had Ranboo to stream with. The tallest had seemed to trust Tubbo enough to show them what he looked like. Maybe he'd be a better friend than Tommy ever would be. It made Tommy insecure, knowing that he wasn't anything in comparison. Ranboo was more mature, caring, funny, much more calm, calm enough for Tubbo to fall asleep on stream.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't jealous.

Jealous of their friendship, of how all the attention had moved to the duo. He missed staying on call with the brunet for hours, talking, building in Minecraft, making new memories.

I shouldn't've pushed you away. I shouldn't have left the call as soon as I said 'I love you.' What kind of friend am I?

They weren't perfect, one of them always yelling, the other trying to stitch up the holes in their relationship before it tore apart, but Tommy would never regret the day he raided Tubbo on Twitch.

Tears clinged to his eyelashes, blurring his vision. Music blasted in his ears; an addicting way to block out the world.

This was a new feeling. His gut trying to tie knots of itself, throat closing, and lips sore from being bit. He could hear a beating in his ears, muffled. He could feel his lips start to twitch, trying to hold back sobs.

Breaths came in giant gasps, as though he was trying to escape a nightmare. He was; this was a nightmare.

It's not my fault. It's not my fault. If that were true, then why did he feel guilt looming over him, like a cloud?

Was this what Tubbo felt when Tommy didn't give them enough attention? Did it kill them, the constant worry about losing the person they cared about most?

Or is Tubbo okay now that he's gone?

A broken smile made its way onto Tommy's lips. There's no use trying to protect a promise that didn't exist.

Tubbo pushed him away first, right? Right. They exiled him, even if it was in a video game. And Tommy came back to them. No. Tubbo came to help him, always Tubbo. What did he do?

He should've seen this coming sooner. Tubbo actually had friends in real life, had siblings, had a family who cared. Tommy was alone, with a family that didn't care enough about him to even tell him to get a good night's rest. And he couldn't find anyone else.

But he could wait. For anyone, who cared about him like Tubbo did.

He would wait. Tommy would wait beside his computer, twitter open, waiting for the picture of Ranboo standing next to Tubbo to be posted.

Waiting for the day that Ranboo moved in with Tubbo, instead of him.

Waiting for him to be crossed out of their memories.

angst to heal my heart after last chapter :]

who said i was projecting my worries? not me! hah ha ha...

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