Comment right now honestly who you think is writing this, no cheating~ don't scroll down - Unknown

Pretend

Why do I do this?

"The game was totes awesome." I said, as we, the cheerleaders, walked down the hall. We were talking about the soccer game last Friday. We cheered for our team, of course, and we won by 15-12 points.

Is it so that people will like me? Ha, that's just BS. I hate people.

"(Y/N), you were killer out there!" Ivy said, as she and her 2 friends approached us. We were childhood friends, at least, we acted like that. I knew what she was really like. She bullied people who had a lower popularity status than her for no reason. She just wants to seem cool.

If I think like that, then why am I even friends with her?

I don't know. I just don't know.

How can I not know?!

I'm supposed to know who I am...

Everybody has at least an idea of who they are, what they will become...

But I don't.

I just pretend to know. I don't know why.

---

When you sit with cheerleaders who love gossip, you're basically required to participate in the conversation. If you're eating and somebody asks you a question, well no luck sista! You have 5 seconds to answer the question.

Why am I sitting with them if I'm just gonna complain about their gossip habits?

He wasn't here today, as usual.

He was probably away with his gang somewhere. He was never in classes either, anyways. Giving up on looking around the cafeteria, I was about to start eating my food, but then a familiar voice called me.

"(Y/N)!"

"Yeah?-" I turn around to find a milkshake splashed onto me, covering my uniform and the ends of my (H/C) hair with the contents. And in front of me, was the person I was looking for.

Even if you're popular, things like this still happen. So what's the point of pretending to be someone you're not just to be popular?

The cafeteria filled with gasps as I slapped Gene in the face, making a giant red mark on his face. The 'slapping sound' echoed for a bit, as Gene stared at me. His eyes with a bit of shock, but he still had his cheeky smirk.

I ran out of the cafeteria to my locker, to get the melon-printed bag that had my extra uniform.

I ran to the nearest girls washroom, which you'd see in the next turn of hallways. I changed into my extra uniform, and washed the ends of my hair.

That apparently took too long, as I ended up missing Chemistry.

Why did I slap him?

No matter what I'd do, the damage was done. So all I had to do was move on from it and there you go, it's fucking done!

So why did I.....

Why did I do it?

I liked him. I loved him. Since freshman year, he was the guy who I wanted to understand. The one I wanted to know. The one I wanted to see, for his true self. But, why did I have to screw it up? Now he probably thinks I have anger problems.

---

Zara approached me. She was the captain of the cheerleader team, and necessarily cared for our fellow members. "You okay? I didn't see you in Chemistry." She said. Whispers filled the halls, along with the usual noise. It was probably some outrageous, far-fetched rumor again.

That might've been about me.

If you didn't like rumors, why did you start so many of them?

"I'm fine. I was just changing in the washroom. The milkshake was splashed onto my hair, so I had to wash that as well." I said, as I smiled slightly.

Zara smiled too. "Well, its good to see that you're finally back to your usual self."

And at that, we went our seperate ways, to our classes.

What the hell?

What's wrong with me?

Why do I hate the only people who actually cared for me?

Why am I so messed up?

Why do I feel the need to pretend?

Nobody's making me do this......

It's my fault.....

It was my choice.

---

Of course the classroom's filled with whispers once Ms. Janine leaves the classroom. Overhearing the 2 girls next to me, Nicole and Lucinda, I listen to their conversation.

"I heard that (Y/N) slapped Gene in the face while we were hanging out in the washroom with Teony!" Lucinda exclaimed. "Apparently, Gene splashed a milkshake on her."

"So that's why she came with chocolate all over her uniform!" Nicole responded.

Of course they'd be talking about that. It's the big event of today, as a matter of fact, coming from Emmalyn something-last-name's big mouth earlier today.

Why am I judging people who've never done anything to me?

Let's face it, they're better than me in a lot of ways.

They're probably kind, and aren't fake...

While I'm just...

No one.

---

It's the end of the day, I'm at my locker, and I can't wait to go home.

Right before I go, I overhear another conversation.

"(Y/N)'s such a bitch."

"I know, right?!" That voice, I recognized it. "It was just a harmless prank, and she acted so harshly to it! Do girls really care about their appearance that much?"

It was Gene's.

I dropped my books, backpack, anything I was holding, and I didn't even close my locker. I just fucking ran.

And now here I am.

I'm looking at myself at the mirror.

All I see is a shallow, fake girl.

I'm ugly. Both inside and outside.

Even with the skinny body I've worked for, even with the face I made myself have by using skin products, even with the hair I spent 2 hours on...

It's not worth it.

So why am I doing it?

Why spend so much time on something that won't last even a whole day?

Why do I pretend to be like this?

I want to change.

I WANT TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!

........

Maybe then will Gene like me?

......

I can't. I can't change.

It's too late to change myself. Just because I want to be someone else, doesn't mean it will happen.

I can't change other people's perspective of me.

I can't change Gene's perspective of me.

The world isn't gonna change just for me.

I can't change.

I can't.

Lena here, with another sad one shot! I hope some of you can relate to this, I put in most of the thoughts I have that anti-depressants can't hide. This is basically what I feel, but I ain't popular. That's just why I have almost no real friends. - Lena