No, please, not this again...

It had already begun to settle in, slowly wrapping its suffocating embrace upon you. It was always like this—a near death experience.

"Ah, fantastic, what's the matter with you?" you heard the annoyance in Brenda's voice as you guys hid behind the corridor adjacent to the noise. You guys had to move quickly, wishing on mere luck to be able to evade the Cranks in the abyss of the underground.

You couldn't respond, too busy trying to control your breathing, which was more like an unsuccessful attempt to shut out a hyperventilating animal. The attempt only forced you to gasp for breath harder in an effort to keep yourself alive.

"Are you okay?" you heard Newt next, and the evident concern in his face was getting harder to see when his whole face was losing its clarity. Your own eyes were mocking you now.

You vehemently shook your head 'no' as you pressed your back against the wall, the troubled breathing continuing as you sank to the ground.

"You want them to find us—is that what it is?" Brenda pressed on. "Control yourself, woman. I can't deal with this on top of everything."

"You're not bloody helping," Newt snapped at Brenda, immediately crouching next to you and taking your shoulders with both hands. "Y/N, breathe, okay?"

You glared at him as you felt the air escape your lungs at a faster pace. "I—I can't..."

Meanwhile, the distant shriek of Cranks surely past the Gone only grew louder, and despair was settling quickly among the three of you. You knew it was a bad idea to get separated from Thomas, Minho and the others. They might've been impulsive, but they would've been the biggest help you guys would have in a moment like this.

The sole memory of the Cranks you saw just outside the dorm's window—with their deteriorated skin and protruded, black veins—was enough to terrorize you, and you couldn't withstand having to face more of them; it was something that was threatening to happen in the next couple of minutes, and your body wasn't letting you prepare for it.

Newt also began to go into a full blown panic, and without meaning to, you figured, he lost his composure with you. "If you could just calm down for a few seconds, we can start running before we're Crank food—Y/N please!"

"Don't you think I know that!" you shouted at him before needing to make up for the amount of effort it took to shout.

Then you regretted the shouting as you realized you had quite deliberately given away your location to the Cranks.

"Good job," Brenda scolded you, but your whole body felt so cold despite the profuse sweating steaming off from you that you couldn't even bring yourself to retaliate.

"Brenda, take this flashlight and distract them—I gotta stay with her until it passes," said Newt with resolve as he stood up, throwing his flashlight at her.

Brenda caught it but gave Newt a questioning look. "Until what passes? You both are gonna get eaten alive!"

"What kind of a buggin' question is that? She's having a panic attack, wasn't that obvious? Hurry or we'll all die!" Newt shouted at her.

"It won't be my fault," she muttered before taking off into a different corridor.

Newt turned back to you and sat crossed-legged in front of you, seemingly very nervous as he took your hands in his. "Try to look at me, Y/N."

You forced your eyes to focus on the blond boy in front of you, and you fought the embarrassment you felt because of him seeing you like this. You knew Newt himself struggled with adapting to the Glade back before you guys escaped, but he never displayed any weakness in front of anyone.

What would he think about you not being able to control yourself now when it was imperative to avoid Cranks at all costs?

"I'm so... I'm sorry," you apologized to him, for putting him in danger by having to stay longer with you.

"No, no, no, shh, it's okay," he whispered, as he kept rubbing your arms to help, but it seemed not to be working.

You clawed at your neck, pulling your shirt's neckline down to see if the pressure could somehow leave your chest. If you were ever curious to know what it felt like to be slowly dying, this was a perfect example. Your entire face hurt as your brows furrowed, your forehead creased, and your face muscles felt like they were permanently paralyzed in their current position.

Your throat was sore and dry from the vast amount of air that kept traveling in and out in each troubled series of breathing. The experience brought a thought into your mind: you didn't think you could ever wish this upon your worst enemy.

"Tell me what you need me to do," he continued softly, even though you noticed the uncertainty and fear in his voice.

"I don't know," you huffed, gripping the concrete wall with outstretched palms. Tears were beginning to gather in your eyes, and you couldn't even move your hands from where you had them to wipe the tears away.

"Okay, okay," Newt continued, letting go of your arms to give you space. "Sorry for my inexperience, but let's try something. Try to breathe with me, Y/N, can you do that?"

You weren't even sure either of you knew what you were doing, but you decided to give it a shot. Nodding to Newt's question, you tried to take another deep breath before fully focusing on him and how he was breathing so you could follow along.

"Five seconds each time, okay?" he asked, then inhaled deeply before beginning to count, gesturing for you to follow. The entire time, you kept your eyes on him, trying to shut out the shrieks that were now becoming distant echoes.

You figured Brenda was far along in the underground, or maybe this pathetic breathing exercise with Newt was actually helping you forget about the source of your panic in the first place.

"Okay, now let it go," Newt instructed next, putting his lips together and blowing out some air before he began another five-second count.

You both practiced the same thing about three more times before the rhythm of your breathing reached somewhere near normal. You were still sweating and the fear was still mildly there, but now you seemed a bit more in control of yourself.

"Thank you," you whispered to him, and he smiled. "And sorry you had to stay behind because of me."

"You don't need to apologize, I get it," he mentioned, smiling at you.

"It's embarrassing, you mean," you muttered, accepting the hand Newt lended to help you up.

Newt's eyes snapped over to yours and then he frowned. "No, it's not," he said, and you were surprised by the offense you sensed in his tone of voice. The face you made must have given away your total bewilderment because he blinked a couple of times and shook his head. "Sorry."

The next few minutes became a really awkward mood killer, and you were almost wishing Brenda and her bossy attitude were there to keep you all going without having to experience the unsettling silence.

"We should probably go now. Looks like Brenda drove them away," you finally spoke up.

He silently nodded and you both began to jog as you took your flashlight to light the way. With Brenda taking the only other one with her, Newt was bound to be jogging really close to you so you wouldn't get separated. Not that you minded, but now that the atmosphere became awkward, maybe that wasn't the greatest thing to happen to you at the moment.

Unexpectedly, hands gripped your arm so tightly that you almost passed out. You and Newt both yelped, and you shone your light directly at whatever had grabbed you, only to see a very annoyed Brenda shielding her eyes.

"You wanna blind me?" she snapped at you. "Chill out, you're such a jumpy person, my goodness."

"Well, maybe don't grab people's arms like that when we're literally in Crank Habitat," you rebuked.

Brenda brushed off your comment and bid you both to follow her. "The exit's just on the right turn from here. The Cranks are distracted for now, we have time."

"How'd you drive them away?" asked Newt.

She shrugged, giving you both a smug smile. "I went rat hunting and just piled them up in a heap. Looks like they found it." The idea made you and Newt cringe.

Once the three of you were finally above ground, back out below the stars of the Scorch sky, your fear finally subsided. Brenda spotted a good place for you to finally rest for the night before continuing your journey the next day.

You and Newt settled close to each other on the sand, and you felt his lingering stare on you.

"Sorry for blowing up on you earlier," he whispered, avoiding your eyes.

You turned to him a bit shyly, and you shook your head. "Don't worry about it, I gave you lots of trouble already, so thank you for helping me calm down."

"I just..." he began, not sure how to say whatever he needed to say, but he obviously had a lot on his mind. "I don't want you to feel like having a panic attack is something to be embarrassed about. We live a life that sucks. No part of it was ever not filled with danger. Being deathly afraid is completely understandable, even more than you think."

"I just feel like I'm always the one lagging behind, always afraid of everything." You sighed frustratedly. "I'm not like you, Thomas, or Minho, where things just rub off from you like it's no big deal. You just face up to anything and survive without even feeling scared."

"You couldn't be farther from the truth," he said, raising his eyebrows.

You gave him an odd look, not sure if he was being serious or not. "Why?"

"We all aren't even bold enough to show how scared we really are. But honestly, there have been a number of times where I've been quite close to soiling my own pants since the Glade, and I'm not even kidding," he said, then snorted, which automatically made you laugh.

"I don't believe that for one second." You gave him a playful look of incredulity.

He giggled at your reaction, but then his smile slowly began to fade. "No, but really, believe me when I tell you that it's completely normal to feel so afraid. And if I'm still here, alive, it's because friends like Alby and Minho helped me through it all. Getting help isn't shameful. It's a bold way to show you have the humility to accept you aren't perfect, and that you're a human being. Like Alby always said, 'if ya ain't scared, ya ain't human'."

Your heart ached for Newt as he confessed that to you, then you gave him a small smile. "Well then, I'm glad you're here to tell me that. Thanks, Newt," you added before wrapping your arms around him. You smiled to yourself as you felt him warmly return the hug.

"Of course."

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~A/N: hungermazerunner I hope you enjoyed!