The snow feels heavy and thick as we step on it, our feet audibly crunching everything in its path. I can see her still smiling even though she finds it hard to say the words "Thank you, "  to Mike when he drops us off.

I knew it was difficult for her but she was trying and I was so proud of all the progress she's made. The girl who was crying her eyes out in the school toilet was a totally different person from the woman who stood before me, smiling and trying to make conversation with a total stranger.

Mike told us to enjoy the day and to just give him a call whenever we felt like coming back. He and Susan would help us out with some dinner. After hearing about my situation with my Dad, he became a lot more sympathetic. He had a similar relationship with his own father except he never made the trip to meet him; he was too scared.

Usually, I detest sympathy but on a cold, Christmas morning, sympathy brought us a free ride and food so I'll take it.

I pick up a huge pile of snow from the ground and ball it up in my fist and threw it at an unsuspecting Harley whilst her back was turned to wave goodbye to Mike in his van.

She yelps in surprise, holding the base of her back where the snowball hit. "Ow, Parker, I'm so going to get you for that!" She chases after me with her own snowball in tow.

The trees are coated in snow and little snowflakes drop onto the grass below. This park looks nothing like the parks back in Beaumont. It's so much more regal and beautiful. I notice Harley bringing out her camera to capture the moment. I smile to myself. She just can't help herself.
The area is vacant so we can make as much noise as we want.

I race up the hill, almost slipping on some ice and squealing like a child, trying to get away from the wrath that Harley is about to unleash on me with her snowballed fists.

"I'm sorry," I plead, out of breath and holding my hands up in defeat. "It was an accident, I swear."

She rolls her eyes at me, right arm ready to aim. "Yeah right, like this was an accident too."

A ball of ice drops inches away from my feet. "Erm, I really do hope that was an accident. Was that aiming for me or my trainers? Cause it didn't get either." 

She sniggers, brushing off the snow from her jacket. "I'm not an athlete, okay? I'm a photographer."

I put my arm around her shoulder, guiding her towards the sledging section. "And a damn good one at that," I say, staring into the shot she took on her camera.

There was a little cabin shop at the bottom of the hill and a place to rent sledges. However, much to my dismay, there was a huge red 'Closed' sign hanging off the door.

"Ah man, it's closed," I sigh, turning to an already red-faced Harley. "How are you out of breath? We've literally only been walking for like 30 seconds."

She folds her arms across her chest defensively, heaving her boobs up to her face. The huge Adidas hoodie Zachy let me borrow swallowed up her body whole making her look like a little kid playing dress-up in her dads closet. "I just told you I'm not an athlete."

"It's closed? Nooo." She whines. I could see that she was really excited about going sledging from the moment that sweet old lady from the café mentioned it. I felt like doing something fun with her and make this Christmas memorable since I was practically dragging her away from her family. It couldn't end here.

"Wait here," I say to her as I walk to the back of the cabin.

"What are you doing?" She asks, ignoring my instructions and following me anyway.

"Voila!" I hold up the key I had just found under a frosty the snowman themed garden gnome. "You'd think they'd have more security, huh?"

She folds her arms and shakes her head. She wasn't a fan of this breaking and entering idea. "No way! We can't break into it."

"Why not?" I ask, turning the lock in the door.

"Because it's illegal."

"Says who? It's not breaking and entering if we have the key." I tap my temple. "It's just entering."

She scoffs and steps into the store behind me, accepting defeat.

"Woah." She breathes. The little cabin was heavily ornated with festive decorations. There was a range of different types of sledges to be used. The wooden ones catch my eye as it reminds of the sledges used in the animated movies I used to watch as a kid.

I wonder if he has brought them here before. If he has frolicked with them in the snow. If his new wife makes them hot cocoa after a long day of being a happy family all day.

"You good?" The soft hand on my shoulder helps bring me back down to earth. Her concerned eyes have been following me around since we got in the car and drove to the middle of nowhere. It's been driving me crazy knowing how much I've been worrying her. I shouldn't have even dragged her here with me, but I guess having a supporting hand would help.

I force a smile and pick up one of the sledges. "I feel amazing. I'm spending Christmas with one of the most beautiful girls in the world. I feel great, Harley." She smiles tentatively at me, biting her lip slightly. She isn't convinced at all but she also isn't going to push it.

"Let's go then." She grabs a sledge and runs out of the shop, almost slipping on a slab of ice. "The last one up the hill is a rotten egg!"

Chasing after her in the snow was better than any other feeling in the world. It's just me and her.
It will always be me and her. I couldn't even imagine myself with anybody else. I love her. I love Harley. I want to be the one to protect her and looking at her now, making snow angels on the coated ground, giggling and laughing made me never want to leave her side.

"Okay, one last push," She promises as we both trudge back up to the top of the hill. We'd been here for hours just having fun snow fighting and taking turns pushing each other down the hill. No other families have come so we have the entire park to ourselves. The sun was starting to set and soon night would fall. "It's about to get dark."

"Get in with me." I gesture towards the sledge. There was enough room for the both of us. She gets in and uses her leg to push us off. Her squeals and screams loud in my ear as we raced down across the snow. I scream too and she hugs me tight. Her warmth comforting me.

Finally, we reach the end of the hill. "Wow." She says.

"Wow, indeed." It looks as though the sun was melting right before our eyes.

After a while of silence, she leans her back into my chest and whispers "I'm glad I'm here with you," I can smell the mango and honey leave-in conditioner that she uses for her hair. I put my hands into it and massage her scalp which earned a few satisfying sighs from her.

"Magic hands," I chuckle. This was the perfect moment, I didn't even think about why I was here, I didn't think about my father or the fact that it was even Christmas. All I could think about was Harley.
My peace amidst the war going on in my head.
All this time, I thought I was saving her when in reality she was saving me...

"Tell me about your brother," I ask, making sure I wasn't messing up her hair in the process of massaging it.

I can feel her shoulders stiffen slightly. "He's great." I gaze at the mole of the back of her browned neck. "He's the best big brother ever. He's so smart and kind, he always knows the right thing to do. When I was younger, I never walked anywhere without him, it was like we were attached at the limb." She laughs lightly. "I miss him." She says, looking down into her lap. Her eyelashes flutter rapidly as she tries to hold back tears.

"Do you compare yourself to him, sometimes?"

She shrugs, "I guess so. He was always Pops favourite while I was Papas. But he never made me feel less than. Whenever Papa had his episodes he would always pretend that we were going on an adventure and leave the house. I later realised he just didn't want me to witness Papa going through all that in case he took it out on me."

"That must've been hard." I couldn't imagine what it was like to have a mentally ill parent. It was hard enough looking after my sister alone. I can't imagine all the things she's been through.

"It was. But the good times outweighed the bad until it got really bad." She sighs. "What about you? It must've been tough taking care of your sister."

"It was." I think back to all the times I had to cancel plans with my friends because I had to look after Rose in mammas absence. That time in Year 10 when I missed out on the art trip of a lifetime because Mamma had no one to cover her shifts at work. I thought about all the times I was up till late by Roses side because I was afraid that one day she'd just suddenly stop breathing and decide to leave me. "It is. Having a sibling who is 100% dependant on others and cannot communicate beyond a sensory level is difficult. I used to be so embarrassed by her." My face heated up at the thought. I've never revealed this to anybody before.

"I used to get bullied a lot and teased so I distanced myself from her. As I got older, I realised how awful I felt not being with her often. She was and still is my light amidst the darkness. Without Rose, I'm incomplete."

"I understand." She hums, her lips barely moving. "Having a bipolar dad was tough. Having to tiptoe around his various moods was a task in itself as well as trying to conquer the internal battle of whether or not I would end up like him too."

"Sorry for sounding ignorant, but what type of things would happen when he would get in his moods?"

She sighs and thinks back to her childhood. The lines in her forehead growing deeper. "I remember waking up and falling asleep to him pacing up and down my room, reciting the words of Othello for 3 days straight. I couldn't shake him out of it or make him stop. I couldn't do anything. It was terrifying. There'd be weeks where he was really happy and creative- he'd make all sorts of new dishes. Then there'd be weeks where he wouldn't even leave his bed. That's when I knew how severe his manic episodes were."

I hug her even closer to me. "It won't happen to you, and even if it does I'll be right here with you." I know I shouldn't make those promises but I somehow found myself doing it anyway.

She shakes her head, her eyes drooping down. "I bet that's what Pops said to Papa and even then there came a time where it was too much to handle."

I understand why she's scared but I'm not sure about what I could say to calm her nerves.

"I've never met anyone else like you," I whisper in her ear as we watch the sunset in the distance. The orange hue of the winter sun made her skin glow gold. "Tu sei quella che stavo aspettando."

She turns and faces me, looking directly into my eyes. "It's almost time, Parker."

"I know." I breathe, kissing the top of her head. "I know."