Alec's POV

She turned to look at me..those green eyes.. they'd lost their gleam. Now they looked pale and lifeless. She looked so vulnerable and helpless.
Yeah, but she left you!

My subconscious argued. I clenched my hands into fists. I was supposed to be mad at her but no matter how hard I was trying, I just couldn't. And I hated that.

"Cece is fine. Everything is under control." I said coldly, no thanks to her, before I proceeded to walk out of the house. I was halfway to the door when I heard her voice. Fuck! She was going to ruin me.

  "Alec, I'm...can we talk? I know what I did was a mistake...it was wrong. I was childish and foolish and I'm sorry " she pleaded, her voice giving off so much pain my knees almost buckled. I heard her loud and clear. I wanted to talk to her, to listen to her, find out why she left me.

  I so desperately wanted to know. But I had my pride and my humongous ego. I resumed walking. Grabbing the door knob, I opened the door and welcomed the rays of sunlight that greeted me. Curiousity got the better of me.

I tilted my head back to get a glimpse of her from the side of my eyes. "Why? Can you tell me why you left?" I asked harshly, accusation dominating my tone. She looked how I felt, torn and desperate. She shook her head no.

"I thought as much." I said walking out. I banged the door as loud as I could and man did it feel satisfying.
First I had to find a way of getting my feelings under control. Second, I had to stay away from her. She'd been back for a day and already she was messing with me.

   I can't let her in. Not again. Not after what I went through. My love for her was toxic.. because I loved her too much and she loved me too little.

Jessa's POV

I winced and jumped in fright as the loud bang of the door resonated through the room. I wanted to scream, to run after him, to cry and tell him the whole truth. I so desperately wanted to. But I couldn't.

What I did nine years ago...I can't let anyone know. I'm so ashamed of what I did. What would he think? He'd hate me..he already does anyways. I'd lost him. I had really lost him. But what was I expecting? That I'd come back after abandoning him for nine years and he'd still love me?

Of course not. In the nine years I'd stayed in New Orleans I didn't once think about him. Not because I didn't love him but simply because emotionally I couldn't allow myself to do that. I knew that it would hurt too much.

I guess in trying to forget him, I blocked my feelings, shoved it into the darkest part of my mind. But the minute I saw him it hit me.

It came rushing back. It's like the feeling you get when you've been under water for too long and you come up to the surface to get air.

It felt like my life was a Netflix movie and the writer was a very dramatic bitch. I was home alright. I was back to the place where I learnt my first word, the place where I grew up,the place where I knew the greatest love and the greatest pain.

I stood in the middle of my childhood home, my diabetic mother upstairs bring taken care of by someone else, my ex boyfriend walking away from me, my only sorta friend for the past nine years dead and a fiancé I had abandoned.

What more could life throw at me? I was beyond rock bottom at this point. This was home but it wasn't my home anymore. It didn't feel like it. I felt like a stranger, an outsider. The yellow walls with cracks in between had been fixed and painted a beige color.

The worn out blue couch had been replaced with a soft leather one. I missed the old couch. Sure it had cockroaches playing hide and seek about it but it was our couch...at least it used to be. The memories...that couch was monumental. It's too bad it's gone.

The small wooden center table we used to eat around when trying to imitate the Chinese had been replaced by a huge glass one. The carpet wasn't hard and rough anymore, it was as soft as a kitten's fur. Vases filled with flowers brightened up the place.

I remember the flowers always ended up wilting because everyone forgot to water them. Now there are daisies everywhere. I could remember mom bragging about how daisies were the best flowers in the world. She didn't know why though.

The pictures on the walls were no longer taped to the walls like I remember. My artwork was gone. Jenna's artwork was gone. They'd removed all the tape, some of the pictures had been framed and new ones had been taken.

I walked towards a picture, it looked quite recent. My mom, Alec, Nurse Millie, a little girl sitting on Alec's lap and ...my best friend? Alec had a daughter?

My heart squeezed in my chest as the dam burst. I fell to the floor staring at the picture as I cried. Pain splattered teardrops on my shirt, tasting the saltiness of my own tears I felt so distorted.

It felt like my real self had been locked away and I was seeing through someone else's eyes.

I stared at the picture and something burned in my heart. I left this, I threw all this away for nine fucking years of pain, of torture, of hunger.

They were all happy, smiling faces beaming with joy. They'd become a family. I left all this for nothing. I could barely recognize my best friend. I couldn't even say her name. I was ashamed.

What would they think if they knew the truth about why I left, about what I did? They'd hate me, they'd be disgusted. Already Alec can't stand to be within two miles of me. He looks at me like I'm a broken toy and he can't decide whether to fix me or throw me away.

I hate that look in his eyes. I can't do this. I knew this was a bad idea. I shouldn't have done here. Nurse Millie lied. Mama is fine. She has all the family she could ever need. She didn't need me. All I do is cause choas. I can't stay here. I need to leave right now!

I got off the floor in a daze, rushing to grab my bag I dashed across the room heading for the door. Before I could open it a voice interrupted me.

"Why do you always run?" A voice asked from behind me. I froze like a child who'd been caught doing something bad like stealing the last cookie from the cookie jar. That question hit me. My whole life I've been a coward, running away.

I ran from my family, from Hailey, from Drey. "I- I don't know." I said softly staring outside through the window. The sun was out, the trees standing silently, the birds missing. The house next door was quiet as well, seemingly empty.

It looked so out of place right now, overgrown weeds climbing up the walls covering the house. I'm not surprised it's still empty. The owner of the house used to be the mayor of the town. That was until his nephew raped his daughter, murdered the whole family and run away.

That was in the 1990s. Now things have changed. Things have really changed. No one ever found the nephew but the house has been empty ever since. "Jessa? Jessa, are you alright?" Her voice broke me out of my reverie.

A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped in fear. I quickly turned around to face her. She looked worried as her her shown with concern.

"I'm fine. I have to go..just call me when...just call me." I rushed out and headed for the door. I could tell she wanted me to stay but I couldn't. I really couldn't. I felt like the house across the street. Alone, lost, unwanted.

I felt like an island, out of place, waiting to sink at any moment. So I did what I knew how to do. I ran! I ran as fast as I could. I didn't know where I was going to, a lot had changed in nine years. It didn't matter though.

Maybe I'd fall and hit my head and die or possibly get amnesia. Anything...it would be better than now. I ran till my legs were burning and my lungs in overdrive trying to take in as much air as they could. It had gotten dark..

I stood in the middle of an empty road gasping for air. Everything I'd done, all the memories I'd blocked came back. The running, the pain, the drugs, things I did...it was all too much.

Black spots dotted my vision and I lost consciousness and the world went black. Damn I gotta stop fainting!

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Well here's the new chapter. Hope you like it. Once again forgive my errors.

You know I understand Alec..I've been in his situation before.. where you love someone too much and they love you too little...trust me it's horrible.

I get Jessa too. She's like me. Most of the time I prefer to run away from my problems than to fix them.

I realised something today..all my characters are extensions of different parts of myself. It's like dividing myself into as many characters as this book can have. Is it just me? Am I making sense or do you think I'm insane?

🤦🤷Oh well. Don't forget to vote 😌

-Daisy