CARMEN

When Helene passed away, I was in the darkness for a long time.

It wasn't so much as her death that was responsible for why I overstayed—I felt comfort in the dark.

There was a big hole in my heart that nothing could fill.

Being in the darkness gave me the solace I couldn't find in the happy faces of the people I knew or the warmth in their smile.

Helene was my life.

I built my world around her.

We had a map in our room, dotted by color-coordinated pushpins.

It was her suggestion that we put it up there para daw kapag gumigising kami, we are reminded of the places we wanted to see.

She taught me how to dream, to aim for the things I want and not to settle for what was in front of me.

Kaya naman when she died, the fire in me burned out.

It fizzled na parang binuhusan ng tubig.

I crawled into the deep abyss of depression and when I was there, I didn't care for anything.

Well, except for Blinky.

She was my reminder that outside of the bedroom, the sun still rises and sets even if I didn't want it to.

Besides, I have to feed her kahit ako mismo, walang ganang kumain.

There was also Sasha.

She never gave up on me when I gave up on myself.

Sasha forced me to get up, take a shower and changed the pajamas I wore for weeks.

She always said she won't let anything happen under her watch and she stayed true to her promise.

"I made a pact with Helene and I'm not going to break it."

Then of course, there was my family.

Sila itong nagpumilit sa akin na bumalik sa Pilipinas so they could take care of me.

Mama was worried for me pati na si Christine at Charles.

Noong una, I was against the idea.

Anong gagawin ko sa Pinas kapag umuwi ako? Tatambay?

Isa pa, I considered Canada my home.

Sanay na ako sa way of life pati sa mga tao.

I never thought I would make a life there pero it happened and I felt so blessed.

But without Helene, nothing was keeping me there.

I was a ship lost at sea.

There was no one to anchor me.

Kahit mahirap, I made the decision to go back.

I had no plan upon my return.

Maliban sa alagaan si Mama, I wasn't looking to meet someone kahit sige ang pangungulit ni Christine na it's time for me to move on.

There were times I would be offended by her meddling dahil Helene was everything to me.

Okay lang sa akin kung hindi ako makamove on.

I don't care.

Besides, mas mahalaga sa akin na ayusin ang sarili ko.

Along came Michelle.

She who was small and feisty.

Para siyang siling labuyo.

Kung anong liit niya, siya namang anghang.

I didn't really like her that day at the parking lot.

I thought her rude and loud.

Ang lakas ng loob makipag-away kahit siya na itong mali.

I couldn't shake her out of my existence though.

Nagkikita kami kahit hindi namin alam kung bakit bigla na lang kaming nagtatagpo.

I guess it was destiny's way of getting us together.

As I get to know her, I realized that I shouldn't have judged her harshly.

She was irreverent, funny and very smart.

Napatawa niya ako ulit.

She made me ponder about my life and it was all I needed to shake myself out of my unhappiness.

I followed her home that night.

After our tryst sa tinatayong bahay, I asked if we could go somewhere but she refused.

"Nasa bahay nina Mama si Zac. Baka mag-alala yun kung hindi ako umuwi." She answered while fixing her hair.

It took as a long time to get out of the house dahil I kept pulling her by the waist to kiss her some more.

"Alright. Why don't I follow you home then?"
"Okay."

Pagdating namin sa bahay ng parents niya, I remembered how her dad got upset when he found out about us.

Tumigil ako sa tapat ng gate.

"Uy! Pasok na tayo." Sabi niya habang hinihila ang kamay ko.

"Eh paano ang tatay mo?"

"Don't worry. Okay na siya."
"What do you mean? Di ba nagwalk-out siya the last time?"

"Noon 'yun."

"Sure ka? Baka sapakin ako nun pag pumasok ako."
"Huwag kang mag-alala. Akong bahala sa'yo."

Pagpasok namin, binitawan ni Zac ang hawak na Lego at tumakbo siya palapit sa akin.

Yumakap siya sa binti ko at hindi ako nakapagsalita sa gulat.

I didn't expect him to do that.

"Mukhang hindi lang ako ang nakamiss sa'yo." Sabi ni Michelle.

Lumapit din sa akin si Tita Mariana at si Alex.

"Musta na?" Malakas na tinapik ako ni Alex sa balikat.

"Okay naman. Ikaw?"

"Okay lang din." Nakangiti siyang tumingin kay Michelle.

"Buti na lang at nakinig si utol sa payo ko."

"What did you tell her?"

"Sabi ko, baka bumalik ka sa Canada at maagaw ka ng iba. Hayan, natakot." Natatawang sabi niya.

"Kuya, ang daldal mo." Kunyari ay naiinis na sabi ni Michelle.

"Epektib naman di ba?"

Tinapik niya ako ulit sa balikat bago siya bumalik sa sala.

Si Tita Mariana naman, niyaya akong kumain.

"May niluto akong nilagang baka. Baka gutom na kayo."

Tumungo na siya sa kusina para ihanda ang lamesa.

I noticed na wala ang tatay ni Michelle kaya hinanap ko siya.

"Pumunta lang sa kumpare niya. Baka napakuwento."

Nagsisimula pa lang kaming kumain ng biglang dumating ang tatay niya.

Tumayo si Michelle para magmano dito.

Dahil sa nangyari dati, atubili ako kung paano siya sasalubungin pero tumayo din ako.

Natigilan si Mang Ernesto ng makita ako.

"O, nandito ka pala?"

"Good evening po."

"Tito na lang ang itawag mo sa akin."

"Po?"
"Huwag mong sabihing nabingi ka mula nung huli tayong magkita?"
Uminit bigla ang pisngi ko.

"Ay, sus! Nagblush tuloy si Carmen." Tukso ni Michelle.

Napakamot na lang ako sa batok.

"Ibig bang sabihin nito, Tay, eh tanggap niyo na silang dalawa?" Tanong ni Alex.

"Mukha namang mabait itong si Carmen. Kung sa kanya liligaya si Michelle eh di aprub sa akin."

Nagkatinginan kami ni Michelle.

Tulad ko, hindi din siya nakapagsalita.

We have come a long way since that night.

On a cool and bright December morning, we moved in to our new home.

Mama was adamant na dapat daw maunang ipasok ang mantika, asin, bigas, asukal at tubig para daw swerte.

Michelle agrees with her superstition kaya hindi na ako kumontra.

The two-story house has a spacious living room, a separate dining room, kitchen and a full bathroom.

May sariling kuwarto si Aling Magda at Yaya Imelda sa baba.

There were four large bedrooms upstairs and a bathroom.

Michelle and I occupied the master bedroom while Mama and Zac have their own rooms.

The spare room was for the guests.

Pagpasok namin, napawow si Zac.

It was his first time to see the house.

"Do you like it?" Tanong ko habang nakatingala siya sa malaking crystal chandelier sa sala.

"Yes, Mama." Sagot niya.

Napatingin sa kanya si Michelle pati si Mama.

Zac didn't seem to realize what he did dahil tumakbo siya papunta sa harap ng 80-inch flat screen TV.

"Tama ba ang narinig ko?" Tanong ni Mama kay Michelle.

"Oo nga po eh. Namumula ang mukha niya.

"Well, ganyan naman ang mga bata di ba? They love and accept unconditionally." Sabi ni Mama bago tumalikod para samahan si Zac sa sala.

"Does this mean I'm officially a part of your family?" Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya.

"Yes. You are my family and you will always have a home with me."

Dumikit si Blinky sa binti ko at mahinang ngumiyaw.

I picked her up at pinatong niya ang dalawang paa sa dibdib ko.

"What do you say, Blinky? Do you like your new mommy?

Meow ang sagot niya.

"I guess that settles it then." Inakbayan ko si Michelle.

Hinalikan niya sa ilong si Blinky.

I looked away for a moment and out of the corner of my eye, I think I saw Helene smiling at me.

I smiled back.

She disappeared as fast as she came.

THE END

***

A/N:

The End *Bow*

Salamat ng marami sa inyo.

I forgot about this story.

When SDTT ended, I didn't know what to do with myself.

Since I was uninspired to write, I thought that maybe if I revisit my unfinished projects, it would help with the writer's block.

I found this completed novel and voila!

It's been sitting in my computer for a long time.

If you noticed, it was set in the future.

I guess it was kismet that the date in the first chapter was July 17, 2019.

That was the same date I found it again.

Coincidence?

Maybe.

Ok. Enough talk.

Enjoy your weekend.

See you next time.

Keep dreaming.

I will keep writing. Maybe :)

xoxo

LCC