«Madeline's POV»

I left after that. I ran out of the building before anybody could see the tears in my eyes and started the car and left. I left for good. You aren't going back, I told myself. You can't. He told you not to. A jumble of emotions were swirling around in my head. I was mad, angry, sad, nervous--but most of all I was hurt. He had shut me out, yet again. He had told me to leave him, hurt, in the hospital. I couldn't do that. The only reason I left was because of the pain I saw in his eyes. How much it hurt him that I was missing out on things because of him. What he said hit me with a pang in the stomach; Most of all I don't deserve you by my side. You need to leave before I ruin your life too.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. He'd be fine. He was in the hands of good people. I knew Alice and Luke would make sure that he got the best of the best. But what I needed was some quality sleep. I hadn't slept at all for the past three days. I felt like a zombie, but I needed to get home. Home. I shuddered. At least, not MY home. Maybe I'd stay at Flynn's for a while... you know, casually shift through his stuff for clues. Clues as to why he was so broken. I mean, yeah, I was obviously listening during the showdown with his dad, but I didn't know the back story. You always needed to know the back story.

Gaige still hadn't returned my texts or calls. I decided to try again one last time. I set my phone down on the dashboard after pressing speaker and listened to it ring.

After the fifth ring, I was very sure he wouldn't answer but he did. "Hello?"

"Um, hi Gaige." I said. "It's Madeline."

"Oh, hey. How's Flynn doing?" He sounded distressed.

"Are you okay? You haven't been answering any of my calls or texts. Oh god, I sound like a jealous girlfriend." I grimaced.

Gaige chuckled. "I just got my phone back literally two minutes ago."

"Rough," I remarked. "Grounded?"

"Yeah."

"What for?" I asked.

"It's a long story." He sighed.

"I got time. I still have four hours to go before I get home." I calculated the hours.

"You're leaving?" He asked, voice laced with concern. "Why?"

"Flynn told me to."

"He's awake?" He asked. "Like I said, I just got my phone back before you explode on me."

"He woke up five days ago," I explained. "And boy, have I got a lot to tell you."

"I'm listening." And that was how I spent two hours of the long drive home telling him the story of the disastrous past week, ending with the fiasco when Flynn told me to leave. "Don't worry," Gaige comforted me. "That's just how he is. He did that when his mom died. He ranted about how he could handle this and all that other crap that he told you. It's how he handles things. He pushes everyone away."

"Okay," I relented, after questioning him a few times. "Now on to what's got you so distressed."

"I kind of don't want to talk about it." He proclaimed.

"Well, know that either way you're going to because you need to tell somebody. I can tell."

He let out a deep breath. "Fawn's pregnant."

"WHAT?!" I shrieked.

"I knew you would react like that." Gaige sighed dejectedly. "And before you ask, yes. I'm the father. We didn't use protection because it was her first time and we didn't think that there would be consequences. This is why I wished Flynn were here because he wouldn't take it too seriously. He'd just pat me on the head, say 'You little man-whore' with his trademark smirk and then continue to help me get through this."

I smiled for the first time in a while. "That's Flynn for you."

"I know. I've known him for nine years. He's definitely the most idiotic person ever but when you need a friend you know you can rely on him. But what really gets me is that he didn't feel like he could rely on me. Maybe that's just the way he is, but now I know that he really needed a shoulder to lean on. I feel like I should've tried harder to get him to open up instead of leaving it alone, but I didn't know how deep his wounds really were. I didn't know how much pain he had endured. I didn't know how hurt he felt when we had those days at school where you were supposed to bring your dad and he would tell the class about his job. I didn't know, Madeline. I didn't know." Gaige groaned.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. I'll be home in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to come over?" I comforted.

"Nah, I'll be fine. Fawn's coming over then and that's when we're going to figure things out." Gaige claimed.

"Okay," I said. "I guess I'll go now. Talk to you soon?"

"Yep," Gaige agreed, and with that he hung up.

During the last thirty minutes of the drive, I listened to the radio. I felt like I really related to the song 'Ghost' by Ella Henderson.

I sang along to it at the top of my lungs, "I keep going to the river to pray

'Cause I need something that can wash all the pain

And at most I'm sleeping all these demons away

But your ghost, the ghost of you

It keeps me awake

My friends had you figured out

Yeah, they saw what's inside of you

You tried hiding another you

But your evil was coming through

These guys sitting on the wall

They watch every move I make

Bright light living in the shade

Your cold heart makes my spirit shake

I had to go through hell to prove I'm not insane

Had to meet the devil just to know his name

And that's when my love was burning

Yeah, it's still burning."

I swung into Flynn's driveway and pulled out the key to the house that I had for safekeeping. As I walked up to the front stairway, I came to the realization that I never locked the front door. Running now, I threw open the door with a sigh of relief. Nothing was out of order, except for the things that Flynn had done. That seemed like so long ago. I walked up the magnificent stairway and struggled to find Flynn's room. There were too many hallways and wings and doors and windows. I was getting confused. And just like you would think, the last room that I checked was his. Of course. That was so unfair.

Where would he put something of value? Please don't tell me that there are secret compartments all over this room too. Then I would never be able to find what I was looking for. Speaking of which, what was I looking for? I didn't even know. Would he keep things from the past in like a notebook? I opened the drawer to his desk. The only thing there was a framed picture. There was Flynn's mom, his dad... so that meant the adorable little boy in the picture was Flynn. I closed the drawer.

I went on to the next one. School diplomas for A honor roll, A-B honor roll, certificate for passing fifth and eighth grade, and other school-related things. Next drawer. Empty. Last drawer? Locked. That had to mean something. Pulling out the convenient bobby pin from my hair, I tried to pick the lock. And no, it wasn't like in the movies like when they pick the lock in under twenty seconds. Actually, it took me around twenty minutes. But that was probably because I took a few breaks to scream in frustration. Good news? I did finally manage to open it. Better yet, there was a journal inside.

Could this be the thing I was looking for? I opened it and gasped. This was literally his diary. It was dated back to four years ago. February 8, 2011.

Dear Diary-oh god no. Dear Journal-no. I need something manly. Screw it. Hey. So the therapist lady told me to write my feelings and memories of that lady in this stupid journal. So I will... But I don't see why mom thought I needed therapy. I'm fine. I can handle this myself. Just because I'm falling behind in school and pulling pranks doesn't mean I'm thinking about dad. I mean, I do sometimes. When it was happening, I didn't really understand what was going on. I guess this is a good transition so I'll tell the story now. My birthday was a week before dad's. We always threw a huge celebration for both of us. He had never missed it. Up until my eighth birthday. Then he started to miss all important dates because of so-called work.

After that, he missed Thanksgiving. And Christmas. And Mom's birthday. When mom woke up on their fifteenth anniversary, he was gone. He didn't even leave a note or tell us the evening before. Then my ninth birthday rolled around. I was too hype. We were all supposed to go watch my favorite soccer team play, but he backed out at the last minute. Literally the day before we were supposed to leave, he canceled. I was so disappointed. It was just me and mom. Which was still fun, but I never got to see my dad anymore. That's why mom and I were so excited for surprising him the next week.

We planned it at the soccer game. We had it all figured out. You know, all the statistics and whatever you want to call it. We were going to leave my soccer practice early and go to the bakery to pick up the cake that we were going to order earlier the day before. It was his favorite; triple chocolate. I told all my friends about it. Keeping it a secret for four days was hard for my nine year old self. I was bursting at the seams wanting to tell him. When mom picked me up that day, I'm pretty sure I wanted to jump for joy. That was the moment I had been waiting for. I felt like I had been waiting my whole life.

On the way home mom went above the speed limit. She was never like this. She wasn't a daredevil; she was a stick-to-the-rules-before-you-get-hurt type of person. This was her way or showing she was excited. She blasted the radio and we screeched along to Party Rock Anthem. We parked a little down the street so he wouldn't hear us pulling into the driveway. I ran while mom balanced the cake and our presents in her hands. I tiptoed up the stairs and peeked into the windows to see if I could spot him. I didn't see anything. "The coast is clear!" I whispered to my mom and she slowly slid the key into the lock.

I swung open the door and yelled, "Surprise Daddy!" But the sight I was greeted with? Not so pleasant. Let's not go into details. I saw the cake drop in front of me, and then my mom covered my eyes. "Robb?" I heard her whimper. "Charlotte?" He yelped. "You weren't supposed to be home for another thirty minutes!" I was confused. Why wasn't he happy for our surprise? I was about to ask that, but then my mom uncovered my eyes. Dad was standing in front of me with a red-haired woman by his side. "Who's that?" I pointed to the lady, who was wrapped in a blanket. But before I could process anything else, mom grabbed my hand. "Come on, sweetie," She soothed, pulling me out the door. Little did I know, that would be the last time I saw that place. The place I called home. On the way to Kentucky, mom was crying. I kept trying to ask her what was wrong, but she said she was fine. Why she picked Kentucky? I didn't know.

But when I turned eleven, mom told me what really happened. That was when I decided that I hated my dad. She told me that she could never love again. Which broke my little eleven year old heart.

That was the end of that entry. I didn't realize I was crying until one of my tears fell onto the page, blurring the penmanship. I flipped the page.

After that, there were a few entries about him making the soccer team, him being the captain, or him making the lacrosse team. There was a list of all the girls he's dated (27 to be exact). I guess he didn't want to forget their names and then date them all over again. Then I came across a page that changed everything.

November 13, 2014. Today I did something stupid. It was because of Gaige though, so the disaster that comes out of this I'm blaming on him. We were at the shopping plaza and Gaige made this bet. He had to find a girl, and I had to win her over in less than a month. So we were walking past AT&T when Gaige stopped in his tracks and pointed through the glass pane. "Her."

So I walked in, and luckily she was the only person there or that might've been awkward. I tried my typical pickup line... which didn't work. So I tried a different route; I figured out her name was Madeline and got her number... score! Oh god I sound like a loser. I'm not a loser, I'm an all-powerful playboy who's about to break another heart. Soon, Gaige will be my slave for a week.

I was heartbroken. He approached me because of a bet?! THAT DOUCHEBAG! I couldn't believe I ever felt sorry for him. I started crying, I couldn't help it. I felt really stupid. Of course he didn't approach me because he thought I was pretty, he approached me because of a BET. A bet. I felt like facepalming myself. OF course the most popular guy in school wouldn't fall for a girl like me. A living Cinderella. But, a small part of my brain was yelling at me, Keep reading!

So I did. The next one was the dated the day before his mom died. It was literally one sentence, So I ended up liking her a lot more than expected...

OH MY GOD! I freaked out. He liked me? WHAT? I flipped the page, hoping to find more, but instead I got a page that he wrote after his mother passed.

So I haven't used this thing for the actual purpose in a while, but I'm going to now. It kind of worked last time. So here it is:

She's gone. We were in the middle of an argument, and she passed. I never got to say good bye. My mother was a strong woman, but she had her soft side. She knew when to hold her head high and when she could take her walls down. She was my role model, even after what went down with dad-should I even call him that anymore? I guess I started to make myself like her. Like even when she was noticeably crying, she would say she was okay. That was the one quality that I really loved about her. No matter what happened, she was always "okay". That's what I decided I would do at the age of eight in the car ride to Kentucky. I decided I wanted to be like my mom.

I looked up to her so much. But then she started to grow distant. She became like what Dad said he was... a workaholic. My faith in her started to slowly crumble when she missed my tenth birthday, and after that my eleventh, twelfth, thirteenth... you get the idea. Soon enough she didn't even bother making excuses; she just wasn't home. Ever. So I started doing the typical thing. I began acting up so as to get her attention. It worked... for about a week. Then, she just got me a therapist. Which is how I got this journal.

After two visits, I stopped going. I was convinced I didn't need a therapist. Once again, I tried to model myself after mom. I pretended like I was okay. I wasn't. I may have acted like I was, but I really wasn't. At fifteen, I started going to parties continuously and drinking. I went out almost every other night. It was not good. Getting drunk relieved all the pain, I forgot everything temporarily. But when I crashed, I crashed hard. I realized that if I didn't stop then, it would get out of hand. So I left all the partying to Gaige. Now I only go like once every two months.

But then I met this girl named Madeline. She kept me out of trouble. At first, she was just a girl from a bet. But then, she just kept getting better and better. She didn't get hurt by my idiotic jokes, she fought fire with fire. She didn't back down. She even had a dark past like me. With her, I didn't feel like I was alone. Someone else could relate. It's true, I never shared my past with her, but I was going to tell her sooner or later. But the point was, she was the kindest person I had ever met. She didn't get mad easily. She helped me when times were rough. I knew that she would stay by my side. For that, I'm slowly starting to fall for her. And I'll bet she has a bandaid for me when I fall.

I took her to a party once. That night when we came home, a lot of things were changed. I found my mom with another guy. That guy turned out to be Madeline's father. I was enraged. My mother had told me that she could never fall in love again, that she would never date another guy. Even if it was Madeline's dad, she had lied to me. My trust? Broken. I immediately jumped to conclusions. She was doing exactly what dad had been doing. Missing my birthdays for hookups. I confronted her about it. She didn't even know how old I was. Which, honestly? Hurt like a ton of bricks fell on top of me. I felt broken. I felt like I had been cheated. My own mother had lied to me. Just like my father.

So I ignored her. She had started coming home a lot more. But still, I promised myself I would not talk to her. And I paid the price for that. One week ago, my mother died of a heart attack. The last thing I had said to her? Was something meant to hurt her. But, even with all the times that she missed things that really mattered to me, I still loved her. And like the little wuss I was, I cried my heart out in front of all the nurses and later Gaige. When they told me she was gone, it was like something inside of me broke.

You know, like the calm part of your brain? The part that thinks reasonable thoughts? It was like that wasn't working anymore. I needed to throw things, break things. Break them like my parents had broken me. I needed someone to blame. One person filled my mind. I was convinced that my dad was the only one who could be held accountable for this. Madeline came in and tried to knock down my walls, to get me to open up. But it was too late. My walls were up and I was determined not to let anyone in. That's just the way I am. But, she's still trying.

I made the split decision during school today that I was going to go see my dad. I'm aware that it's probably not the best idea, however I'm pretty sure that I'm over my anger. So I'm leaving tomorrow. It may or may not go well... wish me luck.

So there was a little glimpse into Flynn's mind. It was pretty intense. Once again, I didn't realize I was crying until I sniffled and wiped my eyes. I flipped the page and saw lyrics written there. I began reading.

When life leaves you high and dry

I'll be at your door tonight

If you need help, if you need help.

I'll shut down the city lights,

I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe

To make you well, to make you well.

When enemies are at your door

I'll carry you away from war

If you need help, if you need help.

Your hope dangling by a string

I'll share in your suffering

To make you well, to make you well.

Give me reasons to believe

That you would do the same for me.

And I would do it for you, for you.

Baby, I'm not moving on

I'll love you long after you're gone.

For you, for you.

You will never sleep alone.

I'll love you long after you're gone

And long after you're gone, gone, gone.

When you fall like a statue

I'm gon' be there to catch you

Put you on your feet, you on your feet.

And if your well is empty

Not a thing will prevent me.

Tell me what you need, what do you need?

I surrender honestly.

You've always done the same for me.

So I would do it for you, for you.

Baby, I'm not moving on,

I'll love you long after you're gone.

For you, for you.

You will never sleep alone.

I'll love you long after you're gone

And long after you're gone, gone, gone.

You're my back bone.

You're my cornerstone.

You're my crutch when my legs stop moving.

You're my head start.

You're my rugged heart.

You're the pulse that I've always needed.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum my heart never stops beating...

For you, for you.

Baby, I'm not moving on.

I'll love you long after you're gone.

For you, for you.

You will never sleep alone.

I'll love you long after you're gone.

For you, for you.

Baby, I'm not moving on,

I'll love you long after you're gone.

For you, for you.

You will never sleep alone.

I'll love you long, long after you're gone.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.

Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you.

And long after you're gone, gone, gone.

I'll love you long after you're gone, gone, gone.

I didn't know that he wrote songs! Did he sing too? I opened the laptop that layed on his desk... locked. Of course. Why wouldn't it be? I gave up, realizing that it had been two hours. It was already 10. Collapsing into Flynn's bed, I fell asleep with the outfit I had been wearing for the past week still on.

I woke up at five in the morning, just in time for school. I didn't have any other clothes, so I just wore the clothes I had been wearing. My phone buzzed with a text from Luke, Hey! It's Flynn.

Hi Flynn! I texted back.

There was an immediate response. I just wanted to tell you, that there isn't a word in the dictionary...

For how good I look? I asked.

For how hideous you look. He texted back. Oops, Luke noticed his phone was gone. i gtg

That was a really short conversation, but hey, at least it was something. I trudged out to the car and drove to school.

*

The next two weeks were bland. They were exactly like my life was before I met Flynn. Flynn. He was due to be discharged in one day. I was ecstatic, practically skipping throught the halls. That is, until I got the text.

Yesterday, Flynn was at PT when he passed out and didn't wake up. So we ran a few tests to figure out what was wrong. We're so sorry. Flynn has brain cancer.

-

A/N: oops
i
did
it
again

so...yeah.

also, the song that Flynn wrote is "Gone Gone Gone" by Phillip Phillips.

btw if u haven't listened to the song "Ghost" by Ella Henderson u should bc it's awesome. okay? okay.

and the cover to the side is made by @SparkleyEyesHailey

DON'T KILL ME PLEASE