Chapter 9 – Habit (Jin)

-

"Ms. Halili?" Professor Bejasa's voice echoed throughout the Philippine Literature classroom, leading people to look around. "Is Ms. Halili here?"

I gritted my teeth inside my mouth, and my fingers tapping the table hastened in anxiety.

Where was Shane? Not only did I not see her in the morning, but she also didn't tell me if she had gone ahead or not. And now, our only final and shared subject of the day was here, but she was still nowhere. She has always been here first before me. And it's a Monday, too!

"Alright. Ms. Halili: absent."

Professor Bejasa finished the roll call for all the students in their class and then started reviewing our meeting last week. Until the time the bells rang and time permitted me to go home, Shane never showed up.

Should I check the student publication room? Or the side of the school where the volleyball girls would practice? But why would she attend her extracurriculars if she didn't attend class? She wouldn't do that.

I took my phone out after reaching the school gates. The only new messages from FB came from Rianne and Alex. Nothing from Shane.

Maybe something urgent came up. She usually texted me once she got to school.

I'll just ask her tomorrow.

-

"Ms. Halili: absent."

Again.

Not only that, I still got nothing from her. I should text her first for a change. Should I ask how she was doing? Wouldn't I get an annoying response if I worded my message slightly wrong?

Hey.

I should add more than just that.

Are you okay? – erased.

How are you? – erased.

What's up with you lately? – erased.

Did something happen? Is everything okay? – backspaced.

I pursed my lips and looked away. Why was this suddenly so hard?

Did something happen?

You've been absent for two days now.

There.

Where are you? – erased.

I shoved my phone into my bag and took out my notes as the professor finished checking our attendance. Hero. The word in my notebook that my eyes bore intensely as the flipping of pages from other students and the professor's voice faded into the background.

"Yup! The prince is the hero, and his princess is the heroine!" Shane squared her shoulders, head facing front as we reached the school gates. "I really want to write a screenplay like that someday, too!"

I raised a brow, eyes not leaving her side profile. "Isn't that kind of overrated, though? Or common? For the prince to be the hero?"

It was just a side thought that could've been because of my circumstances. But it stung, somehow. The idea was that only a prince could be the hero. What about commoners? What about people like, I don't know, me? Then again, would a princess want someone who could barely provide for himself? Someone who couldn't give her anything but his devotion and love? What was I even thinking right now?

Shane had this smile on her face reminiscent of how my parents looked at me after I told them I wanted to be a teacher in sixth grade. She hummed a tune and only answered when we crossed the road.

"The prince is not the hero because he's a prince." She glanced at me briefly, still smiling. "Princes and princesses are just roles in society. He's the hero because of the things he did."

Just roles in society, huh?

As soon as we reached the mall, she dashed to a nearby small accessory shop. Her smile brightened once the shopkeeper spoke to her, then her mouth moved, implying she replied. And they exchanged more words. But all the voices blurred in my head.

The shopkeeper walked to the side and later brought something on the table for Shane to see. A gold ring with some mini silver gems around the center.

"A ring?" I blurted out.

I flinched when Shane turned her head towards me, her eyes sparkling and full of excitement. Maybe that accessory was something she'd wanted to get for so long now?

"Ah, Jin! You can go ahead to the bookstore. I just really want to look at this for a while."

"You're not buying it?"

She laughed. "Of course not! It is quite expensive. But look!" She gestured for me to come close to the table. "Isn't it pretty? It's so pretty! How much longer can you reserve it, Ate Lara?"

(Ate is the Filipino term for older sister, it can also be used to refer to other women who are older but not too old than you.)

"Only until summer next year, Shane." Lara, the lady behind the counter, replied with an apologetic smile. "I've been reserving it for nearly a year now. I've had to refuse many customers who grew to fancy it just for you, you know."

"I know..." Shane pouted and puffed her cheeks. "I'll get it by the end of the semester! I promise!"

Lara's mouth moved, her hands gesturing something. Once again, my head got underwater, and nothing else made sense.

I didn't know why then, but the thing about princes got stuck in my mind. Maybe princes and princesses weren't as bad as I thought.

Just like that, Philippine Literature ended. I had taken notes from today's lecture, but it all slipped into my other ear. Well, at least I got to write everything even though I didn't remember the discussion.

My body, my hand, and my fingers just moved and wrote everything I saw on the whiteboard today. But that's it.

On my way to the library to grab another book the professor recommended to understand the topic I didn't listen to today, I instinctively took my phone and checked FB.

Alex and Rianne complained about their teammates in a group project in our group chat hours ago, and that was it.

No replies from Shane. She didn't even see the messages. Heck, she had been offline since the weekends. Did something terrible happen? Was it reasonable to try going to her place to check?

"This is me!" Shane shouted, and the jeepney driver slowly hit the brakes. Shane glanced at me. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jin!"

Once she was down, the jeepney revved its engines, and we started moving slowly. Out of curiosity, I cocked my head to peek outside the jeepney. The bright yellow sign of the barangay name and street number stood close to the direction she walked.

(Barangay is a small territorial and administrative district forming the most local level of government in the Philippines.)

She's two barangays away from mine, huh?

I shook my head briefly before taking in the oddly nostalgic scent of the library. I hadn't been here since Friday during our last tutoring session. Something about going in alone without Shane felt... wrong. Empty.

"Hello, Jin. You didn't come yesterday." Mrs. Malabanan, the librarian, greeted me. Her eyes gazed around. "You are alone today."

Before she could say more, I bowed, "I won't be long. I'll just be borrowing a book." And I stormed off to the staircases leading to the upper floors without looking at her.

I don't know.

I halted and huffed, my hand going to my forehead to brush some strands of my hair away. It seemed I got myself to the other side of the bookshelves about Philippine authors. One step out of that shelf opened up a whole new world. A small and simple world I got to know in two months since I met Shane.

The spotlight of the sun ran from my feet to that one particular table sandwiched by a pair of vacant sofa chairs. The windows by it were slightly opened, which bothered me. Maybe I got too used to it wide open.

"She promised?" I asked.

The gentle wind from the opened window beside our table softly graced one side of my face. A leaf even landed on her arm from outside, yet she didn't seem to notice it.

I blinked, and I swore Shane's smile faded for a split second, but it was back before I knew it. A bright smile and an enthusiastic nod.

"Mhm!"

Huh.

She hesitated, didn't she?

Gazing at this empty spot where we would meet up every day after class twisted something inside me. An unpleasant feeling. A sense of uneasiness.

Because what if something bad happened to her?

I don't know.

I wordlessly darted to the other side to get what I came for. Once I did, everything flew by in a flash. I bowed and flatly thanked Mrs. Malabanan for the stamp of approval in borrowing a book, and then I stood by the school gates.

Had the days always been like this before I started meeting up with Shane? Add up that my friends had been occupied in their projects recently. So dull and uneventful. But I had always been fine before all this. Maybe the idea of something unexpectedly wrong happening to someone I got used to meeting with stirred such anxiety and panic in me.

She was probably fine. Maybe she was just sick, or their family had an unscheduled trip. Or.. or something. I should stop thinking about this. But should I really?

I don't know.

-

"She caught a cold." Professor Bejasa didn't take their eyes off the papers arranged on the table. "Her aunt called yesterday. Apparently, Ms. Halili failed to fight off her cold since the weekends."

Oh, she was sick. She might have decided to stay away from social media or her phone for the time being, which explains why she doesn't appear online on FB these days.

A breath of fresh air came out of me. The grip of my hands on the straps of my backpack softened, and my squared shoulders lowered with the exit of whatever sense of uneasiness came through me.

"She was supposed to be back today. But to completely get rid of the cold, they decided to let her go tomorrow instead." Professor Bejasa pushed their glasses up to their nose bridge, eyes boring into mine. "You need not worry, Mr. Lacanilao." What?

I blinked. Multiple times. "M-Mx. Bejasa, I-I wasn't... well," I steadied my voice, but to no avail; all the words still raced out from my mouth. "I wouldn't say I don't care at all, but I wasn't particularly worried either. I mean-"

They cut me off, "I'll see both of you tomorrow." And left me in the classroom.

I almost wanted to stop them, but my feet decided the better option would be to just leave. No need to attend the library today, as Shane will be here tomorrow anyway. And then we could go tomorrow. Together. Like always.

It was almost like a habit now. So when Shane stopped coming one day... I sighed. Nothing to worry about. She just caught a fever.

Outside my building, most students roamed the fields and the open hallways. The sun preparing its slumber from this side of the world gave the view of everything a strange sense of warmth and security with its gentle rays of light. A nice sight.

My phone vibrated, and one of the lovebirds tagged me in a post, followed by Rianne's message on our group chat about them chilling at Chimmy's. Before opening the message, I first clicked the notifications bar because it still had that red dot, even after I checked the post Alex tagged me in.

Oh.

I closed my agape mouth, but my facial muscles kept my eyes widening.

Well, that... that's rather unexpected.

The day ended quite early for me today, and aside from the norm from the morning up until this noon, the day would not end for me right away. Especially after getting ahold of such information.

Maybe it's not a wrong decision to meet Rianne and Alex at Chimmy's. I could go buy some yogurt drinks. How many would I need, though? Five? If I include myself, it'd be six, but should I?

I ruffled my hair and looked down at the information on the screen of my phone before snapping my flip phone shut. Eyes closed, I breathed in.

Why did my face feel warm all of a sudden? It wasn't a big deal.

I mean, it's... just Shane.

Dammit.