Chapter 12 - Second Condition (Shane)

-

"I'll leave first so you can discuss your final project among yourselves. This will be the last time we'll meet this year. So 'til then, have a good Christmas break, and Merry Christmas."

A week and a few days after my absence, Professor Bejasa announced our final exam and project in Philippine Literature. Both to be done by the end of February.

As they left the room with plenty of students greeting them back, one guy sitting in the front row walked up to the mini platform and stood behind the desk in the center.

We met eyes, and he smiled, which I returned with a nod of encouragement.

"My name is Yuri Panganiban, and as you all remember earlier, I was assigned as the class leader for our final project." He chuckled a bit. "So, let's go over what we need to do and assign some starter roles, shall we?"

Everyone muttered in agreement, and as Yuri smiled at the positive responses from most of the class, he continued.

"Some roles we need filled now would be..." He took a marker and wrote on the whiteboard. "A secretary, an overall and floor director, a scriptwriter, and a treasurer."

An almost inaudible, exhausted sigh from my right side caught my attention amidst Yuri's discussion. After Jin's sigh, a light yawn followed.

Is he tired? I don't remember us doing much for PL. Maybe it has something to do with keeping up with his other subjects?

He closed his eyes, and my fingers flinched when he opened them, staring right back at me. A bored and almost soft look in his eyes reminded me of last week. I raised a brow to hide the growing embarrassment about to heat up my face.

"Shane," Yuri called, catching my gaze. He smiled brightly with a knowing look. "Is everyone in favor of Shane Halili as our scriptwriter?"

I covered my mouth to hide the growing smile behind my hand as many voiced their yeses. Yuri looked at everyone and nodded as he wrote my name on the board.

When he turned around, he looked at me and held a little thumbs up from one hand before gathering other students for the rest of the starter roles.

"Hmm.." Jin hummed softly beside me. "You must be happy."

"Hm?" I glanced at him and didn't hide my smile anymore. "Of course!"

"So, do you already have an idea or concept?" He placed his head on a hand leaning against the table, his body facing my side.

"Well..."

"Huh." He raised a brow, a little sly look peeking from his eyes. "So, what kind of play does Ms. Halili have in store for the class?"

I faked a cough and returned the brow raise with a little smile. "Take a guess, tutee."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me it has princes and princesses in it."

"Bingo!"

"Jesus Christ." He palmed his face, but there was a slight tug on the corner of his lips. "Why am I even surprised."

"You should've expected it one way or another, you know!"

"That wasn't a question."

"You said 'why,' though."

"Doesn't make it a question."

"Well, you know," I said with a sly smile, ignoring the point he was trying to make. "You seem to know me quite well now."

"I'd be surprised if I hadn't." Jin's drooped eyes shot wide at my gasp. "No. Whatever you're gonna say next—just, no."

I pouted and watched Yuri finalizing the starter roles. "Isn't that what it is?"

"Look," Jin tapped the table as if asking me to look at him. "You've been my tutor for more than two months now. We go to the library every day."

"Every day?" I emphasized.

He rolled his eyes and leaned back on his seat, hugging his backpack. "Minus the weekends."

"Just the weekends?" I continued, hiding my smile.

"..And the days you weren't here." He whispered as his head sunk behind his backpack, his furrowed eyebrows and squinted eyes still peeking from there. "That's it."

"Mhm. But didn't you miss me?"

"Oh, come on, that was a week ago."

I gasped, "So, you missed me last week?"

"No."

"Eh..."

"I did not miss you." Jin hissed, leaning his head toward me, then sunk back to his seat, eyes fixated elsewhere. "Drop it."

"And yet you..."

"Stop." His voice toned to a whisper as he closed his eyes, grievance still evident from his furrowed brows. "That last part stays between us. So, drop it."

Admittedly, I thought I might be going too far. But I was going to tease him about his handwriting since he lent me his notebook on the eve of my birthday last week. Sure, I'd tease him about the next thing he did after that, but I didn't think he'd mention it first.

"Please," he said quickly, eyes squinted and face... blushing?

I turned my head to the other side and hummed a yes. With the sudden silence between us, my loudened pulse rate thumped against my ears as if my sense of hearing decided it'd listen to nothing but this unusual reaction.

The rest of the discussion ended briefly. The assigned secretary listed down everything Yuri wrote on the board, and Yuri dismissed all of us.

"The final exam," Jin spoke, standing up and leaning against the table while I finished my things, his voice kind of shaky. Our eyes met. "You... I know the scriptwriting is going to take up a lot of your time, but..."

I draped my backpack on my shoulders and smiled. "Don't worry. I'll study with you for the exams."

His eyes widened a little, then he sighed in relief, but before letting him find complete satisfaction, I put on my smirk and pointed one finger to his chest.

"But it'll cost you."

"...What is it?"

"Then, a second condition!"

"A second-" His mouth stayed agape, but he followed right behind me as I stepped out of the classroom, realization clear from his little 'oh.' "Right. You said you'd tutor me for two conditions."

"Mhm! Glad you still remember." I waved a hand at Yuri, who did the same with a small smile before going in the other direction.

Jin caught up beside me, and slid his hands into his pockets, head cocked to the afternoon sky, wonder evident in his eyes.

"So, what's the condition?"

"Guess."

His gaze blinked to mine, and I couldn't resist grinning at the doubt and suspicion his eyes threw at me behind several strands of hair poking his skin.

We reached the library in no time, and Jin still hadn't guessed right. Honestly, it wasn't like I had a clear idea myself. I would've helped him prep for finals without any conditions, but I'm sure he'd feel bad later on.

Eventually, as we settled on our seats at the library, faced with a confused and wondering Jin, a good idea popped into my head.

"Just tell me already." He insisted for the nth time.

I crossed my arms on the table, "Help me write the script."

"Huh? You mean..."

"Mhm!"

"And what made you think I can write a theater script?" He crossed his arms against his chest and leaned back on his seat, sarcasm lingering in his voice.

"You won't be alone." I took a notebook and a pen out to the table and flipped to the back pages. "We'll work on it with Yuri and some other classmates while studying along the way."

"Here? As in, in the library?"

"Mhm." I wrote his name and Yuri's, along with other names whose performances in class gave away their sharp minds, creative ideas, and respectable arguments, from what I remembered, at least.

"Alright. I'll do it."

"This should suffice for now." I closed my notebook. "So, this is the last day of the year we'll meet here! Doesn't it make you feel kind of, erm..."

"What?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. Something?"

Initially, I planned for this meeting to end with just another tutoring session, but seeing as it was a Friday and the last day we would be going to school and seeing each other before the winter break, a weird thought came over me.

Maybe it's the Christmas atmosphere, but I wanted to talk to him briefly about something other than our subject topics or my issues and just... talk.

"Shane, are you...?"

It must've been my silence, but I waved my hands to deny his idea. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

"Are you really?"

"Um, yeah?"

He placed his bag on the table and crossed his arms on top of it. "Wanna talk?"

"We're already talking, aren't we?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Do I?" I teased.

"Of course, duh." He dropped his head on his crossed arms, eyes still on mine. "So? Is there something you wanna talk to me about? Something not related to acads?"

I looked away, "I guess maybe there is."

"What is it?"

I kept my gaze away from his and on the slightly opened windows. I'm not even sure what I wanted to say to him, but the longer I thought about it, the more it became clear that I wanted him to know something.

About my feelings regarding this whole thing between us.

Between the two of us, it'd be me who would misinterpret it if he were to tell me how he felt about our relationship. Jin wasn't like that. I'm sure.

Yet, I'm still hesitating.

"Shane."

I pursed my lips, my fingers burying into my slacks beneath the table.

"I won't judge." After another minute or two of silence, Jin spoke, making me glance at him. "You don't have to say it if you don't want to, but you look like you really want to."

An uncontrollable chuckle came out of me. "Really?"

"Really." Despite the hint of mockery in his voice, it was still soft, as if he was trying to reassure me of something.

After another minute of silence, with us just staring at each other, I gave in and sighed. His eyes lit up, perhaps at the satisfaction that I was finally going to talk.

"These past two months, we've been meeting up, and everything has been really fun." My gaze dropped to my fiddling fingers on my lap. "I know it's probably kind of strange to suddenly open it up like this."

"It's not."

I smiled at his quick reassurance. "But basically, I just... wanted to tell you that I really enjoy these sessions."

"...I do, too." He whispered, which barely reached me. But it did, and it warmed my heart.

I wanted to tell him. And I would.

"I..." I closed my eyes briefly, then met his curious eyes, and glanced away almost immediately. "I... um..."

This isn't like you.

I imagined he'd say something like that, but when I peeked, he still had that same curious and soft look in his eyes. Inviting me, encouraging me that it was fine to say whatever I wanted to say—telling me my feelings wouldn't land on deaf and ignorant ears.

Forcing a little laugh out of me, I clasped my fingers together. I smiled, eyes on the table, unable to look straight into his eyes while I formed the words, the thing I wanted him to know.

"I really like-" I gulped and pursed my lips, feeling the sheepish heat of a blush creeping up my cheeks. "...I-I really like and enjoy hanging out... with you. And, um, so, I wanted you to know that I genuinely... like you."

The last part came as a whisper, and the next thing I knew, he was chuckling, and everything around him gleamed bright with vibrant and enhanced hues. His dark brown, messy, almost neck-length hair had stray bangs stuck around his face, almost turned hazel. As if the gentle rays of the sun from the windows and the lighting from inside wrapped him in warmth.

He shook his head after his laugh with a smile that I had never seen before, forcing my heartbeat to fasten in my ears.

"You're really saying that?" He dropped his head on a hand and raised a brow, a playful glint shining through his eyes and tone. "This isn't the kind of 'like' you'd normally assume, right?"

"D-duh!" I refrained from pursing my lips, but I could still feel the heat over my cheeks. "I meant that in a platonic way!"

"Oh, really?"

"Don't assume!"

"Who's the real 'assumer' between us again?"

I opened my mouth for a retort but closed it right after. There was no way I could defend against that!

Still, with that playful look, he waved a hand. "Anyway, you mean to say you still want to remain in contact even after the semester, right?"

"Erm.. yes."

"You know," His smile widened, reaching his eyes, then he shook his head slightly. "You're actually kinda dense."

"What-"

"I'm saying," he cut me off. "We're friends already. Of course, we'll still talk. Right?"

That's right.

The thought that I'd stop meeting Jin once the next semester arrived was the only thing that occupied my mind earlier. But Jin was right. So, what if we won't be classmates in any subjects anymore?

We're friends. And that wouldn't change.

"But hey," at his words, I looked up. He's looking elsewhere—out the windows. "Thanks for telling me that. It's nice to know the feeling isn't... one-sided."

An urge erupted from inside me. The urge to tease him. What he said sounded awfully suspicious, but the fact that I'd find it suspicious would mean I was confirming that my feelings toward him were past platonic. And I knew better than to trudge onto that part.

"Mhm." I hummed, gazing at him as he watched other students on the fields outside, looking as carefree as ever.

I can't.

There was no way I could acknowledge the possibility of feeling something more toward Jin. I shouldn't think about it. I should ignore it.

But the more I look at him and the more I notice the changes in how he treated me from the beginning to now, as well as everything else so far, the more I recognize how I really feel.

Fear.

"Let's go home?" Jin offered after a whole span of silence between us.

Fear of the destruction of our friendship.

"Mhm!"

All because my feelings had long leaped beyond 'just friends.'

-

Stepping back up the library, a brief sense of nostalgia and exhaustion seeped through me at the sight of fellow students with the same faces of excitement and frustration.

The holidays ended in a flash. Christmas and New Year's were well spent with my family and friends—if we counted using video calling. Not just with Yuri and my circle of friends but also with Jin.

On the fourth day of January and our first day of returning to school with preparation for our semester's finals engraved onto our skulls after enjoying the short vacation, the class project for PL became one of my main priorities.

"Finally, you're back!" Rein hissed as soon as we exchanged eyes. "We have some exciting suggestions for the story's confrontation scene!"

"C'mon, Shane!" Joyce, following right behind Rein, pulled on my arm with enthusiasm glistening behind her eyeglasses. "I need to know what you think about Kurt's idea!"

"Alright!"

"Shane, you're here." When we got to our main spot—the one Jin and I used a lot during our tutoring sessions—Yuri waved and handed some papers over to me. "Look this thing over. I listed whose ideas these are from. What do you think?"

"Let me see, let me see." I took them from him and gave them a read, but as he turned his back to scold our other classmates for being noisy in the library, I couldn't help but peek.

I'm going to make the best of this project for my dream and to hang out more with everyone and, of course, Yuri!

"I look forward to working with you on this, my man." Tristhan, better known as Ethan, a classmate, said to someone beside him.

"Me too."

As a particular voice finally reached my ears this morning, the little squabbles between Yuri, Kurt, and Angelo faded into the background. I glanced to the side, where Ethan stood a few meters away from me, then to the one he was conversing with, who appeared like the brightest star in the room despite his humble bearing.

Leaning casually on the other table with one strap of his worn-out backpack clinging onto one shoulder, hands slipped inside his pockets, and a face wearing the most neutral expression ever, Jin blinked, eyes traveling to each of my classmates.

Before I got caught staring, I snatched my gaze onto the words on the paper in my hands to ensure my mind could lend me a hand in keeping my nerves in check.

After a while, I looked back at Jin, who thankfully had his gaze fixed on Ethan. Before I knew it, I had the papers covering half my face at Jin's annoyed expression.

Just what am I smiling for? Ugh!