Chapter 10 – Broken Promises (Shane)

-

"I want to go now!"

"You're still at 37 celsius." Aunt Kat patted my head before standing with the thermometer in hand. "I already told your professor yesterday that you'll attend school tomorrow. Just to be safe, take it easy today, too. Alright?"

I pouted and sunk deeper into my blankets. "Fine. But can I at least use the laptop—" She put my laptop in its bag, "—or my phone?"

Without another word, she swooped up my phone from the table.

"Aunt!" I whined.

"It's for your own good." She marched to the door of my room before facing me again. "Knowing you, you're gonna keep asking your classmates for notes or homework and then do them behind my back. You've fooled me with that tactic twice, but that's as far as the trick goes."

"Actually, Aunt Kat, I've done it thrice."

She eyed me, zipping my mouth shut. "... I'll be back in thirty minutes. Eat your breakfast." She left with the bag of my gadgets in her arms.

While I did plan on snooping in with homework, I had something else in mind. I could go ask her later.

It didn't take long for her to return, and I also finished the congee and two slices of toast on time. I placed the glass of water back on the tray, and Aunt Kat wordlessly took the tray and turned to leave.

"D-did..." I bit my lip when she stopped walking, back still turned. "..she call?"

For a moment there, my stomach grumbled silently in anticipation. In hopes that even just today, just today, she would call. For me. Just this day every year.

That's all I ask for.

After an uneasy silence, Aunt Kat approached the door and stopped briefly. "Rest well. I promise I'll let you use your gadgets later after lunch, alright? Once again," she peeked and smiled. Still, her eyes betrayed her attempt at cheerfulness. "Happy Birthday, Shane."

When the door clicked softly, I cocked my head to the star stickers barely visible in the morning light. I reached one arm and stretched it as far as I could. Let my fingers get them, at least. But in the end, the stars blurred in my vision so did my struggling hand and fingers. I grabbed it, but it caught nothing when I opened my hand.

I stared back at the ceiling but couldn't see anything. Biting my lips, I buried my face in my hands. Only then did my palms get ahold of something that fell down from my chin, cheeks, and eyelids.

Yet another one of her broken promises to at least contact me on my birthday.

Fourteen years. Fourteen whole years. I've always waited and assumed she would return for me one day. That one day, she will appear by my aunt's house door as a surprise. Maybe on my seventh birthday, the next one, and the other one after, but it didn't happen.

Though I had my friends, aunt, uncle, and two cousins with me all through these years, there wasn't a single Christmas, New Year's, school graduation, school family day, and birthday that I didn't wish only for her appearance. To run to me, hug me, and tell me how much she missed me, how sorry she was for not coming back sooner. And then, I'd forgive her, and then, we'll exchange our I love you's, and then...

I pushed my head out of my hands while my fingers clutched my chest. I opened my mouth and allowed tiny squeaks to come out because holding it all in clogged my breathing. And my heart struggled to keep my eyes open behind the lack of oxygen with my now runny nose.

Deep breaths, Shane.

Let's not lose hope. She will return someday. Because if I stopped assuming, it might never happen. Even though hope for her return slipped from my fingers and my sight a long time ago.

As soon as I convinced myself for the umpteenth time, my body calmed down. I grabbed the roll of tissue on the table and blew on it.

Losing hope doesn't suit you, Shane.

Maybe she was just busy with work. She might even be in a different country right now. But wherever she was, she couldn't have forgotten about me. About her promises to me.

Right?

-

Lunchtime ended more than an hour ago, but Aunt Kat still hadn't come to get the tray she brought to my room earlier. Did something happen? My cousins should be at school at this time, and Uncle Marcus should be at work, too.

Maybe she forgot about me, too.

I shook my head. Aunt Kat probably needed to take care of something. The turmoil in the pit of my stomach didn't leave despite my attempts at reassuring myself.

Before I knew it, I opened the door and sat on the staircases, peeking between the thick balusters. The living room had no one in there, but between that and the small dining area, right in front of the wall telephone, stood Aunt Kat. The telephone resided on her hand, her grip tight, and when she turned around a bit to an angle where her face was visible from where I sat, my eyes widened.

Her bobbed black and brown hair danced with every uncomfortable head turn. One of her feet tapped on the cream tiles impatiently, and her face expressed the irritation my cousins and I always feared.

Did something happen?

I stood and made sure not to make a noise as I slowly went back up. I shouldn't pry. It could be about her parents insisting she make up with her siblings again or something she didn't want to involve us in.

"Stop repeating the same words to me! My request was clear, wasn't it?" Aunt Kat yelled, freezing me. "It's the only thing I've been asking for for years. When are you going to tell your lady?" Your lady?

I bent down and leaned on the wall beside the handrails. I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop, but something about it didn't sit right with me. I had never heard either my aunt or uncle speak to anyone with the mention of such a fancy way to address someone.

Could this person Aunt Kat spoke with some butler or maid? If I recall correctly, Aunt Kat's family didn't have anything like that. Who was it? Whose butler or maid was it? Why did Aunt Kat mention asking them for something for years now? Had she been involved with something she never told us throughout the years?

"If you've already informed her, let me speak to her. Please." The last word was almost a whisper. Aunt Kat sighed loudly a few seconds after. "I told you, it's important."

Should I leave? This... sounded serious, like adults-only stuff. But wasn't I an adult now, too though?

"How many times should I repeat it?" Aunt Kat's voice echoed across the walls between us. I almost jumped in surprise at the volume and intensity, but I managed to stay still and cover my mouth. "This day should be special to her! It's her daughter's birthday!"

Worry for my aunt's sake quickly vanished, and the blue floral imprints on the magenta wall in front of me instantly blurred.

"Miss, you are her maid, right? All I'm asking from you is-" She got cut off but then spoke with a louder voice that got my hold on my mouth tightening. "What do you mean 'what daughter'? What? She left her in my care fourteen years ago! I don't want to talk to you anymore. Just let me speak with Alesandra."

Alesandra. Mom.

"I'm not even asking for her to come here! Just get her on the phone, and let me speak to her. Let her daughter speak to her. Just today. Please."

Everything that came after that remained a mystery as the lock of my door clicked. Only the floral scent of my comforter and the saltiness of something that reached my lips remained in my senses.

"What's going on?" I muttered in between my struggling breathing. I opened my eyes, and only darkness stayed under the sheets.

Shaking my head, I successfully convinced myself that sleeping tonight could make me forget what I had just heard. But the thought of it kept burning into my mind. The words of my aunt, the implications of the things she said, and my mom...

I closed my eyes and allowed all the tears to come out.

Whether I had my eyes closed or not, everything remained the same. The same darkness that I kept hidden from the world. From my friends and my family.

From myself.

And I would bury it again once I woke up. So, no one could ever lay their eyes on it.

Not even myself.

-

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, happy birthday...." All the pairs of eyes stayed on me, their mouths voicing a not-so-synchronized tune of the song. "Happy birthday to you!"

A bunch of clapping resounded right after, along with cheers from Julie and George. I looked at all of them—my aunt, uncle, cousins, Julie, George, Rona, and Yuri—and then at the purple-lit candles on the red velvet cake right before me.

The tip of the numbers two and zero melted with the heat from light flickering above them, awaiting my rescue. I closed my eyes and laced my fingers together.

Part of me wished for my mom to come or greet me today, just like every year since my seventh birthday. Her presence, her smiling face, her warmth, her voice; her—the only thing I've prayed and wished for every birthday, every Christmas, and every single day of my life.

And so, what else would I wish for but that same thing this time around, too?

"It's the only thing I've been asking for for years now."

I gritted my teeth at my aunt's voice from earlier today, echoing back from the depths of my mind.

"Let her daughter speak to her. Just today. Please."

I breathed in and pursed my lips. The comments from Julie and Addie, my youngest cousin, could have been clearer to me. But my sense of hearing canceled everything but the memories of my aunt's argument with the maid earlier. My mind spun, and I struggled to recall the voice of the person I missed, like my entire sanity depended on it.

What was her voice like again? I internally laughed. But the real cause of my amusement would have to be the torch that waited in the darkness I had inside me.

As if I wanted this darkness to be discovered one of these days.

I wish I could feel the warmth my heart has been yearning for someday. Today, maybe? With my family and friends?

I giggled internally, opened my eyes, and promptly saved the candles from their demise with a soft blow from my mouth.

Everyone burst into a small round of applause and teasing for taking so long. Everyone here was mighty aware of the only thing I really wanted. Still, their lighthearted comments made me giggle and forget about all the bad feelings for the time being.

"Addie and I got you this, Ate Shane." Andrea, my seventeen-year-old cousin, handed a wrapped box over to me. At the same time, Addie, her eight-year-old younger sister, jumped beside her with expectant eyes.

"Thank you, you two!" I placed the box down on the free space on the table. "I'll open it later, okay? We should eat first." I suggested.

Julie flipped his imaginary long hair and snuck up beside me with a hug, "Happy birthday! Here's my and Dave's gift!"

I took the polka-dotted gift bag in his hands and smiled at him. Before I could thank him, George and Rona followed with their gifts immediately. Rona's was a tiny circular box we already guessed was a pair of earrings. And George's was a small container of purple hair accessories she apologized for forgetting to wrap.

"It's okay! Thank you so much!"

Then followed Yuri, my and Rona's childhood best friend. I couldn't help but return his smirk with my own at the big gift he had in his arms. I was sure every one of us guessed it was another stuffed toy or pillow to add to my collection.

"It's a teddy bear, isn't it?" I started, but he shook his head with the same smile on his lips.

"An elephant!" Andrea suggested, and Yuri still shook his head.

"Well, whatever it is, it's either pink or purple," Georgette commented, which got Yuri chuckling.

He shrugged his shoulders and retained his gaze on mine. "It could be anything, really. But I hope you like it."

I pulled him close to me after placing the gift on a chair and tiptoed to give him a bear hug. "Thank you, Yuri! You always give me the best plushies and pillows."

"Of course." He softly whispered as he hugged back.

"Group hug!" Julie yelled, which got all my friends jumping in to hug me.

"We too!" Addie voiced out. So, I gave my friends one last squeeze before hugging Addie and Andrea.

"And, of course, from me and your uncle." Aunt Kat said. I faced the left side after letting go of my cousins to meet Uncle Marcus' smiling face beside Aunt Kat's bright expression. She handed me a rectangular striped box and kissed me on one of my cheeks.

Uncle Marcus walked close and caressed my hair, "Happy birthday, Shane." The look of a father reflected in his eyes. And I almost couldn't suppress my tears if Addie didn't squeeze herself in to give me another hug.

"Happy birthday, Ate Shane!"

"Happy birthday, Shane!"

More of their greetings resounded in my ears. I giggled and thanked them all, suggesting we eat the food now so my friends won't have to go home late.

This may be the warmth I needed and didn't see immediately. Despite that thought, a part of me still longed for my mom. I probably always will.

But... another part of me longed for another person I didn't think of until the end of the early dinner celebration.

-

With one last wave of goodbye to my friends and hugs from my family, I excused myself to my room, carrying my laptop bag in one hand and a gift in another. Andrea and Addie followed me, holding some of the presents with them.

Once they put the gifts down on the rug, we embraced each other for another time before they greeted me again and left the room.

"What a day."

I stretched my arms before setting my laptop on my study table and finally holding my phone again after nearly four days without it.

"All I did was sleep and read some books for how long?" As soon as my phone opened, a bunch of notifications from FB popped on my screen. Finally, I could check my social media again!

As my birthday on FB was set to public, many friends on the platform must've been notified of it and decided to give a greeting. I reacted a heart to every post on my feed greeting me a happy birthday. Today really was a joyful day. Even though the day didn't start well, the early dinner party with my loved ones filled the day with lots of smiles and laughter.

Many people also messaged me privately. I replied to all of them, even in group chats for the volleyball team, student publication org., and class groups. Right at the bottom of the message folders was... Jin's. He messaged me yesterday.

Before I could click to view it, it suddenly zoomed to the top. My bright smile from the fun times today faded, and something inside me leaped.

Are you still up?

He messaged me that. Just now. Literally, just now.

I opened my conversation with him and scrolled back up, and Jin asked how I was doing yesterday. I didn't think he would ever text to check on me.

Another smile found its way to my lips as I type in a reply.

Yes, it's only 7 pm. Sorry for not answering your previous messages. Did you miss me? :D

Jin saw it right away! Was he waiting?

No, but you missed 3 days of classes.

Hmph! He replied right away, too! What's up with him tonight?

I caught a fever >.<

What did I say last week? You've been heating up since Friday, weren't you?

Ack! He remembered! Why did he seem mad, though? I didn't know how to reply. Jin seemed... worried. And somehow, I couldn't bring myself to tease him about it. Something about it felt so... sincere.

Errr

And you didn't rest during the weekends?

;-;

Shane.

I pursed my lips, and a surge of guilt ran through me. Another feeling surfaced from invisibility, but I couldn't pinpoint it.

Yeeeeeessss... I didn't >.< But it's because I had so much to do for group projects and the student publication too :(

I see.

I breathed in and shook my head and thoughts away. Obligatory concern. That was all Jin had been showing me since the start.

Once that convinced me, I decided to tease him again.

I'll be attending class tomorrow, don't worry too much about me ^_^

Did I ever say I was worried?

See?

Boooo =.=

"Shane!"

I looked up from my phone to the door. Did Aunt Kat just call me?

"Shane!"

Phone in hand, I ran to my door and opened it, yelling back while I slipped into my slippers, "Yes, I'm coming!"

Uncle Marcus' head popped from below the staircases with a raised brow. "You didn't tell us you had another visitor." His head then disappeared. "Come down here and greet your friend." Muffled voices from below followed right after.

Huh? Another visitor?

"But I don't-"

My phone vibrated, and when I opened it and read Jin's message, something inside me made a reaction I didn't know the meaning of back then.

Anyway, can you let me in?