AU: Human AU

CW: Main Character Death

WC: 797

Date: 5/15/2021

The sun had set long ago, leaving the world in a calm peace as the stars twinkled above. Autumn blew its breeze through the trees, shifting the leaves in a way that left a soft calmness on the earth. It was a beautiful night for a hike, but all Logan could see was the sky up above. He could always get lost in the vastness of space, and out here, away from the city lights, he could see every twinkle clearly.

The basket he was holding was heavy, but it was worth it. He had packed a beautiful picnic, each piece made with thought and care. He touched the ring on his finger carefully before setting out the blanket he had brought with him. Each of his movements, slow and methodical. A sigh left his lips when it was all done.

"The stars look beautiful don't they?" Logan asked, "I know this isn't your favorite place to go, but it's such a beautiful night. I promise, tomorrow I will take you somewhere different. Maybe the docs? I may love the sky, but you have a fondness for the sea." He chuckled.

"I appreciate you indulging me, you always have, even in my less logical moments, you never judged." Logan smoothed out the blanket, sitting down on it and laying back. "I never believed I would meet someone like you, who could love me so completely and unconditionally. Of course, fights still happened, but that never changed anything."

His eyes refused to leave the sky, "You can see the Pegasus constellation out tonight. Do you remember when we debated over the likelihood of the existence of pegasi? I still stand by my assertion that their strong muscles would leave them too heavy for flight." Logan's voice had fallen into a soft warble as his hand came up to push away tears.

He shook it away, quickly turning to the basket to pull out the meal he had created. The last thing to be pulled out were two teacups with cherry blossoms on them. Logan held onto the cup tightly.

"It still feels like you are here sometimes." He whispered, setting the cup down as he began to rub at his eyes. "Patton says it's okay for me to feel like this, but it hurts so much Janus. I do not regret a single moment I had with you, but why did losing you have to hurt so much? Some days it hurts too much, I lie to myself and think you're still here. Two cups, to make myself believe that you didn't leave me alone." His breath caught, his throat constricted, fighting against the mist in his eyes. "How am I supposed to cope?"

"You always said I wasn't a liar, that I was too good for that, but I'm afraid I picked up your bad habit. Just like you, I've started lying to myself. Sometimes it's just little things, lying that I'm okay, but sometimes it's... sometimes it's the big things. Often, I can't tell the difference."

"You lied until the end, you told me I would see you for dinner... but I can't hold it against you. I just wish... I wish I had been more prepared. I have been prepared for everything in my life, everything was always set out in a clean and orderly fashion, you even let me propose so that I could feel in control of such a big event."

"Why couldn't I control this?" Logan covered his whole face with his hands, falling back onto the blanket, holding back a sob. He could feel the cold metal of his ring, and it only reminded him of the coldness in his heart. "Why couldn't you take me with you?"

He looked up at the stars, blurred by his tears. "I didn't mean it when I said until death do us part. I'm still yours, even if we have been separated by death. I know you would want me to move on, but you weaved such a beautiful web to catch me in." Logan took in a shaky breath, trying to sit up slowly so he could pour the tea.

"I will try. Maybe I can learn to move on." He said that, but Logan knew it was a lie. He was lost without his husband, and he wasn't sure anyone would ever be able to fill the void in his heart. "I cannot promise results, but I will try."

The cup steamed in his hands, wisps of air carrying away the heat. Logan watched it, watched as the vapor disappeared.

"I can't go home yet. It's lonely without you." Everything was lonely. "Would you mind if I stayed here for a bit? I want to tell you more about the stars."