When I said, I love you
I counted your scars too..

Vinny made a cup of masala tea in her tiny kitchen of her studio apartment. She wasn't a tea person but days like this, when Kriti wasn't home and she naturally missed her chatty friend and the queasy feeling she was getting from the morning, over powered her, masala tea made her feel better. She followed the recipe exactly like her mom.

She added crushed cardamom, clove , cinnamon along with ginger and tea powder to the boiling water. When the flavours infused well she added milk and waited till it got thick. The aroma filled her nostrils as she poured it into a mug and added sugar.

She placed the mug on the side table letting it cool down a bit before taking a sip. She closed her window since the wind was getting a bit strong and chilly. She took a long breath as she stood Infront of the closed window. Closing something for permanently is not easy, because you will itch to open it again. Vinny knew how it feels now.

It's has been more than a month since she had broken up with Rishi.
After four years of suffering, gaslighting, emotional and physical torture, jealousy and hypocrisy, she had asked out of the relationship.

Like every other time, he had apologized, cried and tried to hold on to her. But this time Vinny was sure that she doesn't want to go back to her perpetual state of torture. Kriti stood by her, even her friends from NGO supported her. No matter how Rishi tried to console her, Vinny knew that she wasn't going back to him..not ever.

Vinny had thought that he was going to follow her everywhere or turn up in her college or apartment, but it didn't happen. He followed her around for few days then gave up. She was skeptical about it even though it was a releif.

Rishi was not the kind of guy who would let go of her that easily.
Kriti thought so too, that's why she had asked her to go with her to Bangalore this week but Vinny denied since Kristi's dad was hospitalised and was critical. She didn't want to burden her friend and she has to attend a seminar next morning, moreover it has been more than a month now. Rishi was out of her life for good, she hoped.

So she had stayed behind, with a queasy feeling unsettling her with trepidation.

' Stop overthinking Vinny... it's over..' she told herself as she pulled out a light blue kurta from her cupboard.

'jeez...' she frowned at her wrinkled kurta. With a sigh she decided to iron her top, anyways it was a distraction.
After ironing may be she could watch a movie or something she thought to herself.

She sipped her tea and stood at the ironing board running the iron over her wrinkled kurta, humming an old Hindi song .
She had almost done with her task when someone knocked on her door. It was just past eight, but she wasn't expecting someone to visit her ,considering this a weekend and most of her neighbours, college going kids, were either visiting their home or was out with their friends.

So when she found a visibly drunk Rishi on her door step, a shiver ran down her spine.

She had imagined this very moment many times during the past few weeks but when it really happened she realised that she wasn't prepared to see him ever again because his very presence scared her.

' What are you doing here, Rishi?' Vinny tried to sound strong when her heart was beating erratically.

' We are meeting after a month Vihani....
God I have missed you.' he shoved her sideways and stepped into her apartment.

' I was waiting till your bitchy friend was out of town. She won't let me talk to you. I know you still love me..and she is manipulating you ' his breath filled with the stench of alcohol fanned her face. He was towering over her, Vinny flinched.

' Let me make it clear Rishi. We are over...not because Kriti said, we are over because I don't want to stay in a relationship with you. I had had enough. Let us stop here.'

' What are you saying? Don't do that Vihani...you know that I can't live without you. I love you baby..' he slurred pathetically.

Rishi started crying and tried to get a hold of her hand and she moved backwards, unreachable.

Vinny wanted him out of her room as soon as possible but she didn't want to provocate him. A drunk Rishi was a real threat and Vinny knew it.

' You will be alright Rishi. This is not the end of your life. I don't have anything else to say. Just leave now..'
Her voice firm and eyes filled with determination. Vinny was so sure about her decision at that moment she just wanted him to get out of there.

Rishi turned towards the door and she hoped that he is going to leave her. But he didn't. He bolted the front door in a beat and turned towards her.

' It's not that easy Vihani. I won't leave until I get my answers. We have been together for four years. I was the one who stood by you and took care of you, when you lost your mom. I was there with you in every fucking days when you needed me. You can't just get up one day and leave me. Not like this...you can't do this to me...' he got a hold of her arm and squeezed it so harshly that Vinny let out a gasp in pain.

' You are right. You were there when I lost my mom. You took care of me...as a friend. But do you think that you ever loved me? Your love for me was abuse Rishi. You said you love me but you punched and abused me. Abuse is not okay Rishi..no matter how much you love me, no matter what you say, abuse is not okay. It took me all these time to realise that it's not my fault. I always believed you whenever you cried and told me that this won't repeat again , that you loved me and scared to lose me? Not anymore. I don't want to stay anymore in this relationship. It suffocates me Rishi... your presence suffocates me, scare me. I don't feel anything for you except pity and hatred... just leave right now...' she was fuming with anger and fear at the same time. His big figure scared her and her arm was in pain.

Rishi looked at her for a moment, his eyes blazing with anger. His left arm held her tightly as he crushed her against the wall and choked her with his right arm.
' This is how you get suffocated...do you understand? My love is not like that..' he smiled heinously.

A strangled breath escaped through her lungs as her other hand frantically searched for something to throw at him. As she got a hold of her hot tea mug , she poured it on his torso.

His grip around her throat loosened more out of surprise. Tea was hot enough to put him in a moment of confusion and Vinny coughed violently to take a few breaths. She wanted to scream but she couldn't. Her voice came out as coughs and muffled breaths.

' You bitch...!! How could you do this to me? I will show you how to suffocate you for the rest of your life..' he eyed the ironing machine which was still connected to the plug.

Before Vinny could realize what was happening , he ripped open the back of her cotton kurta and pressed the hot metal on her back , over the tattoo...which was a symbol of ' om' which actually meant to breathe.

Her mind screamed as the pain drove through her back. Everything blurred Infront of her eyes as the burning pain licked her skin. She cowered Infront of him..with torned clothes and a burning pain on her back. her head spinned as he pinned her down on the floor and slapped her across the face.
Vinny knew what was going to happen to her...the scream died down in her throat, and the tears spilled through the corners of her eyes. She wanted to fight against him, but the fear overpowered her. If she even tried to escape from his grasp, he might just strangle her to death.

So she stopped fighting, she couldn't focus on what was happening. The thirsting pain, the violation, guilt and shame. She thought about death too.. may be that's more better but she wanted to live, even on her lowest point, she wanted to live. So she start counting numbers in her mind , thought about the tea she had made, which smelled like exactly like her mom's tea, which spilled on the floor where she was lying and again she counted numbers thinking it will be over soon or it was just a dream altogether, but the pain she was in , the coldness of the tile on her burning skin made it real...she breathed out before her mind went blank and everything went numb.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Vinny woke up with a jolt. A cold sweat washed over her face , she touched her face in a flash. She was crying in her sleep. She saw the events night repeating exactly in her dream...it was so real that she could feel the pain in her body.
Vinny pushed back the covers and got out of the bed. It was around 6 in the morning, the sky was soaked in golden yellow colour of the early morning sun, covering everything it touches with a golden patina.

She looked through the window trying to calm her ragged nerves. She loved it here, not because she was living a rich posh villa but the people around her loved her, cared for her and went out of their way to make her happy. She loved it so much here that she forgot her wounds from the past.

In the past, Vihani had changed into someone else, who was scared to speak, blamed herself for everything, someone who afraid to get out of a toxic relationship.

She studied her faint reflection on the window pane.
She looked someone different, even when her eyes were teary, she looked like someone who has been loved and cherished dearly. Vinny had evolved into someone strong or maybe she rediscovered herself again.
Vinny took a deep breath, calming herself and touched her baby bump affectionately.

' Why are you up this early?' Vinny's eyes met the faint reflection of Avi in the windowpane. He looked sleepy but his voice laced with concern as he studied her reflection.

' Did you cry? What happened?' he panicked a little while Vinny shook her head and smiled at his reflection, without really turning to face him.

' Just a bad dream Avi. Unwanted memories... may be..' her lips twitched as she tried to sound as normal as possible.

Avi felt her tension , she was pretending to be okay when she is not.
He slowly reached out and wrapped his arms around her swollen waist and rested his chin lightly on top of her head, breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo.

Vinny let herself relax and rested herself against his chest. It was funny how easily she found the stability in his arms, how he conveyed that he has got her back.

' Want to talk about it? You might feel better...'
Vinny stroked his arm lightly thinking how should she tell about her dream, which is her reality.
It's nothing pleasant to tell or listen but it is something he deserved to know.

' I will tell you all about it...but not now. You have a busy day ahead waiting for you...and it is hectic for you this story could wait..' she smiled a little.

' Then tell me in the evening, once I come back. Will you be alright till then? I really could hear it now you know...you are more important than all my busy schedule...'

' Yeah I am such a special case I know...but it's really okay Avi, besides Bhai will be here soon. So don't worry about me.' Vinny patted his arm reassuringly.

They stayed that way for some more time, savouring each and every moment and Vinny could feel her heart thumping, not because of any sort of fear , just because she could feel his love for her and she reciprocated those feelings equally.
Vinny was back to her normal self, forgetting all about her terrible past when Avi had let go of her eventually, leaving a kiss on top of her head.

I really really love him... Vinny smiled herself. She wasn't scared of her feelings anymore. She knew she can't ever compare Avi with Rishi. Rishi was her past, something that scarred her forever but Avi was her present and if she really wanted him to stay, Avi could be her future too.
Maybe there could be a forever for them...

A tiny part of her heart still had doubts though. She needed his word for it that her past won't matter to him. She waited for the evening , when she could tell him everything and end this obscurity regarding their relationship.

Varun arrived right after Avi left for the office. They were holding a ribbon cutting ceremony for the official opening of Curry tree in Kochi, next week.
Avi had to attend a meeting with his staff in the morning. Varun and Avi were doing an interview for local newspapers, a press release too.
The best part was they are being featured in business today. It was a great opportunity for all of them.

Avi was busy whole day but his mind always went back to Vinny. He found it hard to focus on his work when he knew Vinny was waiting for him to come home.

After the final meeting that day Avi and Varun came back home around nine.
' I can't wait to meet my niece or nephew. When are you due Vinny..?' Varun said as he chewed a chunk of grilled paneer during their dinner.

' It's going to be a niece for you... just like Vinny..' Avi declared with such a confidence that Varun choked on his food.

' What? It's going to be a crappy baby ninja?' Varun gave a pointed look to his sister and his friend who were glaring at him.

' Don't call our kiddo a ninja...' both of them yelled in unison.

' Jeez...why you guys are echoing each others thought exactly.
You guys should stop spending a lot of time together...
Vinny was like this from the beginning...what happened to my best friend though..' Varun blurted again.

' Your sister happened to me..' Avi replied coyly.

' Awe.. that's so cheesy...! I can't eat anymore. I am full already. I can't tolerate a lovey dovey couple at the moment...you guys are creeping me out' Varun stood up and gave them a disgusting look made his way to his room.

' Don't worry about him...he is being a hypocrite...' Vinny passed him a plate of salad and chuckled herself.

' We should set him up with someone soon... very soon..' Avi said thoughtfully looking at the way his friend had disappeared.

Snack time...? Vinny called from kitchen.
' Yeah.... balcony...' Avi replied as he climbed the stairs.

She was trying to make up a set up for a conversation, Avi knew it. So he followed her wish to have a snack at their balcony, which is highly unlikely after having a lavish dinner.

He opened the door towards the balcony and stepped into the open area. It was a bit warm but the wind flowing from the seaside was enough to give a pleasant feeling.
He sat down on the lounge chair looking at the starlit sky. He didn't switch on the lights, moonlight was enough for them to talk, he decided.

Vinny appeared with a tray full of crackers and cheese along with a bottle of juice.

Maybe she was seriously hungry...Avi thought studying the contents of her tray.

Vinny sat down next to him. She was apprehensive about the impending conversation. Avi could see that in her eyes.

The girl who was bright and winsome as a summer day has a shadow of worry in her eyes now. Maybe it's too difficult for her to tell someone.
A few minutes passed in silence before Avi turned sideways to face her,who was looking at the sky with her big innocent orbs.

' I have something to tell you...' he said taking her hands in his.
Vinny chuckled lightly.
' That should be my line right now...' she replied with a tinge of sadness.

' I know right? Anyways I have something to tell you before that...' his lips curled up into a small grin.

' I love you Vinny. I know you are struggling to tell me about something. I don't know how big or bad your past is and it doesn't matter either, because nothing could change how I feel about you. If you don't want to tell me about it, you don't have to push yourself to say it okay? There's no pressure on you.
No matter what you are going to say, nothing is going to change between us , I want you to feel assured about this.... If you still want to tell me, you can go ahead and tell me.. I am all ears.'
Vinny let out a breath, she didn't realize she was holding. Her heart wobbled against her ribs, she needed that reassurance more than anything and he knew it without even asking for it. A tear drop rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away.

' Still I want to tell you. You deserve to know more than anyone else in this entire world...' she drawled out.

Vinny felt more at ease then, like a hole in her heart has mended and she could finally tell someone about her ordeal without freaking out. So she started talking.

She told him everything from the beginning.
From her college days to how she met Rishi in her first year in college. How her friendship with her senior grew over the years that she started to trust him blindly.

Vinny recounted how broken she was about her mom's sudden death. How mad she was at her dad when she found about that he had ignored her mom even when she was really ill. How Rishi had helped her to cope with the loss. Vinny still remembered that how he used to sit with her for hours consoling her , how grateful she used to feel.

Slowly Rishi claimed her heart. He accepted a job after his graduation in Mangalore itself so that they could be together. Vinny was happy at his decision and they were officially a couple by then.

But slowly things fell apart for them when his drinking increased. She tried to talk to him and he told her that it's just social drinking nothing more. She trusted him. But again problems arose between them when he started insecure about their relationship.

Avi listened to her silently all the time , letting her talk but he was boiling inside. When Vinny told him about how he had hit her for the first time a day before the NGO event, which he had attended only to see her, he cursed himself.

He should have told her who he was that day, and asked her about her bandaged forehead.
He could feel his pulse going wild as she told him about all the torture she had been through over the years. The insecurity and loneliness she felt in that relationship and finally their breakup and what he did to her.

' That bloody rascal...! How could he do this to you..' Avi was seething in anger. He couldn't even imagine the pain and agony she must have gone through and he can't do anything about it.

His entire body tensed up...he was getting furious but then he looked at her. The girl whom he loved, who meant the entire world for him, he needs his support ,not anger. So he took a deep breath letting go his anger and focus on Vinny .

' I used to wonder...if it was a rape? How could he do that to me? After all he was my boyfriend and I thought he used to love me but you know what Avi, he never loved me.. not really. I was just a mere possession, a toy he liked for some time. It is funny that I could not figure out that anytime soon..' . Her voice filled with disappointment. She took a few minutes to tell him what happened next to her .
' After that night I fled from there.. I went to Bangalore where Kriti's dad was hospitalised. She took me to the doctor. I felt totally lost. I didn't know what to do or where to go. I got rid of my phone and stayed with her for a few days in hospital. Then I came to Hyderabad because I was scared he would follow me to Bangalore since he knows that Kriti lives there. I couldn't go to police because of my oh so famous family status. And after a few more weeks of struggle and a pregnancy confirmation, I came back to home because all I have was Bhai...' her voice was a low whisper by the end.

It might take her a life time to get rid of this trauma she knew, she couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
Her eyes drip with tears, the anger and frustration everything spilled through her eyes.

Avi gently placed his hand on the small of her back trying to offer his strength to her through his gesture. It's not something he could comprehend easily or offer any solution. All he could do was to stay by her side and love her, and he did the same.

They stayed that way for a long time, in silence. Except for their breathing the night was still around them.

' Are you feeling better..?' his voice was strained. Vinny nodded in response.

' Nothing changes between us okay? Maybe I love you a bit more.. that's a good change.. isn't it.' He tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear and tried to read her expression, which was unreadable.

' Look at me Vinny. ' he gently placed his finger under her chin and raised her head. She looked at him languidly.

' Do you know how strong you have been till now? I can't even imagine half of the things you went through.
I understand you more now and If ever we are going to cross paths with this asshole, face him.. Ok?. Show him that he couldn't harm you , you are strong enough to deal with him... okay??? You are not alone, you have got my back... always. You should not be the one to be run or ashamed. It should be him...' his hand fisted in a ball.

Avi got up from the chair, trying to calm himself down. He wanted to beat this bastard to death if possible...but it wasn't possible right now.
Frustrated, he took a few steps to the railing and stayed there.

Vinny joined him there after a few minutes and together they gazed at the moonlit sky which was beautiful and calming at the same time.
It reminded her of their first meeting.
They had met under a starlit sky all those years ago and today they were together again, this time she wanted to hold onto him.

' Isn't it beautiful Avi? We are talking again under a moonlit sky? A lot of things had changed but this moment, it's special for both of us...' Vinny said in a hoarse whisper. Avi turned towards to look at her.
Her eyes were wide, hair in a messy bun , hugging herself wearing one of his t shirt, and her lips twitched a little to give a smile looking at the sky.
Someone who is so pure and precious, his heart leaped a bit.

' You know what Avi...you were always there for me, helped me, loved me like no one else has done before and being with you is the most favourite part of my day and may be I just took you for granted... unintentionally.. may be..' she turned towards him to look at him in the eyes.

' I always thought my love was enough for me and Rishi, but it wasn't. I was lonely always with him. I don't want you to feel the same way....' she spoked in a quite tone and Avi looked at her like he was hearing some beautiful music which he enjoyed but couldn't decipher the meaning. He blinked to make sure that he wasn't dreaming.

Vinny looked at him amused and mischief evident in her features.
' Let me love you too Avi because I really really love you...' finally ...there it is. She said it. Her emotions were out there for him to see.

She smiled again thinking how wonderful to tell him about her true feelings. He looked a bit taken aback and surprised.

In a fleeting moment, Vinny stood on tippy toes and kissed him, caught him in a moment of confusion . She closed her eyes and he followed, her soft lips played in sync with his smooth ones.
Then she came down, smiling, like she had saved the world.

Their eyes met again as he pulled her closer and his arms surrounded her, steadying her. Vinny felt a surge of warmth spreading through her, which almost made her weak...but his hands were firm around her. Then he leaned in and kissed her softly making her giddy and clingy at the same time.
It felt so right and so complete that before she knew it she was kissing him back. Vinny felt like that she had finally met someone who could make her soul sing. The starlit sky blinked in unison with her thoughts.