Look what she has done to me. I can't even have sex with other women anymore. If I knew love would change me so much, I wouldn't want to be in love. Soon, I was in front of her house. There, I saw tyre marks. I took Casper's bike and followed them. They led to those fields where I first saw you, Daffine. And even back then, you turned and I could see that you were looking at me, and the more you looked at me, the more terrified it made me...of being seen. After all, what you look at and what you see are quite different,"

I found her bicycle near a bush and upon looking further, there she was, standing under the stars, with a windmill far away, blending into her dark silhouette. I kept my bicycle on hers and walked towards her, "There you are," I said and she turned back,

"How did you find me? And how did you get here?"

"Why did you run away?" She told me about how someone played a practical joke on her.
"I strongly feel that it was Femke's doing,"
"Why would she do that?"
"Because she hates you,"

"What?! Why?"
"Because... why does it matter anymore, I've dealt with her,"
She looked at the sky again, "If you say so,"

I look at your face and wonder how fast it would change if I told you now that I love you hopelessly. "Don't you think the stars look beautiful tonight?" She smiled at me.
I looked up, snowflakes falling on my eyebrows. The stars looked too dim, too far away to seem like they cared about me. It was stupid of me to think I had a chance. I never had a chance. Daffine looked at me, "Do you know that supernovas are born when stars collide?"
"Yeah,"
"In the universe, dark matter is constantly increasing and it has miles to go before it ever stops. This means that this is just the beginning of an ending universe. How crazy is that?"

"Very crazy,"

"What are you thinking about, Max?"

"That I was right all along. Love. Love is bullshit. Relationships are a hassle. If you just have sex and leave, you save your feelings from getting hurt. Love weakens men. And the perpetrators of love, who sell it in cheap candy jars, spit it on the faces of idiots like you and me, not a lot, but just enough to keep us coming back to it. It's a sick desire to control, it's a play of power, where you lose no matter what you do. It's a game of sentimental bastards like you...Me though, I am not a sentimental bastard.

Mom said I'm here to have fun...But ever since I've met you, I'm not having fun at all, Daffine. It's not fun to be anywhere if it's not with you. When you are around, I think about you. And when you are not around, I don't know what to think about so I think about you again. I think about you a lot... Your thoughts have made my heart so heavy right now. I wish I could give it to someone else,"

"Tell me, Max," She crossed her fingers behind her back, "You are afraid of intimacy, aren't you?"
"I'm not afraid of intimacy..." I held my breath, wondering if I should say it, "I'm afraid of you. You make me feel like I'm not good enough for you"

"How do I make you feel that? My opinions don't matter!"
"They do matter because you make me vulnerable. I'm never scared of any social interactions, women don't scare me at all but you scare me, Daffine. I'm so scared that you'll never see that I love you!"

"What?" She looked shocked to her core. Fuck, I've said it now.

"You... Love me?"She asked.

"Yes! I'm in love with you. You heard me! And I know that supernova are born when stars collide, and this is just the beginning of an ending universe, and the dark matter is constantly in an increasing entropy to oblivion, and the human economy is shifting towards an ice age and political correctness is an oppressive construct. And that we are all doomed to death, and in all that catastrophe I am.. in love with you and I'd like to die with you. Loving you made me forget how hating myself felt like."

She looked at me, and then, she spoke so gently, "I love you too, Max,"

"You do?" I couldn't believe it, "Even if I'm nothing but a shade of darkness?"
"You reflect a sheen of temporary darkness, yet all I see is boundless light. Just because a candle is put off, doesn't mean it won't light a world...My world...is you,"

-To be continued