Daffine that evening was alone with me again. I could ask her whatever I wished to. It felt like I was free again. Away from everyone that doesn't matter to... to little Daff.
"True love. What is true love to you?" I asked her. I wanted to know her perspective, see if her mind was as beautiful as it always seemed like.
"Something others don't have to understand for me to feel it,"
"For me, it is peace,"

She looked at me, perhaps I should explain myself, "I mean"
"I understand," She told me, "Peace holds us together, gently like threads on a spider's web—delicate yet strong. It has the power to consume, but its true strength lies in the way it nurtures and protects."

I like Daffine. She is the peace that I describe, "I think peace is a caramel brown. It has warm eyes, a darkness that holds infinite light,"
"So, did your last relationship not give you peace?"
"We broke up because she tried to constantly change me,"

"For the good or for the bad?"
"Why does it matter? I love people, not for them to change me but for them to love me as I change myself. And that's what makes the difference," I suddenly sneezed. Fuck man, it's so cold. 

"Let's go inside," She suggested. 
"No! I'm fine," If we go inside, we won't be alone anymore. And I want to keep talking to you... for a very long time. 

"You may be, but I'm feeling cold,"
"Fine then, let's go inside," We both walked back into the pub, but before she could open that door and go into the chaos that I had left behind, I held her hand and she stopped to look at me, "After you go back home... Can I call you tonight?"

We walked back in, the music just crashed on me. It was so quiet out there, so peaceful. I could feel you even when we were far away. Now, we are here, and I cannot hear anything in this loud music, I cannot talk to you without our friends making a fuss about it and I even forgot to tell you what I thought about the poem you recited to me the last time we met. 

But I was fine. Because we were going to call that night. Then, I would get to stay with you longer. Femke was so drunk that she was dancing and laughing uncontrollably. I danced with my friends too. Wasn't this a breakup party? What am I doing? Hell... Did I even ever love my ex? Why does it not bother me that she is gone? I know I cared for her, I know I did... 

"Do you even love me?" I remember that she asked that to me as we stood beside each other, looking at the ocean before us. I looked at her, her face was glowing under the setting sun, I wanted to hold it to comfort her, but I didn't want to give her the wrong idea.

"Of course I loved you,"
"You only loved me with your body. It hurts me so much that after all that we've been through together, I've never occupied a room that I could call my own in your rotten heart..." She waited for my response. I was quiet as I looked ahead and that frustrated her. I don't know why I am always looking ahead, there's never anything to look forward to.

"Does anything ever matter to you, Maximus?!"

People... They are like paper. You ink your heart on them, and they will carry you with a thousand other inks within them, of people who have also inked their hearts in them. The more you love, the dirtier you feel.  And all the ink piles up until there's no space to write anything on that paper anymore. Do you know what happens to that paper? It goes in the bin. And I don't want to go in the bin. But, that's what I feel right now, Daffine... I feel like I'm inside that bin, I feel like a crushed-up ball of paper. But I have so much space left within me. What am I so afraid of? Sometimes I feel like I'm as blank as I was when I was born, and even though that makes me proud of I don't know what, in moments like these, where everyone around me is happy, this feeling comes again, it makes me sad because I've never... had anyone ink my heart. 

If you looked at my paper right now, Daffine, would you still want to... be my friend?

I looked at Daffine talk to Casper as they sat at their table with a plate of noodles in front of them. Casper was telling her something and then she was responding. Damn you, Casper. Weren't you a guys guy? Why did you bring Femke here and WHY are you talking to Daffine when I can't? I walked up to them, 

"Daffine, you don't dance?" I asked her. 
"No, I can't," She looked at me, "I'm a terrible dancer,"
"Could you give us a moment? I am discussing something important here," Casper said. Yeah, a pub was the best place to discuss business deals, you wacko!

I hate Casper. 

Daffine smiles at me, "It's okay, Max. The night is ours,"

But the night was not ours. Daffine left right after having her dinner. Casper took her with him. Even after she was gone, her perfume lingered in that pub for a while, until more and more people came in, and her scent disappeared completely. As if she was never there.  

-To be continued