(I like this song but not Waitress bye left

I'm shaking just making an outline for this fic holy shit I'm deceased)

It's not simple to say

That most days I don't recognize me

Maven takes his crown off, placing it on his dresser as he looks at himself in the mirror. He runs his fingers across his high cheeks and pale face, blinking his complaints his away. The face of his mother sinks into his mind as he turns away from his mirror, buttoning down his shirt. Tomorrow, she'll knock on his door and tell him everything to do and say. Everything to feel and everything to not. And he won't protest. Just listen to her rules. Like he's always been. 

It's not easy to know 

I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true

As he climbs into bed he doesn't close his eyes. He just stares up at his ceiling, running his hands down his silky pajamas. He imagines you sleeping next to him, your touch dragging across his torso in the soothing way it used to back when he was Prince. When he was allowed to have you in his chambers.  

He listens to everything his mother says, of course. All of her ideas soon turn into his. But you can't stand going to sleep at night without you. It was his least favorite part of being king.

I still remember that girl

You spent your moment in the Queenstrial dodging multiple sentinels at a time as they shot as you. You did flips and twisting jumps, making Maven lean forward in his seat. He was intrigued by your talent and skill as you jump kicked two guards at a time. You were slick like a panther as you bent over backward before spreading your legs and knocking two guards off of their feet. He wanted that girl to be his bride. The strong, clever fighter. 

She's imperfect, but she tries

You bow to Mareena and Maven, your grandmother interrogating Mareena like you suspected she would. Maven nods his head to you and you smile softly. He notices you trying to hide the light blush that grew on your cheeks. He grinned kindly as he took your hand, kissing your knuckles. Mareena stared at you for a second before her shoulders square. 

"I look forward to our future, my prince." You do a small curtsey before giving your grandmother a glance. Maven eyes your dark blue and red dress, imagining his hands running down it. He looks up only to get a look from his mother. 

She is good, but she lies

"Greetings, my little champion." You smirk as you walk up to a drenched Maven after Tirana beat him in training. 

After hearing your voice, his head pops up and he manages a grin. 

"You were watching that?"

"No way, I was too busy wishing I was in there with you," you nudge his shoulder. His eyebrows twitch at your playfulness. It was completely different from the terrifying aura you gave off in the ring. Though, he supposes you like to take a break from the facade you've been playing your entire life. He wishes he could do the same.

He laughs, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as he makes eye contact with you. Your face was soft but your gaze was hard, your eyes one of a soldier. He turns his head to hide his smirk. A warm feeling in his chest grew when he walked passed him, waving to him as you tried to hide from the Instructor. 

She is hard on herself

Maven rounded the corner as you did, the Instructor hardly taking notice as he observed the next fight. Cal and Mareena stood next to each other, almost ignoring the water-soaked burner. 

"You can defeat everybody in this room and you're hiding?" He pesters as he sits next to you, his back against the wall. You lift your chin in his direction, giving him a sly smile.

"I don't like fighting." 

"You seemed to enjoy yourself during the Queenstrial."

You thought back to your smile as you tossed down the many guards. Truthfully, you did enjoy the attention you were getting. Especially from Maven.

"I was doing what I was taught to."

Maven nodded to your words, understanding what your meaning was. 

Your eyes scan his gentle face, looking at the way his jaw tilts when he talks. The simple things you put in your memory in case you never see him ever again. 

She is messy, but she's kind

"My room must be a jar of dirt compared to yours." You say as you let your hair down, Maven closing the door from behind him. Your room, with tapestries of dark blue and red tones, reminded Maven a lot of his own. You had a pile of books resting on your desk next to a collection of knives that were standing on the desk, blade pushed in past multiple layers. Maven tilts his head at the sight but pushes back any comment. 

"Surprisingly not." Maven comments as he leans against your wall. You giggle before sitting by your desk, twisting a blade out of its place. Maven smiles, biting his gums.

She is lonely most of the time

"Surprisingly," you repeat in interest. You look at Maven, seeing him squint his eyes with a smile. 

"This is very personal for a guest room."

"I like to leave my mark wherever I go." You run your fingers against the holes in the desk. "Just to make sure people remember me."

"I'll remember you, your performance was the best." Your eyes flicker to Maven in the middle of his sentence. A small smile falls onto your face.

She is gone, but she used to be mine

King Maven walks down the hall, trying not to think about you as he passes your room. He knows Elara replaced the desk when she went through his memories. He knows she tried to take back all he had left of you. Today is the day he will begin his travels to the Lakelands. And he knows your house won't be there anymore. He is glad you were not present during the assassination attempt. It was your way of saying you still cared. And it was all he needed to see the light through his eyes in his last moments.

He shutters at the memory. What would his mother think?

He's almost happy he doesn't know.

Sometimes life just slips in through a back door

And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true

When Maven first say Iris, he almost thought about how much she isn't you. The Princess of the Lakelands could not replace your marks on the castle, and he'll make sure of that.

"House Iral? House Laris? House Haven?" Orrec's voice echoes throughout his mind. Maven's fingers flicker for a second as he masks his hurt. House Iral is not with us, Maven almost calls out. Too specific, he curses himself, too personal. Even Iris twists her head at his sudden hard-gazed eyes.

And now I've got you 

And you're not what I asked for

Maven gives Iris a harsh grin before turning back to his train. Why did it end up like this? Maven sighs as he sits down on in his seat, Mare Barrow ghosting behind him. He couldn't care less about the dreamless vessel. Sure, she was fun to tease with his mind was occupied. But the pain he feels is nothing he wants to sneak into any of his snarky remarks. Mare even sits away from him, leaving him just to think to himself. 

(Y/N), your name finds its way back into his mind, where are you? 

If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back

Maven fidgets with his white shirt, eyeing Mare as she sides with Evangeline in the bridal parade. This is what mother wants, he reminds himself, everything is for a reason. And even as he kisses Iris he can't get you out of his head. What if he was kissing you like he used to late at night? But her lips were different from yours. He almost despised how she felt.

The boom almost made him shutter. His eyes ran to Mare faster than his feet did. Nothing to let his only drop of sanity away. He can't let her go like he did with you.

But he looks around at the new chaos. Everything happens for a reason, he tells himself once again. But something bitter lingers on his tongue. Something he can sense. 

For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two

It was the sound of a gunshot that got him moving, it rang close to him. To close than he wanted. Evangeline twisted the bullet out of the way but paused when she saw who shot it. 

You jumped from the smoke, landing near Maven. Close enough to twist your body and kick him in the chest. He stumbled back but never left his footing. An Arven tried to silence you but to no avail. They can't silence years of training.

For the girl that I knew

Maven's head begins to spin. It must be Samson, he thinks. But he can't spot his cousin anywhere. 

An eletricon occupies Iris, trying to get her to electrocute herself. As Maven looks at the battle happening next to him, you swipe him off of his feet. His fingers graze his bracelet. But as you climb on top of his laying form, he can't find himself igniting it. 

Your hair falls onto his cheek as you lower himself onto him. He almost feels warm as he looks into your eyes. The same eyes he recognizes from the training room. Your head falls down, almost swooping his lips into a kiss. He relaxes until he feels the barrel of a gun press into his jaw.

"(Y/N)," he whispers out. If you heard it, you didn't let him know as you interrupt his call.

Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up

"You chose her over me." You don't dare remove your eyes from him but he knows who you're talking about. Not Evangeline, not Iris. He knows your hatred for Mare Barrow. Something he could have prevented, he's sure. Something that could have been fixed.

His heart stops as a wave of water comes in your direction. As you dodge it, you find yourself pushing Maven out of the way as well. You jumped high, above the flood. He had never seen you move that fast in his life.

When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love

The thing that took you down wasn't Iris, nor was it Evangeline's incoming needles. It was a bullet, something that came from where you emerged from. 

Farley reloaded her gun when Maven ran to your side. She took aim and-

Evangeline got her first. Pushing her out of the way as she took her own place next to Ptolemus.

And then she'll get stuck 

And be scared of the life that's inside her

Maven didn't know how to feel as he watched your body fall to the floor. The hole between your eyes was something he couldn't ignore. Your beauty was gone, the person he loved was gone. He even took a step forward, almost falling to his knees. Iris grabs his arm. They make their way to the escape train.

He held his breath his entire time. He was scared that if he exhaled, Iris would sense the tears that would build up in his eyes. He can't be weak. That isn't what his mother wanted, he told himself over and over again. But his mind always flipped back to you, how soft and delicate you used to be. But your hatred-filled voice as you put the barrel to his jaw was something he couldn't explain to himself. Why didn't you just pull the trigger?

That's been gone, but used to be mine

What did I do wrong? 

The question ran through his mind as he began biting his nails. Something he hadn't done in ages. What could have prevented this? Any future, any past. Any decisions he could have made. Anything to keep you alive, keep you to himself. 

Why didn't Jon warn me of this?

Maven bit down on his thumb, trying to hide back the tears as he stared out the window. He couldn't hold back the small whimper, gaining his wife's attention. Iris sat in the seat in the row over, knowing to leave her grieving husband alone. She felt remorse for him and thought about consoling him. But once a tear began rolling down his cheek, she looked away. 

She is lonely most of the time

"All I have here is you," he whispers beneath a blissful moon. Your fingers are soft against his cheek as you feel his skin, making sure what he said was real. Your gaze only falls on the silver line that crosses his neck, making him nervous. He can't help but look at the white dot that in place on your forehead.

He puts a finger under your chin, bringing your gaze back up to him. He says through a clenched jaw, "And... that's enough."

"That's all I wanted to hear you say." You wrap your hands around his neck, bringing him into a kiss. He tastes the same, through the times you've spent without him. The same gentle, young caress of his lips as he reminds you: you were all he thought about.