(This song is about me thank you

!READER WEARS GOWNS AND MAKEUP!

This is the only Ana song I can make a songfic about without having the title be something triggering

Some examples of others I wanted to do:

Emotional Anorexic - Svavar Knutur

Bulimic Beats - Catatonia

AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BAD I WANTED TO MAKE THIS A YANDERE FIC ALL THROUGHOUT BECAUSE OF THE LINE "OH IT KILLS" SFJBWJHBFEW I might actually make her kill a certain someone so lets see if I do. 1;28 am

I found a better alternative lmao haha. 6:29 pm

You don't know how much I wanted to make Samson a villain and make him do some Elara shit but my bby Samson doesn't deserve that)

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star

Your fingers twist and turn against the cold window. Delicate webs of ice freeze over, spreading like a virus to every corner. Maven clicks his tongue, grabbing your waist before putting his burning fingers against your creation. You watch it melt, almost forced not to look away. Your heart flutters at the sight of fire against ice. It was a beautiful sight, the fire overcoming the icy decorations. 

You look up at Maven, seeing the twisted sparkle in his eyes. He is almost happy to be toying with your creation. 

"You're such a wicked little boy," you coo. His grip around your waist tightens as he pulls you close. What would Mareena think about this? is all you can think before bringing Maven into a small kiss. 

To pray on, or wish on, or something like that

His blue eyes smile wider than his mouth as he looks down at you. Almost like he was reading your mind, he takes a step back and adjusts his collar. 

You continue to tease, "I didn't think of your as a disloyal husband, Maven."

"I know you are not commenting on me for disloyalty."

You turn your head, trying not to reveal your mischievous grin. All you can do is put your gloves back on, building a wall between you and the Prince of Norta. 

You do fancy Maven greater than your husband, Samson Merandus. It's a naughty gesture by developing with his cousin rather than your husband himself. But who could resist Maven's beautiful black hair and daring eyes? Especially his touch, warm and soothing. 

I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy

Your lips purse into a tight line as you turn back to Maven, pulling a stray strand of your hair away from his shoulder before turning your back on him. A sweet fix, that's all he is. That's all he should be, at least. A unique little treasure to hold in your hand. Temporary, you hope. You wouldn't want Maven to ruin your charm with Samson. 

"You're such a doll, my love." Maven coos sarcastically from behind you as he watches you head to the door. You turn to face him one more, sending a backward glance. All you can do is forcefully wink, which pains both you and him. 

Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had

You watch as Maven sides with his bride Mareena, smiling by her side like everything was alright. You see right through him as you do the same to your husband. 

You wrap your ungloved hands around Samson's bicep, laughing at his snarky comments while leaning on his shoulder. He smiles, looking down at you. He doesn't notice Maven's quick glare in your direction. 

Your head fills with passionate thoughts, "I love you!" and "my blue-eyed dearest" overcoming your normal thoughts.

Samson blushing, his ash-blonde hair bouncing against his silver face. His hair is so full of life compared to Maven's, but somehow, you prefer it less.

But then a dove of hope began its downward slope

Maven closes the door from behind you, keeping you locked in his room. He almost corners you, trapping you against his bed. Your heartbeat speeds up but you refuse to give in.

You put your hand on his cheek, trying to push him away. "You're so wrong. This is so wrong. Samson is going to be so mad." 

He grabs your wrist and kisses it. "If you say his name he'll come running."

"For you."

"And not you."

You try to hide the sinister smile that begins to form on your face. Maven almost expected it, taking no hard feelings before kissing you. 

The thought of Maven being punished for your crimes fills your head, swallowing your every movement and emotion. Being a sinner without any guilty charge, without a twisted glance your way. 

You collapse against the bed, letting Maven kiss down your jaw and to your neck.

And I believed for a moment that my chances

Your chest feels warm by the sense of his presence. His touch, his love, his kisses are all you could ever wish to feel. You relish at the moment, your eyes closing as he places light kisses on your collarbone. He's gentle yet passionate. A mystery yet an open book. Faith and yet a sin...

Your lips part in a gasp as his hands grab your waist, pulling you roughly against him. His thighs gliding against your knees, his body almost devouring yours. You feel like your drowning in his scent and feeling. The cloth of his shirt, his simple fingers, the locks of his hair, everything touched your body in a ravishing way.

Were approaching to be grabbed

How different things would be if Samson touched you this way. 

You look at your gloved fingers as Maven rubs circles into your sides, mumbling obscenities into your neck. You can take off your gloves right now and accept Maven into your heart, allow him to overcome all worries and concerns. You can feel his skin for yourself, feel his warmth and love. 

A part of you convinces your heart to keep them on. 

Your breathing is hard in your throat, but you find your ability to breathe nonetheless.

But as it came down near, so did a weary tear

You stare at Maven and Mareena for a little too long, making Elara glance in your direction. Your lips form a straight line as you make eye contact with her, grabbing Samson's arm with your bare hands. He looks at Elara, saying something beyond your ears before he turns back to you. You place a light kiss on his check and try not to let your nerves overcome you. You keep your mind blank, letting nothing get in the way of your affair. 

Never in your life, you thought you would commit to being such a liar. 

Never in your life, you thought years of training your mental stability would result in fooling two Whispers.

You knew you were going to marry Samson at a young age. You both were set up to get married and produce the children for the next person to marry off. You knew that keeping secrets from him would be hard. You knew you had to do something to keep you to yourself.

I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Maven looks at you, and you two maintain eye contact. Samson is quick to pull you into a kiss, jealousy almost overcoming his common sense. You feel the need to pull away and fight against your husband's spiteful kisses. You try to control your mind, try to think of all the beautiful moments the two of you had experienced in your decade of knowing each other. 

All you can think about is Maven and how much warmer his touch is. 

You see Mareena in his hands, you see how you could never make the perfect bride for him.

You almost curse yourself for the stupid thoughts that begin to fill your head. This is just a game of royalty, he does not love her, surely not. He can only love you. He only loves you...

Samson rips himself from you, eyes blinking rapidly. Almost like he couldn't believe what he was hearing from a mind so close. A mind he wished he always trusted. 

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

Samson grips onto your wrist, practically throwing you into the room you shared together. Your grip onto your elbows, mind refusing to go anywhere except Maven. 

Samson puts his hands in his hair. "Did you think I wouldn't find out about your little game? I can see through your head, and those little thoughts," your mind immediately thinks of last night with Maven, "you can't hide those from me."

"You've been putting those in my head?" You feel foolish by even asking. The thought hadn't occurred, probably purposely, and you feel guilty by considering his action betrayal. A lump formed in your throat, a conflict you didn't want to be uncovered so soon.

Samson bites his lip, trying not to spit vulgar words in your direction. He wants to torture you, use your delicate form to his immediate advantage. He wanted to butcher you until you couldn't look him in the eyes.

But he saw how hopelessly you fell in love with Maven, and no matter how much he hated it, he couldn't fault you for falling for his cousin's dangerous call. He didn't blame you. He blamed him.

Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

"Stop making everything so complicated," he growls in an almost pleading tone. You turn away, trying not to look into his eyes. Anything to keep you from going weak and falling into his arms. You don't understand your own feelings. You want to be with Samson, you want to remain under his night sky with his sly smiles and cute gestures. But the world you develop with Maven is too addicting; the ghost town so magnificent, you and Maven being the only citizens. 

You know that no matter what happens Maven will always greet you back with open arms. That's just what love does, right?

"Sorry I can't just simple out my emotions to you, sir," you hide your sarcasm, "isn't that what you're supposed to be doing, butcher? Show me how I'm supposed to feel?" 

You can almost hear Elara's laughter from the hallway. 

I got to fold cause these hands are just too shaky to hold

Samson grabs your hand, making you look him in the eyes. You swallow your guilt, mind turning away from Maven for only a second. You take a deep breath as you calm down your voice. "Samson," you breathe out with a shaky breathe, "I'm happy you are not that way. I'm happy you're not a monster." 

He squints his eyes, "Good, you better be." 

You rip your hands away from him, biting your lip. Your wedding ring is bare and you stare at it, turning around and shielding yourself from him. 

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

You feel the familiar need to rest in Maven's arms. You feel awkward sleeping with Samson by your side every night when you know the much more comforting alternative. Even today, when you both sleep back to back, you feel isolated. Yet somehow, you don't feel bad for the mistakes you made. Such a horrible decision, the worst trait of deception. But you can't find the emotion of guilt. 

Maybe because you know you've never actually told Maven how much you feel. You had a feeling this would eventually end like this, you secretly knew no matter how hard you attempted you'd never hide from a Whisper. You are almost scared of the future. 

And I went crazy again today

Looking for a strand hope, looking for a little hope

You can see Lucas following Mareena when you step away from your chambers. She dresses in the most beautiful shade of purple with her silver skin shining under the lanterns. Your blood boils because of how beautiful she looks. Her steps are delicate and precise, almost reminding you of Maven's jaguar-way of prancing. She was comparable to a gazelle.

You just trail behind, hoping that she doesn't steal his heart away from you. Hoping you can overcome the monster in this fairytale. 

Baby said he couldn't stay

"We need to be more mature." Maven grabs your gloved hands, the ball of the high-class surrounding you. He begins to sway with a gentle caress. You redesign your posture, stiffing up as Maven pulls you close. His eyes are numb, unusually lost in time. 

"Are you okay?" 

He spins you, pulling you close afterward. A little too close for your comfort. He keeps his eyes on you, almost scared of glancing at his mother. You were the only one who could hear him as he muttered under his breathe.

"I'm afraid we'll have to be hesitant from now on." 

His words jabbed at your heart, knocking the wind out of you. You couldn't breathe, fearing to lose the only warmth in your cold life. 

"From now on?" You whisper, almost screaming as he pulls away. He bows, his fingers losing their place on your hand. 

"Soon," he adds before turning back. You can see Mareena watching you, and your blood boils. It's all her fault. That stupid little Storm. Everything would have been fine if she didn't drag him away. 

Your fingers start to shake and your lip trembles. Everything was once so fine. She ruined it, she ruined it, it was all her.

Wouldn't put his lips to mine and a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

Samson just watches as Maven steps away from you. His blue eyes chill when he makes eye contact with Elara. It's almost an understanding from Whisper to Whisper. The Maven-and-(Y/N) inconvenience was settled between both of them. Samson does feel a tinge of guilt, yet his own self-centered mind overcomes it. He deserves you more than Maven does. Samson was in love with you since he was a child and had to work to get you to share the affection. Maven thinks he can just swoop in and take you away. 

Samson places his hand on your waist, guiding you away from the ballroom.

I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified..."

"I'm sorry," he whispers blandly. You only purse your lips, trying to keep up your posture. Your head pulsated with all of the repressed feelings you are trying to erase. Your cheeks flush silver in rage and you try to hide it in your hair. Samson looks down at you, his eyes sparkling. He puts a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch oddly comforting. You close your eyes, pretending he's Maven.

"You can fix it though, right?" You put your hands on his cheeks, "all the pain."

"Who you love?"

You blink at his sparkling eyes, "isn't that what you always wanted to do?"

"...Come on put a little love here in my void."

Your part your lips as he pulls you close, and only now do you see how similar he looks to his cousin. His eyes remind you of Maven's youth, the lack of corruption and rottenness. 

You face makes his heart slow, and he understands how you so easily got Maven's heart. You were beautiful, your features so mesmerizing and delicate. 

He leans into your touch, his cheeks warming from under your fingers.

He said, "It's all in your head."

"I already have." His breath is careless as he tilts his head, trying not to give in to your begging touch. 

You sigh, removing your hands from him. Your heart pounds, whether still from Maven's decline or Samson's manipulation, you can't tell. You blink, a painful smile falling onto your face. You feel nothing. You almost laugh. Your hands fall onto his chest as you kiss his cheek.

Painfully, you did your nails into the cloth of his clothes before grabbing his collar with your other hands. 

And I said, "So's everything" But he didn't get it

"Now I know why I had ever married someone like you." 

His reaction puts you off. He tilts his head, almost confused at your reaction.

And then you let him go, pursing your lips together in a twisted smile as you turn away from him. You see Elara's grin as you exit the room, shoes annoyingly clicking against the cursed floors. You wanted someone to chase after you. You wanted Samson to change his mind, you wanted Maven to tell you he loved you, and you wished more than anything else Mareena would give you a plausible reason to despise her. You feel irrelevant, your emotions unnecessarily violent. 

You pick you your gown, bringing the rim to your ankles as you begin running. You run down the corridors, not caring wherever you went. You just want something to do. Something to distract your mind away from all the destruction you've caused.

I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy

You put the lipstick around your lips, smiling as you look yourself in the mirror. Your hair is longer, more mature. It's been a year since you've last seen Maven and you're glad that Samson had been invited to his court. 

You giggle, bumping your shoulder with your husband's as he constantly jabs at the decision Maven made. Almost marrying Evangeline, keeping Mare still in his grasps. Mare. You almost laugh at yourself for being so stupid. Of course, she was a Red. Why else would you spiritually hate her so much? You had a perfect reason, nothing more than you predicting the future. That is all. 

"You better convince him to kill her, my love. We can't have a weak ruler of Norta." You tease with a smile.

Samson nods, his blonde hair bouncing in such an adorable way.

"He'll have his guard up. Elara was such an irrational mother."

"Always unnecessarily protective."

Samson chews on his gums, exhaling through his nose. He doesn't know if you meant to bring up the worst time of his life or not. You two have overcome the Maven roadblock, and he has definitely changed his mind about altering you. He never wants you to leave him again. He's more than willing to do anything to keep you to himself.

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

You curtsy to Maven, smirking to yourself when he takes your hand and kisses it. You both don't look at each other with heart eyes, it's most mature. Like he's forgotten about you. Vise versa, you suppose. Perhaps Elara took you away. But still, as you look into his blue eyes, you can't help but weaken.

You almost comment on Maven's appearance when suddenly your breath gets caught in your throat. You let out a weak whimper, making Maven lean forward in concern. 

"Are you okay?" His eyes are soft, but you feel no emotion towards them. It's almost pleasing. 

"Yes, I suppose," you laugh like nothing was wrong, "I assume I practically died."

Maven smirks, nodding at Samson. He almost adds something before shutting his mouth, adding a laugh.

"Welcome back, Samson." 

Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

You rest alone in the bathtub, door unlocked for the lack of concern about a killer walking in and murdering you. Cold water hugs your body up to your shoulders, soothing your muscles. As water drips from your chin and runs down your neck, you can't help but imagine what Maven would look like dipping himself in water. How his lean chest would appear with droplets sinking down to his muscles. 

You groan, crossing your legs. You're being so dramatic. Why is this thought even crossing your mind? You sink into the tub more, closing your eyes. 

The sound of the door opening made you peak from one eye. It was Samson, concerning you with his body still clothed. Why on earth is he disturbing your peace.

"Relax," he coos. He kneels next to the tub, grabbing your hand from the water. His sleeve gets wet and clings to his pale skin as he kisses your knuckles. You close your eyes again, not wanting to acknowledge his stares. 

I got to fold cause these hands are just too shaky to hold

He squints, trying to alter all possible feelings of Maven in your head. He makes the sexual desire less, trying to take it away altogether. You just squirm in discomfort as he continues to kiss your hands, his touch delicate and giving you no true sign to run. All you can feel is a sense of eerie than Samson naturally carries around anyways.

He sighs as you open your eyes, staring at the ceiling. 

"I hope you're changing the way I cry when I see animals because that's just dreadful for you and me."

The hair on his neck tingle when he thinks about what you just say. 

You laugh, "Your a whisper and I'm not an idiot, I know what you're doing."

"And?"

"Well, I guess I can't really stop you, right?"

You sit up, the cold air around your chest giving you goosebumps. You dip your hand back in the icy water, almost washing away his touch. Cubes of icy begin to float to the top at your distress. You wish you were a Silencer, something that would help fight against your husband. Once, you thought your simple repression would work. But repression builds up and creates unnecessary anger and jealousy, as you suppose you learned. 

His fists clench. 

"I guess not."

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love, 

You stand in Maven's study, Samson sitting in front of you as you lean over the chair. Your hands brush through his soft hair, a part of you wishing it was Mavens. You can feel the eerie feeling like a pulsating ting. It disappears for moments, then comes back. He must be reconsidering, right?

"And what are going to do when you get her?" You ask Maven, leaning closer and shadowing your eyes.

"She has information on the Scarlet Guard's location, I can simply request your husband to get it from her." 

He tosses the word husband roughly.

Samson grins, "Because you know she's not going to talk to you."

Maven only chuckles, putting his fingers to his temple. He clears his throat, almost defensive for a second. Samson only puts a hand on yours, bringing it to his mouth and kissing it again.

Maven makes eye contact with you and you almost whimper out. His eyes are seductive, coated with distress for only a second. It mixes something inside of your head that you can't describe. You look away, blinking to collect yourself. Maven seems to do the same thing. 

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

You stare at Evangeline, almost feeling jealous of her being by Maven's side as he sits on the throne. You can't control your breathing, your hands begin to shake. Something in you is different. You can't get your eyes off of Maven. He's so addicting, making your heart beat millions per second. 

Maven continuously glances over at you, too. He keeps his tough posture and mischievous smile, but something inside of him can't stop looking at your body in his court.

You can't understand. Your first thought is Samson, but you couldn't guess why he would do such a thing. He has no motivation to make you this way. He has nothing... 

Unless it was a mistake.

You tilt your head, watching Samson from the corner of your eye.

Because he is no Elara. 

Maven glances at you once more, and you can see his fist clench when you make eye contact.

But you guess even Elara makes mistakes.

Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up

You sneak down the hall, hoping Samson can't hear you from a mile away. You even hold your breath as you pass by your chambers, wishing he is fast asleep at this urgent time. When you didn't hear the opening of a door as you zoomed by, you took it as the cost was clear. 

You lift your gown to run faster as you try to visit Maven before he sleeps. You knock on the door, trying not to smile as he opens it rather slowly. Almost cautiously. But as he sees you, his entire body drops its intensity. He holds back a small grin, his eyebrows inevitably knotting together. Your heart rate immediately increases.

"I ask to come in." You say, almost bowing to him. The corner of his mouth raises a bit. He opens the door more and you take a step in. You sigh, pausing at how familiar his room looks. You immediately turn around as he closes the door. Your skirt fights against your legs at your rough emotion but you don't reposition yourself. You can just smile, trying to find the words to express how you feel. The room becomes cold, then hot, as Maven and your powers fight in a spiritual way. 

Maven steps closer to you until your chest is pressed up against his. You don't move back. You can't. 

His warm hands grow cold as they rest on your face, making you look up at him.

His lips are gentle against yours as he almost fights against his own temptation. You thirst for more, pulling on his collar and bringing him closer. He kisses like he has been deprived of touch, like he's missed you more than anyone in his life. 

I got to fold cause these hands are just too shaky to hold

He pulls away, his face pure silver. You blush, too, almost embarrassed at how quickly you gave in to his kisses. 

You speak first, "I'm sorry."

He laughs, pausing before pulling you into another kiss. "Please don't apologize." 

You feel bliss at his touch as he brings passion into each swoon. He kisses you passionately, almost giving in to every last thought that overcomes his mind. His grip on you becomes hard as his nails dig into your skin.

You can't pull away or complain. All you can think about is how long you've waited for this.

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love, 

You sit on the armrest attached to the Silent Stone Throne, your legs falling on Maven's lap as he smiles up at you. The bottom of the throne is layered thickly with glass, almost shielding anyone from stepping too close. Your fingers trace along his jawline and he gets devoured by the touch. The two of you become nearly inseparable, and each time Samson attempts to stop it, it only gets worst. Every day your love for Maven gets stronger, and every day his love for you becomes more of obsession. 

Now, all you two can do is giggle while looking at each other, not caring about anybody who sees. You've both went absolutely mad. And as Mare stands below you two, Silent Stone around her wrists, she can't believe her eyes. 

Maven looks down at her for only a second, pure hatred in his eyes.

You got everything you ever wanted when he said the words, "execute her."