(this isn't a smut lmao don't let the title fool you)

If it all were but another dream, how happy I would be

You stare into his eyes as he smiles at you, holding his hand. You want nothing but to pause the moment and live there forever and more. But no, time flies, and he removes his hand from your grasp. 

You were scared that that would be the last time you'd ever hold his hand.

But I still see, nearly nightly, only you consuming my dreams

The last person you think of before you sleep is the one that your heart belongs to.

Somebody told you ages ago. You still think about it as you lie awake, surrounded by the Whitefire Castle's walls. Is it true? You don't know if you want it to be or not. Because you know that if it is, you'll have to come to the realization that you love him.

And you're scared to love him. You're scared if you love him, then he'll leave. 

And he'll never leave you, you tell yourself. Because he's not like that. He adores you, you know. It took you a while to realize that. But you know it, and as much as you'd like to doubt him, you also like to think he loves you too.

When I leave behind, something of mine, I stop to go and find

Brushing dust from memories of you and I, put on rewind

You can still remember the feeling of his hand on yours as you see him sitting on his throne, looking bored of the world yet happy with his position. His skinny, slim body looks helpless against the Silent Stone. But you can tell by the way he straightens his shoulders and tenses his torso that he is trying to appear threatening.

His blue eyes find yours for a split second before he blocks you off, almost looking away from the memory of you. What is he so scared of?

Learning happiness is easy spent, but cannot be returned

You remember how he'd say a snarky comment and you'd turn your head, pretending to be offended. He'd smile before taking your hand in his own and placing his lips to your knuckles. It is your personal heaven. Or, it was. Before the throne made him forget. Forget how much he loved you.

You had taught me what I now see, as I look back and I learn

And you can't help but find yourself looking at Evangeline, seeing the falts in her facade. She is a woman of emotion, after all, and the way she squints her eyes and lifts her chin when she looks at Maven gives away everything. You just observe her from afar, seeing her take your place by his side. And it doesn't hurt you as it should. He does not love her. You know that. It's the one thing you know for sure. But the thought of him replacing you is the one thing you fear more than anything. That's why it is so terrifying to see him and pretend you've never felt the sensation of his lips against your own. You can feel the envy and anguish deep in your chest, burning as your mind refuses to let you think of anything else.

You'd like to think you've never lost him.

All the hurt and the pain I found

Sinking into me, deeply now

You remember one of the last things he said to you.

"One day, I'm going to get married. And it's not going to be with you."

"Obviously," you smile, "I'm not naive, Maven."

"Yes, yes, I know. But how would you feel? What would you do?"

You pause, almost seeing the reason he would ask something like this.

"What would I do?" You repeat the phrase over and over in your head. What would you do?

You know what you should have done. You should have cherished him more than you did. You should have been happy with what you had before it became ruined. And it feels worse the more you think of it.

Found that nothing could hurt me more, than what I feel now

And it's something you can never take back. You can never apologize because your words will never make it past the ears you used to whisper into. 

But you still find a way to be near him.

You take your time in fixing his collar, watching as he stares unblinkingly into your eyes. He ignites a conversation in the few seconds you two manage to catch each other alone. Alone? For some reason, it feels better alone. Like there's a connection both of you can't address. Something there so forbidden and so most overwhelming. But you both know it's there. You know he knows it's there.

Even all the heartache, all that crying

Even all the hurting, like I'm dying

"Greetings," you smile as you lower your head in polite to the king. He smirks, almost admiring the movement. And you can see the light twitch in his jaw when you straighten yourself up again.

"Good evening." 

You both walk side by side, nearly shoulder to shoulder. You can feel his warmth. But you're not sure he's emanating heat.

And you are grateful for this moment, getting to walk next to him. Getting to exist on his level, even if only for seconds at a time. 

Seconds at a time indeed, as he parts the minute Evangeline walks by. It makes your lips pursed. But you're happy. You realize the feeling inside of you. It's happiness. Convivial by nature.

I remember every second with you, and I loved it, everything

You fan yourself with the fan Maven gifted you long ago. The design is a beautiful drip of greys and blues. You can't stop looking at it. And now, as you sit across from him at the dinner table, neither can he. He stares at you and you stare back. 

All you can do is push the food around your plate as the butterflies in your stomach refuse to go away. You miss dinners like this with Maven smiling.

"Look into my eyes," he would ask you as you would nervously blush while looking down.

And you would look up. And he'd smile.

"Absolutely beautiful."

He would say.

Even now remaining is that bitter 

Scent of lemon, that'll never leave

And it's bitter, the feeling you get when you see him with her. A feeling that washes away every little while, but still comes back as it did in days of yore. You've always been protective. But you've learned to let your guards down when he doesn't belong to you anymore.

And you hate how the feeling lingers, the lingering ring in your head when you lean back and access the situation around you. You think about how many things you could have changed. How much more beautiful everything would be if could just put aside your heart and allow yourself to think more logically. How tragic the Cinderella is as she tries to fall for a Romeo.

Tracing out the lines, your back, inside a dark so deep and blind

"How has your day been, my king." You tease, remembering how he longs to be referred to as such. The corner of his lip curls into a grin before he replies.

"Delightful, gratefully." 

"I'm glad to hear that, Maven." 

You said the response to quickly for your own liking. It was like a reflex. 

Your shoulders tightened and your fists clenched. But he didn't seem to notice, or care - perhaps. 

What are you even doing now? What are you seeing all around?

"And I was wondering if you would like to assist me in my chambers until the moonlight decides to go to pass the horizon."

His smile loomed over your figure. It almost taunting. Like the devil reaching out his hand to shake yours. 

And your body felt like it was covered in ice. It was an odd sensation, but something you almost longed to feel more.

Even if you're somewhere out there, hiding

"Of course, whatever you need." You give him a light curtesy before gracefully letting him lead you to his room.

You nearly grab his hand as you stroll by his side. You wonder if he would let you. How magical that would be, yes? Or if he grabbed your hand. Perhaps - slamming you against the wall, his lips dancing all over the flesh of your neck.

No, no thoughts like those. You need to think of the present. Not the past.

Drowning in the pain, is it still hurting you just like its hurting me?

His room is exactly how you remembered it, but maybe a little bit cleaner. You would not have predicted this by the sight of his face - the hollowness and shadows that have appeared. Maybe now that he's king the servants will tend to care about him more. At least he has somebody to care about him. Ever since his mother decided that you weren't enough for him.

But I'm really hoping you forget me, 

And he took off his gloves with his teeth, something you never get tired of seeing. And the two of you lock eyes, his bright blue iris's making you quake. It feels so weird being alone with him after what feels like years - though must be like months. Months. Months without Maven. The thought of it at the time seemed impossible. You thought you'd die without him. And maybe you did.

But now he holds you close, almost like he never had forgotten how much he loved you in days of yore. It almost feels like a dream. His warmth, just like you imagined, hugging you so tightly you could almost collapse into the bliss and sleep forever in his grasp. 

It's almost too good to be true.

Please just forget it, everything

From the bottom of my empty heart, I'm hoping every day

Maybe this is wrong. Maybe this isn't what the ides had in store for you. Maybe the way the heartbreak had occurred altered the entire timeline. Though, if that is the case, maybe this is how it was supposed to end. But now it feels like the beginning again. 

And after a seconds pause, for you to consider your most timeline-altering decision, you decide to place your lips on his. 

And you thought you knew how he'd react.

Like I thought, those days you stood by me

You thought he would have longed for you the same way you longed for him. You thought him - deep in your mind, of remembering you. You wished this with all of your heart. For him to realize he knew - or even caring to realize at all. 

But no.

Because nothing here resembles the fairytale you used to live in.

And that boy is nothing like the Maven you knew.

But they're not, and hope I won't forget 

That one truth, since it's all I have left

He pulled back, his fingers on his lips and a surprised look on his face. His face went silver as he his fingers brushes his skin. You swore you could see the corners of his mouth rise before he turns away, leaving you speechless. You didn't expect him to pull away, nevertheless look joyful as he does. 

You want to reach out and put a hand on his shoulder but you fight the urge. Is he what you want right now? The comfort of a past lover that resides somewhere in his memory.

"(Y/N)," he says with nostalgia-laced in his tone.

"Yes?"

"Mind if we do that again?"

Even now, you still remain, you are my light that never fades