(I love IAMX so there will be a lot of these HOLLA

If I don't cry writing this then who am I bc this song is really sad

Holy shit wait until I do a songfic for "This Will Make You Love Again" bc I was listening to IAMX when reading War Storm and once I got the sad ending part that song started playing and I cried

So holy shit

Bisexual reader so be warned

This fic is a mess)

You walked into the world

You and Maven were both born under similar circumstances. An older sibling that will always shine instead of you and a mother than wanted nothing but to torture you. As the daughter of the Welle house, you were immediately set up for high expectations, even as you were born around the same time as Maven. Almost like your parents planned it. 

As a superhuman boy and girl

You first met Maven at a young age, talking and meeting with him with nervousness. Cal talked to Heron, even as they were never truly meant for each other. Everybody knows who will eventually be the queen of Norta. 

Evangeline and Heron grew to be your friend, too. Them and their nymph sisters. You never liked nymphs, which was the first thing you and Maven had in common. But apparently, you both grew to view nymphs differently.

In the blinking of your eyes

I was born and sold

By your manifesto

During the Queenstrial, you showed your best ability, even though you never really needed to. You knew Maven was going to pick you. Like the seeds you planted in his heart, you two grew to love each other. Just like your father wanted. Just like Elara distasted. Because she knew that eventually, you would fall just like everybody else.

It's a cruel world for small things

But a girl took your place on the throne. You were insanely angry, wanting nothing but that place next to Maven. You can't believe your place on the throne was lost to a dirty Red.

"I want to kill her." You whisper to Maven, grabbing his hands with your gloved ones. Your legs are sprawled across his lap before he holds you to his chest, bringing you closer to him. He kisses your forehead with sweet lips.

"No, no, no." He coos into your ear. He brushes his fingers through your hair, his eyes filled with satisfaction. The sight burns its way into your mind. Eyes filled with satisfaction grew to be your fear.

You enjoy the feeling of his hands on you. It's relaxing. It's a feeling you never thought you would ever feel again ever since a Red stole him from you.

But with lies and luxuries

"Mareena." You repeat her name, your hand still tingly after shaking her hand. You can practically feel the power surging through her. She smiles. It's a horribly fake smile. 

"I won't steal him from you, I promise." Without all of the people or cameras on her, Mareena is the opposite of what Elara wants her to be. A Silver would never say something like that, especially with the person of talk standing right by there side and not yours. 

Maven lets out a sigh through his nose, a small grin forming on his face. He looks down at her, his eyes coated with a feeling you have never seen before. Jesus Christ, you turn away before you can see anything more that can break your heart deeper. This can't be happening, not with her. Not with a snake Red.

In the in-between

You can be happy

"There's nothing you can do," Wren whispers, her fingers dancing through your hair. Her blue-black skin tingles your senses, the way she breathes against your body healing you in a way her fingers could never. You grab her waist, pulling her small body closer to you.

If that's the game Maven wants to play with Mareena, you can play, too.

You love the feeling of Wren's fingers against yours. It's a sort of warmth Maven can never come to control. It's the sort of warmth that is warmed than any Calore.

Is this making Maven happy? Is he happy?

You put me in a cage

Seeing Maven with that girl scares you to death. You stopped attending the balls and special occasions, you kept to yourself in the castle. And as all of the other girls left, Wren sadly included, you were alone. You didn't want to leave as Maven also wanted to keep you by his side. He trapped you in the cage of a love, where he can't decide between you or her. If he doesn't want to make the decision, you practically force yourself to make it for him.

In the daily maze of flesh and rage

"Are you happy?" You ask Maven, your voice louder than the sound of the explosions and bullets raging through the ballroom only mere moments before. The room heats up, his flesh going silver with pure rage. He wants to grab you, shove you against the wall and kiss you harder than he ever had. But all he can do is clench his fist, scream against the flowers blossoming in his gut as he resents the thought of yelling at you.

"ARE YOU HAPPY?"

The words echo down the hall, your rage flying through the ears of queens and servants alike. Suddenly, the sound of distant birds and servants scrambling ceased, and everything went quite.

You wipe your nose on your sleeve before storming out of the door, making sure to slam it on your way out. 

That I will follow every truth

I won't let you go

You didn't leave the castle immediately. You stayed for a few days after, longing for the touch of Maven. He's always running around with that little rat. It only makes you despise him more.

He drew the last straw himself. He killed his father, his own father. You couldn't believe it. It was Cal, he begged. You know Maven like the back of your hand, yet you also know Cal. You've spent your entire life with both of them. There's no way Cal could do that to his father. But Maven...

Maven was a monster, you knew that. But you still couldn't let him go. He was engaged to Evangeline, yet you still stayed by his side. 

He picked everybody over you, but you were still loyal to his crown. 

You were there for him when his fucking mother died and yet he chose everybody other you.

He took Mare back into his grasp, but you were still loyal to his crown.

He brought a Lakelander nymph into the castle, but you still tried to be loyal to his crown.

But it was too much.

I want every tomorrow

During the wedding, when lightning fought with water, you witnessed the deaths of many of your friends. Samson died before your eyes, and you almost screamed. But you can't show mercy. Not to the Scarlet Guard, who you sided with immediately. 

You brought Cal into your grasp, hugging him tightly as he rocked you back and forth. You smiled with his warmth, warmth the was everything compared to Maven's cold heart. He accepted you, even when most didn't. You needed this escape, escape from Maven and Wren. Escape from your sweet release.

It's a cruel world for small things

But with lies and luxuries

Sometimes you awake with sweat rolling down your face and your vocal cords fried from all of the screamings you do in the night terrors. It's the pressure of knowing that one day Maven will come for you, just like he does for everybody. In your dreams, you can feel his dark curls between your fingers. The thought of that monster being real - and still living in your heart - terrifies you. Cal is the one to burst into your room, craddling you in his arms. He remembers when he used to do the same to Maven before he stopped dreaming. 

You, his childhood friend, are the only one who he knows understands his hope for Maven. You've known Maven since practically toddlers, you understand how he isn't entirely his mother's son. Yet, at the same time, you've seen him as the monster he is today. You try not to think of either version of Maven, but when your mind slips to bliss, he's the first thought you see. And yet, when your mind slips to night terrors and hallucinations, it's the same thing. 

What is wrong with you?

You can be happy

"You can be happy," Cal whispers into your ear, holding you tightly. He rubs warm circles into your back, and for a second, he feels like Maven. You open your eyes. All you can see are icy blue eyes that are filled with satisfaction. Terror reeks out of your pours as you try to get away from the monster in your head. You scream, throwing yourself back. 

"(Y/N)." You open your eyes widen then they were. You can see Wren, holding out her hand to you. You don't know if it's real. But Cal stands next to her, and Mare, and Farley. It's almost too real. The feeling of the cold wind becomes nonexistent as you stare at the moon. It's too real.

"(Y/N), you're bleeding." Wren crawls to your side, placing her fingers on your head. Instead of flinching away, you lean into her touch. Her touch is cold. And you like the cold.

And now I am afraid

Piedmont is cold yet warm at the same time. You didn't admire the environment as everybody else did. You just walked, as a silent shell, next to Cal. You held his hand, not as a boyfriend and a girlfriend, but as a toddler with their older brother. You lost your older sister when you remained loyal to Maven, and now you're scared to lose Cal. 

You don't care about all of the looks Mare gives you. You don't give a shit about her, mainly. She's still a little lightning girl, in your head. She's still a useless rat.

And as time went on, you refused to go into fight. You stayed behind with Carmadon, him teaching you lessons on cooking you never truly cared about. It was better than risking your life on the field, in danger. You want to lay low. You don't want Maven to suffer another heartbreak.

But the offer, the offer to join Farley and Cal and everybody you've grown to love in a less than friendly conversation with Maven Calore.

You will blossom soon

"Are you okay?" Cal asks, squeezing your hand tightly. You've always hated dropjets, but the feeling of his hands against yours keep you calm, at ease. You try to fight away your fear, but it's hard.

As soon as grass hits your feet you want to go back. You realize what's happening. It suddenly hits you. Maven Calore. You can practically see him from here.

A lump forms on your throat. How could you let him go, but still love him? You can feel your heart blossoming like a flower.

The grass around you tickles your ankles from under your cloak. It's unbearable. You pick up a stray flower, holding it into your hand. The indigo flower is beautiful, you keep it on you, hiding it under your sleeve as you begin walking closer to Maven.

With each step, your heart beats more. Until you sit right in front of him, Cal by your side. 

Cal wants to hold your hand, but you refuse, turning away. 

And grow and change

"It feels good seeing you blossom, (Y/N)." He says, sending all eyes towards you. You place your fingers in front of you, twirling the flower between your fingers. You try not to look him in the eyes. You don't want him to know you still care.

But your eyes fall on his, his breath turning icy and his eyes becoming warm. He misses your eyes. He misses your touch. And you feel the same. You almost feel the shudder coming down onto your skin. You squirm under his gaze, sending Cal some worried glances. He notices.

There is so much I can't take

You spend the rest of your time with your head down, your fingers ghostly wrapping around the tips of Cal's. Comfort, not enough for Maven to notice. Hardly. 

But it distresses Mare more than it could fully comfort you. Mare's eyes spark, and you are lucky you breathe in an island of silencers. Even with her distress seeping onto you, the premier is the one that makes you wince in your seat.

"I admit, I didn't expect such deft manipulations from someone so young. But I assume that's how your mother built you, didn't she?"

Your leg jumps up, the muscles of your thigh flinches under his words. You turn your eyes to Maven before opening your mouth, wanting to say something. You aren't made of stone. You aren't made of a mask that can never be broken. You are made of dysfunctional love. You are made of a sense to defend the person you were raised to be with.

"Maven." His name falls from your lips before anyone can stop it. You clench the flower, bending its stem.

"Is that for me?" He echoes, his voice suddenly soft. That's the Maven you know. The soft one, the one not made from his mother. You almost arch your back from the sudden pain in your chest.

Cal looks at him, hearing the same Maven you did.

"Yes, he is what she made him," Mare says, "no matter who he was meant to be. That person is completely gone." Everybody agrees with her. Everybody except you and Cal, who just stare at each other. He grabs your hand, and you squeeze it tight.

But I will understand

I will open my hand

As the rest rustle off of their chairs, you remain seated for only a second. You drop the flower onto the ground, watching as the crooked creature lands calmly in front of Maven.

"A present, your highness." You mock before turning around. Why didn't he just surrender, come to your terms? Now, the worst is to come. Is this his fault, or yours?

And as the rumbling of Iris's attack on Maven screams out, you don't turn your back.

You can be happy

He's by your feat, his power stripped away. Why aren't you happy? This was what you wanted, the person terrorizing you to be free of all villainous deeds. But you look him in the eyes, this is the man you were meant to marry; meant to love. How could you hate him? Even behind his crimes, and his satisfied eyes.

You can be happy

Once he reaches the grasps of Cal, Maven sinks to a knee and runs a hand through his curly hair, and you can practically feel those locks tangled in your fingertips. A breath escapes your lips, and Maven looks at you with his crystal eyes. 

You can be happy

"Are you happy?" He asks with his eyes on you. His voice resembles the sweet whispers he used to coo into your ear late at night when everything was happy. You know who the question is for. And it hurts. 

He spits blood, silver dripping from his lips. Those sweet, sweet lips. 

Nobody says a word.

You take a step closer to Maven, taking a side next to Cal. You look down at him. This is it, isn't it? This is all you wanted.

You can be happy

"Are you happy?" He asks again, his voice becoming desperate. Desperate, like yours, was on that night. Maven can hear the rage of your voice just like it was yesterday. It's what haunts him at night. And still, with all the rage you feel towards him, he still wants to hold you close. To take you back. 

Suddenly, breathing makes it worse. Tears form in the corner of your eyes. You don't know what to do. Nothing you do will make you look better to the Scarlet Guard, to Cal... to Wren. 

All you can do is watch as Julian sings to him, making him close his mouth, unable to communicate to you. 

You turn around as Farley steps closer to him. You can't bear the sound of his knees hitting the floor. You can't bear the sound of him being forced to surrender his life. 

There's nothing I can't do