(modern Bb

the 198th OH BOY

THE NEXT ONE

HOLY SHIT

BE PREPARED

BECAUSE THE 199TH AND 200TH IS APART OF THE SAME SERIES. 

DON'T CRY BC  I WILL)

They always laugh at you but you never try to fight back

You've noticed Maven since he was a child. He has been in the same house and same neighborhood since childhood. And so have you. It's almost unfair. You've witnessed all of the bullying and pain he endured since he couldn't match his halfbrother, Cal. Even in the halls of high school does this torment remain. You only watch. You are not confident in yourself enough to get in the middle of it.

And although you tried your best you could never guess

You and Maven are not friends, but almost there. You talk a couple of times a week and the fact that you have known each other since babies also help build your relationship. But you two are very separate people with separate friends. You don't want to imagine what would happen if your world collided. 

It would all be swept away by the rain

But in the sweet moment on a rainy winter day, all of your concerns went away. Maven was sitting alone, waiting for his bus ride home. Usually, your parents would drive you from school to home. Though, today you are forced to take the bus home, which is the bus stop Maven uses. You see him standing alone through the thick rain and you almost feel bad. He looks down, not paying attention to your presence. All of the other students around you walk past with their phones in their hands, smiling to themselves. But you don't have your phone and your umbrella is the only thing that can make you smile.

I knew by a print or two that umbrella had

You stand next to Maven, rocking back and forth on your feet. He continues looking down, his hands in his pocket and his mind somewhere else. You twist your umbrella, printed with the sun on the arch, before covering him with it. He looks up, noticing the lack of rain. His blue eyes staring up at the umbrella with wonder. You think it's so cute. You never truly looked at the details of his face until that moment. His face, long and hallow, was drained of all color and hope. You remember a time where his eyes could replace the deepest seas. Now, as he looks into your eyes, you can see the dullness of them. 

Gone to something like a stray trapped in the rain

"Thanks," he finally says after a long period of you two staring. You smile at him. Your warm cheeks make him widen his eyes. He felt a weird sensation in his heart that he never felt before. You were the nicest person to him, even if all you did was as simple as covering him from the rain. To him, it was the world. He always remembered that moment and savored it like it was his rebirth. 

And then you stood close to him, sheltering you both from the rain. Your shoulder against his makes him close his eyes tightly, wishing he could stay there all night next to you. There's nobody else around, and it's just the two of you. And it's sweet like that, in only silence. 

It's just another day when they hate you being alive

At the school, the next morning Maven watched you from across the cafeteria. You played with all of your friends, smiling every second of their time. You seemed to be having so much fun. He wishes he could dream like you can. Instead, he can only sit alone mere tables away from you as he watches you have fun without him. 

With no reason to be kept at a distance from 

them when every time you tried your hardest

For the entire school day, Maven tried to find a way to get to you. Everywhere you went you were covered in your friends. He didn't want to interrupt you. He didn't want to embarrass you. He knows the boundaries between you and him and what he cannot pass. 

You notice Maven, too. You want to speak to him but your friends never fail to drag you somewhere far away from him. It's like they want you to keep your distance. You stared at him while your friends walked you to class and he walked to his. It made you sad. What world can you be with him? Why is it so hard?

"What did I do to make them all want to leave me behind?" 

And when you don't understand you end up wanting to be alone

Maven stands alone at the bus stop again. There is no rain but it's still raining for him. He has his hood up even when the sun calls out his name. There's a constant beeping in his head, occupying his ears from the distance whispers of students walking home. They pass him like he never existed. He exists like he never existed. But he wanted it this way, and when he didn't let anybody into his life, this is what he got. 

But then every day after that, you showed up at the bus stop to greet him. You looked like the sun on a rainy day, where it shows another path through the darkness. 

Suddenly, Maven didn't want to be alone.

But you wouldn't give up 

Surely getting better every day that goes by

You talked to him about stories of your childhoods. As you continued talking day after day, you never truly learned anything about each other. You never talked about how you felt or what you were interested in, you just talked about memories. It's almost like the both of you didn't want to admit the differences. Talking like this almost seemed normal.

You thought about him every day of your life and you hung out with your friends. Separate worlds, you remind yourself, separate worlds. It's horrible that this is the only thing keeping you apart, but it's the most real thing to you. You almost accept your death everytime you stand next to him anyways. You know that one day you won't be able to talk to him by the bus anymore. 

Because slowly, you are losing your hearing. You have a hearing aid on at all times, but as you get older, the hearing aids will cease to work. You might lose your hearing forever. You haven't told anybody except your close friends. You don't want to tell Maven. And as you have been taking sign language since grade 6th, you fear that nobody else has. You fear Maven will leave you.

In an instant, you can make me sing for just you and I 

So keep your words 

"Do you want to come over?" Maven asks you one day. You have your backpack in your lap on the bus as you sit next to Maven, trapped between him and the window. He looks down at you with his dark eyes that seemed to have lightened over the months. Cold air escapes from your lips as you part them, wondering what to say. 

"Of course," you eventually let out. He smiles brightly before returning his gaze to the window next to him. 

And let me sing for the world to hear

"Your room is the most emo thing I've ever seen in my life," you express loudly as you put your bag down next to his door. He closes it from behind him, laughing so quietly that you couldn't hear. You thought he ignored you and you turned around, ready to apologize. But you see him with a big smile on his face.

"My room reflects me," he walks closer to you, stepping in front of you with a grin. Your heart skips a beat as you realize how close you two are, and alone.

"I can tell." You joke as you back away, gazing at the multiple band posters overlapping each other. It's interesting to see Maven's life and what it is rather than knowing that he's just a teenage boy who's lonely. 

He looks at you, reflecting on all of the years you two have spent together. 

And all those times you wanted to cry and scream

As he thinks about his childhood, you think about how you're going to tell him your hearing will disappear. You have common sense, and you know he's not going to leave you. But there is a possibility that that might happen. 

"And I suspect your room is the uttermost opposite?" He teases while sitting on his bed. You look at his long bookshelf, taking in all of his collections. Not in the slightest, you want to answer. 

"Very," you lie. You look at him, examining the way his hair falls into his face. You take a step closer to him. He relaxes in his place. 

"You seemed to like my books," you glancing behind you to the novels you were closely observing moments before. You think of all of the classics you've read in your time. You loved books, and mostly the same one's Maven reads. 

You stop walking centimeters away from Maven, you're practically standing between both of his legs. Your heart stops as you look into his face. He is the most beautiful person you've ever seen. He smiles at you, a charming smile that you somehow missed. 

I'll never let them hurt you again for saying what you feel

"I love books," you whisper. You brush a piece of his hair behind his ear, leaning close to him. His heart beats faster than it ever had. He's never kissed anybody before. This would be the first, alone in his room with the brightest person in the world. You kiss him slowly, enjoying the sensation of his cheeks against your hands. His mouth tastes like the rain while yours taste like the sun. 

He puts his hands behind your back, and in one swooping motion, pulls you to the side of him where your legs rest in your lap. You giggle against him before intertwining your fingers in his hair. He puts one hand under your thigh and rocks you while kissing your hypnotizing lips. 

And then you hear the voices of that "Odds and Ends " sound

When he pulls away, he looks into your eyes with a passion you've never seen. You stare back. Everything is suddenly too real. The vibrations clicking of the distant clock in the hall. The way the tiny microscopic hairs of his skin brush against your fingerprints. You can't hear his breathing, you can't hear the quiet laughter from his lips. You remind yourself of your hearing. 

Let me hear it loud, the power of your voice

"I'm deaf," you blurt out loud enough for yourself to hear. He almost drops you from your surprising yelp. He blinks rapidly, trying to think about what you just said. Your breath quickens. Yet, you feel a relief. 

"You're deaf?" He asks. He doesn't let you go, he doesn't make you sit on your own. He continues to hold him close to you.

And now they praise you for being yourself so don't give in

"I mean, I'm not 100 percent deaf, but I will be in like - a year." You admit. He pulls you into a hug, letting you wrap your arms around his neck. You can hear the vibrations of his voice against your neck but you can't hear a single word. 

"What?" You ask, trying not to sound too helpless. In response, he puts his lips close to your ear.

"It doesn't matter to me." He says. 

But then one day, you changed into something that you're not 

And since they don't understand, you end up wanting to be alone

You hold him tightly, closing your eyes in relief. You thought he was going to leave you. Honestly, deep down, you did. Your chest, once tight enough to take away your air, let you breathe again. And then, Maven falls back. His back and your shoulder hit the bed, making you both laugh. He looks at you, staring at your lips until you felt it necessary to kiss him again.

But a whisper is starting without a sound

Your attention span at school has gotten worse. And at this point, you can barely hear the friends around you. All you can do is look at Maven, wondering if he's the only one who will accept you at this point. And as the days go by, that truth becomes more and more real to you.

"Are you going to learn sign language?" You ask as you walk up to Maven after school. He looks at you, his eyes reflecting all of his knowledge on the subject before getting quiet.

"Because you are going to have to. I can't read lips. And even though yours are quite extraordinary, I don't wanna be staring at them for years." Years. Your words echo through Maven's head. He looks out onto the street slowly. He feels guilty for not knowing sign language. Even though there has been no reason for him to, he does feel a bit guilty.

You touch his arm, gaining his attention. He leans into your touch. 

"I love you," you sign once you make eye contact with him. He just shrugs, smiling with sympathy. You smile.

And you would cry, but why insist on crying all alone?

You: I went to the doctors today

You text Maven, as your parents scramble around the house. You snap next to your ear, not hearing anything other than the blood swirling in your skull. 

He is quick to respond.

Maven: Are you officially deaf forever?

You laugh. You told him about the appointment months before it came. He thought about it every day, worried about it more than you were. 

You: yes

You admit to yourself. It felt weird to text. It's like you were accepting your death.

You didn't even feel the tears on your cheeks until they fell onto your phone. It feels like your life is over. How are you going to live? You knew this was going to happen. It just feels... so surreal.

Hey, can you hear? I'm calling you

Sometimes Maven forgets. And he laughs at himself. Like sometimes, while sitting on the bus, he'll just talk to you. And it's only when you place a hand on his thigh does he remember you can't hear a word he's saying. He's learning sign language, of course, and he's picking up on it quite well. He doesn't know enough to form articulate sentences but at least he's trying, you console yourself. You can talk to nobody. Not even your parents. You're mostly alone as everybody tries to prove themselves to be on your side of things. 

And know for now, you're not alone 

A heart so big it crumbles slowly with every passing day

"Hello," Maven signs. You smile before high-fiving him. The bus stop has been your annual meeting to the point where you told your parents to not pick you up anymore. Maven grabs your hand, holding it in his own.

"More sign?" You ask verbally. He nods. Then, taking his hand from yours, he gives you the one handed sign for I love you. He looks at you with unease, wondering if he's doing it right. 

"I love you, too," you sign back to him with a big smile. He wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly before kissing you. It all happened so fast. You feel happier than you have in awhile. You remember your love for Maven, and why he was the person who stole your heart.

The beauty in this life 

All the loneliness and happiness

You pull away from the kiss. "I love you, too." You whisper in his ear. He nods, smiling to you like a star. You never heard the rain again, and frankly, neither did he.