I work three days in a row at Blue Moon—through all of which I hardly get an explanation out of Abby about her sudden disappearance Sunday. She responds to my texts hours after I send them with only a few words at a time, and whenever I try to call her, she messages me that she can't talk right now and tacts on some excuse.

I text Harvey over the three days as well, but we always seem to miss each other. When I get off work, he's already shifted for the evening and doesn't get back to the pack house until after I've gone to bed. I try to occupy my mind outside of work by keeping up-to-date with college preparations and watching seminars for incoming freshmen on my laptop. But after three nights of lying in bed, I quickly get fed up.

I shut my laptop and grab my phone from the mess of blankets around me. Without overthinking, I text Abby that I want to see her tomorrow and that we have a lot to talk about since she's been avoiding me.

Four minutes later, my phone buzzes. She asks if I want to sun tan tomorrow on the dock.

"Finally," I murmur to myself and send a 'yes.'

We make plans for me to go to her house at noon, so the next day, I pack a tote bag with my beach towel, sunscreen, and sunglasses, and get into my car wearing my swimsuit under my clothes. I pull up to her house right on time and don't bother knocking on the door. I take my stuff and walk around her house to Lake Moody and the small dock we've spent every summer on for the past decade.

Abby's already there. She hasn't shed her clothes or laid out her towel, but she looks up from her phone and sees me heading over.

"Hey," I call and step onto the dock's worn panks.

She wraps her arms around her folded legs, sitting near the edge. "Hey."

I set my bag down and sit with her. We're quiet for a moment—she tightens her curly ponytail and grabs her folded towel to set up—but after thirty seconds of pretending nothing's wrong, I can't hold back.

"So what's going on? I know something's up."

"Yeah. I know. I'm sorry, I didn't want it to seem like I was avoiding you, it just ended up that way."

"What happened then? Is everything alright?"

Abby toys with the hem of her towel. "Everything's fine. Sunday, Alo and I had to go find Cory; he was just out in the mountains, shifted with Delsin like I thought."

"That's it? Is he okay?"

"There's also been pressure from my parents about my pack assessment in three weeks. I just... I don't know. I guess reality is hitting me that I'm going to be a part of the active pack really soon, and it's...a lot."

I run my hands down my crossed legs and itch my knee. "You know you could have told me. If you needed space, I would've given it."

"I know. Everything was just too much, and I needed to fall off the face of the earth for a few days, that's all."

"How are you feeling now?"

Abby forces a smile. "Better. I'm trying to climb my way out of it."

"Well, you left me alone with Liberty for way too long," I say, changing the subject to something that might help lift her mood. "She took me on a tour of the house and went into Harvey's room like it was hers."

"Did she really?" Abby asks, showing a flicker of her usual self.

I bring my fingers to my temples. "Oh my God, Abby. I wish you could have heard her. First, she was taking all these subtle jabs at Dakota," I drop my hands, "and then she was talking to me all cryptically about being mated and not being serious enough and—oh, marking? You never mentioned anything about marking."

"Oh jeez, right. It's not my favorite werewolf tradition. I was kind of hoping it would die out by the time I was of mateable age."

"But you actually bite each other?"

Abby nods. "Usually on the neck or shoulder area. Some people hide them in more discreet places, though."

"Doesn't it hurt?"

"You'd think so, but I dunno. I've heard mixed reviews."

"Well, Liberty also went on about me being in danger by being close to the pack," I say, deciding to test the topic.

Abby unfurls her towel, laying it mostly flat. "Like she was going to do something?"

"I don't think so. She said the pack deals with scary shit, and I shouldn't get involved because I can't defend myself."

"I'm sure she was talking about the wolves."

I stand up to undress. "It just didn't seem like that. It was like she was talking about something else having to do with the active pack's duties. She said I would never know what Harvey does all day."

"It's not like I know what they do all day either. The scariest thing I can think of them doing is fighting a bear."

"Maybe she thinks a bear is going to kill me then," I say as I take off my shirt and shorts. I then lay my towel next to hers and am ready to lather on sunscreen, yet I pause. "There is that rule about not shifting at night, though."

"It's precautionary while those under eighteen are training their wolves."

"But you see really well in the dark."

Abby shrugs and sets her clothes aside, now covered poorly by a striped bikini. "Maybe it's just one of those rules they put on us to keep the active pack duties attractive—like it's something to look forward to, a special privilege to incentivize us to take part in the tradition instead of going off to school and living a human existence."

"You don't think the pack is keeping bigger secrets?"

"There are some secrets, sure." She takes my sunscreen to use it first since I'm dallying. "I'm bound to hear lots of shit after I pass my assessment."

"But big things. A big secret," I urge. "They were able to keep the truth of what you are from you until your parents wanted you to know. Who's to say they don't hide other, life-changing stuff too?"

"I told you how I felt about all that Sunday; there's nothing else. And as far as keeping big secret goes, Alo would have cracked and told me if the pack was hiding something crazy the second he passed his assessment and they told him."

"Are you sure?" I question, not finding her argument about Alo convincing. He just may be as loyal to the pack as he is to his family.

"I'm sure." She hands me the sunscreen. "Can you put some on my back?"

I motion for her to turn around, so I can lather on the sunscreen. As I'm working around and under the straps of her top, I notice over the lake's vegetation, a truck is coasting down her street and stopping at her house. Harvey's truck.

"Harvey's here," I mutter, totally distracted.

"Is he?" Abby peers over the bulrush at the top of the slope.

Two car doors slam and I see Harvey and Alo walking towards the house.

"Maybe they're grabbing something," she says. "Are you gonna say hi or keep observing him from afar like a true-crime stalker?"

I make a face at her, and when I look back, Harvey spots me—or more realistically, my head and shoulders—so I instinctively duck under the rush.

"Mia, what the—"

"Is he coming?" I ask as I snatch my shirt and hurriedly put it on.

Abby looks down at me. "Yeah, he is, you dork. What are you doing?"

"I don't know," I breathe. I reach for my shorts next but nearly fall over while attempting to put them on in a crouched position, so I sit, bring them up my legs and lie back to slide them over my butt.

Abby chuckles. "He can't see you in a bikini?"

"Uh, no. No—not yet." I button my jean shorts and sit up. "How close is h—"

Harvey appears at the end of the dock, so I morph my question into a simple, "Hi."

"You swimming?" He asks as he comes down the dock. I nod. "Isn't it cold?"

"Not as bad as you think," Abby says.

I get up. "We swim here every summer, so..."

Harvey glances back at the house. "Alo and I are just stopping by before we head off into the mountains. Hopefully I won't be out as late, so maybe if you're still up later, I can come see you."

"Yeah, I don't work tomorrow, so I should be awake."

"I'll text you then. Have fun swimming."

"We will," Abby says, and he turns to leave.

She shoves me playfully, amused by my unnecessary struggle, but we straighten our backs like soldiers and smile when Harvey has one last look before heading up the hill.

I drop to the dock the second Abby and I are alone.

"So you're seeing him later?" Abby taunts. "He coming to your house or what?"

I flop onto my back, already equal parts anxious and excited for what could happen between us with no one else around. The last time Harvey and I were alone, we were on the pack house deck, and things got very serious very quickly.

***

I wake abruptly to a vibration under my head.

My bedroom is dark, and I'm on top of my duvet, face down with my Harvey-ready clothes on. Confused, I feel the blankets for my phone, find it, and check the time.

I had everything planned out. Abby and I swam and tanned for three hours, drove to the cafe for a pick-me-up and a snack, and then drove her home so I could have ample time to prepare for Harvey's text later.

I showered, shaved, lotioned, ate dinner, painted my nails, and exhausted myself, so I...lied down.

My phone screen illuminates, blinding me and blaring that it's just past midnight. Harvey's text is also there asking if I'm awake. I rub my eyes and turn onto my side.

I guess he wasn't able to finish his shift earlier, but I don't want to wait until tomorrow or the next day in hopes that will change. I want to see him now, so I unlock my phone and confirm that I'm up.

While I wait for his response, I turn on my salt lamp and spritz on perfume which leads to me checking myself in the mirror and second-guessing my choice of clothes and lack of a hairstyle. I put my hair in a ponytail, and take it out. I try a bun and take that out too. Wanting to solve whatever's throwing me off about my look, I switch my pants instead, no longer finding my cute sweats cute. I pull on a pair of leggings and then contemplate wearing shorts because I've caught him looking at my legs before.

Since he still hasn't replied to my text, I entertain the idea and try on my comfortable shorts, a pair that fits snugly but is made of a nice, stretchy material. I picture myself walking to his truck as I pose in my mirror.

Maybe I should wear a more flattering top, too. It's not like I'm in a bikini or anything, and I may as well look good.

I try on a fitted T-shirt that's just long enough to cover my stomach, yet I find myself tugging at it anyway. Not keen on messing with the hem while I'm with Harvey, I reach for something else, an action promptly interrupted by a knock on my window. I jump out of my skin and spin around.

Harvey's on the roof.

Swept up in disbelief, I pad towards the window next to my desk while staring at him through the glass. I unlatch the window pane and slide it up.

"You're on my roof," I say, my surprise not readily receding.

"I thought it would be easier than trying to sneak me through the front door."

I back up as Harvey climbs inside effortlessly. My parents are definitely asleep, and at this hour, Perry has likely succumbed to his pillow as well despite how badly he wants to stay up playing games. We should be fine if we stay in my bedroom with the door closed.

Harvey's eyes immediately rove around my room, and I realize it's in no condition for visitors. He turns briefly to shut my window, so I swiftly yank my bedding smooth and dash to kick the clothes on the floor under my bed.

"I didn't wake you, did I?"

I straighten. "No. I was still awake—just in bed. I didn't think you were going to come in here; I would have cleaned."

His gaze falls down my body.

I tug at my shirt. "I-I would have changed too."

Feeling more exposed by the second, I grab the hoodie draped on the back of my desk chair and slip it on.

"You didn't have to do anything," he says. "I want to see how things usually are."

"Well, usually I'm in sweatpants in bed with my laptop watching TV; it's really not worth the trip."

Harvey smiles in his boyish way and sits on the end of my bed.

"I'm glad you're here, though," I say without thinking.

"You've seen my room at the pack house, now I've seen yours. We're even."

I move to sit with him, agreeing, "We're even."

He turns his body to better face me, so I do the same, lifting my left leg and folding it on the bed. I'm reminded of the dream I had the other morning. Thankfully it's not so dark, and I'm feeling unexpectedly calm.

"You talked to Dakota at the pack house."

"You could hear us, couldn't you?" I ask and pick my memory apart to remember exactly what we said.

His lax smile rekindles. "I heard her ask you if you're a slow burner."

"Oh," I cringe, "of course you did."

"And you said you are with some things."

"Right." I cover my face for a moment, needing to shield my blush.

"I'm not trying to grill you," he says kindly. "I'm just curious."

"I know. I'm sorry, I don't know why I get so embarrassed."

"Don't be sorry."

I take a breath and urge myself to restart. "But, I-I am a slow burner, I guess; it's probably why I don't have much of a dating history. It's rare for me to even have a crush."

"But guys have crushes on you," he says as though it's fact.

I look at my lap. "I dunno. Here and there, maybe."

"Maybe?"

"It's not like it matters. I don't want them." The harshness of my words settles in, so I add, "But I don't mean that in an egotistical sort of way, it's just..."

"You're picky?" He asks, amused.

"Maybe. I can't force something that's not there, so I became content being by myself."

"How do you feel now?"

I bite the inside of my cheek to counter any further blushing. "I'm...happy...with my current situation. I mean, I have a boyfriend after all."

"Right. I never thought I would be someone's boyfriend again."

"Mates just call each other their mate?"

He nods.

"But I like the idea of having a boyfriend."

Harvey leans a touch closer. "You can call me whatever makes you happy."

The tension between us amplifies as I look into his eyes and as he looks right back at mine, but I notice a blip. His attention drops to my mouth for a split second.

I hear the wind's gotten strong, so I say, "It's windy," as though that will save me. "I like windy nights. The trees sound...like the ocean."

Harvey closes the gap between us very slowly. I have every opportunity to turn my head or withdraw, but I can't. I know I would be so angry with myself if I did.

His fingers come under my chin and tilt my head slightly. I balance myself by holding his other arm. The moment his lips brush mine, my heart swells so full I swear it's going to tear. He kisses me with ease—leisurely—and there's no pressure to perform some impressive trick; it's easy to follow his lead.

The kiss is short and sweet, and unlike my first kiss, I actually want to do it again. When Harvey pulls his head back, I gaze up at his face, wondering why it had to end so soon.

"You can't look at me like that right now," he murmurs.

"Why?"

Harvey sighs subtly as he eyes my lips again.

I squeeze his arm, still holding on, and he caresses my cheek, resisting momentarily but ultimately leaning back in. The relaxed pace continues even though our kiss isn't as soft this time—Harvey's mouth envelopes me like he wants more, and in my daze, I can't help but feed into him. I slide closer and let my hand glide up his arm to his shoulder. He grabs my waist, kneading and then holding me down.

I want to be even closer—I could bring my arms around his neck, have our bodies flush with each other's, and comb my fingers through his hair—but he won't let me.

Shockingly, I feel gutsy and excited and fervid, but he's stopping me. I want to tell him that this isn't normal, that I usually don't feel so capable, and that I don't want this opportunity to go to waste. Yet he's pulling away again. He breaks our kiss even though his hands are clamped tight on my hips, and they stay rigid even after we come apart.

Harvey peers at the ceiling then reverts as he says, "I need to go."

It isn't a rude statement, or panicked, or nervous. It feels like he's simply stating the obvious even though it doesn't seem as obvious to me.

My face falls.

He starts to loosen his grip. "Mia..."

"I just..."

"I'll see you tomorrow if you want," he offers, bargaining.

I place my hands over his. "I want you here now."

He drops his head, smiling like something is funny, but I think he's just fighting himself. When he faces me again, I hold his wrists.

"I need you to not make this so hard," he says. "I know you're probably feeling the bond, and you don't want me to go yet, but I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"We keep missing each other."

He rubs my hips a little before letting go. "I'll see you. Even if I have to climb through your window again."

Harvey stands up, so I do too. I look past him at the window he'll be disappearing through, and then I contemplate doing something wild—a last-ditch effort to keep him—but I know I can't. He must be right; the mate bond is making me especially clingy.

Harvey brings his arms around me for a parting hug. I close my eyes and enjoy his embrace that retreats all too soon. He runs his hand over my head, stroking my hair and caressing my jaw before his touch falls away. He must feel the sway of the bond too because he can't seem to stop touching me.

All he'd have to say is that he doesn't want to go, and I'd bring him in my bed and snuggle him like a giant teddy.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he says softer.

Disappointment surges within me, but I know it's for the best. It's not practical to have him here overnight in my family's house where my mom tends to check in on me, and where Perry comes bursting in whenever there's an issue with his electronics or the wifi. Being caught in the morning with a boy in my bed would be horrifying, so I have to be realistic and let Harvey go.

I wait by the window while he climbs out onto the roof, and I watch him drop below the edge like a stuntman. I stand on my tippy toes to see him reappear on the ground and walk to the street, yet his truck isn't on the road. He must have run here shifted.

I go to my other window facing the side of the house and swear I catch a glimpse of a large dark mass heading towards the forest behind the neighbor's fenced-in yard.

When I get in bed and eventually try to sleep after deeply contemplating and reimagining his visit, I struggle to nod off. I rotate through positions and adjust my pillows, but hardly anything comforts me. Nothing can possibly satisfy me when I'm stuck wishing Harvey was lying here with me.

I text Abby in the morning, and, like days prior, hours pass with no answer. We got along well yesterday, and things almost felt like they were back to normal, but something was still off. She seemed distant—distracted. She's never confided in me over her pack assessment before; she's never seemed fazed by it or her decisions for the future. But the approaching due date paired with her eighteenth birthday must be getting to her as she suggested.

Not only is she instated into the active pack and given related responsibilities, but she's also going to be eligible for the mate bond.

I only wish she would let me be there for her; although, it isn't completely unlike her to go a bit cold in times of stress.

Without work to get ready for or plans with Abby to look forward to, I stay cooped up in my room, in my pajamas, and on my phone.

By the way we left things last night, I suspect Harvey will reach out if he gets any free time before his usual shift later, so I refrain from texting him. I need to refrain. I'm worried I came off too needy when he said he should go and I made it very clear how I disagree. And I want to blame my behavior on the bond because I feel embarrassed again. It's like I had been drinking; I didn't care about consequences or appearances.

I sink further into my bed and bring the duvet to my chin.

A knock rumbles against my bedroom door before it glides open. My mom pokes her head in. "Morning."

"Morning," I mumble.

She opens the door some more and leans against the frame. "No work today?"

"No. Not till Sunday."

"Going to see Abby, then?"

I shrug. "I think she's busy. Maybe I'll go to Charolette's and see if there's anything there; we didn't go over the weekend."

"Alright. I'm driving to Bloomington to pick up some stuff for the festival, and then I'm going to Dennise's. Your Dad's picking up Perry after work, and I think he said they're going to the soccer fields, but until then, Perry's playing over at Kyle's. So you have the house to yourself."

"Okay. Sounds good."

I get up and get ready, leaving the house shortly after my mom does. I drive into town to visit my favorite boutique with the gift certificate I got for my birthday, and since it's summer break, the town center is busy for a weekday.

A group of middle-school-aged girls enters the boutique in front of me, and as I browse, I listen to them talk amongst themselves. They hold articles of clothing in the smallest sizes against their bodies and look in the vertical mirrors placed around the store. One of them finds a pair of sunglasses and proceeds to wear them as though she's already purchased them. I'm so entertained, that I don't even notice Lauren, the friendly redhead from Abby's government class.

"Hey," She calls, so I turn. "You're the first person I've seen from school since graduating—well, besides Emma and Jocelyn." Her friends.

I smile. "Technically I saw almost everyone at Tyler's party after graduation, so..."

"You went? How was it?"

"Um. What you'd expect, I guess. You didn't miss much."

She leans on her right leg and pops out her hip. "You're going to Cornell, right?"

"Yeah, and you said you're going where?"

"NYU. I move to the city next month; it's all I can think about. I've so outgrown this town, you know?"

"I know what you mean," I say for the sake of small talk even though I don't totally agree. It's best to keep the conversation simple—I've learned this from work.

Lauren chats to me about NYU while I move through the boutique, making it hard to shop around. I end up leaving empty-handed and in a worse mood than I arrived.

I check my phone once I get in my car: still no text from Abby.

I try to video call her, but she doesn't pick up.

We haven't had such poor communication since she told me she was a werewolf, and I didn't believe her. Both concerned and aggravated, I toss my phone onto my passenger seat and head for her house.

When I turn onto her street and slow in front of her house, I see everyone's car parked in her driveway: hers, her mom's, her dad's, and Alo's. I park against the curb, march right up to her door, and ring the doorbell.

I shuffle back and wait with my arms crossed, but I uncross them when no one answers. Just as I'm about to press the bell again, the door opens, however. Her mom looks through the small gap. "Oh, Mia, it's you."

"Yeah, sorry to bother you, I just haven't been able to get a hold of Abby, and I'm worried something happened."

"I'm afraid she's out shifted; it's why she isn't answering, but if you try to reach her later, I'm sure she'll answer then."

"Oh, okay," I say, finding her mom's behavior out of the ordinary also. "I'll see you later."

Her mom smiles and closes the door once I turn to head back to my car. Previous times when Abby was out shifted, her mom invited me in and told me to wait for her. I usually hung out in Abby's bedroom until she was done.

I get in my car and yank the door shut.

What the hell is going on?