After ten days at the hospital, I wasn't ready to go back "home". I wanted to make sure my family will make some changes for good in order to avoid another incident like that. After getting off the phone with my sister (let's call her Lolly), I knew I had to face my fear of having to break the news to my dad about my staying at Lolly's instead of going back to them.

He wasn't happy at all.

I told him the reason I didn't feel ready and listened as he ranted how upset he felt and such.

"I don't like the idea of you going to Lolly's without my... consent." He said. At least that's what I can recall him saying.

"And that's why I called you. To let you know, papá. Look, I'm just trying to take care of myself like you always tell me to. And I'm doing it by, let's call it, taking a break."

He stayed silent for a short moment. "Alright, you're already eighteen so I'm letting you make your own descition. But keep in mind that your actions always have consequences."

I obviously knew that. I was already smiling and happy as I once again dialed Lolly's phone number and told her I'll be invading her home after all.

It was day one when Lolly and her so chill, laid-back mother, who I fucking adore to death, noticed I was too cautious around the home. Their lifestyle was very easy and relaxing comparing to "the roof", as I call the place I live in. I didn't have to do chores every single day, I didn't have to clean every area perfectly spotless, I didn't have to do the small, easy chores as fast as the speed of sound. They didn't mind me taking my time at all. They didn't care if the cleaning result didn't come perfectly good as new.

I felt like a beaten puppy who just got a new loving home and it's getting used to love and nurture from their sweet, tender new parents.

I had to get used to not be always on edge, keeping my guard up just in case I get yelled at for not doing something right. Lolly had to write down a list of things I shouldn't worry about at all. And that helped. Although, I ended up cleaning the whole kitchen when her mom asked me to clean the dishes.

Lolly obviously told me I didn't had to clean the counters, the stove, and sweep the floor besides just washing the few dishes that laid in the sink.

My response was, "I know, I only did it to show my gratitude. Besides, I'm used to doing everything everyday." I smiled. And it was true, it was a small gesture of gratitude towards Lolly and her mother.

I didn't just do it because I was used to doing the whole routine, I did because I wanted to. I didn't feel commanded to do so. I felt like it was my own choice. Which it actually was.

That evening, I think, I was messing around with Lolly in our laptops. She was playing world of warcraft, or something, while I was checking out my deviant art account. I updated my journal and called it, "A Hero I Never Thought I would Have".

Connections:
- Lolly is my hero, also mentioned as my keeper
- my captors are my negative thoughts often provoked by my family
- the cliff represents the falling point, also known as death

~*~

    I was trapped, I was lost, I was destroyed, I felt like there was no way out of my misery. I wanted to end it all. The pain, the disappointment, the torture, the pressure of trying to hold the weight I knew I couldn't carry. I just wanted that to stop. I didn't want to experience any more pain.
    I felt like there was nothing else in the world for me. I didn't think of my loved ones, the friends who I have loved since the beginning. I didn't think of the one who I love so dearly, my beautiful cat who has chosen me to bond with. I didn't think of the love of my life, my boyfriend who has loved me for who I was since the beginning. I didn't even think of the keeper that has held me together at my time of need, my friend who has had faith in me through thick and thin. I didn't think at all.
    I was at the edge of the cliff, looking down to see how much the fall can take me. But I was scared. For once I began to think about myself, not my captors. I began to think of how much emptiness I would cause to my friends. Who is going to fill the gap I would leave in the small group of amazing friends I have? How would they feel if I were gone, to never return to the rightful place I belong?
    I wanted to walk away from the edge but I felt my captors pushing me. I tried to resist, I did try to fight back, but they were stronger. I felt myself weightless as gravity pulled me down towards the ground. I watched the area where I was pushed get smaller and smaller by the second. My captors were watching me fall, waiting for me to hit the ground. I felt like there was no hope.
    Then I was saved. My keeper who has never left my side, the one who refused to give up on me when I attempted to convince her otherwise, was waiting for me at the bottom of the cliff. The one who just couldn't stand watching me get torn apart. She saved me by catching me before I hit the ground. I was blinded by so much pain I couldn't see I had a hero with me the whole time. My keeper who has held her job to keep me alive with pride, was a hero I'd never thought I would have.

~*~

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