For four months I wished to change the outcome. For four months, I lived in anger.

Now that it's been four months, I question what was it all for?

"What's wrong?" This is the first time I wish to look in Vylad's direction when he speaks. "They called for a doctor, and he left in poor posture."

"I lost the baby."

Something I cared so little for for four months has now brought me grief because it's gone. I can't help but to stare at my covered stomach, my hand resting on top of it. There's nothing here anymore. Just bloodied sheets in its place.

"What?" His response sounds alarmed. He's quick to be by my side, grasping desperately onto my hand. "Are you alright?"

Both my petticoats and sheets have been sent for cleaning. When it happened, I was afraid. I didn't know what was happening. Henri looked at me in fear. It was clear that he didn't know what was happening either, but he was quick to retrieve help. I haven't seen him since. Fetching help was the last thing I could ever want from him.

"Why are you being so kind to me?" I ask him, trying to piece together what I've done in this current moment to deserve such kindness. "I acted in infidelity."

"And I was deceitful. We've both caused pain to one another. It just so happened you nearly followed the complete path of my mother."

I can only stare up at him. I don't understand what he means, and the pained look on his face makes me not want to ask. Sometimes things are better left unsaid, and perhaps this is one of those times.

Vylad hesitantly sits beside me on the bed, running his fingers through my loose hair. Despite learning, he has lost a child, he's able to push through with a slight smile. Somehow brushing through my hair brings him happiness when I lost the child. I lost his child.

"It was a boy," I tell him, swallowing what remaining saliva is sitting in my dry throat. I try to lick my lips for more moisture, but I get a poor result in the end. "The doctor told me so before they placed me in a bath. I don't know how he could possibly tell the sex, but he did. The idea saddened him more than if I lost a girl."

His mouth gapes open, only to return to as it had been before. The words are like unintended salt in wounds. For once, I do not wish to hurt him. Vylad stands, staring down at me. We're both silent until I reach for his hand. Puzzled, he freezes, locking his gaze onto our newly created physical touch. It is my touch this time that is desperate.

"Please stay with me," I say, my voice a little above a hushed whisper. I went four months wanting little to do with him, but I want him at my side at this moment. I lost one thing that was always with me, and I suddenly feel so alone.

Maybe it's the idea that I would end up loving the child that hurts. That I was creating the child within me, and something failed. I managed to fail a child that couldn't breathe in its first breath of air.

He nods in response, crawling on top of the bed and bringing me closer to him. It's something new for both of us. We haven't been in a room where we can stand the others' presence for long.

"Do you think he would've had your eyes?"

He hums at the question, his thumb flicking against the back of my hand. Vylad looks distracted as he stares in front of us, but he doesn't appear to be in thought. "I've read too many books to think it's probable," he admits, shaking his head. "Perhaps he would've had my hair. Your eyes, but my hair."

"Perhaps he could've honored my brother or father with an aspect of one of their names. I hadn't thought of your father until now."

"I wish for no child of mine to have his name within their own. I couldn't bring myself to do it to the poor child," Vylad tells me, glancing over at me for a brief second. "I wouldn't mind my mother, for a daughter."

"You still wish to have children?"

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Vylad treats me gingerly as we walk around the garden's enclosure. I don't think I've walked around these greenery made walls with him once except for a few times in February. In February, only plants bloomed for winter. Ever since then, I've entrusted someone else or myself for company. I know little of the corners and ins and outs like Vylad does. He has broken my pathway and filled it with new areas I never explored.

Murmured giggling causes me to stop in my place. I've realized we've accidentally stumbled upon Her Majesty and Her Highness during their afternoon tea. I forgot it often takes place in the garden now.

"What are you doing up? You should be resting." The look on Zianna's face tells me it's hard to scold us at the sight of her son's lover finally enjoying his presence. The look on Kandi's face is rather cold, explaining she hasn't been aware of what's been going on.

"I could smell the garden's scent from my window. I've been resting for days plenty."

Vylad's hand gently pats against the back of mine. I look up at him and then back down to our intertwined arms. His gaze is locked on his mother. "She's alright. I've been limiting how much physical activity she does in a day. It looked rather dreadful seeing her lay so sorrowfully in her bed, I gave in."

"If I remember correctly, you came to my chambers and suggested we go for a promenade. Your story seems incorrect."

Zianna waves her hand in the air and motions for the two empty chairs across from her. Vylad looks between me and his sister before nodding and selecting the seat beside her. Zianna calls for more teacups before happily clasping her hands together in front of us. "It's a happier day."