I walk and walk, I don't have a plan in my mind as to where I'll be going or what I'll be doing but I keep on walking anyway, walking all alone on the streets while the sky turning darker with every passing minute and seeing people rush from one place to another had never felt so relaxing before. This is the first time since I don't know when that I am finally able to walk peacefully without thinking about what's wrong in my life, although the sadness doesn't leave yet, my heart still feels the peace it had been searching for. Maybe it's because no one who knows me is around at the moment, I'm on myself walking because I want to walk, I can do what I want to and there will be no one to judge me because they wouldn't know me. How beautiful would life be if we dint know many people, just a few close to us, then maybe we wouldn't care so much about the society. I believe one of the reason I am depressed is the society, if there's anyone out there even a little bit depressed I bet a hundred percent that no matter what the reason behind their depression would be, society would still be somehow involved into it. Isn't it weird how we humans spoil other human's life without even knowing we are doing that? Without even knowing we are pushing them into the darkest corner in their mind where there's nothing but Emptiness! Wouldn't life be easy if everyone minded their own business without judging people, let them do what they want it's their life, stop poking your nose in every damn thing. I'm not sure if I should go back home or not, I don't want to face Arnav, I dint want to tell him all that I had said but it just got out of my hands, all this while I've been trying to run away from it, thinking if I'd not accept it as the reason behind my depression then maybe the depression would fade away slowly, but now I understand what it's like. Depression is like locking yourself in a dark room without windows and any light source, you just want to stay there because the light outside the room hurts, it hurts so bad that the pain of the darkness feels less than that. I take a turn and decide to walk back home, by the time I reach back I'm sure Arnav and Lavanya would be gone, I wasn't being mean to them, I just realized them being with me made me more envious, I wondered why couldn't I be at peace like they were, why couldn't I just have a normal life like everyone else without having this demons inside my mind which wanted to eat me up. I walk inside my apartment and take sigh of relief, it's all covered in darkness and this darkness feels so beautiful, yet I have to switch on the light so that I can find my way to the kitchen, I'm so hungry I'd eat anything I find but before that I want to make sure that Arnav and Lavanya have actually left. I walk around checking all the rooms and I am finally relaxed not to find them or their belongings anywhere, I rush to lock the main door scared they might come back. I find something to eat and settle myself on the sofa, I don't know if people can have those moments where they just sit down staring at the ceiling but thinking of nothing at all, it's like the mind is like a blank paper. After a few seconds all the thoughts come back flooding my mind and I feel so angry I throw the plate which breaks into pieces as I rush to my room, I hug my pillow tight and break down into tears. I cry and cry until the reason behind my tears shows up in my mind, unlike all the other days I'm not crying without a reason, today I have every reason to hate myself and to cry over how stupid and useless I am. It hits me hard when I remember that I just broke up with the only man I had ever loved, and it hurts me so bad that I punished him for something he dint even know, I punished him because I was depressed, and because I envied him and right now it hurts me so bad to think that he might be out there with his friends being happy and I'm jealous of the thought that he's happy without me, I feel jealous because he's out there with everyone else but not me, I'm jealous that he has a better life than me and that makes me break down more. I don't think I'll ever be able to get over this, I don't think my depression will ever go away because my life is just a mix up of demons that I want to drown but I can't because they know how to swim. In this beautiful world full of happy people I was like a glass, I was broken and there was nothing that could fix me. I wake up as my phone rings for the 50th time now, why wouldn't people understand a simple thing that I wanted to be alone? "Arnav I need to be alone, don't you get that?" I say as I stick the phone close to my ears. "How do you want me to leave you alone when even a day without talking to you felt so terrible? Give me a chance at least Khushi, I might not be able to feel the pain you're feeling but that doesn't mean I don't understand you, I just want to help you please" "I don't need help Arnav, please leave me alone for heaven sake" "Fine I will, but if you promise to see me one last time before I walk away of your life and never return" "If that's what it takes then be it so, I'm at home come and see me and after that just leave me alone!" I disconnect the call as I throw my phone on the bed and step out, I need to take a cold shower to relax my mind so I head to the bathroom. I walk outside covered in a towel and find Arnav on my bed, I look straight at the window and it's open. "When will you ever learn to come at my place like normal people from the door?" "This was just the second time, chill Khushi... I'm here to say goodbye so be happy that you're finally getting rid of me" I stare at him as if I dint want to hear what he just said, no matter how much I convince myself that I'll be okay without him I knew I wouldn't be, I couldn't imagine a life without him but I had no other option anyway, I din't want to wake up one morning and act like the obsessed girlfriend who'll not let him live his part of life because I'd be jealous of him being happy without me or him having some fun I couldn't and I'd just end up spoiling his life because of my depression and my insecurities. "Will you please go out, I need to get dressed" "Well I don't feel like going out, why don't you just get dressed in front of me" He winks I try to hide the blush but I know he's already noticed it so I walk towards my cupboard get my clothes and walk outside, I lock myself in another room and get dressed as tears keep rolling down my eyes. This is the last time I'm seeing him. This is the last time I'll feel the way I'm feeling right now by just seeing him here. The nervousness of the teenage girl, and the butterflies will just end up somewhere else. "Will you eat something?" I ask as I walk to the kitchen and he follows me, I try my best not to look at him because I know how weak I am and I'd just end up crying. He gets hold of my hand and pulls me back, I look at the floor not wanting to look at him at all but he forces me to, he gets hold of my face and forces me too look at him and as soon as I look into his eyes, tears stream down my eyes. "Tell me this doesn't hurt you Khushi" he says

I try to get out of his hold and walk away but he pulls me back harder holding me tight into his arms.

"Give me a chance Khushi, let me help you just once, trust me I'll do anything to help you feel better and with time everything will be okay.

Talk to me, let out everything that's going on in your mind, let's visit the doctor, take medications and be confident that everything will be okay and I promise one day you'll wake up happy as you were before" "Let me go Arnav" "I love you Khushi, I dint say that out of a joke, so if you think I'm going to let you struggle with your pain alone you're wrong, I'm not going anywhere, I'll be here until I'm sure you feel better and after you're okay if you tell me to leave I promise I will, just one chance please Khushi" I nod my head negatively but he hugs me so tight and nothing before has ever made me feel so loved and I give in, I finally give in to his love and let him help me if he can, but I don't think he'd ever be able to, my demons are here to destroy me and they wouldn't leave without doing so.