Two

I FOUND MYSELF staring at the blank ceiling on top of my bed at 7 in the morning. I'm running late for my first period class but I couldn't seem to care less. Hinatid ako ni Jeremy kaninang madaling araw sa aming bahay. Good thing my parents are still fast asleep when I sneaked inside the house.

Nanay Rose, our long-time nanny, caught me. Napailing nalang siya sa ginawa ko. I just blew her a flying kiss because I know that she wouldn't tell my parents about what I just did. Between me and my older sister, Nanay Rose occupied a special place in my heart. She's like a second mother to me, aside from my real Mom, of course.

"Hindi ka pa ba tatayo diyan, Mary Grace?" Mom poked her head inside my room and frowned when she saw the scattered clothes on the floor. She took a step inside and start picking it up. "What are you doing? You're running late, Mary Grace." Wika niya nang nakapameywang.

I dragged myself outside my room, grumbling to myself as I grabbed a towel and a pair of underwear. Pagbaba ko sa living room, nakita ko si Ate na nagtitimpla ng kape. She just threw me a quick glance and went back to her room, most probably to study. Graduate na siya ng accountancy at naghahanda nalang siya sa exam para maging CPA. Both Mom and Dad are so proud of her. Kahit ako. She graduated suma cum laude. My half-sister is intelligent, pero hindi kami nagkakasundo. Pati ang boyfriend niyang si Harry, hindi ko rin nakakausap. Nagkikita lang kami tuwing family dinners at kung anu-anong gatherings that my sister drags him into.

Nagmadali akong maligo. I watched the water slowly made its way down my body. Palaging bumabalik sa isipan ko ang gabing iyon. I didn't feel anger towards Uncle Thomas anymore for what he did to me. I didn't hate myself either which is really scary. I just feel empty. There's a gaping hole inside my chest that is gnawing me slowly, consuming every part of me until I'm left with nothing. I wanted to loathe him. I wanted to scream at his face every time I saw him grinning at me during family gatherings and Christmas dinners. I wanted to stab him in the chest for abusing a little girl like me. But I couldn't will myself to. It's just too damn hard.

"Why are you wearing something like this?" Napahinto ako sa pagpaplantsa ng uniporme ko when Mom raised my only pair of Victoria's Secret black thong. It was Mariah's idea to buy something like that. Sabi niya mas nakaka-arouse daw sa lalaki kapag nagsusuot ng mga ganoon ang babae. Kaya naman sinubukan ko. And she's right. Jeremy liked the idea of her girlfriend wearing thong underneath her school uniform. He even teased me to buy more of it, but I couldn't afford another pair considering the allowance that I have.

I flushed and grabbed the thong from her hands. "Mom!"

She cocked an eyebrow at me. "Well, Mary Grace, care to explain why my seventeen-year old teenage girl is wearing a thong?"

I snapped. "Mom, it's Mariah's. Naiwan niya lang to sa akin—"

"Mary Grace, honey, I understand na nagdadalaga ka na. I mean, I'm not opposed of my daughter dating guys and wearing something like this. Your boyfriend's name is Jeremy, right?"

I opened my mouth to speak but no words came. I knew back then and there that I couldn't come up with a logical reason. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit hindi ko pa ipinakikilala si Jeremy sa kanila. Wala naman silang problema dalawa ni Dad kung may boyfriend kami ng ate ko. I don't know if it just slipped out my mind or I just didn't want to introduce him to them. Wala din namang sinasabi sa akin si Jeremy tungkol sa pagpapakila sa aking mga magulang.

My Mom is super cool, I swear, she really is. When my older sister had her first sex, hindi niya ito itinago sa mommy ko. They talked for a long time about it. How I wished I could've talked with my mother about what happened to me. The rape. The night I wanted to loathe the most. Technically, it's my first sex but not the kind of sexual intercourse that I'd want to have.

It's a sex that created demons inside of me, slowly eating me up from the insides and turning me into a lifeless and hollow person that I am right now.

"I'm sorry," I muttered as I walked past her, pulling the white uniform over my red bra. Tahimik ko na din na isinuot ang palda ko at nagsuot ng sapatos. Mom was saying something but it had become a background noise. I could feel myself losing it again. Bumabalik ulit ako sa gabing iyon. Nakikita ko ulit ang mukha ni Uncle Thomas sa ibabaw ko.

I know Mom and Dad's story like the back of my hand. Sobrang dami nilang pinagdaanan. And just like a poorly-written melodrama, of course, true love wins. Naging sila pa rin ni Dad sa huli. He's from a filthy rich family, same with my mother. Their love story involves a sick twist when Dad married two women. It must be the reason why I never felt any kind of connection with my older sister. She's the mistress' daughter.

"Just don't get yourself pregnant," Mom said, throwing me an expression I couldn't quite read. I don't know if she's pissed off with the fact that her daughter wears thong and has a boyfriend or she wanted to talk about it just like when she talked about my older sister's first sexual intercourse.

"I know, Mom. I'm not stupid," I grabbed my mustard yellow Fjallraven Kanken bag sitting on the floor and shoved some of my books before pressing a quick kiss on her cheeks. "I gotta go. Bye."

Dali-dali akong lumabas ng bahay, wanting to get out of that awkward situation. Nakita ko si Dad na kausap si Harry sa living room. Nilapitan ko siya at hinalikan din sa pisngi.

"I'm off, Dad." Wika ko.

"Hindi ka ba kakain?" Tanong niya sa akin.

I shook my head, glancing at my wristwatch. "I'm running late." Napatingin ako kay Harry na nakatingin din sa akin. He's a polite guy. Puro thank you's and please's ang lumalabas sa bibig niya sa tuwing nag-uusap kami when we are forced to. Sa loob ng tatlong taong pabalik-balik niya dito sa bahay, I never had a real conversation with him. Even if I know by the look of his eyes that he wanted to be in good terms with his girlfriend's little sister.

His hair, as usual, is combed neatly. He's always wearing a gray or black shirt every time I see him. Sumilip ang kaniyang kulay gintong kwintas mula sa kaniyang leeg. His eyes bore into me for a second as I stood awkwardly infront of them.

"Okay, honey. Mag-iingat ka," Pahabol ni Dad habang papalabas na ako ng pintuan. I just waved him goodbye and started walking towards our school located just a few blocks from our subdivision.

"OKAY, LET ME repeat this. We're going to break inside the Dinosaur's Island later on like a bunch of convicts and drink a beer hoping that no one would find out about us?" Mariah raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you crazy?"

"You heard me loud and clear," I grinned at her. "Besides, it's some sort of a celebration because we managed to survive this week."

"Everyday is a celebration for you, Mary Grace." Danielle rolled her eyes at me. "Kung anu-ano nalang unofficial holidays ang iniimbento mo."

"Sneaking at the Dinosaur's Island at one in the morning?" Jeremy's hands snaked into my waist and he leaned into my ears to whisper something. "Sounds great, babe. I can only imagine the things we can do there."

I smack his face away and laughed. I've been dating Jeremy for as long as I can remember but contrary to the sick fictional novels I couldn't stop reading, I haven't shared a moment with him when I could say there are actually "butterflies in my stomach" or that kind of crap. We were together for as long as I can remember. Palagi kaming magkaklase. May gusto ang isa niyang tropa sa akin. Kaya naman nung niligawan niya ako, niligawan na din ako ng buong tropa niya. But in the end, I busted him and choose Jeremy even if he wasn't offering himself in the first place.

He's really cool to hang out with. Dating a senior is cool to begin with. It's like we had the same brain cut into two and separated into each other's body. Pareho kami ng takbo ng iniisip. We clicked a lot in so many ways. We smoke and party and have sex. The first time I had sex with him was inside the school's restroom. It was one hell of an experience. At mas lalo akong nagkagusto kay Jeremy dahil doon. For a girl who always wanted to look for thrill and excitement in her life, Jeremy has it all for me.

"So?"

"Can I bring Bea?" Danielle asked shyly. Hindi niya palaging sinasama sa mga gimik namin ang kaniyang girlfriend kaya naman natuwa ako nang mag-suhestiyon siya.

"Oo naman!" I grinned. "So, it's all set! 1 am sharp at park's entrance, okay?"

"Okay, see you!" Mariah bid goodbye at dali-daling sumakay sa papaalis na na jeep. Sinusundo niya kasi ang nakababata niyang kapatid araw-araw. Si Danielle naman, nagpaalam na susunduin ang girlfriend niya sa boarding house nila.

"I think uuwi muna ako sa bahay—"

"It's too early, babe." Jeremy dragged me to his car and gave me his infamous boyish grin. "Why don't you stay in my apartment for a while? We could do something great habang nagpapalipas ng oras."

Napailing nalang ako sa sinabi niya. Boys are depending their lives in sustaining their dick's hunger of sex. Seriously.