Six

THE BELL INDICATING our last period in the morning just ended rang and everyone got up from their seats, hurrying to get out of the class while some of the groups remained to complete the activity. I started shoving some of my books inside the bag.

"Mary Grace?" I was startled by a quick tap on my shoulder. Nilingon ko si Jasmine. She smiled at me nervously as she lowered her gaze on the floor. "Pinapatawag ka ni Sir Pediangco."

I nodded and muttered thanks before I swung the backpack over my shoulder. Nilapitan ko si Sir Pediangco. He is typing away something on his laptop and when he noticed my presence, he stopped typing and heaved a sigh.

"Take a seat." He silently said.

I dragged a plastic armchair near the teacher's table. I smoothed down the invisible crinkles on my school uniform before taking a seat.

"There is something I need to tell you, Ms. Ferguson."

I nodded. I already have an idea where this conversation is going.

"Your quiz scores are high and I was impressed with your examination scores. So far, you also have the most successful blogs from all the other sections I'm handling," He remove the thick eyeglasses sitting on his nose and rubbed his eyes for a few seconds. "As much is your grade is improving, your attitude is deteriorating."

I knew it.

"Someone saw you smoking just outside the school's premises. You are still wearing your uniform and the university's ID." He narrowed his eyes at me. "May nakakita din sa iyong tinatalon ang pader kasama ang dalawang babae from section C. During my class, you are not listening. I feel disrespected, Ms. Ferguson. You even dare to put your earphones on during my discussion,"

I lowered my gaze. These past few days I've spent hanging around with my two best friends had somehow lifted the weight out of my chest. After so many nights of silently crying to sleep, I found my will to go back to school only to cut classes and smoke weed with them. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ako kinakausap ni Jeremy and I'm starting to get pissed off. I don't know what the hell is wrong with him.

"But despite all of that, you've got the lowest grade in my subject, just so you know," He put his eyeglasses on. "I appreciate students who listen intently to my class and still find it difficult to answer my questions than air-headed students who do not show any interest to my subject. Pagbibigyan pa kita sa semester na ito. Pero pag magpapatuloy pa ito, I suggest you look for a new professor for this subject"

I nodded, mumbled thanks, and exited the classroom. Dumiretso kaagad ako sa 1-B building, hoping that Jeremy hasn't left his class just yet. I saw him talking to one of his buddies as I walked into the building. One of his colleagues nudged him on the ribs and pointed at me. He just threw me a quick glance before he resumed talking to his peers as if I wasn't there.

It took him five more minutes before he managed to drag his feet to my direction. Nanatili lang akong nakatayo. He looked bored and uninterested. Kulang nalang sabihin niya sa akin kung anong ginagawa ko dito.

In which, in some way, he really did.

"What?" He asked in an irritated tone.

"What 'what'?" I snapped. I don't want to be seen angry in front of many because I'm trying to control myself. Ever since that day I texted him I'm grounded, he stopped talking to me.

"Anong problema mo?" He annoyingly grabbed my arms and dragged me outside of the building. We stumbled near the abandoned CR near the back of the building. Wala nang gumagamit sa CR na ito bukod sa masyado nang malayo para lakarin, puno na rin ng vandalism and if the teachers caught you hanging out in this spot, they would immediately put the blame on you for putting such scandalous doodles and drawings.

"Ikaw ang may problema!" Binawi ko ang kamay ko mula sa kanya. I pursed my lips. "What the fuck is your problem? You've been ignoring me for the past few days!"

He chuckled sarcastically. "Why don't you ask yourself?"

"What did I do?" Gigil kong tanong sa kanya. I wanted to shout and scream. My mind is a mess right now. And Jeremy's attitude is not helping at all.

"Well, if it weren't for the fact that my girlfriend is hanging out with a guy in the middle of the night just outside their house," He said, spitting out the words through gritted teeth.

"For goddamn's sake, Jeremy!" Lumingon ako para makasiguro na hindi nakakuha ng atensiyon ang sigaw ko. Hindi ko na kasi napigilan ang sarili ko. "That was my sister's boyfriend! Anong pinapalabas mo? Atsaka, totoo ang sinabi ko sa iyo. Dad fucking put me in a house arrest. We fought that day!"

"About what?"

I went silent. Oh, Jeremy. My dad just kind of defended the man who raped his own daughter. No big deal.

"Family crap." I blurted out.

"And the guy?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's just Harry. He's my sister's long-term boyfriend." Nameywang ako. "Happy, now?"

Napakamot siya ng ulo. Maya-maya pa ay hinapit niya ang aking beywang. He pressed a quick kiss on my lips. "I'm sorry. . ." he muttered as he rested his forehead with mine.

WHEN WE FIRST had sex, Jeremy thought I was still a virgin. It pained me when he entered inside and I keep on pushing him away. But then again, I realized that I agreed on having sex with him to prove myself that sexual intercourse doesn't scare me at all after what happened with Uncle Thomas. I wanted to have fun with having sex without the memories of my past hunting me down again.

In short, I just don't want to live my life trapped with the incident that only happened once. I don't want to view sex as something that only pains me, degrades me, or makes me feel weak and helpless. But Jeremy is kind of rough. He's superior especially when it comes to bed. Instead of my private parts, my entire body aches after a rough night with him. He keeps on pulling my hair especially when he loads his shot inside of me. I sometimes grimace in pain but then again, it was a decision I couldn't take back anymore.

Other teenagers have sex in an early age because of curiosity. Most of them wanted to be recognized as cool kids while others thought that sex is a requirement for a long-term relationship. While me? Well, I guess you can refer to this as one of my so-called therapies. I wanted to see Jeremy as Jeremy on top of me, thrusting in and out, not the image of Uncle Thomas furiously jerking up and down my little body.

But this time it was odd. For a moment, while my legs are spread open for Jeremy and he was on top of me, it was just a few seconds, or I think it didn't really happen at all, but it was Harry's face who flashed in front of me. I instantly pushed him away.

"What the hell?"

I shoved my face on my hands. Is this also one of the side effects of depression? I only hang out, if you can refer to it as "hanging out", with the guy once. Should I prefer seeing Uncle Thomas' face instead?

"Sorry," I muttered and for the first time, it was me who headed to the shower first.