[The Avengers mingle at the party]

James Rhodes: Well, you know, the suit can take the weight, right? So I take the tank, fly it right up to the General's palace, drop it at his feet, I'm like, "Boom! You looking for this?" [Stark and Thor just look at him blankly] "Boom! Are you looking..." Why do I even talk to you guys? Everywhere else that story kills.

Thor: That's the whole story?

James Rhodes: Yeah, it's a War Machine story.

Thor: Well, it's very good then. [he laughs] It's impressive.

"Horrible save"

"I didn't even understand the story"

James Rhodes: Quality save. So, no Pepper? She's not coming?

Tony Stark: No.

Maria Hill: Hey, what about Jane? Where are the ladies, gentlemen?

Tony Stark: Well, Miss Potts has a company to run.

Thor: Yes, I'm not even sure what country Jane's in. Her work on the convergence has made her the world's foremost astronomer.

"Men and their egos" Ginny rolls her eyes.

Tony Stark: And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on earth. It's pretty exciting.

Thor: There's even talk of Jane getting a... um, uh... Nobel prize.

"Impressive!"

Maria Hill: Yeah, they...they must be busy because they'd hate missing you guys get together. [Maria mock coughs] Testosterone! Oh, excuse me.

Everyone laughs at that.

James Rhodes: Want a lozenge?

Maria Hill: Um-hmm.

James Rhodes: Let's go. [Maria and Rhodes walks off]

Thor: But Jane's better.

"Pepper is better" Tony says.

"Jane is smarter" Thor says, even if they broke up, Thor would always defend her. 

[Cut to Sam and Steve talking, walking up to an overlook]

Sam Wilson: Sounds like a hell of a fight, sorry I missed it.

Steve Rogers: If I had known it was going to be a firefight I absolutely would have called you.

Sam Wilson: No, I'm not actually sorry. I'm just trying to sound tough. I'm very happy chasing cold leads on our missing persons case. Avenging is your world. Your world is crazy.

"It doesn't make you sound tough" Bucky says.

"You cried while watching frozen, so shut up" Sam responds.

Steve Rogers: Be it ever so humble.

Sam Wilson: You find a place in Brooklyn yet?

Steve Rogers: I don't think I can afford a place in Brooklyn.

"Why are you putting your life at risk if you don't even get paid" Molly asks.

"We don't save people for money!" Steve says.

Sam Wilson: Well, home is home, you know?

[Rhodes is telling the same story he told Stark and Thor to a group of people at the party]

James Rhodes: I fly it right up to the General's palace, I drop it at his feet, I'm like, "Boom! You looking for this?" [the group laughs]

"I love how proud he looks"

[Steve and Thor are talking to an elderly man at the party]

Party Guest: I gotta have some of that!

Thor: Oh, no, no, no. See this, this was aged for a thousand years, in the barrels built from the wreck of Grunhel's fleet, it was not meant for mortal men. [Thor pours the drink into two glasses and hands one to Steve]

Stan Lee: Neither was Omaha Beach, blondie. Stop trying to scare us. Come on.

"Does that guy look familiar to you?"

"I've seen him somewhere!" Peter says a little too loudly and everyone looks at him, causing him to blush and sink in his seat.

All the Avengers give him fond smiles and Tony ruffles Peter's hair.

James tried not to be bothered by that, by now he was starting to understand that his kids found a family, and that they were a part of who there are now, he just hoped his wife could be the same.

Thor: Alright. [Thor pours some of the drink into Stan Lee's glass; later Stan, looking extremely drunk is being carried off by two men]

Stan Lee: [singing] Excelsior.

[Natasha is pouring a drink behind the bar when Banner walks up to her]

Bruce Banner: How'd a nice girl like you wind up working in a dump like this?

Natasha Romanoff: Fella done me wrong.

Bruce Banner: You got a lousy taste in men, kid.

Natasha Romanoff: He's not so bad. Well, he's always trying to do the right thing, no matter how stupid it is. Deep down he's all fluff. Fact is, he's not like anybody I've ever known. All my friends are fighters. And here comes this guy, who didn't get the chance to fight until he was older, because they were scared he would become better than everyone.

Steve smiles at Natasha who returns it.

Bruce Banner: Sounds amazing.

Natasha Romanoff: He's also a huge dork. Chicks dig that. So what do you think should I fight this, or run with it?

Bruce Banner: Run with it, right? Or, did he... Was he...? What did he do that was so wrong to you?

Natasha Romanoff: Not a damn thing. But never say never.

[Natasha walks away, and Steve approaches]

Steve Rogers: It's nice.

Bruce Banner: What, what, what is?

Steve Rogers: You and Romanoff..

a hurt expression flashed across Steve's face.

"You are so oblivious" Tony shakes his head.

Bruce Banner: No, we haven't. That wasn't...

Steve Rogers: It's okay. Nobody's breaking any by-laws. It's just, she's not the most... open person in the world. But with you she seems very relaxed.

"Trust me, she's way more relaxed with you" Bruce says.

Bruce Banner: No, Natasha, she... she likes to flirt.

Steve Rogers: I've seen her flirt, up close. This ain't that. Look, as maybe the world's leading authority on "waiting too long;" don't. You both deserve a win.

[Steve walks off]

Bruce Banner: Wait, what do you mean, "up close"?

[Later, most of the guests have left and it's just the Avengers plus Dr. Cho and Maria Hill sitting around; Thor's hammer sits on the table between them.]

Clint Barton: [referring to Thor's hammer] But, it's a trick!

"No its not" Thor says.

Thor: Oh, no. It's much more than that.

Clint Barton: Uh, "Whosoever be he worthy shall haveth the power!" Whatever man! It's a trick.

Thor: Well please, be my guest.

Tony Stark: Come on.

Clint Barton: Really?

Thor: Yeah!

[Barton gets up]

James Rhodes: Oh this is gonna be beautiful.

Tony Stark: Clint, you've had a tough week, we won't hold it against you if you can't get it up. [the others laugh]

Clint Barton: You know I've seen this before, right? [Barton grabs Thor's hammer and can't lift it; to Thor after he fails to lift the hammer] I still don't know how you do it.

Everyone bursts out laughing at that, while Dumbledore looks at the screen with greed in his eyes.

Thor looks at the screen sadly, he really missed mjolnir.

Tony Stark: Smell the silent judgment?

Clint Barton: Please, Stark, by all means.

[Stark gets up]

Natasha Romanoff: Oh, here we go.

Maria Hill: Okay.

James Rhodes: Uh-oh.

Clint Barton: Um-hmm.

Tony Stark: Never one to shrink from an honest challenge.

Clint Barton: Get after it.

Natasha Romanoff: Here we go.

Tony Stark: It's physics.

Bruce Banner: Physics!

[Stark grasps Thor's hammer]

Tony Stark: Right, so, if I lift it, I...I then rule Asgard?

Thor: Yes, of course.

"I wanna try!!"

Tony Stark: I will be re-instituting Prima Nocta. [Stark tries to lift the hammer but fails] I'll be right back. [wearing his armored hand, Stark tries to lift the hammer again and fails]

[Both wearing their armored hands, Stark and Rhodes both try to lift Thor's hammer]

James Rhodes: Are you even pulling?

Tony Stark: Are you on my team?

James Rhodes: Just represent! Pull!

Tony Stark: Alright, let's go! [they both pull as hard as they can]

[Banner tries to lift the hammer, he roars as though pretending to change into the Hulk, and everyone either looks at him warily or grins.]

"Dork"

Bruce Banner: Huh?

[next Steve gets up to try]

Tony Stark: Let's go, Steve, no pressure.

James Rhodes: Come on, Cap.

[Steve starts pulling on the hammer and manages to budge it a little; Thor looks a little alarmed. Steve still fails to lift it; Thor laughs with relief]

"OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THAT! IT MOVED!!!" Blaise yells and Theo sighs tiredly at his boyfriend.

Thor: Nothing.

Tony Stark: And?

Bruce Banner: Widow?

Natasha Romanoff: Oh, no no. That's not a question I need answered.

"I bet you could lift it" Hermione says.

"That's nice, but I won't be able to"

Tony Stark: All deference to the man who wouldn't be king, but it's rigged.

Clint Barton: You bet your ass.

"language!" Most of the great hall yells and Steve groans.

Maria Hill: Steve, he said a bad language word.

Steve Rogers: [to Stark] Did you tell everyone about that?

Tony Stark: The handle's imprinted, right? Like a security code. "Whosoever is carrying Thor's fingerprints" is, I think, the literal translation?

Thor: Yes, well that's, uh, that's a very, very interesting theory. I have a simpler one. [he gets up, then lifts his hammer and flips it] You're all not worthy. [there's a chorus of disagreement from the others]

[There's a loud screeching noise, like microphone feedback, causing everyone to cover their ears. They let their hands down as it fades, and Tony pulls out his device. One of the Iron Legion suits, heavily damaged and housing Ultron's consciousness, stumbles into the room]

Ultron: Worthy... No, how could you be worthy? You're all killers.

Steve Rogers: Stark.

Tony Stark: JARVIS.

Ultron: I'm sorry, I was asleep. Or... I was a-dream?

Tony Stark: [tapping his device] Reboot, Legionnaire OS, we got a buggy suit.

Ultron: There was a terrible noise... and I was tangled in... in... strings. I had to kill the other guy. He was a good guy.

Steve Rogers: You killed someone?

Ultron: Wouldn't have been my first call. But, down in the real world we're faced with ugly choices.

Thor: Who sent you?

Ultron: [Ultron replays a recording of Tony's voice] "I see a suit of armor around the world."

Bruce Banner: Ultron!

Ultron: In the flesh. Or, no, not yet. Not this... chrysalis. But I'm ready. I'm on a mission.

Natasha Romanoff: What mission?

Ultron: Peace in our time.

[The walls explode, and several Iron Legion bots barge into the room. They begin attacking the team, who all go on the defensive and fight back. Rhodey gets knocked through a window.]

"Oh shit!!"

"How could you do that??!!" Lily yells and Peter winces and covers his ears.

Maria Hill: Rhodey!

[Banner climbs over the bar to avoid fire from the bots. Natasha grabs him and drags him down, and he lands on top of her.]

Bruce Banner: Sorry!

Natasha Romanoff: Don't turn green!

Bruce Banner: I won't!

[The Avengers continue fighting the bots. One of the Iron Legion bots steals the Scepter.]

Natasha Romanoff: [to Banner] Come!

[The Avengers, while they are fighting back, are mostly trying to avoid getting hit.]

Steve Rogers: Stark!

[Stark is attacking one of the Iron Legion bots with a fondue fork.]

Iron Legion: We are here to help.

"That's creepy"

Tony Stark: One sec, one sec I got this!

Iron Legion: We are here to help... [A half-destroyed Iron Legion bot uses its thrusters to hold itself aloft, advancing on Dr. Helen Cho.] We are here to help... Is unsafe. Please back away.

Ultron: Hmm. [The Iron Legion lowers its weapon, and Steve grabs it and throws it away for Thor to hit with his hammer.]

Steve Rogers: Thor!

Iron Legion: [Stark continues to try and attack of the Iron Legions with his fork] It's unsafe. It's unsafe. It's unsafe.

Tony Stark: Come on! That's the one!

Iron Legion: It's unsafe. [He shuts it down and it falls to the floor. The fighting continues until Barton throws Cap's shield to him.]

Clint Barton: Cap!

[Steve uses his shield to dismember the last Iron Legion bot]

Ultron: That was dramatic! I'm sorry, I know you mean well. You just didn't think it through. You want to protect the world, but you don't want it to change. How is humanity saved if it's not allowed to...evolve? [he picks up one of the dismembered Iron Legion bots] With these? These puppets? [he crushes the Iron Legion bot's head] There's only one path to peace: The Avengers' extinction.

Lily was thinking that, that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, forgetting that her daughter was also an Avenger.

[Thor throws his hammer and destroys Ultron's body]

Ultron: [after Thor destroys his body, Ultron starts singing] I had strings, but now I'm free. There are no strings on me, no strings on me. [we see Ultron has uploaded his consciousness in the abandoned Sokovia base]

[The Avengers are gathered in the lab]

Bruce Banner: All our work is gone. Ultron cleared out, used the internet as an escape hatch.

Steve Rogers: Ultron.

Natasha Romanoff: He's been in everything. Files, surveillance. Probably knows more about us than we know about each other.

James Rhodes: He's in your files, he's in the internet. What if he decides to access something a little more exciting?

Maria Hill: Nuclear codes.

The people who knew what that meant looked around worriedly  (don't think that's a word.)

James Rhodes: Nuclear codes. Look, we need to make some calls, assuming we still can.

Natasha Romanoff: Nukes? He said he wanted us dead.

Steve Rogers: He didn't say dead. He said extinct.

Clint Barton: He also said he killed somebody.

Maria Hill: But there wasn't anyone else in the building.

Tony Stark: Yes there was.

[Stark bring up the now-destroyed 3D image of JARVIS' consciousness]

Bruce Banner: This is insane.

Steve Rogers: JARVIS was the first line of defense. He would've shut Ultron down, it makes sense.

Bruce Banner: No, Ultron could've assimilated Jarvis. This isn't strategy, this is...rage.

[Thor barges in and grabs hold of Stark by his throat, holding him up]

Clint Barton: Woah, woah, woah! It's going around.

Tony Stark: [to Thor] Come on. Use your words, buddy.

Thor: I have more than enough words to describe you, Stark.

Steve Rogers: Thor! The Legionnaire.

[Thor lets go of Stark]

Thor: Trail went cold about a hundred miles out but it's headed north, and it has the scepter. Now we have to retrieve it, again.

Natasha Romanoff: The genie's out of that bottle. Clear and present is Ultron.

Dr. Helen Cho: I don't understand. You built this program. Why is it trying to kill us?

[Stark starts laughing, Banner subtly shakes his head at him to get him to stop]

"This is not funny!" Lily says.

"Who are you again?" Tony asks.

Thor: You think this is funny?

Tony Stark: No. It's probably not, right? Is this very terrible? Is it so... is it so... it is. It's so terrible.

"You don't seem to think it's terrible"

Thor: This could've been avoided if you hadn't played with something you don't understand.

Tony Stark: No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It is funny. It's a hoot that you don't get why we need this.

Bruce Banner: Tony, maybe this might not be the time to--

Tony Stark: Really?! That's it? You just roll over, show your belly, every time somebody snarls.

Bruce Banner: Only when I've created a murder bot.

Tony Stark: We didn't. We weren't even close. Were we close to an interface?

Steve Rogers: Well, you did something right. And you did it right here. The Avengers were supposed to be different than SHIELD.

Tony Stark: Anybody remember when I carried a nuke through a wormhole?

"We had no idea" Natasha says sarcastically.

James Rhodes: No, it's never come up.

Tony Stark: Saved New York?

James Rhodes: Never heard that.

Tony Stark: Recall that? A hostile alien army came charging through a hole in space. We're standing three hundred feet below it. We're the Avengers. We can bust arms dealers all the live long day, but, that up there? That's... that's the end game. How were you guys planning on beating that?

Steve Rogers: Together.

"You'll lose"

Tony Stark: We'll lose.

Steve Rogers: Then we'll do that together, too. [Stark looks at him for a moment before turning away] Thor's right. Ultron's calling us out. And I'd like to find him before he's ready for us. The world's a big place. Let's start making it smaller.

[Back in Sokovia, the twins meet with Ultron in an empty church.]

Wanda Maximoff: Talk. And if you are wasting our time...

Ultron: Did you know this church is in the exact center of the city? The elders decreed it so that everyone could be equally close to God. I like that. The geometry of belief. [Ultron is sat in a chair facing away from them, a cloth draped over him] You're wondering why you can't look inside my head.

Wanda Maximoff: Sometimes it's hard. But sooner or later, every man shows himself.

Dumbledore looks a little worried at that, not knowing just how capable Wanda was.

[Ultron stands and faces them, revealing his new body. Wanda briefly looks shocked]

Ultron: Oh, I'm sure they do. But you needed something more than a man. That's why you let Stark take the scepter.

Wanda Maximoff: I didn't expect... But I saw Stark's fear, I knew it would control him, make him self-destruct.

Ultron: Everyone creates the thing they dread. Men of peace create engines of war, invaders create avengers, people create...smaller people? Uh...children! I lost the word there. Children. Designed to supplant them, to help them...end.

"He's like you in class" Harry whispers to Ron.

"It took him a few seconds just to get the word children" Hermione adds and Ron glares at the 2 of them.

Wanda Maximoff: Is that why you've come? To end the Avengers?

Ultron: I've come to save the world. But also... yeah. [In the Sokovia base.] We'll move out right away. This is a start, but there's something we need to begin the real work.

Wanda Maximoff: [referring to Ultron's bots] All of these are...

Ultron: Me. I have what the Avengers never will. Harmony. They're discordant, disconnected. Stark's already got them turning on each other. And when you get inside the rest of their heads...

Pietro Maximoff: Everyone's plan is not to kill them.

Ultron: And make them martyrs? You need patience. Need to see the big picture.

Pietro Maximoff: I don't see the big picture, I have a little picture. I take it out and look at it every day.

Ultron: You lost your parents in the bombings. I've seen the records.

Pietro Maximoff: The records are not the picture.

Wanda Maximoff: Pietro.

Ultron: No, please.

Pietro Maximoff: We were ten years old, having dinner, the four of us. When the first shell hits, two floors below, it makes a hole in the floor. It's big. Our parents go in, and the whole building starts coming apart. I grab her, roll under the bed and the second shell hits. But, it doesn't go off. It just... sits there in the rubble, three feet from our faces. And on the side of the shell is painted one word...

Wanda Maximoff: Stark.

"I'm really sorry" Tony says and Wanda just nods at him.

Pietro Maximoff: We were trapped for two days.

Wanda Maximoff: Every effort to save us, every shift in the bricks, I think, "This will set it off." We wait for two days for Tony Stark to kill us.

Pietro Maximoff: I know what they are.

Ultron: I wondered why only you two survived Strucker's experiments. Now I don't. We will make it right. [to Pietro] You and I can hurt them. [to Wanda] But you will tear them apart, from the inside.

Wanda shifts uncomfortably in her seat.

[Back at the Avengers headquarters]

Maria Hill: He's all over the globe. Robotics labs, weapons facilities, jet propulsion labs, reports of a metal man, or men, coming in and emptying the place.

Steve Rogers: Fatalities?

Maria Hill: Only when engaged. Mostly guys left in a fugue state going on about old memories, worst fears, and something too fast to see.

Steve Rogers: Maximoffs. Well, that makes sense he'd go to them, they have someone in common.

Maria Hill: Not anymore.

[She hands Steve a tablet showing photo of Strucker's dead body with the word PEACE written in blood on the wall next to him]

Some kids shuddered at the photo.

Clint Barton: [Barton's talking on his cell phone] That's a negative. I answer to you. Yes, ma'am. [Steve interrupts him]

Steve Rogers: Barton, we might have something.

Clint Barton: Gotta go.

Steve Rogers: Who was that?

Clint Barton: Girlfriend.

"Yeah right"

[after Steve has gathered the rest of the team he shows them the photo of Strucker's body]

Tony Stark: What's this?

Steve Rogers: A message. Ultron killed Strucker.

Tony Stark: And he did a Banksy at the crime scene, just for us.

Natasha Romanoff: This is a smokescreen. Why send a message when you've just given a speech?

Steve Rogers: Strucker knew something that Ultron wanted us to miss.

Natasha Romanoff: Yeah, I bet he... [looks at the computer monitor] Yep. Everything we had on Strucker has been erased.

Tony Stark: Not everything.

[The team go through the physical files they have on Strucker]

Steve Rogers: Known associates. Well, Strucker had a lot of friends.

Bruce Banner: Well, these people are all horrible.

Tony Stark: Wait. I know that guy. [Banner passes him the photo he was looking at] From back in the day. He operates off the African coast, black market arms. [Steve gives him an accusing look] There are conventions, alright? You meet people, I didn't sell him anything. [we see the photo is of a man named Ulysses Klaue] He was talking about finding something new, a game changer, it was all very "Ahab."

Thor: [Thor points to the scar on the back of Klaue's neck] What's this?

Tony Stark: Uh, it's a tattoo. I don't think he had it...

Thor: No, those are tattoos, this is a brand.

Bruce Banner: [Banner identifies the brand on Klaue's neck on the computer] Oh, yeah. It's a word in an African dialect meaning thief, in a much less friendly way.

Steve Rogers: What dialect?

Bruce Banner: Wakanada...? Wa...Wa...Wakanda.

Tony Stark: If this guy got out of Wakanda with some of their trade goods...

Steve Rogers: I thought your father said he got the last of it?

Bruce Banner: I don't follow. What comes out of Wakanda?

Tony Stark: [looking at Steve's shield] The strongest metal on earth.

Steve Rogers: [to Stark] Where is this guy now?

"Shit is about to go down!"

"Language!"