Hey ma Assholes,

Have you ever wondered, how the Avengers wake up every morning?

Well, every normal person would be like: "With an alarm clock!"

No.

We're talking about the motherfucking Avengers.

So, no.

I have to fuckin wake them up every morning.

Here's how you learn from the pro:

Steve Rogers

How to wake up the biggest patriot of all time?

Hahaha-

Stupid question.

First step: Buy a trumpet

Second step: Don't judge me

Third step: sneak into Steve's room

(Not hard to find, it's the one with the red, white and blue door, with the red white and blue handle, and the red white and blue carpet.)

Fourth step: slowly go over to Steve's bed, and take a minute to stare at this sleeping beauty in nothing but red, white and blue underpants 

(Addition for fangirls: try not to squeal)

Fifth step: get the trumpet out

Sixth step: start playing 'FREEDOM'

(Believe me, he loves it)

Thor Odinson

That huge, blond teddy bear?

I wake him up with his favorite coffee. 

Ok, and the smell of pop tarts.

Just take care not to trip over Mjöllnir. 

I hate this motherfucking hammer.

Loki Laufeyson

Well, that idiot brother, of our God of Hammers, shares a bunkbed with him.

And since he can't get in trouble when he's asleep, I leave him alone. 

Do. Not. Wake. Him. Up.

Fine-

It takes me a little duck tape, to really keep him in bed. But, yeah-

Clint Barton

That dude is so weird.

I mean he works for me, since-

uh, ages. 

But he's still weird.

Well, to wake up a Clint Barton, it takes a lot of self confidence.

i mAke bIrD cAlLs. lIkE: "CAW, CAW"

tHe eAgLe cAlL, tHe hAwK cAlL - I kNoW aLL oF tHeM.

Usually works.

Natasha Romanoff

She's mean to me, when I wake her up.

So, I let Clint do the job.

Tony Stark

That dude doesn't sleep.