Major Trigger Warning, spoilers.

"People say depression is like drowning, but being able to watch everyone else breathe. I guess, I never understood what that meant until I faced the same issue I never thought I would need to face. I'm living proof that depression is an illness, that it truly only takes something so small to seem so incredibly big and horrific to someone that it ruins their life. People used to look at me and say, "what's wrong with you kiddo," or, "get over it, don't be such a wuss." I bet those people never had to deal with losing someone that they loved so unbelievably much that they were willing to kill for them, or lost something so great that they were ready to die for it because they thought it was their own fault. Really, when you think about it, we don't have rights to blame people for their feelings, to accuse those we love of feeling something that we don't see as correct. Just because someone is sad or angry at the world, doesn't give us the right to look down upon them with shameful eyes. We can't shake our heads and can't yell at the depressed or emotionally insecure, because really, somewhere along the line we'll be facing the same problems.

"Hell, I'm no preacher; Before a few years ago, I had people dressing me and tying my shoes; I was so caught up in my own selfishness that I forgot about the people that truly mattered in my life; the people I had treasured and loved without realizing it. And hey, before long, they were gone, taken away from me as some sort of punishment. And yeah, it sucked. I felt bad, I felt really bad. So I started blaming myself for not doing or saying more, starting believing that everything was my fault, and all that. I hit a rough patch, and as I'm most ashamed to admit, I tried to take my life several times, because well, I thought it was the only way out, the only way to escape my apparently 'hellish' life. Shocker to most of you, right? Well, the way I saw it, I had no one else to love, no one else to love me back, or tell me everything was fine. My public image was ruined, my career had gone to waste; The people hated me, companies cut off business; all because I was too afraid of myself. 

"Looking back on it now, I see where I went wrong. I realize that, maybe, just maybe, if I had said yes instead of no, or if I had told that special someone 'I love you,' just once a day, that things might've turned out differently. I know what a lot of people thought of me in my younger years, and in my older ones too - the one thing I'm not too sure of though, is what you're all thinking now; what kind of man do you think I've become? I'm not too sure myself, actually. 

"Yeah, I know I, according to reporters and everyone, I had "left a mark on history," and "saved the world," but really, what it had cost me in the end was enough to make me question if it was all even worth it, if it was really worth the pain and the struggle and the loss. 

"You're all shocked at this, I'm sure you're probably all like, "oh my God, what's wrong with you Tony, you're never this open!" I know! That's the funny thing, you see. I've never really been one for mushy feelings, never really been that person who shares everything that crosses their mind. But, I guess since I've already started, why stop now? 

"I've loved and hated a lot of people in my lifetime, more people than I had originally thought. Yeah, most of you have been among those two lists, and you more than likely know who you are. But damn, guys, I have a lot to be thankful for, a lot to thank you guys for. All of you have special places in my complicated heart, that even I've never been fully able to understand. 

"For whoever reads or hears this, if any of you are still here, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not saying those three words more often, I'm sorry for not always being there when you needed me the most. And most of all, I'm sorry that you never knew how much I really cared. 

"I lost a lot this time, guys. I lost more than I ever did. But now I can be sure, though, that it was worth it. It was worth knowing that there'd be smiles on people's faces after they reunite with their loved ones.

"I'm aware a lot of you are sad, even if you'd prefer not to admit it, which is fine too. I know that some people, in particular, are probably angry with me for giving my life for strangers, but know this - it's what made me happy. Although all of you have made me the happiest I've ever and will ever be, knowing that I've saved billions was indeed my death wish, whether any of you knew of it or not. 

"Now though, I can finally see it - I'll miss all of you guys, I'll miss you so much, more than I've ever missed anyone. 

"Nat, Bruce, Pepper, Parker, Happy, Rhodey, Clint, Thor, Sam, Vision, Wanda, and yes, you too, Cap - Living my life with you guys was the most amazingly in-explainable thing in the universe. And I can now boldly say that this was the best life I could've possibly lived. 

I miss you all.

Sincerely, with the most love anyone could give, 

-TS

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Very open-ended, i know, but that was the entire point. I want you guys to guess what happened! But before you say anything, let me clear something up - this was NOT a suicide note. Tony, if you think he died and that's why he wrote this, would've died from something Endgame/Thanos related. Other than that, let your minds go wild, im curious to hear what you guys have to say! Sorry for being depressing again, but I promise more light-hearted things are coming soon.

Again, I don't even know what happened, but my theory is that Tony, if he was dying or died, had programmed Friday to send this message that he had recorded just in case, to everyone he loved (the people that were listed), even if he didn't know if they survived or not. 

Really though, I don't know what happened, even though I wrote it! Please, let me know what you think happened! Comment your theories!!

Anyways, love you all, until next time, byeee

~BurningEmber