Bucky Barnes- Should've Been Me

"Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone on Coney Island?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah and I threw up?" Steve said, looking out at the snowy tracks below.

"This isn't payback, is it?"

"Now why would I do that?"

You laughed and shook your head.

Steve and Bucky were your long time best friends and when they went off to fight, you followed. You were trained by Peggy Carter herself, who became your best girl friend, and recruited to the Howling Commandos.

The only female on the front lines.

A lot was riding on your shoulders as a woman and you knew you had proved yourself to belong right there with them during all of the past infiltration missions.

The men trusted and accepted you and that's all you needed.

You watched as Steve and Gabe zip-lined down the wire first, the train coming round the corner full speed.

"Ready?" Bucky asked.

You nodded and kicked off before he could give the signal.

Cold air whipped against your face and you tightened your grip as your fingers went slightly numb.

You dropped onto the moving train and crouched to catch your balance against the wind.

Bucky landed a few feet behind you with a big grin on his face.

"Nice landing, Y/N," he said with a wink.

"Stuff it, Barnes," You muttered loudly and pushed the blowing strands of Y/H/C hair out of your eyes, creeping along the surface of the train and jumping into a random car full of strange looking weapons.

"What the hell," you breathed as Bucky dropped into the car.

"Let's go, he said, but before either of you could move, the door leading to another car slid shut and the opposite door opened.

Bullets pinged off the metal near your head and you immediately dove behind a shelf for cover, Bucky following you.

Both of you fired at the HYDRA soldiers, over and over until your guns clicked.

You had run out of ammunition.

"I'm out. Anything?" You asked.

He shook his head.

"We'll be okay," he whispered.

You could see the fear in his eyes, mirroring your own and you bit your lip nervously. The reality of the situation seemed to settle and you shook your head.

This is what you signed up for.

You were prepared to lose your life, if that's what it would come to. Bucky suddenly cupped your face in his hands and your heart began to race as he gazed at you for what felt like forever. You had always wanted him as more than a friend, but never did anything for fear of jeopardizing your friendship.

You could see now how stupid you've been.

He leaned forward and lightly brushed his lips against yours. Your body reacted with frenzied speed and you pulled him closer, your lips moving together frantically.

Neither of you seemed to remember you were getting shot at as you got caught up in the heated tension.

You pulled away and leaned your forehead against his, a longing sensation swelling in your chest.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time," he said with a smile.

"This is the wrong time to tell me you like me, Barnes."

Suddenly, the door slid open and Steve's shield flew past the both of you, knocking out the soldiers and whizzing back into his hand. He reached out to help you to your feet and you accepted, avoiding his knowing gaze.

"We had him on the ropes," Bucky said, his face a light pink.

"I know you did," Steve smirked and punched Bucky on the shoulder.

"What was that for?!"

You chuckled and hoisted your empty gun onto your back as they argued playfully when you heard a low hiss.

You whirled around and everything.
Everything slowed down.

You pushed Bucky out of the way of the blaster and it ripped a hole in the side of the train, sucking you out as you desperately grabbed onto a piece of a metal sticking out from the side. The force of the wind pushed against your body and you were trying as hard as you could to hold on, your heart going a million miles an hour and a scream caught in your throat.

You watched as Bucky reached for you.

Too far.

It was much too far.

You wouldn't make it.

"Y/N! Hang on! Grab my hand!"

"You'll be okay!" You shouted, swallowing the large lump in your throat.

"You'll be okay."

The rod broke.
You fell.

And everything went black.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

—————

Steve followed the sound of a radio through the wreckage of what used to be a bar. The bar he had enlisted the Howling Commandos as his own, now a broken piece of rubble and brick.

He found Bucky sitting at the only intact table, pouring himself a drink and staring at the opposite wall as though he could make it move.

His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was a tangled mess from the many times he had run his fingers through it in a frustrated manner.

Steve felt awful.

Y/N might've been best friends to the both of them, but Steve had known Bucky loved you from the moment he met you.

"Bucky?"

He looked at Steve, his eyes holding no emotion, but he could tell just how torn up he was on the inside—how much he wished he could do it all over again so they could have you by their side.

"It's not your fault, Buck," he said softly.

Bucky laughed drunkenly and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling.

"It is. It's all my fault. And you wanna know why?"

He straightened and threw the glass bottle at the wall, shattering it.

"It should've been me...that's why!"

Steve's heart ached, but he said nothing as his best friend buried his face in his hands and wept.

"It should've been me."

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