Warning! This is part one of two, the second part being a lemon. 

Note: this is set in a universe where Bucky and Steve make it back from the war!

- 1940 -

 I tried hard to fight the tears standing next to Steve as the coffin bearers carried our mother through the church. The vicar had just delivered a beautiful eulogy and mum was now being taken to the cemetery. Steve had been silent since we left our small flat to head to the church, only speaking to greet a few people who had come to pay their respects including Steve's best friend Bucky Barnes.

When mum had been taken out of the church Steve was the first to stand and he walked sheepishly out of the church. I looked at my lap and fiddled with the tissue in my hand, knowing I needed to make my way to the cemetery to bury her but a part of me thought that if I didn't go then this wouldn't be happening and I'd wake up as though it was a bad dream.

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder and I looked to see Bucky looking down at me with a sad and comforting smile. I stood up and hugged him, him reciprocating tightly. He always comforted me, even his presence was enough but holding him like this and feeling his hold on me always calmed me down. "Where's Steve?" He asked when we pulled apart.

"I don't know... he's gone to the cemetery I think," I shrugged, sniffing and Bucky sighed.

"We can give you a ride if you want. Rebecca's outside with my folks, I'll see if I can flag down your idiot brother," he said and I smiled slightly, the two of us leaving the church and me going to join the Barnes family. Despite only knowing them through Steve we had become close, probably due to their brother-like relationship. They got me in the car when Bucky returned without Steve, telling us he had already gone. I sighed as the Barnes family followed the hearse to the cemetery where I saw Steve standing alone, hands in his pockets and looking over the hole they had dug for mum.

This time it was just me and Steve, watching mum being lowered into the hole next to dads grave. Knowing they would be together comforted me and Steve held my hand tightly as I threw in flowers, the cemetery keepers then shovelling the dirt onto her coffin. We stayed until the hole was completely filled and I had cried to the point where no other tears could follow.

Together we walked through the streets of New York, back to our flat and I was a little surprised to see Bucky stood at the bottom of the steps, apparently waiting for the two of us. "Hey," he smiled softly.

"Hey Buck," Steve muttered.

"How... was it?" Bucky asked carefully as the three of us climbed the steps up to the second floor which our apartment was on.

"It was okay. She's next to dad," Steve said, his eyes glued to the floor as we walked.

"I was gonna ask-,"

"I know what you're gonna say Buck," Steve interrupted.

"We can put the couch cushions on the floor like we were kids. (y/n) can sleepover in Rebecca's room. It'll be fun, all you gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash," Bucky joked as Steve frantically searched for the keys to our apartment. I sighed and picked up the spare that was hidden under a nearby plant pot. I went ahead and unlocked the door, stepping inside the apartment and leaving the two boys to it. Somehow despite knowing I was living here with my older brother I felt a sense of loneliness, not having my mother cooking away in the kitchen or dad complaining about the news in the newspaper.

I chucked the key on the counter and headed straight to my room, collapsing on my bed and hoping to have a good nights rest.

- Timeskip -

A knock on the door caused me to get up from the couch and when I answered I saw Bucky smiling softly back at me. "Hi," he said sweetly.

"Hey Bucky, it's good to see you," I stepped aside to let him in.

"How're you holding up?" He asked carefully, standing close to me.

"I don't know really... trying to do all of the cooking is hard," I tried to make a joke but it just brought tears to my eyes. He pulled me in for a comforting hug and I cried against his neatly pressed suit. The Barnes family had always had a bit more money so they could afford to dress in fancy clothes unlike us but it was good to know that they didn't care about appearances.

"Where's your brother?" He asked, noticing that we were alone in the apartment.

"Out for a walk. Mentioned something about clearing his head," I muttered as we pulled apart.

"I'm sorry (y/n). Is there anything I can do to help?" He asked.

"Could you... take me out somewhere? Anywhere, just to distract me... please," I looked into his sharp blue eyes. It seemed he was surprised by my request but he smiled softly and nodded.

"Sure thing doll. Grab your jacket, we'll go to the movies," he said and I felt warm inside, glad to be getting out of the house. Hearing him use the term of endearment he saved just for me helped me feel good too. I left a note for Steve and took Bucky's arm, the two of us heading into the Big Apple and through the bustling streets arm in arm. I always felt happy when I was with Bucky, thanks to my ever growing crush on the man. I had a feeling he knew but I didn't care; he treated me well and that was the main thing. It wasn't my place to get jealous over the girls he saw so I simply avoided them.

He led the way and paid for my entry as well as my sweets, and I was happily distracted. I couldn't help but glance up at him from time to time, one of which he noticed and sent back his charming smile. When the movie was over he took me on a walk, buying me pretzel en route. We walked past the Stark building, Bucky stopping to see if he could peer through the windows to get an idea on what their latest project was. I managed to drag him away but I let him talk my ear off about the latest tech and how advanced it was.

The sky had gotten dark before either of us noticed. I had completely forgotten about the state of upset I was in when I woke up this morning. "It's getting dark," I pointed out glumly.

"It's been a good day," he smiled sweetly. We stopped under a lit lamppost for a moment, our walking having taken us to a more quiet part of the city. The way he was staring at me with his sparkling blue eyes filled me with confidence so I found myself standing on my tip toes, pressing my lips against his. He seemed taken aback for a moment, but I felt elated when he began kissing me back. He cupped my cheek romantically and I practically soon, the kiss being soft and gentle but enough to make me melt.

We moved our head slightly to deepen the kiss a little but suddenly I found myself being pushed away. He had his grip on my shoulders and had pushed me an arms length away, a blush on his cheeks whilst I was left confused. "We can't," he breathed and I had hoped I had misheard him.

"What?"

"(y/n) you're vulnerable right now, you don't know what you're doing," Bucky said softly but I furrowed my eyebrows, embarrassment creeping up on me.

"I knew exactly what I was doing!" I defended and he sighed.

"I don't wanna take advantage of you. Listen you're going through something emotionally, I can't take advantage of that," he said, a pleading look in his eye but I knew that this was just his way of letting me down gently. My lip began to tremble and as much as I didn't want them to, my eyes filled with tears. "No (y/n), please don't cry," he begged, stepping closer to me but I stepped back.

"You wouldn't be taking advantage of me!" I said bitterly.

"Yes I would've been, you just- can't see it right now. I can't do that to you (y/n)," he whispered.

"Then why did you kiss back?"

"I- just got caught up in the moment... I'm sorry- please don't cry, you'll soon understand that this would've been a mistake-,"

"Ha," I scoffed, turning away from him. "I'm going home."

"Wait, wait at least let me walk you back," he begged, reaching out and trying to take my hand but I snatched it back.

"I'm going home alone," I said fiercely, refusing to look back at him.

"It's dangerous to walk these streets alone at night-,"

"I don't care! Just- just leave me alone," I shouted before storming off, heading back to mine and Steve's apartment whilst furiously wiping the tears away. The kiss had felt so good, and the elation I felt when he kissed back was overwhelming but in moments it all came crashing down. I had thought for one glorious moment that there was a chance for us to be together but it seemed as though I was just kidding myself.

I stormed into the flat making Steve jump, him sitting on the sofa reading the New York Times. "(y/n) where've- hey what's wrong?" He asked quickly when he saw the state I was in. I didn't doubt I had puffy eyes from the reluctant tears that were continuing to fall. I sniffed and he pulled me into a hug. Despite being small and thin he was still comfortable to hug. "Is it mum?"

"No," I cried into his chest.

"Dad?"

"No."

"It's Bucky isn't it," he muttered and I stayed quiet, him realising that he'd got it right. He sighed deeply and took me to the sofa so I'd be more comfortable. "What happened?"

"He took me out to help distract me from everything... things were going well so I- I kissed him," I whispered. Steve tensed up a bit but could see that I was upset so decided not to go into his protective brotherly mode. "He pushed me away... I thought for a moment he liked me to."

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. "That jerk," he muttered and I nodded my head in agreement. "Listen, it's... okay," he said and I looked up at him with confusion. "Sorry, I'm not good at this kind of thing," he defended himself. "Bucky's a good guy but he also does have a habit of getting through ladies... he was probably just trying to protect you from him..."

"I don't care. I thought for one moment that he felt the same way but I was just kidding myself. It's late Steve, I'm going to bed," I whispered, getting up lazily and trudging to my room, collapsing on the bed not feeling any better from when I woke up.

- Bucky's POV -

She hadn't realised it but I had followed her all the way to her flat to make sure she had gotten back safely. I waited for fifteen minutes before making my way up to their flat and knocking softly. I knew (y/n) well enough to know that she would've gone straight to her room to get some sleep so I wasn't surprise when an irritated looking Steve answered the door. "She told you?"

"Yes. What the hell Buck?" He turned on me, stepping outside and shutting the door behind him.

"I didn't mean to hurt her! She's just in a very vulnerable situation right now, I can't take advantage of that," I hissed.

"Look, I get it. And I'm glad you think that way but you know that she likes you, and you admitted to me just before our mum died that you like her too. Has some other lady caught your eye now?" He challenged.

"No! Of course not, I just wanted her to be thinking clearly," I defended.

"Buck that girl likes you a lot. I dunno why but she does," he said and I pouted. "You need to admit your feelings and do it soon as well."

"Is she still awake?" I asked, feeling hopeful that I could talk and straighten things out tonight.

"Trust me you're the last person she wants to see right now," he said and I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Fine... look, I was just trying to do what I thought would be right," I said and he nodded.

"I know you were... and to be honest I think you did the right thing. She's probably not thinking clearly after what's just happened after all," he said with a small smile.

"Thanks," I muttered. "God I hope she'll forgive me. Or at least understand why I pushed her away."

"Start with the apology," he said sternly.

"I will," I said. I bade my best friend a goodnight and headed back to my own place, brainstorming ideas about what to say to her tomorrow when I planned to apologise.

- The Next Day - - (y/n)'s POV -

I curled up in bed and ate the last of the chocolate much to Steve's irritation. I couldn't help but replay the kiss last night on repeat in my mind. What was more annoying was that I understood his point of view, but what he apparently didn't understand was the fact that he wouldn't be taking advantage of me and that I did actually have feelings for him.

A knock on my bedroom door made me grunt. "Go away Steve," I growled but the door still opened. I sat up sharply, about to tell the intruder to go away but my voice was caught in my throat when I saw it was Bucky.

"Hey... can I come in?" He asked somewhat bashfully and I sighed but nodded. Unsurprisingly he looked good, his sharp suit and slicked back hair adding to his attractiveness. "I'm sorry about yesterday, honestly."

"I know you are," I whispered and he smiled softly.

"Listen, I don't want you to get the wrong idea after yesterday 'cos I... I do like you (y/n)," he said and I looked at him as though he had just spoken a foreign language.

"What?"

"I know you probably don't believe me but I do... like you more than a friend," he said softly. I was frozen, unable to comprehend his confession.

"No you don't," I said bluntly, staring at him and he just smirked, reaching his hand up and cupping my cheek making my heart stop.

"Yes, I do," he said firmly, staring at me deeply. I thought my soul had left my body when he pressed his lips against mine, kissing me softly. I could feel his feelings for me through the kiss making me return the gesture happily. When we pulled apart I was still speechless making him chuckle a little. "So, you're my girl."

"Okay," was about all I could say, beaming brightly. He pulled me in for another deep kiss and despite the recent sadness in my family, I had a sudden wash a happiness and relief.