part 2

The ride back home feels light. Almost like a dream.

Kai can feel her contentment and happiness singing through the air between them.

Milly's fiddling with the ring, an equally light and bedazzled smile painted on her face as her gaze keeps tracing the notes engraved on its cool surface.

He gives her a brief look and smiles too. That was what he'd been hoping to achieve when he planned this surprise for her.

To bring back what she lost.

To celebrate her presence in his life as much as she celebrates his.

To give her new things to remember. Happy things.

Happy things with him.

Kai reaches out a free hand to take hers, and Milly immediately intertwines her fingers with his like she's already so used to doing that. Maybe she is.

Because he is.

"Happy?" he asks, and she turns to him, eyes bright, lashes fluttering, cheeks pink with a happy and content flush. He's said it before and he'll say it again. She's much too beautiful for her own good sometimes.

"Not just happy," she corrects with a laugh. "I feel like I'm floating right now."

'Di lang ikaw, he doesn't say.

His smile stretches out into a stifled grin, mirroring hers. Her high spirit's contagious. And sweet. It's seeping into him like melted honey.

Squeezing her hand, he presses a kiss to her knuckles as an answer.

The euphoric silence returns and hangs over them again, and he can feel the warm caress of her gaze on his face as he drives them back to Manila.

When he asks why she loves to do that - watching him - Milly only shakes her head and says it's because she loves watching him.

No real reason why. She just does.

Kai lets it go. Doesn't press for answers.

Because he understands.

He does it too.

Watching her.

Also for no real reason at all.

He just does.

part 3

Milly's still glowing when they make it back.

She almost feels like a wind gliding across the hallway as they pad their way back to the penthouse, with her hair flowing behind her back, the silk of her black dress following every move that her legs would take.

There's a lightness to her steps that he had only ever occassionally seen. Not a happy bounce but something similar. Something more elegant and very Milly.

The tune of Heaven rings through the hallway and makes it to his ears as she hums the chorus. It doesn't stop even as she pauses in her steps and waits for him to catch up to her, her arm instinctively reaching out and looping around his to maintain skin contact. Her head's pressed sweetly against the side of his shoulder blade when they continue on their way.

She's being very affectionate with him right now. Milly's always been, it's part of her nature, but there's a notable difference in this one. A notable sweetness. A child-like honesty and delightfulness blanketing around her that he's only experienced once. There-before. In Baguio.

After she agreed to be with him officially.

The elation.

This bliss.

The thought that he's the reason why gives him a flicker of pride.

Milly's shrugging his coat off of her shoulders and placing it on one of the chairs at the dining table when a thought occurs to him.

"You forgot to tell me something."

"Hmm?"

"Eleven. You forgot to tell me what it means again."

"Oh," she says in realization and blinks. "You're right."

He walks closer to her, bridging the distance, and his hands fall to her waist. A routine and habit by now. They always seek their place there no matter what. "Tell me what it means now."

That light, enchanting smile curls on her lips once again as she hooks her arms around his neck. She tilts her head to the side, teasing. "What do you think it means?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking."

She laughs a bit. "Take a guess."

Not one for mind games, he squeezes her waist to silently prod her to explain. "Just tell me," he says. "What is it? What does it mean?"

He has an inkling, of course. He can glean from context clues what the number - now a phrase, it seems - might mean to her. But he'd prefer to hear it straight than make his own assumptions and be wrong.

"You're no fun, but okay. I'll tell you." Milly plants a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. "It means everything, baby. It's my way of telling you. That I'm grateful. That I appreciate you. That I like you. That I'm obsessed with you. That I'm attached to you. That I'm..."

"That you have feelings for me," he finishes, reading between the lines, stating what she's carefully chosen not to say. But it does need saying. It needs to be addressed. For her. For both of them. "You're saying everything except the thing."

Her smile falters.

And her arms around his neck slacken. Milly tries to step back, as if she can shield herself from the weight of the truth if she'd do that, but his hands keep her still.

Because she needs this.

They need this.

They can't dance around it forever.

Stopping herself... holding back... she's especially used to doing that for everyone but he doesn't want her to feel that it needs to be like that in their relationship too.

Kai feels the desperate need to let her know, truly know, as early as now in their budding relationship that it's safe. To feel. With him.

It's safe to feel anything, everything, with him.

Because he knows her limits. He understands her history. He will never force her to give anything more than this.

"Kai... I..." she starts, clearly startled and at a loss of what to say.

He bridges the remaining distance and wraps his arms around her lithe frame to encourage her to continue.

"You can be honest with me, Milly. About anything."

She sighs and relaxes in his embrace. "I know. But baby, it would be unfair to say that it's love. Not because you don't deserve it but because you do. I know you do. But it would be unfair of me to say that I do coz how can something so riddled with fear and uncertainty be love? A shell of the thing can't be the real thing," she says and he understands.

He does.

What she's saying.

What she's not saying.

"But you're right. It would be a lie to say I don't have any feelings for you. Because I have. Whatever they may be. I don't have a name for it and it sucks that I can't even express what I feel for you so openly because I'm not even sure what they are. But at least, with eleven, I'd hoped to... "she trails off. "With eleven... I thought I'd at least get to let you feel some of my appreciation. In my own little way. Without leading you on."

Kai presses his cheek to the side of her head. "You're not leading me on. I already told you. You can say whatever you want. I won't overthink it. I won't overcomplicate it." Then he adds, "Whatever we have is whatever you want to call it, Milly. It is what you call it is. In this relationship, you don't even need to say much. You don't need to overthink and worry too much. Just feel. Feel, with me. We're already in a relationship. You don't need to hold back anymore. Just let go and feel whatever you feel. Say whatever you want to say."

"I can't. I need to be careful about everything. Because you know I can't... give you a permanent future and I don't wanna end up hurting you one day," she says, her voice hesitant and growing quieter.

"We'll worry about that when that time comes. Why don't you just think of today rather than what will happen in the future? Because that's what I do. I don't care about the future. I only care about my present with you. We are here, right now. I care about you today." Kai pulls away annd places her hand flat on his chest. "Say what you want to say. Feel what you want to feel. Tayong dalawa lang nandito. Wala nang iba. If you want to have feelings for me just for today, fine. Just feel me. Just feel yourself. Let go of everything you can't control. We can worry about tomorrow some other time. Focus on us now. If by tomorrow you no longer feel the same, we'll handle that then. For now, just look at me. Stay here with me. Feel for me now."

"I'm sorry," she answers with a sigh, melting back into his arms, "for making this relationship more complicated than it should be."

"You shouldn't be. It's only right that we talk about these things because I am fully committed to making us work and I like having this relationship with you. I want to keep us longer."

"My luck and your misfortune," she says glumly and takes a deep breath. "Eleven, Kai. Might not be love but it's happiness, safety, comfort. And warmth. It's appreciation. The gratitude I feel for you. The joy you give me for being around. And everything else in between. I may not understand everything I'm feeling but this is the one fact that I know I can be sure of. This is what eleven means to me. And you are the front and center of it. You are that eleven. And I like you so so much."

His breath holds. And releases. His pulse thundering underneath his skin with every beat of her declaration.

Eleven.

Her eleven.

"I thought you're eleven now because we exchanged?" he asks, smiling.

"Sa perspective mo. So you will stop hating your own birthday. I wanted to give you a new meaning and reason to celebrate it. And I also wanted to give you a birthdate to celebrate. But eleven will always be you to me. Your day, your number, your presence. The fact that you're here. The fact that you found me. The fact that you stayed." She breathes in his scent again. "Eleven is you. And all good things, baby."

Kai stills.

And then he leans away again to gaze at her face again.

It's ironic that she's looking back at him with so much sincerity when she doesn't even know what she's done.

What she's undone.

To him, eleven is a curse. He couldn't care less about it.

But when she puts it like that?

How could one listen and expect not to buckle?

Caressing her cheek, he takes her hand and presses a kiss to her ring. "Eleven. Milly. I feel the same," he whispers, his eyes getting trapped in hers. "I don't regret choosing to be with you so forget about everything else and just feel me. Because I will only look at you from now on. Alright?"