Kai knocks softly, even though he's not expecting any answer. Quietly, he opens the door and invites himself in. Hours have passed since he found Milly in their safe space, sitting in a corner, arms on top of her folded legs, eyes swollen, lost, and just... broken.

His heart broke seeing her, and his heart's still breaking seeing her now. Somehow, he's managed to coax her to leave the paint space in favor of the bedroom, hoping she'll be able to get a bit of rest before they head to the funeral home. But from the looks of it, that wasn't the case even when he left to give her some space.

"Milly," he calls out, taking slow steps toward her.

She's on the bed, head cast low, gaze fixed on her hands. He can taste her emptiness and grief even in the silence.

Especially in the silence.

A shot of pain lances through his chest. There will never be a time where he'll be fine seeing her like this.

Sitting beside her, he cradles her with his arms and gently presses her head against his chest.

"'Di ka natulog?"

He doesn't expect her to respond, but she does this time.

"I can't sleep," she answers in a hoarse voice.

"Bumili ako ng pagkain. Gusto mo na bang kumain? Buong araw kang 'di kumain."

"Wala akong gana."

She needs to eat, but he doesn't press. Just lets her have what she wants.

"Nailipat na ang lolo mo. 'Di ba tayo pupunta sa kanya?" he asks gently.

A long pause stretches between them that he thought she'd never answer until she shakes her head.

"I don't wanna see him..."

"Ayaw mo bang magpaalam?"

"What for? He's not gone. It's not real."

Kai understands, so he doesn't refute it, only holds her closer. "We'll stay here then."

Another beat of silence.

"This is why I don't wanna love anyone. Everyone I ever loved hurt me. Everyone I ever loved left me. It's better to stay alone. I shouldn't have—" her voice breaks, but still, no tears come out.

"Nandito lang ako. Nandito pa rin ako."

"Iiwan mo rin ako."

"Nandito lang ako, Milly," he reassures, hoping it will get through her even just a little bit. "'Di kita iiwan."

Milly draws out a long sigh in response.

Then she shifts in his arms and turns to face him for the first time since he found her.

Her hand, shaky and weak, reaches for his cheek.

"Kumain ka na ba? Kanina ka pa rito," she says, searching his face, and he breaks. "Kumain ka na muna."

He fucking breaks.

A surge of emotions wells up in his chest, and he cages her in his embrace so tight, he might as well meld her into him.

Siya.

Siya pa rin ang iniisip.

Kahit na ganito na, siya pa rin ang iniisip.

Fuck's sake.

How can the world be this cruel to her like this?

Kai shakes, holding her like that. Milly wraps her arms around him, patting his back like she's trying to console him. Him.

"Let's go home," she says. "Let's get changed. For..." she pauses. "For Lolo..."

"We can go later. Kumain muna tayo. Sasakitan ka na ng ulo n'yan. Nalipasan ka na."

"I don't think I can. Wala akong gana. Baka isuka ko lang."

"Kahit kaunti?"

She breathes in and nods. "I'm so tired."

Kai pulls away, kisses her forehead, and sets her back down on the bed, the side of her head lying on his arm.

"Sige," he whispers as he strokes her cheek. "Umidlip muna tayo."

Milly looks back at him, soulless, lonely. "I'm scared to close my eyes," she whispers back.

"Babantayan kita. Dito lang ako hanggang sa magising ka."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Then the tears come in, softly, quietly, painfully.

"I couldn't even say goodbye," she says, voice tight as the tears fall sideways. Kai chases them away with the pad of his thumb. "I couldn't tell him how much I loved him."

"He knows," he says, cushioning her with his arms as tight as he could. "He knows."

Before, every time they would sleep together like this, Milly would always fall into him and hold him back.

But now, she remains limp in his arms. Like a weightless wind.

Like she's not there with him.

Not really.

Not anymore.