Kai hears it before he sees it—the loneliness, the heartbreak.

The gentle sound of the piano reaches his ears before he even gets to completely open the door. It's coming from the mini library which he'd now turned into a music room for her. To give her a place where she can be comfortable, a home within the home he gave her.

Initially, he'd wanted to surprise her. She doesn't know he's coming home early, that he did his best to come straight to her as fast as he could, because he knew.

Something was wrong.

And Milly wouldn't tell him, but it's like his heart is already so well connected with hers that he doesn't need any more words to confirm what she's feeling.

He just knows.

His heart knows.

Softly, he strides closer to the sound, careful not to make any noise and give away his presence. Milly left the door slightly open and the gap was big enough to see her back facing toward him, her fingers moving up and down the piano in a graceful dance. Her left hand plays the lower notes in a steady harmony as the right hand becomes almost weightless, building and running the melody in a beautiful arpeggio that seems to tell an untold message. Every key pressed adds solemnity to the song, a kind of insistent and lonely tugging that he hasn't heard in any of her music before even when she just recently released an album full of sad songs.

He doesn't recognize this piece either from any of the recitals and shows she has that he's seen before.

This is the first time he's seeing her play the piano, and he's not sure what to feel about it now that he has.

Especially in this situation when he knows it's a result of something else.

Closer to the sound now, Kai feels it stronger. The lulling wave of loneliness, of pain and disappointment, rising and pouring out from her hands with such softness that it makes him ache quite uncomfortably. It cuts, knowing that there's nothing he can do to take the pain away.

And it cuts even more because he knows it's different from all the other times. Milly has sworn off the piano already — and if she's back to it...

Kai steps away from the door and hides again. He doesn't want her to think that he caught her at a vulnerable time, a time probably meant only for herself, a time he's not sure she's willing to share with anyone just yet.

He doesn't want her to know that he's listening, afraid that she will never approach the piano again if she realizes someone heard.

He leaves the suite before she concludes the piece and only returns when a certain time has passed and the sound of the piano has ceased. He doesn't know how long he stayed outside, just that he's itching to do something.

Anything.

For her.

Eleven, she told him, not knowing that by doing so, she's managed to touch parts of him that he didn't even know needed healing.

He wishes he has that too — her natural flair to love everyone without reservations, so he can love parts of her that she thought didn't need any more care and affection, too.

He wants to do that for her, but he doesn't know how. He can only love her in the way he knows how.

Quietly, steadfastly.

Milly's already in the kitchen, putting the milk back in the refrigerator, when he finds her.

Kai doesn't wait for her to notice him this time. Immediately, he wraps his arms around her slender frame and presses his cheek to the side of her head.

Milly instantly breathes in — then she relaxes against his chest.

"You're home," she says in that achingly tender voice as she drapes her arms on top of his. "What time did you get back?"

Kai doesn't want to lie — so he evades. "Kumain ka na?"

"Done na. You kept reminding me kaya. You ba?"

"Tapos na rin," he answers and takes another breath to feel her in, his hands snaking tighter around her body. "I missed you today."

Her laughter rings in the air — and the string of unease clutching his chest lets loose. Kai takes another breath.

"Nakatulog ka ba?"

"Hm-mm. Just a nap, but it's a nice one. How about you?" She pulls away lightly to turn and face him, eyes sweet and thoughtful as she looks up at him. "Tired? How was the shoot with the girls?"

"Natapos nila. Beach shots lang naman."

Milly lifts her knuckles up to the side of his eyes. "'Di ka naman nagsungit? Were you nice to them?"

A soft smile inches out of his mouth. "As nice as one could be when you have a nagging sister at your tail."

Milly grins, and his eyes drop to it, lingering, soaking it in. It's not as full as he'd love it to be.

Again, the piano from earlier plays in his head, and he aches again.

"Why?" she asks lightly.

"Ayaw sa mga kuha ko. Wala raw akong kwentang assistant."

She laughs again. "You'll learn."

"You?"

Her brows lift. "Mm?"

Kai cups her cheeks with both hands, gazing straight into her eyes, searching. His thumbs caress the sides of her face. "How have you been while I was away?"

"Oh, you know. Just the usual. Worked on my songs, talked to some clients. Also reviewed yung status ng businesses na pinasa ni Dad sa 'kin."

"You don't look okay, though. Still your mom?"

Her smile drops a little — somber. "Just feeling a little bit melancholic, that's all. But I'm fine. It's nothing I'm not used to."

"Do you want to talk about it? It's bothering me that it's bothering you."

Milly pauses reluctantly, and then she sighs.

"It's nothing serious naman, baby. I'm used to it. But siguro kasi you've been showering me with so much attention, I find it ironic lang na the one who should have isn't. Have I told you before? My mom was my dream before. The violin is the first instrument I loved kasi she played all the time for me. I was very young when I decided to learn the piano. I was barely three daw no'n. Maestra told me I insisted to learn kasi I didn't want to be like my mom. I didn't want to be good at the violin like her. I wanted to play with her on the stage. To be her support. I wanted to be her accompanist."

Kai waits patiently when she stops short to gather her thoughts.

"Of course I fell in love with the piano for real — that's why Maestra tutored me herself. Both of them are the reason why I loved music so much." Milly pauses. "But they're both gone in my life, and I..."

She casts her gaze on the floor, lips twitching down. "...I'm kinda frustrated with myself kasi I'm used to this na, e. I thought I got it all figured out na, kaya everytime she does this, and I still get hurt, it frustrates me. And it fucking sucks to get slapped in the face everytime na the reason why I don't have her is because of the same music I learned to love because of her. Imagine that, baby? Hindi second family niya ang reason why we lost her. It's just that... her music. Her life, her priority. And I'm still... I thought I wasn't... but deep inside, I'm still competing with that. I'm not even asking for her entire attention. Just a simple thought, you know? Just a little something. Her absence hurts more now kasi... I'm starting to love music again, e. I left the piano when Maestra passed away kasi after I found out about my mom's betrayal, I lost my passion for it. I grew cold. I started seeing it as proof of my stupidity and blindness. But I held on because I love Maestra. When she went away, I had no reason to keep playing because it hurts being reminded every time of that dream I once had. But I thought... because you like it... maybe I can try again... kasi you make it feel so good again. But after seeing my mom forgetting my birthday... but not her music and her friends... I'm getting torn once again. I love my music but... I don't know what to feel kada ginagawa niya 'to. And it sucks, baby. It sucks to hate what you love because of someone."

Milly shuts her eyes when the tears start to well up. Kai pulls her into his arms again. Again, aching. Because he can't do anything.

"Do you want to start playing again?"

"I don't know. It hurts to remember."

"Do you still love it? The piano?"

"I do."

"Then play again, Milly. Slowly. Not for anyone else. Not even for me."

She doesn't answer, only breathes.

"You can still play. It can still be your dream," he says, his fingers gently stroking the back of her head. "Only this time, be your own dream. That way, no one can take it away from you anymore."

Milly buries her face in the crook of his neck and stays quiet for a long time.

The wetness on his skin is the only telling sign that she's crying.

And it hits Kai for the first time.

That maybe, maybe Milly's grieving.

Maybe she's grieving for the family that she lost, for the dreams that she sacrificed.

For the pain that she couldn't face head on until now.

He thinks that maybe, maybe she's been running away all this time and never had the chance to properly grieve for what she lost.

Kai can't do anything for her. Can't take away her pain.

But he can stay through it all.

That night, he holds her and grieves with her.

the piano track is on spotify. just search for milly's album, amare. it's titled longing