Every second passing by feels like an hour long. The wait is agonizing, and she doesn't even know if he's coming, if he even received her letter.

For the nth time, Milly sweeps her eyes over the theater seats and stares at the door, praying, hoping that it will open soon to reveal the lone person she wants to see standing behind it.

More seconds and minutes pass by in the silence.

Her heart's drumming against her ribcage and she—she feels nervous.

Maybe he's not coming at all.

There was no indication or confirmation that told her he would. It was her decision to wait despite it.

A sigh slips out of her lips as she casts her gaze back on the keys of the piano.

What's an hour or two for his months of waiting?

She put him through so much worse when all he's ever done is love her, comfort her, be there for her. All he ever wanted was a reply, an acknowledgment. She gave none of it.

Her chest constricts again at the flash of memories searing through her head. Every message that he sent is burned and engraved in every corner of her mind. And she remembers too well the aching, the frustration, the longing to tell him that she's there, she knows, she sees it all. In her heart, the strings of her replies resonate like dissonant notes on a broken melody.

She sent not a single one in fear that she may be making the wrong choice, dooming him to a relationship set for failure, one he didn't sign up for.

She knows better now.

The months apart helped her think clearer, better. And that message from her lolo was the awakening that she needed to finally accept and embrace herself—flaws and all.

She's still the same old fractured soul she's ever been but past the pain and grief, she can now see how wrong her decisions had been when it came to him.

Because her lolo was right.

It wasn't her fault that her parents' relationship had failed.

She is not them and they are not her. Most of all, he is not all of them.

They can forge their future differently, wiser than all of them combined. If she'll only take the chance.

She wants to.

That's why she's here now, hoping against all odds that he'll give her a chance when she refused to give him any. That's thick of her, she knows. But she needs to at least try.

Losing him was never what she wanted.

The double door creaks open. Milly rises to her feet in anticipation. Her palms are getting cold.

With bated breath, she waits as the towering figure of Kai saunters inside the theater hall. Milly steps closer to the edge of the stage, drinking in all of him.

There he is—the man she's been in love with for so long.

His dark hair, usually brushed up, is unkempt and left falling in waves across his forehead. He's in grey shirt and dark pants. His usual monochromatic attire which she'd seen countless times before but it still takes her breath away even now.

Kai goes down the steps but doesn't come close to the stage. Only stays far back, at least seven rows away from her.

Is he mad at her? It's hard to tell from this distance.

Her gaze switches to the pamphlet he's holding when he raises it in the air to her view—as if silently telling her that he did receive her song and her letter.

That unfreezes her and sends her back to work.

Right.

She swallows the nervousness away and trudges back to the piano, sitting. "I finished it, Maestra's composition. I promised you that you'll be the first to hear it." She glances back at him. He's now settled in on the aisle seat, watching her. "I invited you here... so you can hear it before everybody else could. I..." I hope you still love me. I hope I can earn your trust again. She takes a breath. "I hope you'll like it."

She has never been this nervous playing on the stage before, not even when she joined competitions, played sonatas, and performed with orchestras before. Like her life is on the line, Milly presses every single note with careful precision, playing with rubato and adding her own emotions wherever she thought would fit, improvising when it feels right, filling in some spaces that would just... make this performance... uniquely for him.

Her heart's in her throat when she finishes with a long breath. She glances back at him.

Kai's face remains unreadable to her—and that frightens her so much more than the wait did.

The distance... this distance that she felt from him when he picked her up at the airport and went to dinner with her... is too wide and too empty, it leaves her desperate to cross it back. She thought she could deal with them being apart.

Pero 'di pala.

'Di niya pala kaya.

His attention flickers back to the pamphlet and she takes it as her cue to continue to the next piece in the set.

Hearts Entwined.

She wrote Love's Dance for Maestra, and later on for her lolo.

This one, she wrote for the love of her life. As she herself promised she would. Just as she planned to write all her songs and all her pieces just for him from now on should he find it in his heart to forgive her and accept her again into his life. All her songs, now only for him. Only him. Just him.

"That's the piece I finished for my lola. You're the first to hear it. Because you helped me finish it. You're also the first one who'll hear this one. Because I made it for you," she says in the stretching silence of the theater. She can't even dare to look at him, afraid to see what she'll find on his face if she does. "All of my songs since you have been about you and I didn't even realize. But this one, this one I made intentionally for you. Because I can't express myself well. I hope. I hope you listen. And then decide if I'm still worth another try."

It's a slow, romantic melody filled with shimmering notes, layered with all of her hopes, longing, and affection. Would Kai understand it all when she speaks her heart through her music?

She can only hope so.

As the piece builds up in tension and releases into quick beautiful arpeggios that remind her of chimes, bells, and sun showers, Milly holds back the tears and pours all of her soul into the section, thoughts brimming with him, and all the other moments she spent falling in love with just him.

I love you, she says through the piece. I love you so much, Kai.

The piece slows and grows quiet, petering out in the air after it concludes. The hall becomes increasingly silent after. But the hammering in her chest doesn't stop echoing in her ears.

She turns to Kai, tentatively, hesitatingly. Hands gripping the skirts of her long flowing dress. White, to symbolize new beginnings. A blank slate ready for whatever colors the future might bring with him.

Kai doesn't say anything. She pushes down the growing nervousness swimming in her stomach and makes it down the stage to meet him. He gets up to his feet, hand still clutching the pamphlet.

Pent-up emotions and apologies are burning in her throat and floating at the tip of her tongue, threatening to spill out as she crosses the distance between them and she gets a clearer view of him. She fights them down, and they come out in rapid streams of tears instead.

"Hi..." she starts, unsure, afraid. "You came."

The trail of his gaze from her eyes to her tears down her cheeks stops her heart for a second before he looks up to meet her gaze again. "You sent me a letter."

"I thought you wouldn't."

"I'm here," he answers without inflection. She can't read what's on his mind. "You said you wanted to talk."

She nods through the tears, all too aware of the thundering of her heart underneath her chest. She did mean to talk, hoped for it even, but now that he was here, right in front of her and within reach, it's as if all her words had fizzled out into thin air.

Where should she even begin?

There are so many things to say, yet none is sufficient enough to relay what she truly feels.

Milly searches his eyes, at the guarded way he's looking back at her, like he doesn't really trust her with himself, not completely, not anymore.

She opens her mouth to start, only to catch herself breaking into sobs. She stares at him, at the man she broke and hurt countless times, with the tears that won't stop shedding for him.

"Kai..." she strains out, sobbing. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."

"Milly..." Kai cautions.

"I don't know what else to say. Just that... Mahal na mahal kita," she rasps out, her voice shaking. "Mahal na mahal na mahal kita."

Kai pauses and looks at her with a shadow of reluctance.

"Mahal mo 'ko?" he asks, his face flashing with pain. "Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi?"

"Because I got scared. I got so scared. You're the only man I've ever loved and I don't know how to love you. Your mom hates me. Your mom hates me but she loves you. Mahal ka niya kahit mali ang paraan. All my life I chased after my parents' love. But you have that. How can I get in the way of that? Knowing that you will be exchanging your family for someone so... broken? How can I be selfish like that? I was so afraid to take your family from you when that's all I've ever wanted for myself. I was so scared you'd choose me and realize one day that you made the wrong choice. I was so scared that if I let myself love you, that I'll lose you eventually. Just like everyone else I've ever loved. Pero hindi ko pala kaya..."

Kai keeps looking at her with those hesitant eyes.

"'Di ko pala kaya. When you left that night, it's like I died again. 'Di ko pala kaya na wala ka. I thought I could let you go. 'Pero 'di ko kaya kasi mas mahal na mahal kita kesa sa takot akong masaktan. I love you so much, I can't bear the thought of living a life without you," she says in sheer desperation to reach his heart again. "I know I fucked it up. I was so blinded by own fear that I did the one thing I didn't want to do. Of all people, ikaw ang nag-iisang ayokong saktan and I did that. Because I'm so scared of you. Of what I feel for you. But now I'm more scared that I've actually lost you. Baby. Baby.... I love you too much that I'm willing to face all my fears just to be with you. Kasi mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kita. I know if there's anyone I can actually put my trust on, it's you. Just you. But I broke your trust. I broke your trust"—she heaves a breath —"Kaya kung ayaw mo na... Maiintindihan ko. Pero sana, sana, baby, if there's still a place in your heart to give me a chance... please let me fix it all. I know I didn't give you that chance. And I'm so selfish and stupid for letting you do that. But Kai. I'll ask for your forgiveness everyday and make up for it for the rest of my life if you'll just let me into your life once again. Please, baby. Please. Take me back."

His hands shoot up to her face as the expression on his face wavers. Kai steps closer, reading her eyes. "Mahal mo 'ko?"

Milly nods, still crying.

"Say it again."

In a slow whisper, she says, "Mahal... na mahal... na mahal... kita."

His palms find their way to her cheeks, wiping her tears away with the pad of his thumbs. Their warmth seeps through her skin, and she tries to keep them there by clutching his hands and clinging tighter.

"Paano si Mama? 'Di niya pa rin tayo tanggap. Walang nagbago, Milly. Paano kung sabihan ka ulit niya na hiwalayan ako?"

She vehemently shakes her head. "I don't care anymore if she won't want me for you. As long as you take me back, I'll just love you the best way I can so that she can never find anybody else who can love you as much as I do. I will change, Kai. I will choose you and not my fear anymore. I will choose me. I will choose us. I think I can do it now. I'm still fucked up but I'm getting there. I can try being worthy of you because I don't think anybody can love you how much I love you right now."

"Pinipili mo na ba ako kahit masakit, kahit hindi sigurado, kahit mahirap, kahit tayong dalawa na lang? Pinipili mo na bang magmahal? Pinipili mo na ba tayo? Kasi ayokong sumugal ulit sa 'yo kung sa bawat pagkakataon na masasaktan ka, bigla-bigla mo 'kong iiwan. 'Di gano'n ang pagmamahal, Milly. I need you to stay with me if you want me. Naiintindihan mo ba 'yon? 'Di pwedeng lagi mo 'kong iniiwan sa ere. Kasi ako, matagal na kitang pinili. Ayokong hindi kita kasama. Lalo na sa hirap. Nong pinili kita, kasama na doon na mamahalin kita kahit sa hirap at sa sakit. Wag mo kong bitawan sa tuwing natatakot ka. Sa 'kin ka kumapit. Kaya ko naman maging kung ano ang kailangan mo. Kung kaibigan, kaibigan. Kung espasyo, espasyo. Kung pahinga, pahinga. Kung katuwang, katuwang. Basta kausapin mo 'ko. Wag mo 'kong itulak palayo. 'Wag kang magdesisyon nang tapos para sa 'kin o sa 'ting dalawa. Bigyan mo 'ko ng pagkakataon na magdesisyon para sa sarili ko. Kaya mo na ba 'yon?"

She nods. "Yes... yes, baby... I'll fight to stay with you this time. Just give me a chance. I love you." Her voice breaks. "I love you."

"Tahan na. Tahan na," Kai whispers, wiping her tears, as he plants a kiss on her forehead. "'Wag mong sabihing mahal mo 'ko habang umiiyak. 'Di sa ganyang paraan ko gustong marinig 'yan sa 'yo."

"Sorry, sorry. I can't help it," she answers, swiping at her own tears with her palms, and then she looks him in the eyes out of desperation. "Matatanggap mo pa ba ako?"

"Kailan ba kita iniwan? 'Di naman ako umalis. 'Di rin ako tumigil sa pagmamahal sa 'yo. 'Di lang kita mapagbigyan kagad kasi natatakot ako na baka 'di ka pa rin sigurado. Na baka kapag mahal na naman kita, umayaw ka na naman."

"It won't be like that anymore, Kai. I'll work hard to be better..."

"I know..." He presses another kiss to her forehead, and then to her lips, before pulling her into his arms. "I know. I heard it through the song. I heard it through your piano. I heard it all. But Milly, may kailangan tayong pag-usapan. I've been doing some thinking about us. May gusto akong hilingin sa 'yo."

"What is it?"

"I don't think it's right for us to get back together just yet."

Her heart drops. She freezes in his arms.

He tightens his hold on her before any ill thought could fester and take root. "It's not what you think. I'm just doing a lot of thinking lately. About what you and I need right now. About what will be better for our relationship."

"And?"

"Hindi ito ang tamang oras."

He pulls away, caressing her cheek as if he's trying to pacify her wildly hammering heart with his touch.

"Tama ka naman. Hindi relasyon ang kailangan mo ngayon. Kundi kaibigan," he clarifies. "Bago pa ang lahat. Nagluluksa ka pa rin. Ayokong madaliin ulit yung tayo kung hindi ka pa handa talaga. Ipagpaliban na muna natin yung tayo hanggang sa pwede na natin pag-usapan ulit. Pero sa ngayon, hayaan mo na muna akong samahan ka magluksa. Para sa lolo mo. Para sa pamilya mo. Para sa sarili mo."

"Kai... natatakot ako... I don't want to lose you... I know I'm not okay right now... but I'm afraid to lose you while I'm taking my time to heal."

"'Di ako mawawala sa 'yo. Kasama mo 'kong magluluksa. Kasama mo 'ko. 'Di kita iiwan. Hanggang sa maayos ka na. Hanggang sa pwede na. Hanggang sa tayo naman na. Lalo ka lang malilito ngayon kung idadagdag pa natin yung relasyon natin sa mga iniisip mo. Lagi mong aalalahanin yung mga bagay na tingin mong dapat mong gawin para sa 'kin. Mamadaliin mong maging maayos kahit hindi naman dapat. Pero ayoko n'on, Milly. I want us to slow down. I want us to take our time."

"So what's gonna happen? We're going back to being strangers? Maghihiwalay ulit tayo?"

"No." He leans his forehead against hers. "No, baby. I want us to go back to being friends again. 'Yon ang kailangan natin. 'Yon ang kailangan mo. 'Yon ang kailangan ko. Kilalanin ulit natin yung isa't isa. 'Di naman ibig sabihin n'on na hindi na kita mahal. Kaya kong maghintay. Hanggang sa kaya mo nang sabihin sa 'kin na mahal mo 'ko nang hindi ka nasasaktan. We're still together. We're just putting our relationship and our future on hold so we can focus on working through our differences and issues without the added pressure on you. But it's still us. Tayo pa rin. Mahal pa rin kita. At mamahalin pa rin kita. Naiintindihan mo ba yung gusto kong sabihin?"

Milly nods, sobbing despite herself. "Naiintindihan ko. And I agree with you," she says. "It's just that... love you, Kai. I love you more than I can ever show. I love you more than this hurt. And I'm so sorry I pushed us to this choice."

"Tama na. Pinapatawad na kita. Patawarin mo na rin yung sarili mo dahil 'di yan ang gusto ko para sa 'yo. Kailangan mo ng oras para magpaalam sa mga dati mong nakasanayan. Sasamahan kita. Hmm?"

Milly embraces him.

"Mahal na mahal na mahal kita," she says again and again and again, fully relieved that this time, she can hold him without having to let him go.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

you can listen to milly's piano tracks on spotify. just search for hearts entwined and love's dance.

it's been a long ride for me, so thank you for making it this far.