part 1

It rains a little after they arrive on the island, a slight drizzle that darkens the skies, casting an unmistakable gloom on the sea that doesn't make this any easier. Milly's quiet the entire ride on the sea plane and now in the service car driving them up the hill where the family mansion stands. Below, Villa Fuentabella, the private resort, sits in all its glory, occupying almost the entire island with its casitas and establishments spread around strategically near the shore and between the infinity pools.

There's a family renting the main casita, so they can't see it for now, she said. But they can check the rest of the villas, including the clubhouse, later after the rain stops. Kai wants to tell her that he's not really interested in any of that. It doesn't matter where they will go or what they will see. She doesn't need to play the host because he's here for her. She is the destination and the goal. The rest is just a backdrop.

The service car briefly stops at the iron gates, and a security guard greets them before letting them in.

Kai can't read the look on her face even as she smiles at the house helper who rushes to escort them, umbrella in hand, shielding them from the rain. More staff come out of the mansion to take their luggages.

"Magandang hapon po. Mabuti at nandito na kayo bago pa bumuhos ang ulan," an elderly woman at the door, who he can only surmise as the mayordoma, greets with a pleasant smile.

"Kaya nga po. Has the room been prepared po?" Milly answers in a faint voice. "Sorry for calling in last minute."

"Napalinis at handa na po sa taas. Dalawa lang po kayo? Ang daddy n'yo po?"

At the mention of her dad, her smile falters a bit. "It's just us po. We will be sharing the room."

"Bueno. Ipahahatid ko na po kayo sa master's bedroom."

The same lady staff who escorted them in leads them to the second floor, where most of the guest rooms are. A winding staircase opens to a long hallway littered with paintings and vases. At the far end is a balcony overlooking the infinity pool below it and the shoreline overhead.

"Master's bed room po."

Kai takes the key card from her as the two staff haul their luggage into the room. Milly walks inside wordlessly, heading to the misty glass windows. Outside, the rain continues its assault.

Kai thanks the staff and locks the door. He arranges their luggages neatly at the side and pads closer to Milly.

The wind picks up speed, whistling through as the downpour gets stronger, blanketing the shore in somber grey. A sense of deja vu hits him out of nowhere.

They've been here before. A different time, a different place, in a completely different situation.

Last time they were like this, the two of them were two lines finally converging on each other.

Now he can't shake off the feeling that they're drifting apart. That she's going to a place he can't reach anymore and-

No.

Hindi.

He's not losing her.

Even if it feels like she's slipping right through his fingertips even now, even when they're together like this.

Kai embraces her from behind as if that can anchor her back to him. He doesn't know where she's going every time she's withdrawing to herself like this. Doesn't know where her thoughts are running off to, doesn't know what kind of thoughts she's having.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, pressing his cheek to the side of her head.

Milly sighs and murmurs, "Do you see that? Even the skies are grieving his loss. Because we have one less good person in the world."

"Is that how you see it?" he responds. "I don't. I think your lolo did more than just love you. He's a good man. I'm pretty sure among those he'd helped and loved, he also touched and transformed so many lives for the good. Just because he's not here with us anymore doesn't mean he's really gone. His legacy lives on. In you. In your kids. In us."

A tentative pause floats between them before Milly leans back against him. "He is good," she says weakly. "That's why he took the affair the hard way. He's good 'til the end."

"Milly... If the island's going to remind you of everything we're running away from," he says, "then why did you insist on going here? We could've chosen something else."

"Because I don't want to hate it," she answers, morose. "I don't want to hate this place and I don't want to hate them. I thought that by bringing you here, the bad memories this place represents will be replaced by something... good."

"Does it?"

The lack of an answer is forthcoming, an answer in itself.

Kai backpedals. "Nandito na tayo. May gusto ka bang gawin? O gusto mo ba magpahinga muna?"

Milly turns around and looks up at him, her eyes worn out and exhausted. Still swollen from all the crying she did the night before. "I want to rest."

Kai nods. "Alright. We'll stay here."

She rests her cheek against his chest, and his arms automatically encase her slim frame.

"I want to rest from everything," she says, almost imperceptible, like an afterthought.

Kai hopes to hell he's not included in that.

***

The rain, though weaker now, maintains its onslaught well into the night. The steady beats against the windows calm his frayed thoughts somehow. After everything that transpired, he can't shake off the foreboding feeling hanging over his head and wrenching his gut.

Now more pronounced than it had ever been.

The silence between them used to be comfortable. It used to be his pride, knowing that he doesn't need words to understand her because he knows. He always knows what she doesn't say.

But it's like something had died within her - and along with it, his ability to connect with her - because he can feel it in his gut, how she grows distant every second, how she grows distant even now, drifting further away even though her fingers are in between his and she's only inches away.

They're touring the mansion together, but the silence stings.

It's alive, it's staring him in the face, and it stings.

She needs time and space and he understands - is willing to give it.

But it cuts, not being able to lessen her pain like this. The weight of it is almost oppressive in his chest.

Milly pulls her hand out of his hold to reach for a painting. Kai catches it back mid air and holds it tight.

Her brows lift in confusion at his sudden action, but he only squeezes her hand.

Doesn't let go.

He doesn't know how to take away the pain and make things better.

But he'll hold her even if she can't anymore, that's what he tells himself. He will always hold her even if there's no more hand to hold.

***

Dinner's an even quieter affair. The rain has let up, and they can hear the distant sounds of the waves crashing on the shore through the open windows. The night breeze is blowing in, and it's cold.

The laughter, jokes, and banters that used to bounce on the walls and fill his days are missing, and it's cold.

Milly would attempt to smile at him each time he calls her name. But it doesn't reach her eyes, and it's not long before he loses her to her thoughts once again.

The twinkle of kindness and joy in her eyes that always sees the good and fun in everything, the one that he loves so dearly, has dimmed. There's no more elegant spring in her steps, no more teasing that would often brighten his day and spice up his night. All the spirit and fire's been burned, and all that's left is a shell of who she is.

Kai fucking hates the world for damaging her like this.

* * *

Milly crawls on the bed and glides into his waiting arms, her whole body lying on top of his, her ear resting just above his heart.

If they stay like this for a long time, will she finally hear it? The words he's holding back to say?

He lifts a hand to her cheek when the telltale signs of tears wet his shirt and needle through his heart.

"I hate them," she admits, breaking into pieces.

I love you, he doesn't say and wraps his arms around her.

The rain has passed, but the storm is not over yet.

Milly cries all throughout the night, and Kai stays with her, holds her.

He doesn't know how to make it all better. All he knows is that he's here to stay until it does.