iMessage

SAT | 3:55 PM

Neve:
Be. Master.
Salamat ulit sa pa-surprise n'yo 🥰
Sorry at ngayon lang din ako nakabalik dito. Nalula ako pagbalik ng Manila.
Sunod-sunod ang meetings. Tapos si Big Boss pa, sinamahan ko sa mga private meetings niya sa mga ninong at ninang niya.
Grabe pala ang mga shalen. Magko-congrats lang, may pa-fine dining pa. Naubos na ang aking ingles 🥲

Ran:
akswali :))))
napagusapan nga namin yan ni nikson
na ang bi-big time ng mga jowa nyo
english there english everywhere xD

Neve:
Siya rin naman! Nanalo pa nga sila ng best album and song of the year!

Milly:
True. Tinalo pa ko 😂

Neve:
Hahaha! Nanalo ka naman last year, be.
Hayst. Back to work na me. Parang ayaw ko pa.
Parang gusto ko ulit bumalik sa Benguet.
Ang saya makasama kayong lahat 🥺

Ran:
saem :<

Milly:
Same 😂

Neve:
Ano na pala nangyari kay Kai, be? Biglaan siyang umuwi di ba?

Milly:
Just an issue at home.
Nothing super bad naman. His fam's just going through something.
Sorry I can't share it in detail. It's not my story to tell lang.

Neve:
It's oki! I understand!
Pero sana okay na sila 🙏🏻

Ran:
yan ba reason bat lagi kang nandon sa kanila lately?

Milly:
Yeah, yan nga.

Neve:
Panong laging nasa kanila? 😮

Ran:
gabi na kasi lagi umuwi yan ih
daig pa q
kala mo may work din xD

Milly:
Haha. I do have work tho!
I need to be a dutiful daughter in law! 😝

Ran:
<O_O>
!!!!!!!!!!

Ran:
in law?!
kakasal ka na rin????

Neve:
What!!

Ran:
wat

Milly:
Whut? 😂

Neve:
Di nga?
Nag-propose na rin ba si Kai sa 'yo???

Milly:
I'm kidding lmao 😂
What I mean is... I'm just playing the role of a good girlfriend rn. Tita kasi keeps asking me out.
She's taking me everywhere she goes and introducing me to everyone she knows.
Tbh, I think she's lowkey grooming me to be her son's wife.

Ran:
:O
batet?
pano mo nasabi?
ano ba ginagawa?

Milly:
She's teaching me how to cook Kai's fave food. She's telling me how to clean. What to do to maintain a house. How to raise children.
Basically, she's telling me how to do household chores and run the family.

Ran:
huhhh
inaalila ka?!

Milly:
No, Master. More like, she's checking if I can manage a home lang.

Neve:
Nanay nga. Si Mama rin, ganyan e 😅
Sinisimulan na 'ko kausapin tungkol naman sa pag-aanak.
Pero kaya mo ba 'yan, be? Sanay ka sa may kasambahay di ba?

Milly:
Doable naman. I've lived independently for a while na rin naman, di ba?
What's tough is yan nga. The talk about getting married and having kids.
Everytime she brings it up, I don't know how to answer her. It's getting harder to deflect and I really don't wanna get on her bad side rn 😩
Wbu? Why is Tita talking about kids? Are you planning to have one na ba?

Neve:
After kasal sana, oo. Gusto ko na rin magka-baby. At gusto na rin ni Big Boss. 'Di na tayo bata. Tingin ko ngayon na rin yung tamang panahon.
Saka gusto ko nang makita anong hitsura niya 'pag hawak niya baby namin 😍
Gusto ko ng kamukha niya. Feeling ko ang cute-cute nila! 😍

Ran:
syet
so mature
usapang mga anak na kayo putek
samantalang kami ni nikson nasa kung saang lugawan masarap kumain pa rin chz xD
ansabe ni koya arkey? gusto na rin niya?

Neve:
Oo. Siya nga nag-bring up, actually. Kung ano raw plans namin sa anak kasi dapat daw pag-usapan namin 'yon bago pa kami ikasal. Lalo na hands on ako sa trabaho.
Na-touch nga ako na gusto niya. Dati kasi, ayaw niya pa. Nagalit pa nga ako.

Ran:
batet ayaw? :O

Neve:
'Di kasi okay family situation niya noon, 'di ba?
Ayaw niya lang daw na ipasa sa magiging anak niya yung burden. Gano'n.

Ran:
tas ngayon? batet nagbago na?

Neve:
Gusto niya raw magka-baby kami. May tiwala daw siya sa 'ming dalawa 🥺
Saka umaayos na rin naman sa pamilya niya 🙏🏻
Parang umaayon na rin naman ang lahat 🙏🏻

Neve:
Kayo ba? May plano ba kayong magka-baby in the future? 🙈

Milly:
Kai's mom has been telling me to have one soon na nga. Since yeah, same reasoning. I'm not getting any younger.
While I don't rly mind having one... I dunno.
Marriage nga, I haven't made up my mind about yet.
I like kids. And I think Kai's gonna be a good dad but...
I'm just not ready yet.
The issue is me. I don't think I can be a good mom or a committed wife.
And I don't think I can handle thinking ab it rn din. My mind's all over the place and...
Di pa nga ako sure kung kami ba talaga until the end?

Neve:
Bakit, be? 'Di ka pa ba sigurado sa kanya? 😢

Milly:
It's not like that. I'm sure of him.
But it's not a matter of choice and feelings kasi.
I just don't think I believe in marriage rn. You know what happened w my parents. You know how that story ended. I barely have any good model in that aspect and I just don't wanna risk it.
So I don't rly know if I'm willing to make that leap or if I can ever trust myself enough to hold a lasting relationship.
Marriage is definite na kasi and I don't rly wanna tie him to me when I'm this... volatile.
It's a scary thing to think about.

Ran:
nasabi mo na ba yan sa kanya?

Milly:
Yeah, he knows and he respects my decision.
I just don't know how to break that softly to his mom.
She's strict pa naman.
She's telling me straight up to stop sleeping with Kai kasi it's bad daw to get pregnant outside of marriage.
Like, she asks me to sleep at their place but they gave me a different room kasi bawal.
If only she knows Kai's sneaking out each time lmao 😂
It feels so illegal tuloy.

Neve:
Hahaha! Naku! Pati pala 'yon pinapansin. Nakakahiya naman 🙈

Ran:
takte di ba yan nakakasakal?
yong lahat ng kilos nyo parang bantay sarado? nasa edad naman na kayo ah?

Milly:
For now, no. Manageable naman.
It's the questions and suggestions that bother me.

Ran:
kase? nakakapressure?

Milly:
In truth?
Yeah :(

Ran:
ansabe ni jowa mo?
nasabi mo na ba yan?
na napepressure ka sa mama niya?

Milly:
I haven't pa. Baka I won't din. He'll just tell me to push back and brush her off. Worse case, baka mag-away pa sila and I don't want that to happen.
His mom means a lot to him and I don't wanna cause an issue in his fam right now if I can help it. And it's not just sa mom niya naman. Siya rin. I feel bad for him din kasi of all the women he can have, he ended up w someone like me pa 😩

Ran:
grabe naman sa someone like me teh
wala naman masama sayo
di naman big deal kung di ka pa ready sa kasal at anak

Milly:
That's what he said nga.
But I dunno.

Neve:
Parang ngayon lang kita nakita, be, na sobrang nag-a-adjust para sa iba. Dati naman kasi, yolo ka lang. Wala kang pakialam sa sasabihin ng iba basta wala kang naaapakan na iba.

Milly:
Right?
I must rly care for him a lot.

Neve:
Committed din.
Sabi mo dati, 'di mo kaya mag-commit pero base naman sa mga nakikita ko, parang gamay na gamay mo na. Pero sana mapag-usapan n'yo rin 'yan. Mahirap yung ganyan, yung may tinatago sa isa't isa. Lalo na 'pag pamilya ang pinag-uusapan. Been there, done that. 'Di talaga nakakatulong sa relasyon 🥹

Milly:
Point there. But bahala na. For now, I'm just winging it.
Enough ab me. You ba, Master? Are you fine w the prospect of having kids? Di nyo pa ba talaga napag-uusapan?

Ran:
napag-usapan na rin
mag-alaga, oo keri lang sakin
pero magbuntis?
parang hindi
baka di kayanin ng likod ko
pero tingnan natin

Milly:
Really? You're willing to "we'll see" it out?

Ran:
oo
yoko nagsasara ng pinto sa ganyan
pero we'll see muna
sa ngayon kasi malayo pa yan sa isip ko
kaya nagugulat ako na wtf ganyan na pala napag-uusapan nyo?! O_O
ang mamature!! chz

Neve:
Hahaha! Signs of aging! Joke!
Ikaw din dapat, be. Don't close any doors. Normal naman yung matakot lalo na bago pa lahat. Pero don't close any doors muna. Kasi malay mo naman mag-work.

Ran:
pero wag din pinepressure ang sarili 😠
kakaubos yan kung lagi kang naka-alert and overthinking mode

Milly:
True, that.
At my own pace.
In my own time.
That's the mantra.

Ran:
amen

Neve:
🙏🏻

iMessage

MON | 11:45 PM

Kairos:
Nakauwi na ko.
Nandito ka pala ulit kanina? Di mo ko sinabihan.

Milly:
Hi babe!
Yup, Tita asked me to accompany her to the groceries.
A bit awkward coz she rly doesn't go out without bodyguards no?
I didn't text you na kasi you said nasa meetings ka and ayaw din ni Tita na nagce-cellphone ako while we're talking.
Why did you get home so late?

Kairos:
Dumaan ako ng Wyld.
Yan lang ginawa nyo?

Milly:
Hmm, yeah.
We also met one of her friends pala. Very quick lang. She bought a painting and had it placed at your gallery 😂
Yenno, when Kuya Evan told me may little private museum kayo at home, I thought he was joking. But true pala 😂
Di na kita nahintay ah? Lolo was in the area and asked me to meet him kasi.
I'm here in Subic rn.

Kairos:
Ayos lang. Pinagod ka ba ni Mama?

Milly:
No, baby.
I think she's rly just looking for company.

Kairos:
Nasa Subic ka pala. Pano klase mo bukas?

Milly:
I informed them I can't make it tmr.
Lolo wants me to stay another day kasi. I think he's missing Lola and he's not saying it, but I think he's not feeling well either.
I'm practicing rn.
I can play something I've been writing while thinking about you and our flower farm date ;)
Do you wanna listen? ;)

Kairos:
Nasa kwarto na ko.
Call me.

VIDEO CALL

iMessage

MON | 12:04 AM

Kairos:
Tapos na kami mag-usap. Tumutugtog ka pa ba?

Milly:
I am. What did your mom need you for?

Kairos:
Pinagsosorry ako kay Papa para umuwi na.

Milly:
Why? Was he not coming home because of you raw ba?

Kairos:
Nahihiya raw humarap sakin si Papa sabi niya.
Di ko alam kung totoo o sabi niya lang. Nagkikita naman kami sa office. Parang wala naman.

Milly:
What do you plan to do?

Kairos:
I'm not apologizing for defending my mother. But she's right. There's a better way to communicate than throwing hands.
Pag-iisipan ko.

Milly:
Hmm. He never apologized to you, tho.

Milly:
You know... I don't understand this, baby.
Mom and Dad said they love me but they're not here.
Your mom and dad love you but they hurt and neglected your feelings too.
Is love really this painful and complex?
Does love really come with the confusion and pain? Does it always have to be a double-edged sword?
Can't it just be pure love? Like what they depict in the movies?
It's unsettling.

Kairos:
Wag mong sisihin ang pagmamahal.
Ang pagmamahal, pagmamahal lang.
Ang nakakasira lang naman, yung tinatawag nilang pagmamahal ang hindi naman.
Puro ang magmahal, Milly. Hinahaluan lang ng kasinungalingan kaya nagiging masakit.

Milly:
This isn't the first time I've heard you speak logic like that but it's still amazing to hear. After all this time, you're still positive about all of this? I admire that.

Kairos:
I'm not being positive. It's just the truth.

Kairos:
Si papa, maayos naman noon. Nagsimula siyang magbago nong nagsimula rin siyang uminom. Looking back, I understand now. Dinadala pa rin niya siguro yung paniniwala na pinili lang siya ni Mama kasi hindi niya nakuha si Tito Anton.

Milly:
Were they arranged to be married too?

Kairos:
Hindi naman daw.
Pinakasalan niya raw si Papa kasi mahal niya. Si Papa lang daw nag-iisang pumili sa kanya kahit di siya totoong anak. Yan din rason bakit kahit inakusahan na siyang nagloloko, pilit pa rin niyang pinababalik si Papa.

Milly:
Do you want to? For them to get back together?

Kairos:
Oo. Ang problema, di dapat tinatakbuhan. Dapat inaayos.
Pero kailangan nila ng oras. Hindi tama na nagsisigawan sila pag nag-aaway. Pano sila magkakaintindihan nyan?

Milly:
Hay baby.

Milly:
That's so mature of you.

Milly:
I guess they really loved each other talaga. You're right. Nahaluan lang ng lies and lack of trust.

Milly:
I wish they weren't that intense though.
I wish they never hurt you like that.

Kairos:
Yon kasi ang paraan ng disiplina ni Papa. Ganon din kasi siya pinalaki ni Lolo.
Sa mata niya, tinuturuan lang niya kong maging perpekto. Na para sakin yon dahil mahirap daw ang mundo. Kakayanin ko lang kung magiging magaling ako sa lahat.
Sakin lang naman siya ganon. At sa tuwing nakakainom lang.
Nang pinanganak si Kylie, unti-unting nabawasan kasi di na siya umiinom. Minahal ni Papa nang sobra si Kylie.
Ibang-iba sa kung pano niya ko pinalaki.
Eventually, he stopped. Pero yung expectations nila, ganon pa rin. Mataas pa rin.

Kairos:
Siguro para sa kanila, sa ganong paraan nila ako maiiwas sa mga pinagdaanan nila. Kaso mali. Hindi tama. Nakakasakal.
Binigay nga nila lahat ng kailangan at gusto ko pero laging may kapalit. Laging dapat paghirapan.

Milly:
:(

Milly:
Di ka ba nagalit? Na may difference in treatment?

Kairos:
Si Kylie ang paborito.
Ayos lang. Si Kylie din naman ang mahalaga sakin.

Milly:
Hay.
You're my favorite 😩
I mean it.
I don't have high expectations of you because you've alr raised the bar way way up 😩

Kairos:
Haha.

Kairos:
Ikaw?
Nagalit ka ba ni minsan? Na mas pinili ng daddy mo makasama yung pamilya niya?

Milly:
No...
I was rly just hurt.
He could've taken me w him, yenno? That would've been much better.
But was I mad ba na he's w my sibs? No.
My sibs deserve a complete family.
They don't need to live the life I lived.

Kairos:
You're a good sister.

Milly:
And you're a good everything :)

Milly:
I want to forgive my parents. Pain won't take me to where I want to be. I want peace.

Kairos:
Ako rin.
But you already give me that.