"Why are you so tense?" he asked as we got ready for bed.

"I told you. I don't feel safe here." I slid my shirt off and Astral looked down at my chest. He fought so hard to not smile, but it looked like that keeping the snotty expression off his face, made him forget about his hands. They landed right above my hips, pulling me closer.

"I'm sorry, what were we talking about?" he asked and blinked, still not looking up to meet my gaze.

"Idiot," I breathed and smiled.

"I know it feels weird here. I feel it too. But..."

"I know," I sighed. "I want you to get better. I want it so badly. That's also why I haven't left yet."

He kissed my cheek and then moved down to my throat, his fingers softly running over my body. "I know. And you're so strong. For me. I like it."

"It's not hard being strong for you. Supporting you is very easy," I murmured and took his face in my hands, getting him to look at me. "You're effortless."

"I know that's not true, but it's very nice that you'd lie about it." He closed his eyes and leaned his head slightly against my hand. I gently ran my thumb over his cheek and then brought him closer to kiss him. He sighed against my lips and it undid me. He was so sweet.

"It's not really a lie, Astral," I whispered and moved down to his throat, softly running my tongue over his skin. He tipped his head up and tried to fight down a groan, but it didn't really work.

I let my fingers travel down to the first button his borrowed shirt, slowly undoing one after the other. I slid the shirt off his shoulders and placed soft kisses on him.

I really loved exploring his body. Every little ripple, freckle and bump got the same amount of attention and love. I was so happy to be able to do this. This was when I felt like I could properly show him I loved him. It wasn't just words uttered, but something physical I could do to make him feel loved as well.

His hands sprung to life as well, going for my trousers. I leaned back a little, to give him room to work in. He got them opened and shoved his hands down, grabbing my butt and pressing me to him.

"I have a feeling you're trying to distract me," he said then as I ran my hand up in his hair, getting him to tip his head to the side so I could easily kiss his throat again.

"Is it working?" I murmured, running my tongue over the thin skin stretching over a particular protruding muscle.

"Will you judge me if I say yes?"

I snorted and continued.

"I really want to talk about this, Mars," he groaned and pressed me to him again, my hips against his. Then he grabbed my hips, turned us around and shoved me down on the bed. I laughed and moved up as he grabbed my trousers pulling them off me. I helped kicking them off and then he pulled his own down before getting on the bed, crawling towards me. He had this hungry look in his eyes, and I loved how he looked at me.

"I still wanna talk," he said seriously.

"Sure, you do," I murmured and lifted up, kissing him. I got him into my lap, his legs spread over me. I smiled up at him, as I slowly ran my hands up from his lower back to the middle of it.

I reached down into my bag and got the rose oil up and put it on the bed.

"Mars," Astral murmured and kissed me. "You're making it very hard to talk."

"Oh, am I?" I asked with a chuckle and opened the oil, getting it out on my fingers.

"Yes," he breathed and lifted up to his knees, pressing my face to his chest as I gently slid my fingers inside of him. He threw his head back and moaned, his fingers digging into my scalp.

It sounded like he had a hard time containing his enthusiasm. It was quite adorable how his voice went up a pitch or two. How he'd try to not move but was unable to not to. It felt empowering to me to make him lose his mind.

"Oh fuck, I want you," he groaned and let go of my hair with one hand, the other grabbing me, steadying me so he could sit down.

And now it was my turn to have a hard time with controlling myself. My fingers were digging into his hips as his were digging into my shoulders. He bent down and pressed his lips to mine, his tongue forcing them apart.

"You're so amazing," he murmured against my lips before plunging right back into the kiss. "And annoying. This was not how it was supposed to be."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. I leaned back against the backrest and looked down, enjoying the view of his hips moving.

He started shaking and he sounded very out of breath. Maybe it was time I actually did something. I grabbed him and got us turned around. He looked almost relieved as he pulled me down to him so he could kiss me again. The kiss didn't last long though, he couldn't stop making really nice sounds. I lived for making him sound like that.

He finished and so did I not long after. My arms were shaking with exhaustion and he gently guided me down on his chest.

"Can we talk now?"

I made a fart-noise with my mouth and rubbed my cheek on his chest.

"Come on, Mars," he said softly and gently ran his hands over my scalp. "I want this to be a shared decision. We're in this together, right?"

"I'm with you. You know I'm with you," I whispered and kissed his skin.

"Good. I don't want this to be something you're forcing yourself through."

"I don't like her. She is hiding something and she's lying."

"I don't think she's lying, Mars. She told me how she makes all the star-children. She plucks stars out of the sky and uses their energy to make humans."

I groaned and sat up, scratching my head before swinging my legs over the edge of the bed.

"Why are you so hesitant to figure out your history?" Astral asked and sat up too.

"Because I don't care, Astral! I don't wanna think about it because when I do, I'm reminded I'm gonna live forever, and I'll see you, Zeke and Keefe die and I'll be alone and I-" My voice broke and I rose to my feet, going for the pitcher of water standing on a tall dresser. I poured the water into a glass and took a very long sip.

Astral came up behind me, circling his arms around me. "She offered me eternal life."

"No!" I growled, slammed the cup down on the dresser and shook him off me. "You think I'd ever want this for you? Do you know how dying feels?"

"I-"

"No, Astral!" I whirled around and grabbed his hands. "You don't want this, alright? It's shit. All of it is shit."

"I wouldn't think spending eternity with you is shit."

"I said no."

"It's not really your choice, Mars." He slipped his hands out of mine and folded his arms across his chest.

I stared at him for a really long time before opening my mouth. "Don't do this."

He sighed deeply. "I'm not. I just want to be able to live a normal life where we don't have to stay put and wait for me to recover every couple of weeks."

I sighed deeply. "You know I support that. I don't understand why we're even having this conversation. It seems entirely pointless."

Astral sighed too and shrugged. "I just... I'm scared. And I want... To not feel scared."

I circled my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. "Why didn't you just say that from the beginning?" I murmured softly, running my hand over his hair.

"Uh, have you met me? I don't do well with communication."

I snorted. "That's very true."

"I'm trying to be better."

"I know." I patted his head and pulled back so I could see him. "And I appreciate it."

He smiled and then looked down. "Hm, wanna show me how much you appreciate it?"

I laughed and let him pull me back to bed.