When I died the first time, I saw nothing. But it wasn't nothing, it was just white. Everything was white. I was a part of that white. I felt nothing and I felt light at the same time. I had examined this white so many times. Tried to figure out what it meant. I hadn't gotten any closer. No religion had any answers for me. Neither did science. For all I knew, it was what happened to everyone when they died. They'd be in this white place, and they'd feel nothing but also feel light.

I hated the sensation. It was as if I was trying to stay grounded but also tried to take off. As if I tried to move on, but my body was keeping me in place. As if I didn't know whether to go or stay. But I always stayed. It was part of my curse. I couldn't leave. I could get to this place and then I could return to the realm of the living.

I hated dying. When I came to, my body hurt. I'd be sick for days after. Exhausted. My body needed to heal, and my heart needed to slam itself alive again. My body was also so cold. Apparently, it took enough time for the warmth to leave my body before I actually came alive again.

I had died three times already. Once when my family died with me. Once when I accidentally ate some poisoned berries in the college garden when I was four years old. And once when Astral and I had gone skating on the lake and I had fallen through the ice. Astral had managed to haul me back to land with his magic. We were twelve or thirteen. I couldn't remember now. But seeing him sit by my bed when I awoke had been the best thing in the world.

Now when I awoke, it wasn't in the safe confinements of our bedroom at the college. The nurse wasn't there to tell me I had had an accident and died again.

There was pain. So much of it. It felt like I had swallowed sand and I knew what it meant. They had cut my throat. My head was throbbing as well, so they must've hit me too. Someone had worked very hard to kill me.

I let out a hoarse sob. I couldn't move my hands. I felt cool metal around my wrists. I was chained to a wall. There weren't actual chains, just a long metal bar above my head, bolted to the wall. And attached to that bar were a pair of cuffs.

My shirt had been cut open and there was blood on my chest. I felt violated. I felt exposed. I didn't ever walk around without a shirt on because of the discolourations all over my body. I didn't like showing that. I was also skinny. I didn't like showing my body because it didn't reflect who I was. I wasn't just this. I didn't feel like it was an accurate representation of who I was.

Until now, the only people who had seen my body before was the nurse at the college, the arch mage who had taken care of me, and Astral. Three people had seen me and now I was on display. I almost cared more about that than I did about the pain. Pain I was used to. I was always in pain. I was never exposed.

"Help," I croaked.

No one came to help me. I wasn't sure if there had been someone if they would've even heard me. I couldn't do much more than whisper. I knew my throat was still healing.

Healing was a very painful sensation. It felt like someone was laying in stitches in your skin, over and over. Prickling, itchy, stinging. And it didn't stop until I was fully healed.

I was in and out a lot. Sleep helped and my body knew that, so it forced me to sleep. I didn't properly wake up until I heard voices. Loud voices.

"... Why the fuck did you even take him? What did he do?!" someone roared.

There was some murmured reply, but I couldn't hear it.

"No! That is not a reason!"

I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was green. All bright green.

"Astral," I croaked, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I'm here, Mars," Astral said softly, unlocking the cuffs. He caught me when I was about to fall flat on my face.

"They killed me, Astral," I cried.

"What?!" he growled and looked up at the strangers. "Why the fuck would you kill him?"

"He resisted. And then... Survived. And kept surviving."

"Because he's cursed with immortality, you dumb fucks!" Astral lifted me up from the floor. I'd be surprised by his strength if I didn't know he knew how to amplify it with his magic.

I was so tired and struggled to stay present. I awoke again when we were back in our room. Astral was getting me out of my ruined clothes and I cried again. My skin felt as if it was on fire. Everything hurt.

"I have to wash you, Mars, you're filthy and I know how much you hate that."

"I do," I whispered.

It did feel nice to be washed. The cloth was soft and the water warm.

"Yeah, and then I'll put you in your soft pyjamas."

I nodded, tears dropping down on my bare thighs. Astral wringed out the water of the cloth and then softly ran it over my cheeks. Then he took my hand in his, putting the cloth on my throat and had me hold it there while he found my pyjamas. He was so gentle when he pulled it on me, buttoning every single button on it. Then he gently put his arm under my knees, put his shoulder in my armpit and lifted me up, very gently putting me down on the bed.

"Don't leave," I whispered.

"You know I won't. Ever, Mars." He laid down with me taking me in his arms.

My body was still hurting but it was better now. Everything was better in his embrace.

I woke up to Astral sitting next to me in bed, writing. The scratching sound the pen made against the rough paper was soothing. There was pale sunlight shining in from the one window in the room, next to the bed, and it made almost a halo around his head. The edges of his hair turned golden in this light. He looked so beautiful.

As if he felt my eyes on him, he stopped writing and glanced at me, sending me half a smile. "You're awake."

"Barely," I said hoarsely. My throat was still sore, and my voice sounded rough.

"How are you feeling?"

"Pain..."

"What would help right now? You're so much better with the remedies."

"Mint tea."

"Alright, I'll get some of that for you."

"In my bag."

He nodded and placed a kiss on my forehead. "I know." He gently brushed some strands of hair out of my face, cupping my cheek with the palm of his hand. It felt nice. I loved it when he was this gentle.

Astral leaned in and softly kissed me. I couldn't hold back a small moan because... Sun and stars, his lips were so soft. It was as if it was healing me a little. Who knows, maybe Astral did have healing kisses. Despite him having failed all of his healing classes and showing absolutely no signs of having any sorts of healing powers.

I was being ridiculous. The only healing thing in his kisses was the fact that he was kissing me. And that I loved him. He could've been a non-mage and I'd still be healing from the way his mouth moved against mine.

He pulled back and smiled, placing a kiss on my nose and then left the bed. "I'm going to get some water for your tea. And some cups."

"Thank you," I murmured and smiled, getting comfortable in the bed again.

"I'll be right back." He left the room, the door not closed entirely.

I shoved the covers aside and slowly put my feet on the wooden floors. I was still very weak. I had only left the bed to relieve myself. I desperately wanted a bath. And I needed to see myself. I knew there'd be new discolourations and I needed to know where they were. I just needed to know.

I struggled to get to the tall dresser that had a bronze mirror perched on top of it.

My eyes didn't immediately go for the mirror. They were sealed to my hands, holding on to the dresser. I didn't want to do this, and I wanted to do this. I needed to do this.

I slowly lifted my gaze and stopped at my throat. There was a gnarly gash of colour stretching over my otherwise paper-white skin. It looked... I couldn't hide that very easily. It stretched almost all the way up to my jaw.

I had never been vain. I knew I didn't look like everyone else. Not even by mage standards, who often didn't look like regular people with their colourful hair and sometimes even colourful skin tones. There had been several mages at the college with green or blue skin. One had this dark purple skin tone as well. Even his teeth had been tinted purple. He was an immensely powerful mage too. One of the best to wield the earth element. He claimed the trees and the plants spoke to him.

One might be inclined to think when there were people with those colours of hair and skin, then maybe I could skirt under the radar. But no such luck. I was colourless. It was a big part of mage culture to incorporate those bright colours into everything from clothing to décor, but when one was literally just... White. White on white on white. Then...

I shook my head. I didn't want to think about it anymore. Nor did I want to stare at the fresh mark on my throat.

A soft knock on the door saved me. I slowly made my way to it and opened it, leaning against the frame of the door.

"Zeke," I said and smiled. "Come in."

She smiled back and offered me her arm. I gratefully took it and she helped me back to the bed.

"How are you?" she asked softly.

"Very tired. And sore. And my throat is still healing." I put two fingers against my throat before removing them quickly again. I didn't wanna steer too much attention to how horrific it looked.

"Astral told me about your throat, so... I hope I'm not overstepping, but I bought you this." She put a small package on my lap, wrapped in bright red silk paper.

"You didn't have to..." I whispered while I carefully unwrapped the first present, I had ever gotten from anyone but Astral. The present revealed to contain a scarf. It was blue. It matched my eyes.

"Here," Zeke said and took the soft silk from me, gently tying it around my neck. "There. Come, let's have a look."

She grabbed my hand and hauled me off the bed and back to the mirror. It was a nice scarf, and my assumption about it matching my eyes was right. I had no idea how she had done that.

"Thank you," I whispered and met her gaze through the mirror. "You really didn't have to."

"I know. But you didn't have to help me either or be so kind to me." She smiled and gave my shoulders a squeeze, before helping me back to the bed again.

Astral appeared in the door with a tray and stopped dead in his tracks. My hand shot up to the scarf, afraid he'd think Zeke had overstepped.

"Zeke gave it to me," I said.

Astral's gaze swung to her, his shoulders tense for a second before he relaxed. "That was very considerate of her." He put the tray on the table and went to my bag, crouching down in front of it. "It suits you. Matches your eyes."

I smiled and nodded. Astral almost theatrically rolled his eyes and started preparing the tea for me.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"Zeke had a vision of you in the cell. Didn't take long for us to figure out you must've been taken by the soldiers."

"That's..." It was amazing. Absolutely amazing. If Zeke could control her visions, she was more powerful than we initially thought.

"I held one of your shirts, zeroing in on you. Astral taught me." She looked immensely proud. And she should be.

"You're amazingly strong, Zeke. The college will be fortunate to have you." I smiled and then moved further into the bed, feeling exhausted again. Zeke fluffed up the pillow for me, putting it against the headrest of the bed. I leaned against it and pulled the covers up to my waist.

Astral came to my side and handed me the mug. He must've watched me brew this a million times, but somehow, he had managed to overcook some of the leaves and undercook the rest. I didn't mind though. He had tried his best and it did the trick. I could feel the leaves working their magic already.

"Actually, we were talking about that. Zeke doesn't wanna attend college, so I've taken her as my apprentice instead," Astral said all nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulder.

My eyes widened as my gaze bounced between the two. "But... You hate each other."

"Hate is a very strong word, Mars," he said and rolled his eyes.

"Dislike, then."

"We worked it out," Zeke said, her fingers playing idly with one of her braids.

"So, you'll be with us for our journey?" I asked, profoundly dumbfounded.

"Yeah," both Astral and Zeke said at the same time.

I couldn't help but smile. It sounded absolutely perfect.