Does the feeling of not being good enough ever go away?

Sometimes it seemed like I was going to get through it, those days I felt so proud of myself. Other times the fear of disappointing my loved ones choked me until I could see nothing but my flaws. And the worst of all is that at that time I was alone.

Not alone physically; The morning after my meeting with Kilma Faustina was with me at all times, and yet, it was as if she were thousands of miles away.

It was okay anyway, I didn't want to bother them with my problems, especially one as silly as my insecurities.

I kept telling myself in my mind that it didn't matter what Kilma thought of me, but what if other pack members also thought I wasn't ready? I would end up being an embarrassment to Almec.

"Did you finish reading your book?" Faustina asked me, shaking my shoulder to get my attention. "You've been staring at the ground for a while. Why don't you grab another one if you're done?"

"I still have half of it left, I'm just resting," I told her, closing the book and placing it on the small table in front of me.

"You're weird, why would you come to the library if you're not going to read?" Faustina leaned against the arm of her chair to get closer to me. "You should do like me and take advantage of every minute, you can't waste time when we only come twice a week."

If only she knew I could come whenever I wanted. Pretending was difficult when my sister was so observant, although nothing compared to the first time Almec let her into the library. That time she almost discovered the truth thanks to my familiarity with the room, luckily my acting skills weren't that bad.

"You're right, but I'm very tired today. I can always take the book with me to read it in another moment," I insisted, faking a yawn to convince her.

"Is it because of the wedding preparations? I can help you if you want, I have many ideas, the most important is to serve ice cream for dessert."

I laughed, "I will make sure to add ice cream to the menu, you can help Demian choose the flavors."

"Of course, there is no one better than me for that task." She left her book next to mine, more interested in the conversation than in continuing reading. "What are you going to do after the wedding?"

"What do you mean? Things won't be much different from now."

I prayed to Moon Goddess that Faustina's response was not one of her strange occurrences. She could come up with such weird ideas that she sometimes left me speechless and she had never asked me questions about the wedding before.

"Are you going on a honeymoon? Khalia said it's like a vacation but for newlyweds. Can I go with you if you go? Wina told me that you two have to go alone but I don't want to stay by myself in the mansion."

My shoulders relaxed when I heard the question. "We don't plan on going anywhere, at least not for now. Almec has a lot of work to do in the pack."

"Like protecting us from the bad guys?" Faustina stood up and walked towards me. She then leaned down to speak in my ear. "I heard the warriors when we were coming back from shopping with Demian the other day, they think another pack killed Almec's friend and that they are coming for us."

"You shouldn't pay much attention to those rumors," I told her, guiding her body with my hands so that she sat on my lap. "It's true that Almec lost his friend but we still don't know what happened."

"Is that why he's sad these days? I know something that can make him happy." Faustina asked me, she had that mischievous smile on her face that only meant trouble.

"Yeah? What is it?" I took the bait.

"After you get married you can have a child," she exclaimed, filled with emotion.

"A what?" I asked her, surprised.

"A child. I'm going to be very happy to have a nephew, I'm sure Almec will also be happy if he has a son. Babies are fun, although sometimes they cry a lot."

I didn't know how to answer. She looked so excited that I didn't want to ruin her hopes, but Almec and I weren't even close to talking about children. There were too many other worries on our minds at that moment to think about bringing a baby into the world.

"It's not that easy, princesa," I tried to reason with my sister.

"Why not? Every time someone gets married they have children, I don't know where they get them from but I'm sure you can find yours."

That wasn't a talk I was ready to have yet. I needed to divert the conversation immediately, but there was only one way to convince her to stop asking questions.

"Okay," I said, stroking her head. "I'll try but I can't guarantee anything."

"What are you two up to now?" Almec's voice surprised me, making my heart race.

He was so stealthy that none of us had noticed when he entered the library, those hunter's reflexes were going to scare me to death one day.

"Valen is going to get a baby," Faustina answered as if it was the most normal thing in the world, running towards him to hug him. "I will have a nephew, isn't it great?"

"Well, let me know when she finds one," Almec said smiling, but I could see he was uncomfortable. The fake smile only lasted a second before it collapsed.

I stood up and got close to them.

"I think our time in the library is over, why don't you go read outside? I think Khalia was watering the flowers," I told Faustina, patting her head. "She always likes it when you read for her."

My fake smile matched Almec's as we accompanied Faustina to the exit. The tension was obvious, yet, neither of us said anything when my sister walked through the door.

Silence hung between us as I tried to process what had just happened. How did an innocent question from my sister bring about so many complications?

"How is Feinid?" I asked Almec as we walked toward the center of the room.

I couldn't help feeling nervous after I saw him pretending to be interested in all the books on the shelf. That was his way of escaping the imminent confrontation and I was more than happy to offer him a way out.

"He's doing better little by little," he answered. "Ezra was like an older brother to him, his role model. You should have seen him following Ezra everywhere when he was just a kid, people used to mock Feinid telling him that he was Ezra's shadow."

"I can't imagine how devastating it must be for him. Is he still blaming himself for what happened?"

"All of us do, but there's nothing we can do now more than searching for the truth."

"How are you doing?" I asked him, grabbing his arm.

"I'm too busy to worry about that stuff," he told me, holding my wrist and moving my hand from his arm. "What was all that talk about children? A new idea from Faustina?"

"You know how she is, she always has weird new ideas. Apparently, she wants a nephew now. I had to shut her up somehow so I told her I was going to try to find one. It was either that or explain to her where babies come from."

"Wise choice," he said, finishing crossing the hallway to the center of the library. "Are we still reading the same book?"

"Of course, we can't leave it unfinished." I sat down in my usual armchair and took out the book that was hidden under the circular table. "Can you be the one in charge of reading for today?"

It was the first time I had asked him to take charge of the reading. It was already established that reading was my job, however, with my mind still overwhelmed by Kilma's words, I couldn't maintain concentration.

"Are you okay?" He asked me, grabbing the book. "I never thought the day would come when you would ask me to read."

"I just want to do something different today." That was the best excuse I could come up with. "But if it bothers you we can do the same as always."

"No, it's okay." Almec opened the book. "I asked out of curiosity. Although I don't think I can be as good as you at reading."

"Please, I know you are being humble as always." I kicked his leg softly. "I still can't find anything you're not good at."

"Maybe I'm hiding my flaws so you'll never find them."

"Drop the act and start reading," I said smiling.

Almec's deep voice went perfectly with the story, so much so that he managed to make me forget my worries for a moment. He had only read the first sentence and I had already regretted not having asked him to read it for me sooner.

He read with a passion that captured me from the first second, the tone of his voice changed to convey what was happening in the story, making me almost fall into a deep trance.

Everything was like a beautiful dream until the hero of the story lost the trust of his people. He was alone, isolated. All he could do was suffer and think of ways to win back the affection of his people.

He was living one of my worst fears.

Kilma's words came back to haunt me and Almec's story turned into background noise. I became so detached from reality that I didn't even notice when Almec called my name.

"Love," he said, shaking my arm gently. "What's wrong? You're squeezing the armchairs so much that for a moment I thought you were going to break it."

"Did I?" I asked him, returning to reality.

Almec put the book on the table and took my hands. He observed my fingers as he caressed them. "They are almost white. Please, can you tell me what's bothering you? Does my reaction to Faustina's words have something to do with it?"

"No," I almost screamed. "It has nothing to do with that, you didn't do anything wrong."

"So what is it?" Almec stood in front of me and cupped my face, guiding my gaze to his. "If there's anything I can do to help, I'll do it."

"Yesterday, when I was alone in the town I ran into Kilma," I confessed, playing with my fingers.

The concern present on Almec's face turned into anger as he dropped his hands from my face.

"That's enough, I'm going to kill him," he muttered, clenching his fists.

"That's not necessary," I told him, standing up and holding his hands.

"I have to do something, it's not the first time he's hurt you, I can't let it go all the time. This time he has to receive some kind of punishment." He rested his forehead against mine and took a deep breath before continuing. "What did he tell you this time?"

"His classic speech, that I can't be the luna. However this time he said something different. Is it true that I need the pack's approval to pass the ceremony?"

"It's true," Almec said, hugging my waist. "But don't worry, everything he says is bullshit, you're going to be an excellent luna."

"What happens if everyone doesn't agree?"

"You're going to have to pass a test, nothing complicated, you just have to take on the responsibilities of the luna for a month and prove that you're the right one for the position. After that, the pack members will vote again."

"What if I don't pass the test? I don't want to disappoint you."

"There's nothing you can do to disappoint me." Almec kissed me gently. "You'll pass the test, there's no need to know what happens if it goes wrong."

"Please, I want to know."

"If you fail the test, there are two options, either I stop being the alpha and someone else takes my place, or we have to break the mate bond and find a new luna."