I woke up alone in my room with no memory of how I got there. My memories were blurry, I could remember part of the previous night, however, they were like pieces of a puzzle too difficult to put together.

Something bad had happened, I was sure of that. My head was splitting in half with pain and I felt like I had a hole in my chest.

What the hell happened? I asked myself, as I sat up in bed with great effort.

"Mate," my wolf whispered in my head, so softly that I almost didn't understand what she told me.

That single word was enough to start the engines of my mind. Little by little the memories of the previous night began to make sense.

Where is Almec? I asked my wolf, getting out of bed.

I needed to go out and look for him as soon as possible but first I wanted to make sure I at least looked decent, although I doubted that a quick trip to the bathroom was going to fix much.

"I don't know, I remember as much as you do. And now I can't even feel his presence."

I had a bad feeling about everything that was happening between us. The circle of fights and reconciliations had been spinning for a long time and something told me that if we didn't do anything to fix it it would end our relationship.

Still, all I could do at that moment was panic.

"Shit, I look like a zombie," I complained, paying attention to the giant circles under my eyes, my dirt-stained skin, and the small cuts on my cheek.

I covered my imperfections as best I could with makeup to prevent people from asking me what had happened to me. The last thing I wanted that day was to have to explain myself to everyone, especially since I didn't even fully understand what was going on.

Are you sure you can't sense his presence in the mansion? I asked my wolf, leaving my room.

"There is no doubt that he is not here."

I took a deep breath to calm the anger that was beginning to grow inside me.

He's not doing it to hurt you, I reminded myself. He believes that he is protecting you this way.

The only thing I needed to protect at that moment was my heart which was so close to breaking. There was a limit to how much coldness I could take from Almec and I was about to reach it.

Those damn Moon Guardians members. There was nothing I wanted more than to strangle them for ruining Almec's life. If it weren't for what they did to Ezra, Almec wouldn't be suffering so much.

I was going to find my way to get revenge.

"No, don't get carried away," my wolf told me. "You have to stay calm to help Almec."

I don't think there's much calm inside me right now, I answered before opening the kitchen door.

"Did you see Almec today?" I asked Demian, leaning my body against the door frame.

He put the whisk he was using on the counter and turned to look at me.

"Hello Demian, how are you? Did you sleep well last night?" He made a horrible attempt at imitating my voice. "You can at least say hello to me first."

"Hello, how was your night?" I asked him with a fake smile, on the verge of losing patience.

"It went very well, thanks for asking." Demian turned his back on me to go back to cooking. "How was your night?"

"It was shit. Now are you going to tell me if you saw Almec or not?"

"Well, that explains your bad mood," Demian murmured. "No, I didn't see him this morning, which probably means he didn't spend the night at the mansion or left too early."

"I'll go looking for him, call me if he comes back before me."

I turned to leave the kitchen when Demian grabbed my wrist.

"At least have breakfast before you go on your impossible mission. We both know very well that if Almec doesn't want you to find him, you won't be able to do it."

I didn't even say yes and Demian already started dragging me to the table. He looked down at me with his eyebrow raised until I gave up and sat down.

"But make it quick," I warned him.

"You know, sometimes it's better to let him have his moment of solitude, I tell you from experience." Demian placed a plate of scrambled eggs and toast in front of me.

"So he can return to his old hermit life?" I let out my frustration against the cook. "I've had enough of his back and forth."

"What exactly happened last night?" Demian asked me, sitting in front of me. He didn't say anything else but by the way he tapped his foot against the floor and how he squeezed the dishcloth in his hand it was obvious that he was nervous.

"He lost control again and the lycan reappeared." I took a sip of my coffee. "What do you know?"

"Me? I don't know anything, that's why I asked you what happened," he replied, scratching the back of his neck.

"I can tell you that you are hiding something. If it is about my husband I would like to know."

"It's not something I'm sure about, it's just that lately Almec reminds me of his father."

"And that's bad because?" I looked at him confused.

"He reminds me of his father when he started losing his mind. You know, when the curse started consuming him."

"Don't call it that," I snapped.

"Like what?"

"Damn, I hate when they say it's a curse." I left the fork on the table. "What reminds you of his father exactly?"

"Almec runs away more and more at night, he is more irritable than ever and only thinks about his revenge. He's not even eating well," Demian said. "I'm sure you already realized that something is wrong with him. I used to think that you would be able to calm him down no matter what but lately I'm not sure if any of us can really help him."

"How long was Almec's father like that until he lost his mind?" I had to put the coffee cup on the table so it wouldn't fall because my hands were shaking so much.

Demian unknowingly gave me the last piece I was missing to complete the horror story I had in my head. If I was worried about Almec minutes ago, after listening to the cook I was already about to panic.

I needed to find Almec.

"I'd say he was like that for a couple of months," Demian said. "Still, I don't think Almec will fall so quickly, the kid is a born fighter, I'm sure he'll put up a good fight before giving up."

"I'll go talk to Geldra to see if she knows where Almec is." I got up from my seat.

"I don't think that's a good idea. You seem pretty upset right now and if Almec isn't in a good mood the only thing you're going to do is make him angrier. In my opinion, it would be better to wait for him to finish his business and talk with him when he returns to the mansion."

"What if he doesn't come back today?"

"Then I promise I'll help you look for him tomorrow." Demian squeezed my shoulder. "Try to relax a little, maybe the solution will come to you faster that way."

Demian was right about something: with my emotional state, I was more likely to attack Almec for the slightest disagreement than for me to help him calm down. It wouldn't even work to use my powers because I needed to feel calm before transmitting the sentiment.

The feeling of helplessness of doing nothing always had a bitter taste for me. I hated sitting and waiting, and yet at that moment, it was the only thing I could do.

***

I should have gone looking for him, I told my wolf when I finished knitting another row of the hat.

"The sun is just going down, he'll be here soon" my wolf comforted me.

I thought that knitting the baby hats that I promised Adira was going to help me focus on something other than Almec, but it was impossible. My hands, already accustomed to the movement, continued knitting the stitches automatically while my mind reproached me for not having gone to look for Almec.

From time to time, I would divert my gaze from the knitting to the door of my room as if that would make Almec come in once and for all.

I had already given up hope when the door opened.

With trembling hands I placed the fabric on the bed and stood up, reminding myself that I had to stay calm.

"Welcome back," I said to Almec, catching up with him in the middle of the room. "How do you feel?"

"Tired," Almec answered me, without looking up from the ground.

He was uncomfortable, I could tell by the way he swayed his body from side to side and how he squeezed his fists against his legs.

"Do you want me to prepare the bathtub for you while you rest for a moment?" I asked, caressing his cheek.

Almec flinched at my touch and I retracted my hand.

"I'm sorry," I said, scratching the inside of my wrist.

"No, it's not your fault, it's okay." He was quick to reassure me. "None of this is your fault."

"What are you talking about?" I brought my hand closer to his face once more.

Instead of getting upset a second time, Almec rested his cheek against the inside of my hand and closed his eyes.

"It's nothing, don't worry," he said. "A bath would be perfect."

I smiled, letting my body relax when I saw Almec calm.

"I'll let you know when it's ready, you can lie in bed in the meantime." I cupped his face in my hands, brought his head down, and kissed his forehead. "I love you, don't forget that."

"I love you too." Almec smiled. "And I'm so sorry for what happened last night."

"I know you're sorry. When you're ready to talk about what happened, just look for me."

Almec nodded without saying anything, still, I considered it a victory. He wasn't ready to talk yet but at least he hadn't isolated himself from me.

We'll get there even if it's with baby steps, I thought as I entered the bathroom.

For the first time that day, I felt content and couldn't help but hum a song as I filled the bathtub.

"What is this?" Almec asked me from the room.

Confused, I poked my head out of the bathroom to see what he meant.

He had the hat I was knitting in his hands. His face was full of panic and I could already imagine what must be in his head.

"It's a baby hat that Adira asked me to knit," I explained, trying to sound as calm as possible.

"Are you sure it's for Adira?" Almec threw the hat on the bed. "It's not for you?"

"Why would I need a baby hat?" I asked him, leaving the bathroom. "Adira likes to visit the pregnant women in the pack and she asked me to help her knit hats for her babies."

"I think it's pretty obvious why you would need it. And you seem very happy today."

"Do you really think I could be pregnant and I wouldn't tell you about it?" I asked him, approaching him. "Especially after we decided not to have children for now?"

Almec took a step back. "Not now, not ever. I don't want you to do this anymore."

"Do what? Knit hats for pregnant women?" I tried to approach him once more. "What makes you so afraid of them?"

"If you spend a lot of time with them they will convince you that being a mother is the best thing in the world." Almec continued to walk away from me. "And suddenly you're going to want to have a child."

"Really? They're pregnant women, not a fucking cult!" I screamed, letting myself get carried away by my anger. "Do you have that little trust in me to think I would do something like that? I finally found an activity I like to do to help the pack and you want me to stop just cause you're scared of having children."

"It's more than that and you know it. I can't risk having children," Almec said, raising his voice. "You saw what I did yesterday! Can you stop thinking about yourself and think about others?"

"I'm the selfish one here? You spend your time isolating yourself thinking about you and when you come out of your hole it's to go seek your revenge." I took a step back, stepping on the water that had overflowed from the bathtub and ran across the bedroom floor. "You don't even ask me what I want to do before making decisions that affect both of us."

"I'm trying to protect you! I can't fix everything but I'm trying."

"You can't fix everything yourself," I said, starting to cry. "You need help."

"I don't need anyone." Almec's eyes turned red. "It's better this way."

"If that's what you want, I'll leave you alone." I grabbed the hat, the yarn, and the knitting needle before walking toward the exit. "I can't help you if you don't let me."

"I already told you it's safer if I do it myself," Almec replied when I opened the door. Despite his words, he didn't sound very convinced.

"I still believe that you can fix your relationship with your lycan." I told him, drying my tears. "Come find me only when you are ready to receive my help, I'm tired of always arguing about the same thing."