•||Ch22: An Eating Guilt||•

||Zayaan POV||

Two months.

Two months had passed and in this whole two months, all I did was destruction.

Destruction from my office to my room.

Destruction from my brain to my heart.

Today, dad called me and told me to come back to Lahore before he came here and locked me to keep me insane or sedated me. Somehow, dad got the hold of everything about what happened here and what I was doing.

I rubbed my face in frustration and looked up at the sky from my car. Today was my last day here and today I would leave everything behind including her, who I didn't want to leave. I climbed out of my car and locked it before walking a little to see her last time.

I stopped when I saw her looking so beautiful like a goddess. Her eyes were down on the road as she was walking but what happened next made my blood boil. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a man came and held her shawl and tried to snatch it.

"A girl like you shouldn't roam alone," He told her with a creepy smile.

I clenched my fists and jaw and walked to them in a fast pace to teach that ugly and disgust man a lesson.

"Leave it," She told him in her beautiful voice which I heard for the first time.

Her voice was like a melodic song to my ears and my heart felt pleasure and ease on hearing her melodic voice. I didn't have much time for feeling more pleased on hearing her for the first time because the ugly scene in front of me was making me shaking in anger.

"Didn't you listen what she said?" I asked the ugly man in anger and coldly.

I saw her, from the corner of my eyes, turning around and looked at me. But she quickly looked away with slightly pink cheeks and looked back at him. When he didn't leave her shawl, I stepped beside her and glared at him intimidatingly. He stepped back in fear and slowly loose his hold. She quickly pulled her shawl from his loose grip and draped it around her properly.

"Ah! I understand you also want to take a little fun of this beauty," He made a mistake of opening his ugly mouth which made me to grab him by his neck.

I held his neck tightly and squeezed it. His face turned pale yellow and he trashed under my hold.

"Leave him or you will kill him!" She shouted at me and I felt fear in her voice.

But it didn't stop me from killing him because I wanted him death to open his mouth and talk about her like that. When I didn't listen her, she tried to move me away from him with all of her little tiny hands and power. Her strength was zero in front of me and with one glance I could tell she was weak and delicate.

A delicate and fragile doll for me to take care of!

"I said leave him!" She told me, politely when I didn't move an inch but there was firmness in her voice.

Finally, I decided to listen her because I didn't want to make her hate me. I loosed my grip on the man and he fell on the ground. In a second, he stood up and ran away from me in fear. I turned around and looked down at her. I tried to look at her softly but there was still anger and coldness in my eyes for that ugly man.

"Are you insane? What if you kill him?" She asked me in frustration but her voice wavered in fear.

I didn't focus on her words but her voice and her beautiful big innocent eyes. I noticed something many emotions running in her eyes from fear to frustration, horror, terror, worried, and concern. When she noticed, I didn't response her, she stepped back from me and picked her bag from the ground before walking away from me.

• • •

I was standing outside her school where she worked and looked at the gate. My heart and mind didn't want to leave her alone after what happened in morning. Both my heart and mind craved for her and wanted to keep her close where she would be saved from the world. I wanted to hide her in my arms where she would be closed to my heart and no one could take her away from me.

The school was ended half an hour ago but she hadn't come out of the school. I waited for her more and finally saw her coming out of the school. She was walking in the direction of her house but stopped when she noticed me. Her eyes moved from my face to my hand and she took steps towards me slowly and stood up in front of me but kept a good distance.

"You need to aid it quickly," She told me and looked up at me in fear and in guilt.

I knew my wound on my hand opened again but I was careless about it. I looked at her and observed her carefully with my emotions safely hiding from her. I noticed her tired eyes, pale and tired face and dark circles under her eyes which made my heart to worry about her health.

"Come with me to the near pharmacy," She told me and turned around.

She started walking and I followed her silently and kept distance between us because I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. When we reached to the pharmacy, she bought bandages for me and handed them to me.

"Thank you!" She thanked me and was walking out of pharmacy before I could do anything.

Suddenly, she stopped walking when her eyes fell on something and she moved to that section. My eyes followed her every move but my heart stopped when I saw what she bought. I walked to her slowly and stood behind her and looked at it properly with a blank mind. All I felt that time was cold and anger along with some unknown emotions mixed.

"Are you?" I asked her, coldly but before I asked completely the word ‘pregnant’ was stuck in my throat.

That coldness and anger wasn't directed towards her instead it was all I was feeling for myself. I felt responsible of her this condition. There were many questions hovering in my mind with what if.

She didn't answer me but handed money to cashier quickly. But when she turned around, I was standing in front of her and was waiting for the answer impatiently.

"My friend. She needs it," She said, quickly and quietly.

I knew she was lying when her voice shivered and she didn't make eye contact with me. She quickly stepped back and walked past me and walked out of the pharmacy while I was left in shock.

Numbness.

It was only one thing which I was feeling inside. I may looked strong and cold from outside but from inside I was breaking with the pain which I gave her.

• • •

I had sent Asad back to Multan to keep an eye on Mishal and never left her alone until I ordered him through a phone call. Only person who knew this secret was me, Asad, and Hashim. Dad didn't know everything; all he knew was that Qadir backstabbed us and tried to release few information about us which made me angry. He had a rough idea about Mishal but he didn't know what I had done with her.

Yeh lamha bhi ghuzar jaayega,
Yeh dard seene mein hi dab jaayega,
Yeh baatein adhoori reh jaayengi,
Tum aur main adhoore reh jaayenge.

(This time will be passed away too,
This pain will be buried in the chest,
These conservation will be incomplete,
You and I will remain incomplete.)

"Boss, Mr. Adil Jahangir's son died in a road accident last night and his funeral is today," Hashim informed me.

"Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un!" I whispered and closed my laptop.

(We belong to Him and to Him we shall return!)

I stood up from my chair and took my coat before walking out of my office with Hashim behind me. He drove us to Mr. Adil Jahangir's house who was a respectable barrister of Supreme Court and my father's friend. He was the man who never made a wrong decision in court and did injustice. His daughters, Innaya and Izzah, were friends of Aabro and his son, Taha, was friend of my late twin, Rayaan.

Taha's death reminded me my late brother, Rayaan who was always pampered by the whole family 24/7. His death took the happiness of my family and after the disappearance of Aabro, happiness became our enemy. Since one year no one in my family celebrated any day of happiness.

"We are here, boss!" Hashim informed me, pulling me out of my sorrowful thoughts.

We both climbed out of the car and walked inside the house. Everyone was gathered in the house for funeral but when I stepped inside the house, everyone became silent. I didn't pay attention to anyone and walked to where my dad was. Dad and I gave our condolences to Taha's father. After few minutes later he left to receive Izzah from hospital who got injured in the accident.

We all were in the living hall when, suddenly, Izzah entered in the house and screamed.

"Taha!"

She screamed his name and went to his body and tried to wake him. She begged everyone to wake his brother but no one could help her. Innaya tried to console her but she fainted. I quickly rushed to her and picked her in my arms and took her to her room. I laid her on her bed and my mom sat beside her.

"I think it's because of shock," Mom whispered looking at Izzah who was like a daughter to her.

"I think it's time to bury the body," Dad said as he entered in the room.

We all walked out of the room and went to living hall except my mom and Izzah. All the men took Taha's body to cemetery and it made me think of the time when I was in the same position a year ago when Rayaan left us.

• • •

It was night time and we all were still in Jahangir's House. Mom and dad decided to stay with them and helped them to pull them out of this pain. I put the glass on table and looked at my bandaged hand. Many memories hit me hard and all my muscles became tensed on thinking about her.

Gustakh dil bina muhabat hi,
Muhabat kar gaya,
Gustakh dil bina ijazat hi,
Muhabat kar gaya.

(Arrogant heart without love,
Had started love,
Arrogant heart without permission,
Had started love.)

I went to porch and stood beside Innaya who was already standing there. My muscles didn't relax instead they were getting more tensed by just thinking about her.

Mishal.

"Is everything fine, Zayaan?" Innaya asked me.

I am far from being fine when my heart is in Multan.

"Just hope!" I mumbled and ran my hand in my hairs in frustration.

I was glad she didn't ask me any more question. Asher, who did guns export and was the owner of one of famous factory every type of guns, joined us. I looked from the corner of my eyes, he handed her mug sincerely. We all were standing in silence when, suddenly, my phone rang. I excused myself from them and stood at the distance from answering it.

.........

"Boss, they took her!" Asad's panicked voice echoed from the other side of the phone which made me tensed.

.........

"What do you mean they pick her? I just gave you one duty to keep your eyes on her! Find her as quickly as you can!" I barked orders at him in anger and felt the rage inside me rose up.

.........

"Boss, I am behind their car and quietly following them!" He told me, quickly.

.........

"I am coming!" I told him in anger and hanged up.

.........

"Is everything OK?" Asher asked me.

"Nothing is OK!" I said in frustration and turned around quickly.

The beat of my heart is stolen from me!

"Do you need any help?" He asked me again as I quickly walked to my car.

"No, I don't. I have to go," I told him in hurry and quickly took off.

I broke every rule of traffic and drove as fast as I could. I picked my phone in my one hand and dialed Asad's number and put it on speaker. I told him to send me and Hashim the exact location of him and where they held her then I dialed Hashim's number. He answered me in first ring.

.........

"I want you and all of the armed men to quickly gather at the location which Asad sent," I ordered him and hanged the phone.

.........

They had found about her and now they would not leave her anytime soon. They found their new target which shouldn't be happened. I clenched my jaw and hit the steeling wheel in anger.

What I have done again!

• • •

Finally, I reached to the location which Asad sent me. My men along Asad and Hashim were already present there and we're planning to enter in the house.

"In which room they held her?" I asked Asad as I loaded my gun.

"1st floor, second room!" He told me pointing at the window.

I nodded my head and told them to position themselves and on my count to three, enter inside the house and shoot whoever they see except females, if there were any other than Mishal.

I climbed on the roof of that house with my gun and rope in the hand. I wrapped bandana on my mouth before I tied the rope tightly on the metal pipe and with the help of it, I jumped down and walked on the wall to the room where she was kept. I jumped on the window which made the window scattered into many pieces and I entered in the room.

In a second, I shot two men present in the room and the sound of fire mixed with Mishal's scream. I turned to look at a man standing in front of her while she was crying on the bed, it made my blood boil. I loosed my grip on my gun and let it fell on the floor and tackled the man in a second.

I punched him again and again and took all my anger out on him. The inner beast inside me wanted to rip him apart and killed him more brutality. I punched him until there was no breath left in him. His face was unrecognizable and he was beaten up so brutality to his death.

I left him and stood up and wiped my blood-full hands. I looked in the corner where was crying loudly and it triggered my heart to see her like that. She removed her hands from her face and looked at the dead body of him with wide eyes that held fear.

I walked to her slowly and stood in front of her, two feet away from her. I slowly pulled down my bandana which made her gasp and her eyes filled with more tears and fear.

"You killed him," She whispered in disbelief and slowly wiped her tears.

Few minutes before, she was almost going to be killed by them and now here all she cared about was them or how I killed them. I controlled my anger and took steps near her while she was pressed against the wall. Her swollen eyes held fear and her body was shaking in fear.

"I did even if I have to do it multiple times then I will!" I told her, coldly and in anger.

When she again looked behind me at the body in fear, it made me more angry because I didn't want her to witness that disgusting and horror mess anymore. I banged my fist on the wall beside her head which made her jump in fear and grabbed her chin and made her to look at me.

"Are you scared?" I asked her.

She didn't answer me but her eyes answered me and told me everything. Again, she looked past me behind me at the bloody mess.

"You shouldn't be," I said pulling her face near me by her chin.

My heart clenched tightly and my eyes turned from anger into soft when a tear flowed from her eye and rolled down her cheek. I moved my hand and wiped her tear softly.

"Get ready!" I whispered, softly.

After what happened to her in absence, I made a decision about her and I would not leave her alone now. If I had to force her to stay with me then I would do it.

"For a contract marriage!" I told her, sternly leaving no room for her to deny.

"I can't!" She whispered in low voice which shivered with fear and her eyes filled with terror.

"Why?" I asked her in anger and pulled her face more near to me.

"I am expecting!" She whispered which made me to loose my hold on her in shock.

I didn't believe my ears and all I felt that time about myself was disgust, pure disgust along with guilt.

"I said what I wanted to say and you will marry me no matter what," I told her, firmly and with a challenge to deny me.

• • •

I closed my eyes tightly and fisted the papers in my hands. I didn't have any power to look at the paper to know if the baby was mine or not. I opened my eyes and quickly put them in the drawer. I sighed heavily and sat on my chair behind my desk.

Everyone at home was doing preparation about this sudden marriage and I left Mishal with my mom and hid myself in my office room, in the warehouse. I didn't make a doctor to do a paternity test and today I received reports but I had no power to know the truth.

I will die both way after knowing if the child is mine or not.

I couldn't bear the pain if I learnt that baby belonged to someone else nor I could bear the pain after knowing if that baby belonged to me.

I rubbed my face in frustration and decided to suffer this pain without knowing and gave that baby my name. This was the least I could do for the baby.

After our Nikkah and reception was done, I decided to keep a distance from her because I didn't want to lose control on myself. Everytime I looked at her, my heart got out of my control and wanted to claim her fully when I couldn't claim her in this critical condition.

• • •

~When Zayaan taught Mishal driving~

Amma bi almost gave me heart attack when she called me and told me Mishal wasn't feeling well. Many thoughts were roaming in my mind and I didn't waste my time to leave my work and ran back to the house. Ever since amma bi came and started leaving with us, she did everything to make me lose my control.

Right now, I was sitting in my car with Mishal beside me. I just taught her how to drive and smile on her face told me how much she enjoyed it. And after it we did shopping for the baby and I bought everything for baby. I was trying to give her every happiness which she deserved but kept myself out of it.

Suddenly, my phone rang pulling before I started the ignition. I pulled it out of my pocket and answered it.

.........

"Boss, we found the location where he has kept Aabro! I'll send you the location," Asad informed me.

.........

"I'll be there!"

My whole mood changed from happiness into soreness. I hanged up and clenched my jaw in anger.

.........

"I have an emergency due to which I have to go somewhere for a week," I informed Mishal and started the car.

I didn't tell her about the location of where I was going because I didn't want to stress her which was very bad and worse for her in this critical condition. There were highly chances of her going into early labour which was something I didn't want her to know.

I didn't know what I was doing was best for her or not but all I wanted to lay the blanket of happiness in her feet.

• • •

After securing Aabro from Wasir, I felt something off about her which made me suspicious about her. I had told Hashim to keep his eyes on her and I made sure to not left her alone with Mishal.

I sighed and looked down at her who looked so perfect wrapping in my arms. I pushed her hairs from her face and kissed softly on her forehead. She always made me feel scared and today when she fainted due to weakness, I again became scared for her.

I put my chin on her head and put my hand on her bump and felt slightest moment which made me smile. I moved my hand from her stomach and wrapped around her. I closed my eyes and relaxed myself. I felt her snuggling more into me and wrapped her arm around me. I opened my eyes slowly and saw a beautiful and breathtaking smile on her lips.

"Don't hide that smile from me," I mumbled, softly with a smile which made gasp.

"From how long you you are
awake?" She asked me, shyly and surprisingly.

"Long enough when someone moved on my arm like it is a pillow and cuddled with me like right now," I teased her with a chuckle and placed my lips on her head.

I moved my hand on her hand which was on her bump and laced our fingers together. I moved our laced hands to my lips and placed a kiss on her palm. I noticed the pink color on her cheeks which made me smirk as I placed her hand back on her bump.

• • •

I clenched my jaw in anger and climbed inside the car after helping Mishal to climb in. I started car and drove it in anger. What had gotten into her to behave like this? I sighed in frustration and tried to control my anger and glanced at Mishal who was lost in her thoughts with a frown.

"Don't think much," I told her and pulled her out of her thoughts.

I glanced at her and gave her a smile before holding her hand and lacing our fingers together. This also helped me to control my anger and stay calm.

• • •

I was standing in the corner with Izzah as she was telling me about Mishal's condition which was not becoming better. There wasn't slightly improvement in her report nor in the health of baby.

"Have you told her?" Izzah asked me as she glanced at Mishal behind me who was talking to the doctor.

I turned around and looked at Mishal and shook my head.

"That's great because I don't think she can handle this news," Izzah whispered in concern.

I tensed when I heard Mishal asking about the baby from doctor. I walked to her and put my hand on her back. I glared at the doctor and dared her to tell my wife the truth.

"Is everything OK?" I asked them.

Doctor shook her head nervously and stepped back in fear.

"No, everything is OK. I was just telling her to take proper rest and a healthy diet," She said and handed me Mishal's reports.

I took reports from her and helped Mishal to stand up. I pulled her with me gently and she bid bye to both Doctor and Izzah.

I was driving back home when, suddenly, my phone rang. I pulled the car on the side and answered my phone.

.........

"Recognise me?"

I felt my muscles tensed on hearing that ugly voice of Wasir. I felt the anger and rage inside me danced and the inner beast which I had slept was now woke up.

.........

"What do you want?" I asked him, loudly in anger.

.........

"Like always, Zayaan. You always talk to the point. Never beat the bush," He laughed which made me to clench the steering wheel more tightly.

"I just want to share something with you. By sharing, I remember the baby."

I shook in anger as he started talking about the baby with his ugly mouth.

"I can help you to answer your question about the baby, Zayaan. I know who is the father,"

My blood was boiling, slowly in anger but I was trying to control it.

"You."

. . . . . . . . . .

Assalam-o-Alaikum! Hey!

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Till next time.

Allah Hafiz! Bye!