It stayed like that for over a month now. And whenever Mujaheed asked her if she was feeling any pain, she had always told him that she didn't. She didn't know what was wrong with him though, because if she wasn't mistaken before she passed out, Mujaheed looked like his old self, more than his old self even. He looked so worried that for a moment she thought if she told him what was wrong with her, he might've done all he could to make sure she was saved.

She was in so much pain, and everyday it felt like it was intensifying. And now, she had resorted to avoiding Mujaheed at all cost because it only got to intensify whenever she was together with him. They didn't have to be close to each other, just being together with him from a distance was enough to stir her up and she would have herself crying due to excess pain.

She had to resort to taking pain killers because if not, she would dash out everyday. She had asked Nana whether she had put something into her food that day or she had seen someone did that, and Nana swore to her that she hadn't and didn't see anyone as well. Fareeda wondered what was wrong, what had went wrong or who wanted to see her dead apart from Asma'u. Which she was sure Asma'u will never do this for her because the one thing she dreaded in her life was for them to be intimate with each other.

She had just prayed her Asr Salah when she felt as her mood slowly began to change, she didn't know when her heart lost a bit because feeling that was the same as her heart being tugged out of her chest. She rushed to her bedside drawer and pulled it out, taking the bottle of her pills, Fareeda shook it but she lost all hopes when she didn't feel anything in it. How did she exhausted her pills without having a way to get another?

She clenched her lower lip when she felt an excruciating pain in her lower abdomen and also her body began to weaken. Her skin pores began to straighten as all the sentive parts of her body became more lousy with desire. Her tears sprang from her eyes as she slid down beside the bed with both hands on her lower abdomen as she massaged it to feel some ease. But nothing came, it only increased with each tick of the clock.

When she heard the living room being closed, she closed her eyes because she knew for a fact that today, unlike other days wouldn't be so easy for her. Because since the first day it had happened, luckily whenever the mood struck, Mujaheed wasn't around and he wasn't back until she was fast asleep after getting some relief. And from that day, he started sleeping in the room as well, which to her she understood that he did that in case of emergency and she couldn't walk to the living room to ask him for help. She didn't put the barriers between them anymore, but she was so self conscious that she barely had two full hours of sleep at night.

He walked into the room with a soft Salam on his lips and the moment his eyes fell on her as she rolled from one side of the living room to the other, he rushed to her and caught her into his arms. "Fareeda, what's wrong?" He asked, lifting her up as he hugged her tightly to his chest.

With her tears rolling down unchecked on her cheeks, she shook her head at him. "My stomach, I think it's going to kill me today." She felt as his hands moved up and down on her arms and that wasn't helpful to her body. She wanted to shoo him away, tell him that she would appreciate it more if he helped her from a far distance, but she didn't have the energy to do so.

"Where's your car key?" He asked, and amidst her painful whimpers and cries, she shook her head.

"I don't have to go to the hospital, I'll be fine when I take the pain relievers." Sometimes the way her body responded didn't disturbed her like the abdominal pain did. Because for that, she would act as if nothing was happening within her body and keep on acting as she used to. But for the abdominal pain, she couldn't pretend she was fine even if she wanted to.

"You won't be fine. I'm taking you to the hospital and that's final. Where is your car key?" She pointed at the bedside drawer for him, he held her sat upright and rested her head with the bed before he took the key and went to where she sat, groaning in pain.

Mujaheed cupped her face into his hands and wiped the bead of sweats on her forehead. Looking at the way she had clutched her lower lip, he leaned in and kissed her forehead tenderly before he looked back into her eyes, "You'll be fine, okay? Let's go to the hospital, can you walk or I should carry you?"

That kiss, if only he knew. She felt the way her body responded to that kiss and more tears gushed down her cheeks knowing so well she had no other choice. If only he hadn't kissed her forehead, she might've endured a bit of it. She closed her eyes before she pulled him to her body and hugged him tightly to her chest, feeling the way he felt tense under her touch.

"Fareeda..." He slurred and she rested her head on his chest.

"Mujaheed, please let me hold onto you just once." She said breathlessly and felt the way he timidly wrapped his hands around her back and fondled his palm on her head. She wanted more of this. No, she would have to rephrase that, she needed more of this, but knowing there was no way she was getting that, it brought more tears to her eyes.

With a swift flick, Mujaheed scooped her into his arms and she looked up at him with her drenched lashes. "We're going to the hospital, nothing will happen to you. You'll be fine, okay?" Despite the excruciating pain she was feeling, Fareeda nodded her head at him and rested her head on his shoulder as he walked toward the parking lot.

He secured her into the car before he walked to the driver's side and sat down, "Just hold on a bit, we'll be there as soon as I can get us." She kept wincing in pain on their way to the hospital and when they got there, she was rushed to the ward and Mujaheed was asked to wait. It took them nearly an hour before she was wheeled back to the doctor's office and he called Mujaheed together with him.

He looked at her seated on the chair opposite his and she kept weakly fidgeting with her fingers. "What's wrong with her, Doctor? She has been suffering from this abdominal pain for over a month now, what might've been the cause of it?" He asked, fixing his sophisticated look on the doctor that pinched the gap between his eyes and looked between the two of them.

"She told me you're her husband..." Mujaheed immediately cut him off.

"Yes, I'm her husband. What happened? What's wrong with her?" He asked again, taking a brisk look at Fareeda that wasn't glancing his way.

"Um..." He began and let her words trailed off, "I think someone intentionally or unintentionally drugged her with a sexual arousal pill and in that case, overdosed it. She's having the lower abdominal pain because she couldn't satisfy her desires and that's why with each day, it keeps on getting even more excruciating. There's only one way for her to get better now, and had it been she wasn't married, I would've advised her to do so. But since she's married already..."

She lifted her eyes to look at Mujaheed and at the same time he had glanced her way. Fareeda quickly took her eyes off him as she felt the loud thudding of her brittle heart. "What will happen to her if she doesn't get satisfied?" She heard Mujaheed uttered and shot her head up to look at him, but he wasn't staring her way.

'I'm going to die, that's what will happen.' She said inwardly and imagined what would be of her if this kept getting worse. She heard the doctor's voice as he answered Mujaheed with an awkward chuckle, "I mean, you're a man, Mujaheed. I don't know what's wrong but if you want to save your wife, you'd have to do this, at least for her. Because if it gets worse, she might encounter an internal damage which might lead to infertility because of the miscarriages she had had." Fareeda felt as her heart shrunk and she forcefully flicked back the tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. She wouldn't have to cry in front of these two men.

"Okay, I'll make sure that doesn't happen. But are there pills that might help her with the abdominal pain?" She was aware of the reluctance in Mujaheed's voice and was sure he had said that just because it was in the presence of the doctor and he couldn't tell him everything between them.

The doctor handed him a nylon containing some pills, "Here are some pills that might help, but I've already told you the most effective medicine she needs now."

Mujaheed thanked him and they walked to the car without sharing a single word. Fareeda could hear the sound of her thudding heart in her ears as she kept fidgeting with the hem of her dress. She was aware of the way he was clutching the steering wheel angrily and she was sure if he didn't have to drive them back home, those hands would have been strangling her throat by now.

She wished she could run into the mansion when they had arrive and hide there for the rest of their lives. But that wasn't reality as before she was done contemplating on whether to go back to his chamber or run back to the mansion, she felt as he tightly held her wrist and dragged her into his chamber. He pulled her to the bedroom and threw her onto the bed and she didn't have to look up at his face for her to break into tears.

"What does that mean, Fareeda! How could you stoop so low?!" He thundered and she moved backward on the bed as her whole body shook with fear while she shook her head. She didn't realize why he was so furious at her. She thought it was so easy? He will have to choose between those two options. Be intimate with her and save her life or let her live on medication along the way damaging her precious womb that had already been contaminated.

"I didn't do anything wrong this time, Mujaheed, I promise." She cried as she lifted her hands in a begging gesture.

"Do you even have the guts to say you've done nothing wrong? How could you drug yourself just because you're hungry of this so bad? How could you hurt yourself for something as despicable as this?! Do you really think that by doing this you will lure me into being intimate with you? What have gone wrong into your brain?!" He clamored and she flinched as his words struck at her heart. Fareeda realized if she kept being afraid of him, no, she would be afraid of him always, but she had to stop showing it at least for once.

She cleared her tears even though more kept gushing down her cheeks, "I know I've done tons of bad things that are enough to make you hate me, but I've never thought you could think so low of me, Mujaheed. How could I drug myself knowing I won't be able to get myself the cure? Do you think living with that pain despite having my heart broken into pieces isn't enough for me? How can I do that to myself?"

"Are you even asking me how you could do that to yourself? The same way you followed that bunch of idiocy all the way from Taraba to katsina while being married! That! Ask yourself why you did that and you'd have your answer to why you'd drug yourself to have what you think you might have with me!"

"Mujaheed!" She screamed at the pitch of her voice, her body shaking with her tears. "Why? I know, what I did was unforgivable but I can't do this to myself! You don't know how painful it has been for me, how I will have to avoid you at all cost because I'm afraid a mere proximity with you could have me crying for myself, my lower abdomen paining me to death! I know I'm despicable, I'm unworthy, I don't deserve to be loved, but Mujaheed, I love myself." She cleared her tears but more tears rolled down her cheeks, "I love myself because I only have me for myself. It's either I have me by my side or else I'll side with the world and hate myself..."

"Will you freaking cut the crap!" He thundered and her whole body shuddered with fear, "I don't care if you're going to love yourself or not, that's certainly none of my business!" He palmed his face exasperatedly and hopped onto the bed, Fareeda immediately moved back but he firmly held her close. "Anyways," he said breathlessly in an attempt to tame down his anger, "This is what you want, I can as well give it to you since it's your right even in islam. But I'll have to warn you, if you like, you can go ahead and take all the sexual arousal pills in this world but I'll never get closer to your filthy body ever again."

'Your filthy body...' That was what rang into her brain as she felt as pain surged through her as though a thunderstorm. She didn't know when he merged their lips with his hands holding the back of her head. She wanted to push him away because of the way his phrase had cut through her chest and shattered the remaining pieces of her heart. She felt as Mujaheed kissed her roughly, revealing his anger through his lips and all she did was cried.

If this happened without him saying all he did, she would have appreciated it. But now that he had said this and she had her whole world blocked with only his words ringing through her brain, she didn't feel anything. Otherwise, she wanted him off her, away from her and out of her sight. She felt his hands on her chest trying to have his way to her chest and she could feel her mood slowly changing, but her mind was far off away from this. 'Your filthy body...' That was all that rang through her mind as she cried even harder. Why would she let him touch it? She would rather become infertile than let him cure her today.

She slightly pushed him away from her face and he looked at her with his eyes filled with hatred and disgust, "What do you think you're doing?" He asked with a husky voice and Fareeda shook her head, trying to get him off her, his hovering body over hers.

"I don't want this. I might be dirty, I might be despicable and unworthy, but Mujaheed I won't do this to myself. Please, don't do this to me, I'll be fine by myself..." She got choked up with her tears and Mujaheed stared through her eyes. He watched as she took off her glass and palmed her eyes, "I don't want to see you, please before you make things hard on me, Mujaheed leave me alone."

Mujaheed stared at her unbelievably and wondered what game she was trying to put off. He watched the fall and rise of her chest as she bitterly cried her eyes out. "You don't have to touch this filthy body if you don't want to. I won't die because I'm choked with desire, Mujaheed. I'll only get infertile, which is a good thing because no child deserve to get a mother like myself, it will be so unfortunate for him or her."

He lifted his body off her, feeling the weight of what he had uttered to her. He palmed his face after he stood up to his feet and wondered how he had said that to her. That was his reason of always trying to avoid because he knew if he exchanged a few words with her, nothing could stop him from saying something that will make him regret later. He watched the way she kept crying with her whole body shaking on the bed and hissed softly.

"Suit yourself." He muttered softly and stomped out of the room. Fareeda screamed softly when she heard him leave and clutched onto her heart. It pained her so much that she wished she wouldn't be able to see the light of the day anymore.

She knew a lot of people had said tons of hurtful words to her, but nothing hurt like hearing this come from Mujaheed. She thought he saw her as human, not the garbage she was. She thought he would never refer to the body she had wasted on the street as filthy even though deep down she knew that was the right word for it. She cried terribly and wished she hadn't lived to see this day.

Mujaheed sat for nearly thirty minutes without thinking straight, unable to take his mind off the words he had said to her, words he roughly threw at her. How must she have felt? How must it have hurt her? He knew he had always wanted to hurt her so badly that she would have to cry day and night, but this wasn't the way he wanted her to be hurt. Not with his words to stab painfully at her heart. He wondered how she was doing right now, whether or not if the closure they had had stirred her up and she was there grunting in pain. He...it was just too much for him to think at once.