She didn't wake up until it was late in the evening and Nana had already left when Ummah called her after she had brought the groundnut to him. He was in the living room when he heard her weak voice, "Nana, are you there?" She called out, and even though he didn't want anything to do with her, he stood up and walked to the room.

He met her still laying on the bed with her eyes closed, she didn't even have the energy to put her glass back. She heard his footsteps and thought it was Nana, "Nana will you please help me sit up?" Mujaheed sighed internally and walked up to the bed. The moment his strong arms wrapped themselves delicately around her back, Fareeda knew it wasn't Nana but she didn't have the energy to get herself out of his hold.

He had her seated on the bed with her back resting on a pillow and she spoke weakly. "Will you please help me with my glass?" She asked reluctantly knowing it was him. But she wasn't strong enough to say she was afraid to ask him for it. He took the glass and put it on her face, she squeezed her eyes before she got accustomed to the light in the room.

With a hard expression and a cold look on his face, Mujaheed sat beside her on the bed and he could swear he had seen the way her heart throbbed against her chest. "How are you feeling now?" He asked and she brought up her shaky and pale hands before she palmed her face and nodded at him.

"I'm fine." She looked up at the IV that had already been diffused into her body with nothing left and she noticed that it had already been taken off. "Please is Nana still here?" She could remember having a weak vision of Nana when she was unconscious before Dr Haris come, and even if she was only dreaming, she knew Nana must've heard about her illness and she came.

"She has left, Hajia called her. You need to take your bathe to have some strength in your body, pray both Zuhr and Asr before you eat something." He stood up and she followed his him with her gaze unshakable. She hated this silent and cold treatment he was giving her, she wanted him to yell at her, say all the things she knew he had buried in his heart about her, all the terrible things she were. Without warning herself of the implication of what she would do, she held his wrist and he immediately turned to look at her.

"Can I please talk to you?" She slurred and took a few minutes to steady her breathe, she was afraid of what his response would be. She knew it would be so bad that she might end up being even more sick than she was right now.

He peeled her hand off his wrist and shook his head, "I told you to have your bathe, pray and I'll make the gruel Nana said you take while sick." He walked out of the room and Fareeda had to stop herself from breaking into tears because she knew it would only worsen her situation. Her head was screaming to split as she sat here.

It took her whole energy to walk to the bathroom and she had to take her bathe while being seated. She trudged out of the bathroom and slipped into a cotton night dress even though she knew it was still evening but she wished it was possible for her not to wear anything, she would've stayed the way she were. She prayed while being seated and after she was done, Fareeda felt she had no more energy to meet him in the living room, she had exhausted the whole of it. She laid there on the prayer mat and closed her eyes.

Not because she wanted to sleep, no. But because if she let her eyes open, it would be more chaotic for her brittle heart. She thought about everything, but all that mattered to her now was how she was going to have Mujaheed talk to her. He hated her, she could see that from the way he looked at her with his disgust for her dripping from the mahogany color of his yes. She was still laying there when she heard his footsteps and she refused to open her eyes. It would be better for her not to see him than see the way he looked at her with so much hatred.

He placed the cup on the bed side drawer and sat above her on the bed. "I'm sure you aren't asleep yet, come and take the gruel." He said coldly and she wanted to vanish from here.

She knew this had always been the way he spoke her, but at least after she got married to him it felt to her like she had finally seen a different person. He spoke lovingly at her, laughed with her, smiled at her. Kissed her forehead...yes, he used to kiss her forehead but because she was so stubborn, no matter how much she loved it when he kissed her forehead, she had never told him that.

"Fareeda..." He called again, and she realized she had missed the way her name sounded on his lips.

She sat upright and looked at him, "Come and sit here, you have to eat to take your medications." She wondered if he truly cared or he wanted her to be healthy enough to take all that he planned to give her. All the agony he landed to fill her heart with.

She stood up and stumbled while she walked, she was about to fall down when Mujaheed held her firmly and she fell into his chest. She gasped in shock and was about to pull her body away from his, afraid of what he might to say to her when he held her tightly, "Don't move, I'll take you to the bed." He scooped her into his arms and Fareeda fixed her sick eyes on his face until he laid her carefully on the bed and sat beside her.

He handed her the cup and she sighed when she perceived the smell of the sizzling groundnut, who thought him how to make the groundnut gruel? She knew if it was before, she would've asked him how he knew how to make it, but right now, she could only drink it ceremoniously. She took the first sip, aware of his eyes that were on her face waiting to see her reaction. She didn't look up at him until she was done and she placed down the cup on the bedside drawer and shakily looked at him.

"Thank you," she uttered silently, and Mujaheed acted as if he hadn't heard what she had said.

He brought out the pills from the sachets and handed them to her together with the water. She scrunched up her face and a pout carved itself unknowingly on her lips. "Please, I'll be fine when I wake up tomorrow, I don't have to take the pills. Please..." She whined as she spoke at him and for a moment Mujaheed forgot all that she had done to him and it felt as if she had never left.

He hardened his expression and forcefully took her palm before he placed the pills, "You have to take them or I'll force them down your throat." With the pout still on her lips, Fareeda gulped them down and after she had swallowed them, she coughed so hard as if she had just taken something harmful to her health.

He left the room after she had taken the medicines even though all he wanted was to stay together with her. Know where was hurting in her body and just sit beside her. But that wasn't possible, and Fareeda wished she could beg him to stay back. She stayed alone in the room, with her heart aching as she got a flashback of her heart in a slideshow. She wanted to cry, but her tears didn't want to comply with her. She just stood there, with her heart painfully aching and her eyes as dry as a Sahara could ever be.

He came back after he had prayed Maghreb and found her seated on the same spot he had left her. "What's wrong with you? Didn't you hear when the adhzan had been proclaimed? Can't you go and pray?" He roared and she flinched upon hearing his voice.

She immediately shook her head and tried getting down from the bed, "I've been carried away by my thoughts, I didn't hear when they called it. I'll pray now." She got down from the bed and the moment she slipped off, she lulled and was about to fall down when he held her and wrapped his hand around her midriff.

"Be careful," he warned, holding her firmly to stop her from slipping from his hands. "You should've told me you couldn't walk, what if I wasn't around? You could've fell down!" He realized what was just happening and how angry he seemed to be just thinking about the possibility of her falling down alone in this room.

"I'm sorry..." He cut her off before she even completed her sentence and scooped her into his arms.

He stared down at her face that rested on his chest and spoke angrily, "It's not everything you're sorry about. There are things your sorry will mean nothing to even if you're going to keep on apologizing everyday." That struck at the aorta of her heart. What did he mean? That even if she was going to apologize to him everyday he wouldn't even notice it nor forgive her for what she had done.

He took her to the bathroom and made her sat on the closed off seat, "Can you perform the ablution yourself or should I call Nana to help you?" His words might've been caring, loving even, but his face was telling a different story. She dreaded looking at his face. Because whenever se looked at his face he reminded her of how despicable being she was.

"I can do it, thank you." He left the bathroom and she performed her ablution and trudged back to the room. She prayed and sat there until it was after Isha'. She was pained, she was bored, she needed someone to talk to. She knew even before she left together with Adam, Mujaheed had left her alone sometimes, but that time she had her phone to call Adam and chat with him. But most importantly, he always make are not to stay late outside, he made sure he care back even if all they were going to do was fight with each other.

She knew she had stayed longer than three hours alone in the house and when she got hungry, she trudged and saw a flask in the kitchen with the gruel remaining and took some in the kitchen. She came back to the living room, turned the tv on and curled herself on the longest sofa as she planned to watch the movie that was playing, even though it was all an attempt to run away from what was eating her up, she didn't know she had slept off there until she felt his hand tapping her on her shoulder.

She lazily opened her eyes and immediately sat up when she saw it was him, "Go inside and sleep." He said curtly and she nodded her head before she stood up. She wanted them to have a conversation, apologize to him even though he had already made it clear to her that even if she apologized to him, it wouldn't make any difference, but at least he deserved an apology from her.

But from the look on his face, she didn't have the courage to even voice a word of apology out, so she went back to the room and turned off the lights not because she was going to sleep. She sat on the bed and stared at nothing in particular, taking her glass off at last because she wanted to see nothing but pitch blackness like the exact darkness that engulfed her heart. She thought of her mother and tears immediately began to roll down her cheeks.

It was often rare for her to think of Mama, no one had ever told her that she shouldn't think about her Mama, but there were situations were it got all blurry and too painful that the only way she could have her peace restored was by thinking of her dearest Mama. "What would you have said to me if you were here with me, Mama? Would you have apologized on my behalf? Make me realize my mistake or like the rest of them, you too are going to remind me of being the worthless and despicable being I am?"

Even though her heart ache upon voicing her last sentence, she smiled and it gave more way for her tears to roll down. What had she done to deserve the kind of people she got as a family? The only good person in her life that loved her apart from Nana was Mujaheed and right now, he hated her more than he had ever hated someone. She knew hatred when she saw one, because that was the only feeling she had ever seen on the faces that called themselves her family.

She loved it whenever she slept off while she cried, because if she woke up, she woke up with a certain strength to move on, a courage to push through the difficulties but right now she knew she couldn't have that courage. And in her sleep, she had a nightmare. The nightmare that was the reason why she forbade herself to think about Mama or spoke about her. She dreamt of that night, the night she could never forget in her life.

Mujaheed hadn't fallen asleep when he heard her crying loudly from the room and at first, he wanted to ignore it because she had enough reasons to cry this bitterly at night. But when he heard her cries getting out of hand, he rushed to the room and found her sleeping while she was vigorously shaking her head, sweat wetting her hair.

He rushed to the bed and pulled her to sit upright, he shook her shoulders and called her name, "Fareeda, what's wrong?" He called out, seeing the way she kept crying outwardly as she shook her head.

"No! Please, no!" She begged while asleep, he was are if someone might walk around his chamber this time, he or she would hear her scream.

He shook her shoulders again, "Fareeda! What's wrong? You're having a nightmare, nothing is wrong, I'm here together with you, okay?" He called out and it took him a lot of effort before he finally made her woke up.

She was still frightened, her body shaking with utmost fear, "Who are you? Where am I?" She shrieked and he held her body firmly.

"It's me, you're safe, Fareeda. Nothing is going to happen to you as long as I'm here, okay?" He called out, and he felt the way her tensed shoulders begin to relax under his touch.

"Mujaheed?" She asked, unsure of the voice she was hearing.

"Yes, it's me. You just had a nightmare, nothing is going to happen to you, okay?" He said soothingly and Fareeda broke into tears, not because of the nightmare she had, but because of feeling the way he held her, the voice he spoke to her with.

"Mujaheed!" Her lips trembled as she called out his name and hugged him roughly. He hugged her back and felt as her body shook against his while she cried terribly. "Mujaheed I was so scared, I'm afraid."

He soothed her back and slightly rocked them, "Nothing is going to happen to you, Fareeda. I'll always be here with you, okay? It was just a bad dream, nothing will be wrong."

She lifted her face from his chest and he saw the way her tears had drenched her long eyelashes. "Where's your face?" She asked, and he felt stabbed with her words. There were times when he forgot that she couldn't see without her glass and right now as he looked at those pathetic eyes, he felt hurt to know she couldn't stare at him while being this close with him.

He held her hands and placed them both on the sides of his face, "Here, you're safe with me, Fareeda. I'm here together with you, it was just a dream."

She nodded her head vigorously and more tears rushed down her cheeks, "I could feel your presence Mujaheed, but I'm still scared."

He pulled her face to his lips and lightly kissed her forehead before he cupped her face into his hands. "Nothing will harm you as long as I'm alive. Dreams aren't reality, Fareeda, they will never happen, Insha Allah."

She whimpered and hugged him back, he held her firmly and felt the way she cried painfully and wondered what kind of dream she had. She had never had a nightmare before but today, and seeing the way she acted, he was certain it was a trauma. She slowly began to relax in his arms and after a few minutes, he felt her body slackened against his chest. Her breathe came soothingly and he realized she had fallen asleep.

He laid her back on the bed and covered her with the duvet before he blew the supplications on her and sat down staring at her sleeping face through the illumination of the night. He just realized she had lost weight, she looked pale and broken. He lingered a soft kiss on her forehead and was about to stand up when he felt her hand firmly holding his wrist. He sighed and slowly tore her hand from his before he stood up and left the room. He wanted to stay here with her, but it was only because she had this nightmare, but tomorrow he would remember all she had done to him and he wouldn't be sympathetic toward her anymore.