She heard nothing after that, because what else mattered? Everyone proved to her that she was indeed worthless and undeserving of love. The only person left on earth that cared about her was Nana and Fareeda knew it would only be a matter of time before she hated her too. She could hear the erratic beating of her heart in her ears as it thumped and squeezed with too much agony. She wondered how different emotions that were so strong will envelope one's heart and all one could feel would be agony. Too much grief and sadness.

She was clearing her tears while more gushed down on her cheeks as she heard his voice again. It was still a miracle to her how she heard him amidst the chaos in her heart, "I'd love to, but Alhaji, I want to stay with Fareeda as my wife." Her head instantly shot up but he wasn't looking her way. From the way she viewed it, if not mistaken by her second and helpful eyes that were blurry with her tears, he avoided her direction at all cost because he obviously felt disgusted by her presence.

Alhaji smiled and nodded his head, "Are you sure about this, Mujaheed? Please you shouldn't say that because I'm here and you'll find it hard to divorce her. I've understood, and believe when I say I'd have divorced her if she was my wife. Are you sure about this?" Fareeda immediately shot up a hateful glare at Alhaji but he acted as if he hadn't noticed. It was only the two of them that knew the meaning of her look, and today none of them had the energy to address it or ponder over it.

Alhaji was certain that had it been something hadn't knocked her down, she would have made him regret what he had just said, but she was so concerned about something else even though he was sure a day would come when she would have to retaliate for what he said. She was his daughter, but the only things he knew about her were how unforgiving she was about him. How she made sure she hurt him with her words even before her actions spoke. How she hated him with every fibre in her being.

Mujaheed shook his head and he stole a glance toward Fareeda that did nothing but cleared her tears away but more kept gushing down. He turned his attention back to Alhaji and ducked his head down respectfully, "No, I don't say it because I'm in your presence, Alhaji. I mean what I've said, I want to keep on staying with her as a wife, if that will be okay with you."

'And she'll be my wife in Jannah, Insha Allah.' Fareeda could clearly remember what Nana told her he had told her. She wondered if he meant what he had said or the sole reason he wanted to keep on staying with her as a wife was because he wanted to torture her life enough for what she had done to him. But she wondered what man would reject a scrumptious offer like the one being presented at him. An offer of being married to Asma'u Kamal Sardauna, that was one in a billion.

She stole a glance at Alhaji and was surprised to see a pleased and relaxed look on his face. She might have not known him as ever daughter knew her father, but at least she knew enough about him. And the look he had on his face wasn't a displeased one. He was relieved that Mujaheed wanted to stay with her as a wife and Fareeda knew his reason would only be because she was disgrace to him now.

"I'd have to thank you again, Mujaheed. Because there are only a few people that will still choose to stay with a bad wife when a very good one is presented to them. Thank you." That went unanswered, as Mujaheed only nodded his head and Alhaji turned his gaze to Fareeda with all the softness gone, the kindness and what was only left was fury and his disgust of her.

"I'd have to make this clear to you, Fareeda. You have to know what you're doing now, I don't know what had happened in Katsina but I can say it has touched you badly, which I'm grateful for. I don't want you to do anything bad or troublesome to Mujaheed as you can see, he rejected a good offer and chose to stay with something as rotting as you are, you should forever be indebted to him. No man could chose you over any girl, even the baddest of girls out there. Be respectful to him and obey his every rule. I might've not punished you for what you did now because I feel that's left for your husband to punish you the way he likes, but if you dare make another mistake again, I won't let it slide easily. And we both know how my punishments are."

She didn't look up at him, because the word 'rotting' had been stacked painfully into her heart and it broke even the flimsiest piece left in her heart. She wanted to be out of here, but she knew even if she stood up now, she might fall down as how she was feeling dizzy and also her glass had already been blurred by her tears. She watched as Alhaji left together with Ummah that had a displeased expression on her face. But Fareeda knew if not for Alhaji's presence in the living room, she would've pestered Mujaheed t divorce her, thinking that she might chance his words. To hurt her, of course, not because she really wanted to have Mujaheed as her son-in-law. Everyone was after her to hurt her, after all.

They left only the two of them in the living room and Fareeda couldn't breathe loudly not to talk of lifting her eyes to stare at him. She wanted to leave his presence but she was afraid of making yet another wrong move in is presence. Her feet still hurt, but it was nothing compared to what she was feeling in her heart. Everything was choked up for her, she wished she could run away from everyone and everything to a place where no one knew that she was a worthless human being, a rotting piece of dirt that only deserved to be discarded, but never to be loved.

He looked at her with a hard expression that almost made her peed on herself and she looked away from him. "You should come back tonight." She didn't know what she was supposed to feel at the utterance of those words. Relieved that after accepting her as his wife, he asked her come and start living with him again? Despite knowing that the hell would be more soothing to her aching soul than living with Mujaheed would ever be. Or she should be frightened, because she didn't know what he had in store for her.

"Okay." Her lips quivered and she stood up to go back to her room. She felt suffocated in his presence and she knew spending few more minutes with him would mean a lot of hell to her. She would rather leave to her room, cry to her satisfaction and finally muster up the courage to go back to his chamber. She was aware of his deadly glare on her body until she disappeared into the stairs before she heaved a sigh and limped toward her chamber.

Seeing Asma'u on her bed was what made Fareeda wanting to scream her lungs out, but she didn't have that energy left. "What are you doing here?" She managed to ask, limping as she sat on the sofa while she lifted her foot and examined it. She knew it might need to be cleaned again, but she didn't have the energy to take care of a part that didn't hurt as much as her heart did. If only the balm will be applied to her heart as well, she would have appreciated it more.

"I came here to tell you that just because he chose to stay married with you doesn't mean you're anything close to being worthy or desirable to stay with. You're as disgusting as you look, Fareeda. And I want to tell you that a war has just begun, I won't fall back until the day I'm sure you've gotten intimate with him, and from the way I see things, that will take so long, if not forever. And you know forever is too long to stay with a wife as despicable as you are. And even if by chance you finally get to be intimate with him..." Asma'u slowly shook her head and made a sad face as she shrugged off her shoulders nonchalantly, "Then I'd be left with no choice, Fareeda. I'll have to kill you, because that will be the only way for me to get him. So you have a choice, make him divorce you or stay married to him for as long as you want with with the exception of being intimate with him, or make that mistake and lose your filthy life forever."

Fareeda's eyes grew large like a saucers as her heart thumped against her ribcage, she couldn't believe what she had just heard. Was her sister really telling her that she was going to kill her? This proved to Fareeda that even though they used to fight a lot before, she knew deep down she loved them all. But from what happened now, she knew none of her family loved her except for Nana.

"Asma'u?" She slurred, unsure about herself as to whether to believe what she had said or not.

Asma'u lifted a brow and nodded her head, "Yes, I mean what I've said and I dare you to cross any of my lines, and Wallahi Fareeda you're going to lose your life." She stomped out of the room and banged the door so hard that Fareeda flinched before new set of tears washed down her face. She didn't know what this was supposed to mean, was she really all they said?

But if she wasn't, why will everyone tell her that? She felt dirty of herself, she hated herself for what she'd done and the past she had lived. She knew no one loved her but yet what she was feeling for all of them hadn't wavered a bit. Adam included. She knew she should know her worth and forget about him, hate him even but she didn't have any self worth to start with. How could someone as despicable as she was have any self worth to know what was right to do and not?

Asma'u wanted to kill her, and that too because of Mujaheed. Fareeda had never imagined a day would come when one of her family members will utterly inform her that he or she would kill her. Yes, she knew of the moments they all wanted her dead, and that was because of anger and nothing else, or so she thought. But seeing nothing but sheer hatred for her in Asma'u's eyes, it made her wondered that if she really got intimate with Mujaheed, which she was sure would never happen now as Asma'u predicted, will she really kill her?

Her heart squirmed painfully and she wished she could run away and hide away from everyone and everything. She wished there was a way she could shed off this skin of hers and grow a new one. The skin no one knew about but herself and the new people she was going to associate herself with. Life could never be the same for her, it hadn't been fair to her before, but since she got married to Mujaheed she could say it had been fair enough, if not good. As for Adam and all that he did and said, she kept avoiding those thoughts. She knew if she let everything consumed her at once, nothing could stop one of her family members from finding her dead body in this room of hers. She might avoid it for all she wanted, but she was certain a day would come when they would come to her in a speed as though a thunderstorm striking through the sky.

✥

She walked slowly, limped even, with Nana by her side as they walked back to Mujaheed's chamber. Nana met her crying and refused to leave her until now. She knew she couldn't say she wouldn't have lived through what she had lived through without Nana being in her life, but at least her presence made a lot of things bearable for her. They were a few feet away from the chamber when Fareeda stopped in track and she turned to look at her.

"Have you forgotten something in your room, Ya Fareeda? Should I get it for you?" She asked, and immediately Fareeda shook her head.

"I'm afraid, Nana, I don't want to go inside." She said with a weak voice.

Nana smiled and held her hand, "You've never shown your weakness about something even if you have any. I might not understand everything now because I'm just a small girl but this isn't the person that you are, Ya Fareeda. I know what you did was wrong, I'm always in support of Ya Mujaheed on this, but that doesn't mean you should let your self esteem down. That doesn't mean you aren't the sophisticated Fareeda Kamal Sardauna anymore. Once in our lives we all make mistakes we wish to take the hands of time back and change them, but we don't have that ability. The only thing we can do is change how it affect us, Ya Fareeda. If you keep on doing this, you might have to live through your past for the rest of yourself, forsaking a future that might have been so bright for you."

Fareeda couldn't stop her tears, but when Nana shook her head at her, she immediately cleared them and hugged her lightly. "I don't have a friend to tell me what you've just told me now, or a mother that will show me that there are more beautiful sides to this cruel world and also tell me I'm not all I think I am, but you're here for me, Nana. I don't know how to thank you."

"I heard that the only way that you can repay back your loved ones is to live a good life. So, Ya Fareeda, despite the mistakes you've done, don't forget to live a good life and be happy. Deal?" She lifted her pinky and Fareeda nodded her head before she sealed their promised and a crackly chuckle escaped her lips.

They walked to the chamber and when Nana knocked, he was seated in the living room, his head rooted in his thoughts. He opened the door for them and didn't spare Fareeda a glance until they came into the living room and sat down. He tried to smile at Nana but she new a fake smile when she saw one. "Nana, don't you have school, what are you doing here? You should be asleep now, shouldn't you?"

She nodded her head with a smile, "Abba have already taken an excuse for me from school, he wants me to take care of Ya Fareeda for a week. She doesn't eat anymore, and he know I'm the only one that makes her eat. So, get ready to be seeing me around more often." She immediately smacked her lips softly, "Opps, I shouldn't have said that out loud, but you all should forget that I've said it."

Mujaheed chuckled, but he wanted to make a comment about Fareeda not eating. No, he didn't want to do that, she could die for all he cared, and just because she didn't eat her food shouldn't bother him. "I'll go and warm the food I brought, Ya Mujaheed. I told you to put it into the warmer since I brought it here, have you?" She didn't wait for his answer as she had already disappeared into the kitchen.

Fareeda stiltedly looked around the living room and a home coming feeling filled her heart. This felt like home, like a place she would love to stay in forever. She wondered how she was able to feel that, because she had never gave any place a place to be a home to her in her heart. But surprisingly, the gateman's chamber in her father's mansion that given her that feeling when she had lived in the mansion for all the years of her life and she had never felt this connection with it before.

"I'm not hearing you talking! Ya Mujaheed, you promised me!" Nana called out from the kitchen and Mujaheed wanted nothing but to go inside and break the bones she had on her body.

When she came to bring the food to his chamber, she cornered him and made him promised to her that he wouldn't be malicious toward Fareeda, she told him that all she spent doing today was crying that he should console her and spoke to her. He had to promise her, because he had never met someone that could be as persistent as Nana was.

"I have something to do, Nana. I might not be back until you've left, but if you'd want to sleep here, you're welcome." He left the living room without glancing her way and Fareeda followed his retreating back with a forlorn look. She wanted to cry, but she didn't want Nana to feel bad and start asking her about the reason she was crying.

Nana rushed to the living room holding the tray in her hand as she looked around then back at the door, "He left, didn't he? Ya Mujaheed has broken his promise and he'd have to pay for it." She rolled her eyes annoyed and placed the tray in front of Fareeda before she smiled soothingly at her. "You should please eat something, Ya Fareeda. I know you don't have the appetite to eat but at least your body organs are still alive and they still need food to function well. It's your tongue's fault that you don't have an appetite but you shouldn't punish those innocent organs with hunger."

"Nana..." Fareeda tried to argue with her but she immediately shook her head.

"Please, Ya Fareeda. When two stubborn people meet, it's so hard to make them soften. You're the woman here, you should soften a bit, and your softness might make him come around." And with the look Nana fixed on her face, Fareeda had no other choice but to do what she wanted her to do.