Niana could hear her breathing, the loud thump inside her chest, and the silence between her and Cavin was deafening. It was the longest minute of her life while staring at her husband.

"Tang ina," Cavin murmured and rested his back on the sofa. "Ang bilis mong magdesisyon."

Nanatiling tahimik si Niana habang nakatingin kay Cavin. Nakasandal ito sa sofa habang nakahiga ang ulo sa backrest at nakapikit. Panay ang hinga nang malalim at hindi niya magawang lumapit sa asawa.

Nakasandal si Niana sa bar counter ng dining area at tahimik na hinihintay ang iba pang sasabihin ni Cavin. Tama naman ito, pera ang naging mahalaga sa kaniya.

They had a deal, and she agreed because the price was right—no, it was perfect for her to reach her personal dreams for the family and herself. She already made plans on what to do in the future using the money she acquired from Cavin.

"Putangina, bakit ang sakit?" Cavin clenched his jaw and breathed. He even had to cover his eyes using his arms to contain any anger, tears, or whatever the fuck he was feeling. "Hindi parte ng deal. Putangina."

Hindi alam ni Niana ang kayang gawin ni Cavin. Hindi niya alam kung masasaktan ba siya nito physically at hindi naman niya ito masisi sa pagiging galit.

Kahit may takot, lumapit si Niana at naupo sa kaparehong sofa. Mayroong safe space sa gitna nila dahil at nang maramdaman ni Cavin ang presensya ni Niana, nilingon naman niya ang asawa.

"Bakit hindi ka lumapit?" Cavin said in a low voice before closing his eyes again. "Hindi kita sasaktan. Ba—"

"S-Sorry." Niana stuttered.

Patagilid na tumingin sa kaniya si Cavin na nakahiga ang ulo sa backrest, nakapatong ang braso sa noo, at nilalaro ang suot na wedding ring. "Sorry?"

Niana was unmoving. There was a lump on her throat, and she couldn't respond.

"Sorry you got caught?" Cavin asked. "Imagine if I didn't saw your phone browser. Hindi ko alam kung magpapasalamat ba akong nakatulugan mo ang phone mo dahil hindi ko naman ugaling tingnan ang private stuff mo, right?"

Niana nodded without saying anything.

"Imagine if I didn't see what you were searching? You will be in Singapore in two days, Niana, and you're planning on getting rid of our baby?" Nanginig ang boses ni Cavin habang nakatingin kay Niana. "Imagine kung hindi ko nakita 'yan, tapos nagpunta ka ng Singapore. Imagine na you will act like it's nothing and I have no fucking idea?

"Nag-decide ka nang hindi ako tinatanong kahit na may karapatan ako. That is my child. T-That's our child, Niana." Cavin gazed at Niana and saw a tear drop from his wife's chin to her shirt. "What did I do for you to hurt me like this? I gave you everything."

Niana remained quiet, and Cavin stood up. He kneeled in front of his wife, asking for answers.

"Literally everything at hindi ko isusumbat sa 'yo 'yun. Malaki ang role mo sa buhay ko, Niana, at ang sama-sama ng loob ko sa desisyon mong hindi ako kasali." Yumuko si Cavin para tumingin sa tiyan ng asawa bago ibinalik ang titig sa mukha nito. "Why were you having sex with me if you had no plans on keeping this baby?"

Sinalubong ni Niana ang titig ni Cavin at ramdam niya ang pagtulo ng luhang pinipigilan. "R-Responsibility as a wife," she lied. "I don't want you cheating on me kahit na deal lang ang lahat. Nakakababa bilang babae."

Of course, it was a lie. It wasn't about responsibility. It was about her being in love with Cavin and wanting to be loved by him. Naisip ni Niana na mali talaga siya sa parteng hindi niya inisip ang consequence ng sex and she should have practiced being safe instead of being in a situation she couldn't handle.

Tumayo si Cavin at huminga nang malalim. "Matulog ka na, Niana. Nagmamakaawa ako sa 'yo, umalis ka sa harapan ko." May diin ang bawat salitang binibitiwan ni Cavin.

Niana carefully stood up. She was stiff because she could barely move. Her legs were shaking as she tried her best to walk towards her room until Cavin called her attention.

"Not there." Cavin quavered. "Doon ka pumasok sa kwarto ko and don't make me say a single word again, Niana. Don't make me ask one more time. Huwag mo akong susubukan. I am not threatening you, but I am telling you, huwag na huwag mo akong susubukan."

Walang sagot si Niana at pumasok sa kwarto ni Cavin. Kahit na ilang buwan na siyang nakatira sa condo ni Cavin, never siyang pumasok sa personal space ng asawa. Si Cavin lang ang nagpupunta sa kwarto niya.

The room felt cold and dull. When she opened the door, the bed lamp automatically turned on—one of many advanced things inside Cavin's condo.

Walang TV, walang computer, o kahit ano, pero nagulat si Niana nang makita ang maliit na picture frame ng wedding picture nila. It was a photo of them after signing their marriage contract.

Cavin stayed by the balcony and had to control himself. He knew how his words could affect people, why employees and others were afraid of him.

Hindi niya matanggap ang naging desisyon ni Niana at maraming pumapasok sa isip niya. Nasaktan siya sa thought na responsibilidad pala ang tingin ni Niana sa tuwing may nangyayari sa kanila.

Pareho silang may klase sa umaga, pero hindi alam ni Cavin kung makapapasok ba siya, kahit si Niana dahil sa sitwasyon nila. Gusto niyang kausapin nang masinsinan ang asawa, pero hindi niya magawa.

Cavin was clouded by anger, and he knew that if he pushed himself to talk to his wife, makasasakit siya, masasaktan niya ito.

Pumasok si Cavin sa kwarto niya kung nasaan si Niana. His room had a California king-sized bed and when he saw his wife, he actually chuckled.

Niana looked so small on his bed. The way her body was curled in a fetal position, hugging herself without cover, broke Cavin's heart. He was aware of what he said to his wife. He didn't even bother listening, and he started assuming.

Pero muling pumasok sa isip niya ang sinabi ni Niana na hindi parte ng deal ang anak nila. Those words triggered him.

Kumuha ng comforter si Cavin at kinumutan ang asawa. Galit siya, oo, pero asawa pa rin niya si Niana, dinadala pa rin ang anak nila. Ni hindi niya ito magawang titigan dahil may galit hanggang sa dumako ang tingin niya sa tiyan nito.

Nahiga si Cavin at pumwesto sa likuran ni Niana. Maingat niyang inayos ang asawa para gawing unan ang braso niya at nakatalikod pa rin sa kaniya. Niana automatically hugged his arms and snored. Mukhang hindi nito alam kung ano ang position nilang dalawa.

Cavin had a chance to caress Niana's stomach using his thumb while staring blankly at nowhere. There was chaos inside his head, and all he could do was close his eyes and try to sleep.

Nagising si Niana nang maramdaman ang posibleng pagsusuka. Kaagad siyang tumakbo sa bathroom ng kwarto ni Cavin at pumuwesto sa bowl para sumuka kahit masakit sa lalamunan at sa sikmura. Iyon ang nagpapahirap sa kaniya sa umaga dahil mahapdi at masakit pakiramdam.

Bumukas ang pinto ng bathroom at nagkatinginan sila ni Cavin. Seryoso ang mukha nito na kaagad tumalikod at iniwan siya.

Sumikip ang dibdib niya, pero hindi niya masisisi ang pakikitungo sa kaniya ni Cavin. It was her fault, and she would own up to her mistakes.

Naupo si Niana sa sahig dahil ramdam niya ang pagod mula sa pagsusuka. Nahihilo siya, masakit ang ulo, at nanghihina na parang nagugutom. It was her daily routine since she got pregnant.

Ilang beses munang huminga nang malalim si Niana bago tumayo para maghilamos at magmumog nang bumukas ang pinto. It was Cavin with a glass of water and warm milk on the other hand.

"Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng gusto mong inumin." Mababa ang boses ni Cavin at iniwan na lang basta ang mga baso sa sink.

Tinitigan ni Niana ang sarili at iniisip ang mga maling desisyon niya sa buhay.

Lumabas siya ng kwarto ni Cavin para sana maligo nang makita ang naka-prepare nang almusal habang nakasandal si Cavin sa bar counter ng dining room at nakatingin sa kaniya.

"Again, I don't know what you want. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng gusto mong kainin, hindi ko alam kung ano'ng gusto mong inumin. I prepared all your favorites, but I also asked someone to buy the food you love to eat." Cavin turned around to avoid Niana's gaze.

Naupo si Niana sa dining area at tiningnan ang mga pagkain. Nagugutom siya, pero gusto niya ng mainit na puwedeng makatulong sa pagsakit ng sikmura niya at napiling kainin ang misua na mayroong bola-bola. It was her comfort food.

"H-Hindi ka kakain?" mahinang sambit ni Niana at hinipan ang sabaw. "Ikaw nagluto?"

"Hmm," Cavin responded. "I searched."

Tumingin si Niana sa orasan. It was already one in the afternoon, and she had no idea she slept that long. Hindi na siya nakapasok sa school at nakatanggap siya ng messages galing kay Yannica na nagtanong kung ayos lang ba siya.

"Hindi ka kakain?" muling tanong ni Niana.

"I don't wanna eat on the same table with you," pag-aamin ni Cavin.

Hindi na nagsalita si Niana at nagpatuloy na lang sa pagkain. Naiintindihan niya ang galit ni Cavin dahil kasalanan naman talaga niya. She won't justify her wrong decisions.

"Can we at least talk?" Cavin bit his lower lip. "C-Can you explain? I wanna hear it. Kailan mo nalamang buntis ka?"

Huminga muna nang malalim si Niana bago nagsalita. Hindi niya masalubong ang tingin ni Cavin.

"Two weeks ago, nagpa-check ako sa school clinic kasi hindi maayos ang pakiramdam ko. As part of the process, kailangan kong mag-pregnancy test. So I did. There, nalaman namin na buntis ako. Napaisip ako na bakit ang bilis?" Niana was stirring her soup. "Sabi ni Doc, kapag unprotected sex, hindi imposible."

Cavin was holding a cup while intently listening to Niana.

"Natakot ako." Nanginig ang baba ni Niana at sinalubong ang tingin ni Cavin. "K-Kasi baka hindi mo matanggap, baka hindi ka pa ready, na deal lang ang lahat . . . na wala ito sa plano. Naisip kong unahan na lang kaysa mag-isip ka pa, naisip kong huwag na lang para hindi ko masira kung ano ang deal natin. Kasi alam kong hanggang doon lang tayo."

Tahimik pa rin si Cavin dahil gusto niyang marinig ang sasabihin ni Niana. Hindi niya ito pangungunahan dahil gusto niyang malaman kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip ng asawa lalo na at masyado itong malihim.

"I was hearing things about you. Manwhoring, trashing girls, fucking anyone na gusto dahil puwedeng makuha kaagad. Marami akong narinig at naisip kong isa ako sa kanila." Humikbi si Niana. "I was actually looking for some signs to stop what I was thinking . . . until L-Lexie happened."

"Sinabi ba niya sa 'yo kung sino siya sa buhay ko?" mahinahong tanong ni Cavin.

Tumango si Niana at mahinang humikbi. "Oo." Ngumiti siya para pagtakpan ang sakit. "Na siya naman talaga ang pinangakuan mo ng kasal at ngayong bumalik na siya, tapos na ang role ko. Ibabalik ko na 'yung natitira sa fifteen million, Cavin. Pero alam ko kung ano'ng position ko sa buhay mo."

"Bakit, ano ka ba sa buhay ko?" Cavin stared at Niana.

Niana smiled bitterly. "Asawa sa papel dahil sa deal na napag-usapan."

"Asawa pa rin." Cavin shook his head. "Asawa kita. Iyan ang papel mo sa buhay ko. Asawa, Niana. Hindi ibang tao, asawa."

May diin ang bawat salita ni Cavin at naririnig ni Niana ang disappointment sa boses nito. Kita rin niya ang lungkot sa mga mata ng asawa niya.

Hindi sumagot si Niana at pinunasan ang luha bago nag-iwas ng tingin kay Cavin. Hindi niya alam ang mararamdaman sa sinabi nito. Asawa lang naman siya dahil sa deal at iyon ang paulit-ulit na tumatakbo sa isip niya.

"Lexie was my first girlfriend. Lahat ng first ko sa kaniya. We were high school sweethearts until she decided to study abroad and pursue her modeling career. A month before she decided to leave, I asked her for marriage. Sinabi kong hihintayin ko siya . . . but people change, Niana," Cavin stated. "People change, and I actually didn't know what happened. One day I woke up not wanting to be with her again.

"I woke up wanting to try new things. Nagising na lang ako na hindi na siya ang future na gusto ko at naisip kong possible pala 'yun? Since high school, I was planning to marry her and spend the rest of my life with her . . . but again, one day, I woke up with a different view and perspective."

Nanatiling tahimik si Niana.

"I gave her the ring. Bago siya umalis noon, bago kami naghiwalay para tapusin ang relasyon namin so she could pursue the things she wanted, I asked her for marriage which she declined. I told her na kapag bumalik siya, isuot niya ang singsing kung gusto pa rin niya akong pakasalan. That was three years ago, and people change." Cavin breathed and shook his head. "I changed, my plans changed, and Lexie knew about it. Wala kaming communication but we had our mutual friends. She knew I was casually dating other girls after our breakup, and yesterday, I told her that I am with someone now."

Naramdaman ni Niana ang paninikip ng dibdib at kung puwede lang sana na huwag na niyang marinig ang mga susunod. Biglang sumara ang isip niya sa mga narinig dahil matagal nang nakaplano sa isip ni Cavin ang posibleng hinaharap.

Alam ni Niana sa sarili na extra lang siya sa buhay ni Cavin.

"Sana inalam mo muna, Niana. I thought we'll communicate. Fuck the deal, baby. We're married. Deal or real, I don't care anymore. Communicate with me." Cavin sighed hard and walked towards Niana.

Niana was unmoving but met Cavin's gaze when he kneeled and leveled his face into hers.

"Please." Inilapat ni Cavin ang kamay sa tiyan ni Niana.

Kung noon, sa likod lang ginagawa ni Cavin ang paghaplos gamit ang hinlalaki, this time, sa tiyan niya na ni Niana.

"Please, I am begging you . . . to keep our baby." Cavin looked down. "Kung ito na ang karma sa lahat ng ginawa ko sa mga nakaraang taon, kung ito na ang sinasabi nilang sana mangyari na ang karma ko, please huwag 'to."

Hindi makagalaw si Niana habang nakatitig kay Cavin, pero bumagsak ang luha niya. Hindi dahil sa ginagawa ni Cavin na pagluhod kung hindi ang marinig itong sabihing magsabi ng please.

Everyone knew that Cavin wants, Cavin gets—without saying please.

Cavin felt Niana's sobbing through his hands. Nakalapat pa rin ang kamay niya sa tiyan ng asawa nang bigla itong humagulhol. All Cavin could do was to stand up and let go of Niana.

Malamang na siya ang trigger sa pag-iyak ng asawa.

Naisip ni Cavin na baka kailangan niyang bigyan ng space si Niana kaya siya na ang iiwas. Naupo siya sa sofa ng living room at naghanap ng puwedeng malaro sa phone. Kahit na hindi naman niya iyon ginagawa.

Tumayo si Niana sa harapan ni Cavin habang busy itong nakaharap sa phone. Seryoso ang mukha nito at hindi tumitingin sa kaniya.

"Ang dami kong takot, Cavin," Niana broke the silence. "Natatakot ako na baka h-hindi mo matanggap."

Cavin met Niana's gaze and shook his head. "All you gotta do is ask, Niana. Tanungin mo ako. Tanungin mo naman ako. Matuto ka namang magtanong, hindi 'yung nag-a-assume ka sa bagay na hindi mo naman alam."

Niana looked down and felt guilty.

"I am observing you because you're too hard to read, love. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng tumatakbo sa isip mo at kapag hindi mo gusto ang nangyayari, inaalis mo kung ano'ng puwedeng alisin."

Sinalubong ni Niana ang titig ni Cavin. Nakasandal ang asawa niya sa sofa at ibinaba ang phone sa gilid bago ipinatong ang siko sa sariling tuhod at mataman pa siyang tinitigan.

"You have a habit of removing something when you're hurt. You chose to remove your brother's existence because he hurt you. I'm sorry for bringing that up, baby, but that's the truth." Tumingin si Cavin sa kamay ni Niana. "You remove your wedding ring when you thought I was hurting you."

Inilagay ni Niana ang kamay sa likuran para itago iyon.

"Kasama ba ang anak natin sa tatanggalin mo dahil nasasaktan ka tungkol kay Lexie?" diretsong sabi ni Cavin. "Are you getting rid of my baby just because you're hurt?"

Hindi sumagot si Niana at nag-iwas ng tingin kay Cavin, pero ramdam niya ang pagmamalabis ng luha dahil sa takot, kaba, at hinanakit. Aalis na sana siya para pumasok sa kwarto nang magsalita si Cavin.

"Where are you going?" Cavin asked. "That's it? Aalis ka na naman?"

"Matutulog muna ako. G-Gusto ko munang mahiga," nakayukong sambit ni Niana.

Pero hindi hinayaan ni Cavin na umalis ang asawa niya nang ganoon na lang. He reached for his wife's hand and hugged her waist. No words from both of them, nothing from Niana.

Cavin was actually thankful that Niana didn't push him away, and he had more access to hug his wife by encircling both his arms around her waist.

"I'm sorry about what I said. I'm sorry about saying you just married me becaus—"

"Totoo naman lahat ng sinabi mo." Niana sniffed.

"Still, it's wrong." Cavin looked up when Niana's tear dropped into his cheek. "I'm s-sorry for making you cry."

Nanginig ang baba ni Niana at hindi inaasahan ni Cavin ang sumunod na nangyari dahil basta na lang patagilid na naupo si Niana sa legs niya at ipinalibot ang braso sa batok niya, bago isinubsob ang mukha sa leeg.

Cavin immediately wrapped his arm around his wife's body to support her weight. He then kissed Niana's forehead.

"C-Can we keep the baby?" Cavin nervously said. "P-Please?"

Niana nodded without saying anything, and Cavin closed his eyes, inhaling her familiar scent while caressing his wife's belly using his thumb. There was fear . . . and he became paranoid.

Because of what happened, Cavin felt something inside him. It was an unfamiliar feeling of wanting to protect someone he had never met yet.

T H E X W H Y S