Chapter 2 - Zhan and Eva

Even at the tender age of only 10, Zhan knew exactly what his future should look like. Even then, he knew that he wanted to become a Chef and someday, if he could afford it, own his own small cozy restaurant. And his plans also included marrying a beautiful woman.

At the age of 28, Zhan had achieved almost everything he wanted. He became a chef and worked in a prestigious restaurant, where he earned money that he saved to open his own restaurant. And there was Eva, whom he proposed to on her 26th birthday. He met her while working at the restaurant. She was a waitress there and the two became quickly friendly. (When Zhan's profession says chef, it means cook!)

After two months, the two began dating. While Zhan wasn't at all sure that Eva was the right woman for him, he did have his life plans and that included getting married. And Eva was not only beautiful, but also nice. Moreover, he got along excellently with her. Which, as he knew, is important for a functioning marriage.

That to a marriage in the best case also belongs love, Zhan had been quite conscious. But he had no desire to look for a woman with whom he might fall in love. And he didn't have time for that either. After all, he worked in the restaurant from morning to night. And with Eva he saw a chance for a satisfying marriage. That was all he asked for.

Eva openly admitted that she was not in love with Zhan when he proposed to her. But just like Zhan, she believed that she could have a satisfying marriage with Zhan. So she said yes to Zhan's proposal, and just a few weeks later, the two were married in a small registry office with only their families present.

For the ceremony, they were accompanied to the registry office by Zhan's and Eva's parents, as well as two of their closest friends. Zhan's parents looked less than happy because they hoped that Zhan would eventually marry someone he loved. But on the other hand, they liked Eva and hoped that the two would develop feelings for each other during the marriage after all.

Eva's parents were very pleased. For a long time they had wanted a husband for their daughter. And after meeting Zhan, they were sure that he would always treat her well. And that was the most important thing for them both. Moreover, like Zhan's parents, they hoped that the two would fall in love after all.

The wedding ceremony took place in a small room in the registry office. The room smelled almost as bad as the registrar. Because he stank horribly of alcohol and garlic. What was just for Zhan's very sensitive nose, a nightmare.

The windows in the room were closed. And with every deep breath the registrar took, he blew his hot, stinking breath into Zhan's face. Which was no big deal, since the registrar was sitting only 60 inches away from Zhan. After a few minutes, Zhan could hardly stand it and he held his nose in disgust. But the registrar didn't even care. He carried on as if nothing had happened.

After the ceremony, they went to the restaurant, where the owner and colleagues of the two, prepared a small celebration for them. The couple decided not to go on a honeymoon, because they thought that this was reserved for couples who loved each other. They preferred to save the money. And also all the money they got for the wedding, they immediately put into their savings account.

After the wedding, Eva moved in with Zhan in his two-room appartment. Since they did not plan to sleep with each other in their marriage, Zhan let her have the bedroom and slept on a sofa bed in the living room, which then became his bedroom. They shared household chores and agreed to exactly split the running costs of rent, electricity, water, gas, heating and everything else.

Much to everyone's amazement, Zhan and Eva proved that their unusual marriage was working. Whenever they were asked how it was possible that they were happy in this loveless marriage, they explained that they treated each other with respect and were good friends. But was that true? Were they really still happy with their loveless marriage?

By the second year of marriage at the latest, Zhan began to wonder more and more if marriage to Eva was really what he wanted? He had finally saved enough money to open his own restaurant and was preparing to open it. Since he did a lot of things on his own to save money, everything took a long time. He had asked Eva several times to support and help him, but she refused him every time, reminding him that they don't have that kind of marriage.

In general, Zhan found that Eva had changed a lot. There wasn't much left of the once sweet and quiet Eva when she quit her job at the restaurant, having finally found a job in a big company. Not only was she now earning more money and living out her luxuries liberally, but she was also coming home less and less often. And when she was there, she was usually in a bad mood.

One weekend, Zhan came home late in the evening, completely exhausted. He had spent the whole day on his knees in his restaurant. He had removed the old floor and laid new floor tiles. When he arrived home, he could barely move. He just wanted to take a hot bath and then sleep.

But when Zhan entered the appartment, he found himself in chaos. Eva had invited friends over and they were having a party in Zhan's room. When Zhan asked Eva why she didn't discuss the party with him and they were celebrating in his room, she got angry and said, "This is still the living room. If you want your own room, get a bigger appartment for us. But that's never going to happen. Because you care more about this miserable restaurant than having a nice home. And I couldn't arrange the party with you because we came here spontaneously. But now I regret it. Because now they know what poor conditions I live in. And my husband doesn't look very presentable with his dirty work clothes. And you were rude to my guests. Instead of greeting them, you called me to you. That's really embarrassing!"

Horrified by Eva's reaction and what she said, Zhan asked her, "Who are you? What happened to the dear, sweet and quiet Eva whom I married?"

"That Eva no longer exists. Through my work and my new friends, I have realized that there is more to life than having a satisfying marriage with someone who is not a bit Spontaneous. I have a stingy husband who doesn't even spend money on movies! All you ever care about is that stupid restaurant. Have you ever thought of me as a woman? Do you have any feelings at all? Don't you have any desires? Don't you ever want to know what it feels like to fall in love?"

"What's the point now? You were okay with this kind of marriage."

"Yes I was. But Zhan? Do you ever feel anything? You're a man. Don't you even feel like having sex?"

"What are you talking about? What does that have to do with our marriage?"

"Zhan. What I want to know is, have you ever seen me as a woman and imagined making love to me? Kissing me? Or just holding me in your arms? Because you know, I had imagined that with you countless times. I thought after a while our marriage would go in a direction where we would at least have sex! I'm a woman and I have needs! I never agreed to a platonic marriage did I? I told you before we got married that even if we didn't marry each other for love, we could still have sex. But because you obviously needed more time, I waited and waited. And what? Two years have passed and you can't even hold me in your arms?"

"Eva, I know that you are an attractive woman. You have a desirable body. But I am not attracted to you in that way. And of course I feel like having sex. But even when I tried to imagine the two of us doing it, I felt no desire for you. I'm sorry. But that's the way it is, unfortunately."

"And now? Are we supposed to live like this for the rest of our lives? You don't feel comfortable in our marriage anymore either. I can see it in your face every day."

"Eva, let's not talk about it tonight. Let's talk tomorrow, when your friends aren't around and you're sober again. I'm going to take a bath and then I want to go to sleep. And tomorrow we'll sit down and talk." Said Zhan. Then he went to the bathroom and heard Eva and her friends leaving the appartment.

The conversation didn't happen the next day. Because Eva did not come home. She stayed away for days without telling Zhan where she was and when she would be back. In the end, she stayed away for a whole week. And when she finally came home, she was not alone and had some pretty bad news for Zhan.

Zhan came home from his restaurant like he did every night. That day, he had painted the ceilings in the restaurant for the second time, as the paint had not covered properly before. Tired, he entered the appartment and noticed that the light in his room had turned on. At first he thought he had forgotten to turn off the light in the morning. But then he heard soft voices.

He entered the room and saw Eva sitting there with a man on the sofa bed. Next to the sofa bed were two large suitcases and a large bag. The man, an Englishman introducing himself to him as Rick, retreated to the kitchen so Eva and Zhan could talk. Zhan sat down in the black leather chair his father had given him. "So, you've made a decision?" He asked her.

"Yes I have. But first, I want to apologize to you. What I said last week was really mean of me. I've never minded living here. I've always felt comfortable here. And I think it's great that you have your own restaurant now. I know what it means to you." She replied.

"Okay. But you're not going to stay."

"Right. I met Rick at work and we fell in love."

"So you're a couple?"

"Not yet. Even though we have a marriage without love, I wouldn't have just started something with someone else. And Rick understands that. He said he would wait until I was ready and talked to you. And he offered me the chance to move in with him. He lives near the company and has a spare room I can have. We want to slowly get closer and really get to know each other. And until we're both divorced, I'm not going to start anything with him either."

"Our marriage only exists on paper. So you don't have to wait until we're divorced."

"I know Zhan. But for me, our marriage didn't always exist only on paper. You didn't even notice that I was in love with you."

"You were in love with me?"

"Yes. I noticed it shortly after our wedding. I didn't dare to tell you and I tried to attract your attention with my charms. I wanted you to see me as a woman and desire me. But I could even walk around naked in front of you and you never looked at me the way I had hoped. And it wasn't until I got the job at the company a few months ago that my feelings for you grew weaker and weaker. I was busy and around other people. I was getting attention from other men and feeling desirable as a woman again after a long time. And then I met Rick and started to develop feelings for him."

"I understand. I'm sorry I didn't realize how you felt about me. But it wouldn't have changed anything either. I don't know why, but I've never been attracted to any women."

"Zhan, have you ever thought that maybe you were looking for love with the wrong sex?"

"Excuse me?"

"As long as I've known you, I've never seen you ever look after a woman. But you've sometimes turned around at cute men and looked at their butts. I don't know if you were even aware of it. But I noticed it several times."

"Are you saying I'm gay?"

"I'm just saying that you could be gay. But it could just as easily be that you just haven't met the right woman yet."

"Ah, yes."

"You should definitely be open to everything. Stop hiding behind your work so much and at least try to notice the people around you every now and then."

"Yeah okay. I'll make an effort. And Eva. I wish you and Rick all the best. I'll get the divorce petition tomorrow and fill it out. We can file it next week then."

"We'll do that. I'm sorry to be leaving you hanging like this right now."

"That's okay. You were right when you said I wasn't comfortable in this marriage either. Now grab your stuff and go with your Rick. You can get the rest of your stuff whenever you want. I'll leave everything where it is."

"Thank you Zhan. I'll be going now then."

"Mhm. Good luck." Said Zhan and hugged Eva.

Eva hugged Zhan tightly. "Oh yeah, I've been wanting to do that for so long. Thank you." Said she with a smile. Then she called Rick, they took the suitcases and the bag and left. Zhan accompanied them downstairs and carried one of the suitcases. As they left, Zhan felt relief inside him. This loveless marriage was now over. And who knows, maybe he would meet someone and fall in love too?