Chapter 18 - Yibo's debate with his brother

Just before lunch, Yibo woke up by himself. He felt refreshed after the few hours of sleep and ready to throw himself into the next adventure. He just didn't expect that the next adventure was already waiting for him. However, he got an idea when he left his room, went to the kitchen and saw his brother sitting next to Zhan.

Never knowing how to act towards his brother, Yibo took a seat on the vacant chair to Zhan's right and simply stared at the fruit basket on the table in front of him while remaining silent. He didn't dare look up to ask Zhan where their parents had actually gone, since he couldn't see or hear any of them.

"In case you are wondering where our parents are, they went to the hotel to look at their rooms and bring their luggage there." Said Zhan, guessing what Yibo wanted to know.

"Oh, okay. I see." Replied Yibo quietly without taking his eyes off the fruit basket.

"Tell me Yibo, why did you ignore your brother and not greet him?"

"I um, I don't know how to face him."

"Why?"

"Because we don't really know each other. And because I think he doesn't like me."

"Why don't you ask him what he thinks of you?"

"He's 17 years older than me! Why should I approach him when he obviously doesn't want that?" Yibo asked angrily.

"Are you angry now because I upset you with my questions? Or are you angry because you want to understand why your brother ignored you all your life?"

"The latter."

"Yibo, your brother is here now. Ask him why he was so rejecting toward you. Ask him all your questions."

"But..."

"Trust me Yibo. He'll answer any question you have."

"And you think he'll really do that?"

"Yes. And so you two can talk in peace, I'm going to go out the front door and push away the fresh snow in front of our house."

"You're going to leave us alone?"

"You're not alone. I'll be outside the front door. Actually, the caretaker of the house should be pushing the snow away. But I guess he's not here. And I want to prevent anyone from falling and hurting themselves in front of our house. So don't worry, I'll be outside the door if anything happens." Said Zhan, got up from the chair, gave Yibo a kiss on the forehead and left the kitchen.

Yibo turned to his brother and said, "We don't need to talk. I'm going to my room until Zhan comes back in."

"No wait!" Haikuan replied, holding Yibo by the wrist. However, only lightly, so Yibo could have just left if he really wanted to.

"So? What do you have to tell me? Why did you first promise me over and over again to return to Beijing and be a brother to me, never keep it, and then eventually just avoid me? Why can't you stand me? What have I ever done to you?"

"Yibo, I will explain everything to you. But you should know first that I love you very much, even if I could never show it to you."

"Then explain it to me. Tell me why you never let me get close to you? Why you were never my big brother, but just a stranger who came to visit now and then!"

"I'll be completely honest with you."

"I hope so. So, go ahead. I'm listening."

"It all started with that day when our parents announced to me that Mom was pregnant. I was so happy for them and for me too. I knew that our parents always wanted to have a second child. And I wished for a sibling. But at the time, I had just turned 17 and wondered how I could still be a good big brother to you when I was moving out soon to go to college? Still, I was happy."

"But?"

"Well, as the pregnancy progressed, I had to watch our mother suffer more and more with each passing day. She was in a lot of pain, couldn't keep food in, kept getting sick and weaker every day. I was worried about mom and you. But then I heard by chance that the doctor told mom that the pregnancy was to blame for her being so bad. And also that the doctor advised her to end the pregnancy because her own life was at stake. But mom would have rather died than lose you. As a son, all I saw was my suffering mother who looked more dead than alive. I was afraid for her and afraid to lose her. And the fear turned into hatred for my unborn sibling for making my mother suffer so much. Mom could no longer walk, could hardly move and often just lay in her bed bent over in pain. The doctor was constantly with us. Several times she was taken to the hospital by ambulance. I was so full of hatred for the baby that wasn't even born yet that I would have loved to rip it out of my mother's womb myself!"

"That's sick. No, disgusting!"

"You're right Yibo. That's it. I was just a scared 17 year old afraid of losing my mother. I was Stupid and Naive. But that's how I felt at the time and I'm very ashamed of it. Because at the time it didn't even occur to me that you were the least likely to be held responsible for all of this. Well in the end mom held on and you were born. I saw you lying in your crib. You looked so healthy, sweet and perfect. But the hate was still in me. I couldn't just turn it off, even though I wanted to. I was afraid of myself because of my hatred for you, and I decided it would be best if I studied abroad. I applied to a university in the US and was accepted. I left our parents' house because I believed it was better that way. I would never have hurt you. But I was still afraid to do it."

"Then what? You said that you love me. So there must have been a change of heart or?"

"That's right. When I first came back the first time, you were almost two years old. You could walk and talk well. When you saw me, you held your arms up in the air, came running towards me and shouted, 'My brother. GeGe. My big brother." And then you ran into my arms and wanted me to lift you up. I did and you looked happy. You were laughing and happy. And my hatred for you turned into pure and absolute love."

"I was too little to remember."

"That's true. Well, anyway, Mom and Dad knew how I felt about you then. They were very afraid I would try to hurt you. Mom yanked you out of my arms and you screamed and yelled until I picked you back up in my arms. I told mom that I had changed and that I love you and wanted to be your big brother. But she didn't believe me and..."

"Wait a minute. I remember one day when I was about 6 or 7 years old. You came to visit and asked Mom and Dad if you could go to the zoo with me. They immediately said no and sent me to my room. Another time you wanted to take me out for ice cream and they were immediately against it again. Does that mean those two came between us because they thought you were going to hurt me?"

"Yes. Actually, I wanted to avoid you finding out. But yes, it's true. Mom and Dad wanted me to stay away from you because they were afraid I would do something terrible to you. Whenever I tried to get close to you, they would just jump in the middle. I didn't stay away from you because I didn't love you, but because I had no other choice."

"Now I understand this strange behavior of our parents whenever the two of us were alone together even for a short time."

"They never meant any harm. But you are their little miracle and they love you so much that they always want to protect you. No matter who from."

"Hmm, I'm honestly speechless. I mean... hell yeah, hating me was stupid. But Jesus Christ! You were 17 years old and scared. I probably would have been just as scared for mom. And I don't know, maybe at that age I would have reacted the same way you did. But man! Do they have to treat you like that because of that? You're their son, too, and they should have talked to you and explained instead of keeping you away from me! How many times have I asked mom and dad why my big brother doesn't want to hear from me? And every time they said it was because of the big age difference and that we are too different. They never told me the real reason! And it has nothing to do with them wanting to protect me. Because if they wanted to protect me from all the evils of this world, why did they push me to get married? Why did they let me marry Lara when they knew for a fact that I wasn't in love with her? That doesn't make any sense! They shouldn't treat you any differently than they treat me. To me they always said that you were their pride and joy. You were always smart, always had the best grades, went to a good university, got a good job, and even became a manager. They were always proud of you. Sure, it always seemed strange to me that they always made sure we were never alone. But I never thought twice about it. I had no idea why that was!"

"I never thought you'd get so angry when I told you the truth. I thought you would hate and despise me for it. But it sounds like you don't right now."

"Do you want me to hate or despise you then?"

"No, of course not."

"And I don't want to either. I think it's finally time we were open with each other and our parents. I've had a big brother for 26 years that I didn't know and always wanted a relationship with. But the irrational fear of our parents prevented that. I thought you can't stand me and don't want anything to do with me. I now know the truth and I don't want anything to come between us anymore. I want us to get to know each other and finally be brothers!"

"I wish that too, little brother."

"Then we'll make an effort from now on. We'll talk to our parents and then I want to get to know you. I want to know everything about you. We'll leave the past behind. We'll build a relationship of trust, like brothers should. And to prove to you that I really want that, I'll tell you a secret. I've fallen in love with Zhan, and he's fallen in love with me."

"Really? You're in love with each other?"

"Yes, we are. It's still very fresh and exciting. We're still getting to know each other. Because we've only known each other for three weeks. But I think I already fell in love with him when we happened to meet in front of the registry office. I had a nosebleed and he gave me a handkerchief. Since that day I had to think about him all the time. And I always carried the handkerchief with me because it calmed me down and reminded me of him."

"When I visited Zhan recently at his restaurant and talked to him, I had the impression that he felt more for you than friendship. He spoke of you like someone whose heart is involved. And a few days ago, I met this Eva he was with. She works in the company I'm supposed to run. Somehow she knew that we were brothers and she told me that she is still in contact with Zhan and that she thinks Zhan has feelings for you since he gave you the handkerchief. Because apparently he kept talking about that 'cute' guy with the nosebleed."

"I know they're still in contact. They're still good friends. I just didn't know she knew Zhan well enough to see into his heart."

"Obviously she guessed before that you and Zhan were a good match."

"Mhhh, maybe that's true. And maybe she had something to do with the judge's decision to keep Zhan and me married."

"Well that I don't know. But she's convinced that you're a good match and that Zhan likes you a lot."

"I also think Zhan and I are a good match. And do you know why I'm sure Zhan is the one for me?"

"No, why?"

"Because I had no doubts from the beginning. I trusted him right away and felt comfortable and safe in his presence. I knew from the beginning that I wanted to stay by his side for the rest of my life."

"Believe me Yibo, what you two have is very special. Not everyone finds love like that. Our grandma would have said that you are predestined to each other."

"Grandma always told me that I would feel it when I met the person who was meant for me. I thought I might never meet that person. After all, I have never fallen in love before in my 26 years. But then I met Zhan and I felt that my place is by his side. And I think he feels the same way. He is 32 years old and has never loved or even kissed anyone else before me. He's like me, only six years older."

"See? I told you, your relationship is a very special one."

"Mmm. And I'm very grateful for it." Said Yibo, smiling. He got up from his chair, walked to his brother and hugged him. "I'm glad we finally get to know each other, big brother."

The two talked for another half hour about love, life, and destinies before Zhan came back in, frozen through and exhausted from shoveling snow. Yibo immediately rushed to Zhan, hugged and kissed him, and explained that he had a talk with his brother and they had reconciled. Zhan was happy for the two of them and joined them in the kitchen, where he joyfully watched and listened to the two brothers talk and finally get to know each other.