After a long time, here you go🤍

Day 1:

Military: Reached?

Doctor: Yes :)

Military: Okay :)

Military: Take care!

Doctor: You too!!

By now she knew the text messages by heart, word by word even. That's how many times she's read them since the morning she arrived in Ooty.

After a tedious day of endless tours around the campsite, repetitive lectures and briefings regarding her duties and a series of lifeless icebreaker games between the volunteers, Sivaangi was pretty much done. 3 games later, she excused herself from the crowd and slipped outside for some peace.

The night fell, and the entire front yard was soaked in black ink. But the darkness did not daunt her. Even though she wasn't looking up at the night sky like she always did, she knew the moon was right there, twinkling with light, mischievously squinting, saying a lot more than hello to her.

And that somehow felt soothing, yet disconcerting at the same time.

Because she knew that thousands of miles away, someone will be sitting by himself outside under the same sky, watching the same moon.

Just that thought alone provoked the sense of loneliness that was already in the air of the silent night.

The sound of the water running from the fountain behind her, the rustle of leaves in the wind, and the laughters coming from inside the guesthouse, she could hear it all.

Everything was going well and everyone seemed to be fine.

Everyone but her.

Sivaangi realised she was the only one who wasn't feeling thrilled about meeting all these medical students and professionals, which was strange considering the fact that Sivaangi had always enjoyed connecting with new people. That's undoubtedly one of the best qualities she possessed, and in fact an important trait that makes her her.

Socialising was Sivaangi's strongest weapon to stave off feelings of emptiness and isolation. She loved the validation she was given each time she brought the fun into the room. For a moment, she would feel like she's someone else, someone who wasn't the disgusting, abandoned, unwanted child. Someone that people loved to be around with, even if for a short while only.

That's how she coped. That's how she lived.

But apparently not anymore. Something just have changed.

Now she couldn't even find an extroverted bone in her and bring it out to action.

Turns out, she preferred to sit by herself outside and use her phone. And no, she wasn't watching any dramas or series like she usually did, she wasn't on Twitter to see some dramas unfold either.

She was still reading the texts between her husband and her over and over again while her fingers just itched to send him another message.

For the record, she had typed out 'I miss you' at least 17 times but not once did she muster enough courage to press the arrow to make sure the message was sent. She typed, she stared at the arrow, she stared some more and she would delete the words. And repeat.

It was an unbreakable cycle that's been going on for the entire day.

Sighing to herself loudly, she gave up and turned off her phone. There was no point in trying to type again for the 18th time because she knew she was not going to send it anyway.

Ego? Pride? Bitterness?

She really wasn't sure which one of these was it that was stopping her from just telling him that she was missing him.

Call her the most unreasonable woman on earth, she still couldn't help but wish that he would text her instead.

Was she the only one missing him?

Maybe he's starting to realise the life was a lot easier without her.

Or maybe he was giving her the space that she had demanded for in the first place.

And maybe that's exactly why she shouldn't text him too.

She asked for the space, she got the space, now she should use the space. Instead of being obsessed about him, she should start reflecting about herself. She needed to fix herself so she doesn't cause more damage than she had already done to him.

She was sure that until she's fixed, she should not bother him.

The cold wind started hitting her skin harshly, and her thin layer of clothes were not much of a help. Regretting for not grabbing a shawl or a sweater along with her, she was ready to get back in.

Right then, a man that she hasn't seen before came rushing out from the campsite. Sivaangi swallowed when she noticed how handsome he was with his hawkish nose and almond shaped eyes that twinkled with mirth upon laying his eyes on her.

Before Sivaangi could react verbally to his sudden entrance, he wordlessly tossed a coin into the fountain and put his hands together, shutting his eyes. His lips were silently murmuring something but Sivaangi couldn't catch it.

She blinked rapidly and once his eyes were open again, she was quick to ask to strange man. "What are you doing?"

"Praying." He nonchalantly replied.

"This isn't a temple." She pointed out with a slight chuckle before adding on, "and why throw away your coin like that?"

The man responded with a chuckle similar to hers. "It's a wishing fountain. You throw a coin, you make a wish and it will come true."

Her eyes glinted with amusement as she looked at the man. "So you are literally bribing God with your coins? Kadavul chumma keta kuduka matara?"

(So God won't give it to you if you just ask?)

He stayed quiet for a moment, just staring at her. He was just intrigued by what she just said, and partially drawn to just the way she looked. A smile tugged his lip when he told her. "Well Sivaangi-"

She stopped him right there. "Wait how do you know my name?"

His hand pointed to the identification card that hung by her neck. She nodded slowly, feeling a bit stupid.

He then held up his own identification card for her to see. "I'm Dhruv."

She simply smiled as an acknowledgement at the fellow volunteer who happened to be a practicing doctor already according to the card that he was flashing at her.

Dhruv decided to continue. "Anyways as I was going to say, nothing in life is free. What makes you think making a wish to God is free? Everything has its own price."

Perhaps even love comes with a price.

A price Sivaangi was not ready to pay.

....

"Come on! I paid for this!" Ashwin argued in frustration.

Their still unnamed kitten that was now left under his responsibility was only adding on to Ashwin's stress.

He was irritated but strangely he could also empathise with the poor creature. It kicked away the plate of food and kept meowing loudly as it walked around the house, eyes desperately searching for another creature. A peculiar creature that was full of love to be exact.

Ashwin sighed softly and sunk to the floor beside it, gently patting its furry head to comfort it. It meowed back sadly in response to his touch.

He smiled pathetically. "Yen kitta sollitu poiruka. Un kitta sollitu pola. Avlo dhaan difference."

(She told me before she left. She left without telling you. That's the only difference)

Meow. Meow. Meow.

"Naanum unna madhri thaan miss panren. Unna madhri thaan yenna seiradhunu theriyama veedu full ah paithiyam pudicha madhri alanjitu iruken."

(But I miss her just as much as you do. Just like you I'm pacing around the house like a mad man)

Meowwwwww

"Unakachum yen vazhi puridhey." He sighed out.

(At least you understand my pain)

Aristotle really wasn't lying when he said 'a common danger unites even the bitterest enemies' as Ashwin bent down to plant a kiss on the kitten's head, genuinely bonding with it for the first time in all these months. Before this it was always a war between them to win her attention.

That's the furthest their bonding could go because soon the kitten laid down to sleep but it wasn't as easy for Ashwin.

The night just felt incomplete without a goodnight hug from his wife, or without pestering her about her unpacked luggages, or even arguing over who's turn it was to do the dishes.

At that moment Ashwin felt grateful that they never spent their night together on the same bed or it would have been ten times harder. At least once he got into bed he could just pretend that she was in her own room as always.

But something tugged his heart, and stopped him from going into his room to crash. Instead he walked out of the main door and sat down in the veranda for a moment staring into blankness.

Breathing in slowly, he lifted his head up towards the dark sky and it was there. The moon was there.

She was there.

Bathed in the light of the sun, the moon was more beautiful than even the stars surrounding it. It was glowing, as if the sight of it could become a song in the eyes of anyone willing to raise their head upward.

For Ashwin, the only song he knew was her. A song he was still yet to hear but his heart knew every word of the lyrics her heart wrote.

He opened his heart to her, he gave all his love without asking for anything in return and now he was paying the price.

The price of love.

A price that Ashwin will not hesitate to pay.

Day 2:

After a restless night with infinite thoughts and worries that filled up his head, Ashwin only managed to fall asleep at the crack of dawn.

As much as he longed for Sivaangi, some benefits he couldn't deny in her absence was the fact that he was freed from certain responsibilities such as preparing breakfast for her or making sure she's up so she isn't late for college for the umpteenth time. At least that's what he tried to tell himself because crying so early in the morning didn't seem appealing.

So when the alarm went off, he unapologetically turned it off and went back to sleep. He planned to just call in sick and spend the day sleeping. Sleeping away his worries might not be the best coping mechanism but Ashwin doesn't care anymore. He'd rather have her in his dreams than to be awake and brood about how she's not with him.

Pulling the blanket over his head to shield himself from the sunlight that poured into his bedroom, he peacefully drifted off.

But the peace was short-lived like many other things in his life.

The doorbell rang loudly and Ashwin couldn't even ponder about ignoring it because whoever that person was behind the door kept ringing it, again and again.

And again.

Just when he was about to yell out loud at the uncivilised person whoever that was, suddenly a thought occur to him and he sat up with his eyes wide open.

Did she come back?!

Kicking the duvet off, he immediately searched for his shirt that he had tossed away last night but the bell kept ringing repeatedly that he couldn't focus on anything except opening that damn door and checking for himself if she had really came back for him.

For a second, he just rested his head against the door as his heartbeat raced. "Please please please..." Ashwin murmured to himself though he wasn't sure what he was pleading for exactly. He took in a shaky breath to calm himself down, and opened the door.

"Missed me?" Sakthi raised his eyebrow with a grin.

Ashwin just blankly stared at his younger brother who he hadn't seen in the past few months. Unfortunately he couldn't welcome him warmly with a sweet smile because he was busy trying to swallow back the disappointment that was bubbling up in his heart.

Ashwin was a logical, practical and reasonable man. He knew there was no way Sivaangi would return for him in a day when she had left to resolve her own issues.

But there was still this silly part of him that was completely bewitched by her that he just couldn't put off the tiny flame of hope he had. Even though it always ended with disappointment, that hope kept his heart beating so how could he give it up?

His train of thoughts came to a halt when his younger brother bent forward to catch a glimpse of the house and frowned. "Where's my thalaivi? Kupdu dude, un moonjaye yevlo neram paakuradhu?"

(Call my friend, how long am I supposed to stare at your face?)

Ashwin rolled his eyes and dryly responded. "Ava illa."

(She's not here.)

Sakthi's eyes widened. "What?! Illaya? Yenna vara sollitu yen thalaivi yenga pona?"

(Not here? She asked me to come and she's not here?)

Ashwin's jaw tensed in irritation. "Un thalaivi Ooty poyiruka for a medical camp or some crap."

(She's gone to Ooty for some medical camp.)

Sakthi gasped, dramatically clutching his chest, feeling betrayed. The only reason he was standing there in Andaman so early in the morning was the call he had gotten from Sivaangi the night before, asking him to immediately come over. All the hassle only to realise she's not even here?

"Medical camp poyirukala?" Sakthi's nose wrinkled in disgust. "Chei!! Un mogarakattaiya pakava naa ivlo dhooram vandhen?"

(Are you telling me I came all the way here to look at your bloody face?)

He sharply glared and instead of firing him back with a comeback, Ashwin kept looking around for something.

"Yenna thedura?" His brother curiously asked.

(What are you looking for?)

"Inga oru palaya broomstick kedakum, adha thaan theditu iruken."

(There's a broken broomstick here that we usually use to beat up rats and mice)

"Okay okay cool down!" Sakthi panicked, and quickly scurried in before his brother could strike him with any broomsticks.

He can't afford to lose his dignity when it hasn't even been 5 minutes since he arrived. He was there to stay for long, the broomstick could wait.

"Vetti pechi pesama, poi samayal pannu dude. Avlo pasi la vandhu iruken."  He quickly added before he disappeared into one of the rooms.

(Enough of talking nonsense, go and cook something. I'm starving here.)

Ashwin just wondered what in the world made Sivaangi think that asking Sakthi to come over to their house would make him feel any better. Now he couldn't even relax in peace since he had an extra mouth to feed and shut whenever necessary.

Does she hate me or something?

...

"I'll be back soon. I promise I'm okay."

As professional as Sivaangi wanted to be, she found it hard to contain her smile. She was silently observing the injured soldier who ended up in their campsite for treatment, calling up his girlfriend to assure her that he was completely fine even though he looked like a pile of broken bones.

"Don't worry about me. Seekiramey vandhurven." The soldier finally hung up and gave her a small smile as he returned back her phone. "Thanks a lot doctor."

(I'll be back soon)

Sivaangi was about to correct him that she wasn't a doctor yet but she stopped herself because it felt good to be addressed that way.

"Yenna solranga girlfriend?" She asked, because she had some time to kill since it was her break time and also because she was fascinated by the fact that the girlfriend was the first and only person he felt the need to call despite being in so much pain.

(So what's your girlfriend saying?)

The soldier fondly smiled at the mention of his girlfriend. "Worried as always. She wants to come here to see me. Venmanu solliten but she's being very stubborn."

(I told her there's no need for her to visit but she's being stubborn.)

"She seems to love you so much." Sivaangi commented.

The solider nodded with a prideful eyes. "She does. And I do too."

Sivaangi suddenly asked without thinking much about how to structure her question. "How did you know?"

"How did I know what?"

"That you love her." She breathed out. "When did you realise? How did you know what you felt for her was love?"

Sivaangi can't believe she was really sitting here talking to a stranger who just regained his consciousness an hour ago, about love and life. But she was quite desperate. She rarely finds couples that convince her that love exists. So when she found one, she couldn't help it.

And the man being a soldier was another bonus factor that pushed her further to be comfortable around him. Though she couldn't entirely figure out the logic behind it.

The soldier thought hard and silence filled in the room. Sivaangi stood up feeling awkward. "You know what? You should get some rest. I'm sorry for-"

"There was a moment." He blurted out.

"What?"

"There was a moment when I realised that I love her. A lot."

Sivaangi gulped before asking softly. "When?"

"I was out on a secret operation and almost got shot. The bullet nearly missed my shoulder. And at that moment, relief naturally hit me. But my first thought wasn't 'thank god I didn't die'."

"Then?"

"Thank god, I didn't worry her. She would have been so upset if I got hurt." The soldier openly told her with eyes that sparkled with love for his girlfriend.

Sivaangi just stared at the man without a word as he continued. "And that's when I realized that I was more worried about her being worried about me than my own safety, than my own life."

The soldier chuckled lightly. "It may not be the emotional or dramatic story you were looking for but that's when I realized that I was in love, because I didn't want anything to hurt her; not even a bad news."

Sivaangi only managed to put out a smile for him as she excused herself out of the room after reminding him to rest up.

She quietly walked off to the front yard but it felt like something heavy was being pressed on her heart. She needed air but she couldn't inhale nor exhale because her insides were already brimming. Brimming with what? She couldn't tell. Or maybe she could tell, she just chose not to.

Not yet.

She just sat by the fountain once again, weirdly finding some sort of solace in the sound of the water flowing behind her.

All this years, she would attach a negative connotation to matters such as worrying for someone, stressing about someone or panicking for someone.

Because those are negative feelings, so Sivaangi easily assumed they were destructive.

But today, she was starting to think that she might be wrong.

She worrying about hurting him, she keeping his distance away from him to protect him, she constantly fearing that she might lose him one day - all these are perhaps love too.

Those might be love in its worst form maybe. But it's still love.

And for as long as she loves him, she will never stop worrying for him. That's one of the prices she has to pay for love.

But is she willing to pay it?

She decided to start with a penny. Taking in a shaky breath, she turned around and tossed a coin into the fountain.

Looking around, she almost felt dumb for praying to a fountain. However, if many others are dumb enough to do this which is evident through the amount of coins lying inside the fountain, she wouldn't mind dumbing herself down for once.

Closing her eyes momentarily, she spoke soft enough to be heard only be her, and hopefully by God too.

"Hey there, I'm Sivaangi." It might be rude to not introduce herself to God right?

Clearing her throat, she continued whispering out to the universe. "I've never prayed and asked you for anything because I'd like to think that if you are powerful enough to give people what they want, you would definitely know what we want without us saying it out aloud."

After explaining herself, she slowly put forth her wish.

"But today, I feel like asking for this because this is very important you see? I just want him to be happy. And he shouldn't need me to be happy. His happiness should not depend on me."

"I want him to be happy." She didn't feel good to say it but she still did. "Even without me. Even if I'm not with him. Always keep him happy."

She opened back her eyes, nodding slightly to no one in particular because this was just her convincing herself that this is what she truly wanted. "Just do that for me."

Right then, she heard someone clearing their throat. She turned back to find Dr Dhruv standing in front of her, raising his eyebrows with amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Kadavuluku bribing ah?" He taunted her, clearing holding a grudge against the way she ridiculed him last night.

(Bribing God are we?)

She shrugged, even she found herself ridiculous. "I'm still doubting if that single penny would grant me what I want. But if it does, I wouldn't want to miss the chance."

Dhruv laughed lightly. "Can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"It's not the penny. It's the hope."

"What do you mean?" Now she was even more confused.

"It's the hope you have in your heart that will grant your wish." He put it simply.

"Really?" She tilted her head.

"Neenga nenakiradhu nadakuma, nadakthanu theriyadhu but you still stood there, threw in a coin and wished for what you wanted. Ivlo naalu unaku theriyumanu therila, but now you realise what your heart desires the most. What your heart wants the most."

(You don't know if it's going to happen or not but you still stood there and made a wish. We don't know if you knew it before but now you realise what your heart desires the most)

Before Sivaangi could say something, he quickly said, "and this moment of realisation will drive you towards what you want. You can only get what you want if you know what you want."

Sivaangi was pretty much tongue-tied as he shared his spiritual philosophy. "We don't pray just to get close to God. We pray to get close to ourselves. To know ourselves. To understand ourselves."

He looked at her in the eye. "You've made your very first wish, your very first prayer. Now do you know what is the most important to you?"

She had been feeling downhearted the entire day. Not to forget, she was despaired for years. She was still unstable financially with a doctor's degree to complete. There's no need to even talk about her mental and emotional health which have never been stable. There was so much that she lacked and badly needed.

Yet what she asked for was his happiness.

Suddenly nothing in the world mattered to her, not even herself. All she cared about was him.

He wasn't an option, choice, opportunity or chance anymore. He had sneaked his way into her heart and became her utmost priority. Whether she liked it or not.

Day 3:

Ashwin laid on his stomach on the bed, typing out his questions to Google because there was frankly no one else he could clarify with. At least no one he was comfortable enough to ask these questions to.

'What does a break mean in a relationship?'

'Is taking a break the same as breaking up?'

'Can I still call my partner during the break?'

'Can I at least text my partner during the break?'

'Can I just ask for a selfie from my partner during the break?'

'What about a picture of her cute hands during the break?'

'How long does a break usually last in a relationship?'

'What the hell am I supposed to do without her during the break?'

'I miss her. What can I do to miss her lesser?'

Ashwin groaned out loudly when even Google let him down because no explanation managed to make him feel even a tad better.

In fact it only made him feel worse when he ended up in a Quora page where a guy named Bob was sharing about how taking a break literally ruined his relationship with his girlfriend and they were never the same again, and in the end broke up.

"Stupid stupid Bob!" Ashwin yelled out before flinging away his phone, not wanting to further read the sob stories of Bob and feel even more dejected.

He didn't even want to imagine something that's remotely close to Bob's life happening to him and Sivaangi. Burying his face into the pillow, he sincerely whined to God that he didn't want to end up like Bob.

When Sivaangi first shared her Ooty plan, Ashwin intended to work twice as hard and completely drain himself physically so he wouldn't have the time or energy to miss her.

But with her being gone, he didn't even have the will to move. So he ended up taking a couple of days off from work just to coop himself in his room and wallow in sorrow.

He certainly didn't want to use his phone anymore as he knew that will only lead him to another Quora page to read about Bob and scare himself. So he decided to put his 'destroying my self-confidence' mission on hold and read a book instead to distract himself from the current reality.

He got himself comfortable on the bed and started seeping himself into the world of fiction when the door opened widely and his uninvited younger brother barged in.

Not having the energy to entertain him, all he managed to do was a loud sigh.

"Phone la romance pannitu irupanu nenacha, nee yenna man book padichitu iruka?" Sakthi commented and flung himself on to his brother's bed.

(I thought you would be sexting. You're reading a book?)

If there was anything Sakthi was good at, it would have to be the way he could effortlessly rub salt into Ashwin's wounds. He was a naturally an expert at tormenting his older brother.

Ashwin finally looked up from his book. "Romance ah?"

Sakthi eagerly explained. "I understand that the concept of romance might be something foreign to you. Romance basically refers to the actions and feelings of people who are in love, especially behaviour which is very caring or affectionate. It is a strong attraction towards another person, and the courtship behaviors undertaken by an individual to express those overall feelings and resultant emotions."

He sharply glared and pointed a finger to warn him. "Look-"

"I'm looking." Sakthi gave him a toothy innocent smile.

"I'm really not in the mood for this."

"Sivaangi call pannanu thaan solla vandhen, but of course you're not in the mood to hear that." Sakthi got up to leave the room dramatically.

(I just came to tell you that Sivaangi called but oh well-)

But Ashwin held back his arm to stop him. "Wait hold on! Ava call pannala? Yeppo?"

(Wait she called? When?)

"Ippo thaan."

(Just now?)

"Yen kitta kudukala?"

(Why didn't you pass the phone to me?)

"Ava un kitta pesanumnu sollavey illaya." Sakthi shrugged in ease.

(Because she never asked me to?)

"Sollalaya?" He squinted his eyes.

(She didn't?)

"Illa." Sakthi couldn't understand what was the big deal.

(No.)

"Vera yenna sonna?" There was a tinge of bitterness that could be detected in the military man's voice.

(So what did she say then?)

How could she call his brother, yet not call him? That didn't sound fair at all. He did not strategically get married to her, for her to call his brother instead of him.

"Aama ivlo question yenna kekurathuku neeye direct ah phone panna vendiya thana?" Sakthi raised an eyebrow as he could sense that there was more to this.

(Instead of bombarding me with all these questions, you could just call her directly and talk to her)

"Adhu seri varadhu." He dismissed it immediately.

(That won't do.)

"Yen?" He pushed for an answer.

(Why not?)

When Ashwin avoided his gaze and clearly refused to provide him an answer, Sakthi gasped In realisation.

"DAMN! You guys got a divorce and she's living on her own in Ooty! Correct ah?" His eyes widened in thrill.

Resisting his urge to punch him to crack open his skull, Ashwin curtly responded. "We're just taking a break."

"Yeah, and in legal terms they call it a divorce." Sakthi sweetly broke it down for his brother.

"We did not break up, we're just on a break." He spoke through his teeth.

"Potato, potato." Sakthi riled him up with gleeful eyes.

"You know what? Why am I even trying to explain? Just get out. And ippo mattum nee andha sirippa off pannala, saava aduchiduven!" Ashwin smacked him with the bolster that was within his reach.

(And you better stop smiling or I would kill you!)

"Yella saabam! Yaaru ah vittuchu!" Sakthi was still not done apparently.

(Of course you can never escape the wrath and curses)

"Saabam ah?" He frowned.

(What curse?)

"Shalini vayir yerinji vitta saabam summa viduma?" The younger man pointed out with pleasure.

(All the curse Shalini must have done to you guys, do you think you can just escape it?)

"Aama da, Shalini periya kannagi veetu pakkathu veedu, ava saabam vitta naanga apdiye alinjuduvom! Poda dei!" Ashwin just wanted him to get out now.

(Yeah as if she's a saint.)

Sakthi scoffed at his brother's audacity despite the mess he was in. "Shalini mattum ah? Shalini oda amma plus naa kooda thaan vitrupen. Appovey naa warn pannen, yenna madhri oru pure soul ku dhrogam pannadha, nasama poiduvanu. Sonna madhriye nadanthurucha?"

(It's not just Shalini, her mom too. Plus me too. I did warn you not to hurt and betray a pure soul like me or you would suffer. Now see what has happened)

Ashwin sighed, pressing the sides of his forehead in exhaust. "Look."

"I am looking." He again gave him a triumphant smile.

"I am a 31 year old man who's married and still a virgin. My beautiful wife that I'm crazy about is miles away from me to think if I'm worth keeping.  And I can't even call or text her because it goes against the rules that some asshole made up and took the time to post on Google. The chiefs are disappointed and my comrades are confused. Oh and I also lost the promotion that I've been working hard to get for the last 5 years. My life at the moment can't get worse. The last thing I need right now is to get arrested and jailed after murdering my own brother. Adhunaala moodikitu poidu."

(Shut it and go)

"Damn..." That's all Sakthi managed to say. He was just glad he wasn't the first born or he might have been just as screwed up as his brother here.

....

"Are you upset?"

"No."

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Are you having mood swings?"

"No!"

One more time someone asked one of these questions to Sivaangi, she would bang herself on the wall or even better, she would bang that unfortunate questioner into the wall.

She doesn't understand what was wrong with all these people around her. Do they expect her to smile all the time? Do they expect her to laugh at their silly jokes every single time no matter how bad they are? Do they expect her to put on her happy front all the freaking time?

Because if they do, Sivaangi was ready to teach them a hard lesson on why they shouldn't.

From her fellow batch mates and professors to the patients and professionals she met, everyone has been constant asking, and no it wasn't purely out of concern. But only because her bitter mood was ruining their positive atmosphere so they need her to smile, even a fake one would do.

Even though Sivaangi was usually an expert at putting up a vibrant facade no matter how terrible of a day she was having, apparently not anymore.

Not after Ashwin.

Because with Ashwin, all those faking skills were never required. She has never felt the need to force a smile for him when she was feeling down, she has never felt pressured to be 'happy' around him.

Around him she was genuinely happy so there wasn't a need to fake it.

And on days when she felt down and faked a smile for him, he would easily see through and quash it.

With him, she never had to be something that she wasn't.

She was imperfect, broken and a mess. But he still embraced her authentic self with no uncertainty.

And now she was away from home and no, she wasn't talking about the little cottage in Andaman but her husband who's inside the cottage. Yes, that's her home, that's who she belongs with.

She belonged to him. She had belonged to him since the beginning, since before she even knew she did.

Not in a controlling way, definitely not in a suffocating way. But in a liberating way. In a way waves will freely belong to the beach. Or the way rainbow willingly  belongs to the sky. Like two souls that were linked to each other since birth, they just belonged together.

And sometimes two souls just have to fall apart to realise how much they need to fall together.

Maybe Sivaangi was already starting to realise that.

Day 4:

Ashwin walked out of his bedroom, yawing loudly as he stretched his arms after another restless night.

He almost shrieked in shock when Sakthi jumped to his feet and came on to him like a monkey. It seemed like his younger brother had been eagerly waiting for him to wake up.

But why?

Ashwin wasn't sure either. He blinked in confusion and before he could question his brother, Sakthi started talking. "You know how you usually talk a lot of boring stuff, adhuvum romba lengthy ah pesuvalla?"

(You talk in a very lengthy manner?)

Ashwin just stared for a moment, regretting for even coming out of his room. He certainly did not need this insults thrown at him the first thing in the morning.

But Sakthi didn't care and continued. "and you know how most of the time I never listen to whatever you're talking?"

Ashwin glowered, trying to choose between kicking him or slapping him. Or even better, murdering him and burying him in the backyard as that would be the best measure for a long term.

Sakthi interrupted his inaudible murder plan when he said. "But nethu nee oru matter sonna madhri iruku, aana confirm ah therila."

(But it seems like you told me something yesterday, though I'm not very sure about it)

"Yenna matter?" He asked.

(What's the matter?)

"Matter than matter." Sakthi joked but his eyes appeared nervous and worried even.

(Pun cannot be explained)

"What?"

"Illa nee sonnalla that you're a..." the younger brother struggled to say the word as it seemed like a deadly sin to even utter it, "virgin".

(You mentioned that you're a virgin)

Once again, Ashwin avoided his eyes and sighed to himself. He really couldn't understand why his younger brother just couldn't stomach a fact that shouldn't even concern him in the first place.

"You were just joking right?" Sakthi anxiously asked and when he got back no response, he let out a loud gasp in absolute horror.  "OH MY GOD ITS TRUE?!"

Discussing such a topic with his biological brother really wasn't something Ashwin enjoyed that much. "Dei kaththi tholayadha-"

(Stop shouting-)

"Virgin?!" That's all Sakthi yelled out, still in disbelief.

"Adei! Ippo yedhuku motha Andaman kum announce pannitu iruka?! Shut up!"

(Why are you announcing it to the entire of Andaman?)

One of the symptoms of trauma was mutism and that's what Sakthi was experiencing. He was truly traumatised by what he just heard. He went completely quiet, still staring at his brother with his mouth wide open.

Shaking his head, Ashwin didn't want to deal with his brother's drama and was about to walk off to the kitchen when Sakthi shouted again in an earth-shattering manner. "VIRGIN?!"

This was a mistake. It was a big big mistake for rambling away to Sakthi no matter how miserable and hopeless he was feeling yesterday. Ashwin wasn't sure how long it would take his brother to get over this detail.

He sighed and tried to rationally explain. "See we're just taking things slow, I don't know why you're making a big deal out of this."

"No let's come to Sivaangi topic later. Why were you even a virgin until you got married?! What were you doing?!" Sakthi cried out, still unable to fathom this.

Ashwin rolled his eyes. "Well I was doing plenty of things! I was just not doing anyone."

"You're making puns now?! Yenna joke ah?" Sakthi just happened to take this matter very seriously, in fact more seriously than Ashwin did.

(Is this a joke?)

"Vazhkai eh joke ah poitu iruku, nammalum sendhu konjam joke panna, it'll hurt lesser." Ashwin was about to walk off but was halted by his brother once again.

(Well my entire life has become a joke, I might as well crack a few jokes too)

"Hold on, appo college days la group study panranu sollitu poviya, yenna panna?" He demanded for an answer.

(Those times when you go off for group studies during college day, what did you even do?

"Padichen." Ashwin innocently answered.

(I studied?)

"Sweet baby Jesus." Sakthi dropped on the couch because if he continued standing, he might collapse in shock or trauma right there.

Ashwin frowned at his choice of words. "You converted?"

"Is that really important right now? You might become the male version of Virgin Mary, unna yepdi naa kapathuradhu." The younger brother was not even exaggerating, he was legitimately worried for Ashwin.

(How am I supposed to save you?)

"Calm your ass down. All this while I was not into any woman. I had no reasons to go out there and sleep with someone for the sake of losing my v-card just because I don't wanna seem like a loser. I would rather wait for the right person." He openly told him.

"So Sivaangi isn't the right person?" Sakthi tilted his head, ignoring everything he heard and decided to hold on to just the last part.

"We're just taking things slow. Now leave me alone." He sighed out, already tired from this uncalled for drama right after he woke up. Before Sakthi could say anything else which Ashwin knows he would, he quickly moved away to the kitchen.

And that day, Ashwin didn't even miss Sivaangi that much because all he heard was the word 'virgin' every single time he saw his brother which was a plenty of times since they resided under the same roof.

It's like Sakthi had to yell it out each time just to confirm it to himself so it's easier for him to digest it.

At some point, Ashwin was almost tempted to retort back if he wasn't one.

But he decided against it. Because he could easily guess the answer to that already and hearing it loud and clear from him  would only bruise his ego. And his ego had suffered enough damage that day so he felt obliged to protect whatever that was left.

...

Sivaangi dazed at the couple, completely disregarding the records she was supposed to track after the series of tests the terminally ill woman went through.

She was a cancer patient who was gradually losing her eyesight too. This was most likely the worst thing that has ever happened to her in her entire life.

But she was smiling. Laughing too.

Her husband gently held her hand, constantly chattering and whispering into her ears that just lit up her eyes that for a moment, she didn't even seem blind. Her eyes lost its vision but he brought light to it.

"They look like the fictional couples that make you believe in love right?" Doctor Dhruv's voice brought her back to reality as she quickly sat up straight and nodded with a tiny smile.

Even though Sivaangi never asked, he could tell that she was very interested in the couple so he started to fill her in with their backstory.

"They were actually divorced. A few years later she was diagnosed with cancer and when he found that out, he persuaded her to get married again because he wanted to take care of her."

Her lips parted in surprise, that was certainly a twist that she wasn't expecting. All she could say was a weak, "wow" which made him chuckle in amusement.

"Definitely a better love story than Romeo Juliet if you ask me." He jokingly said.

She shrugged slightly. "Maybe."

"You don't sound too sure." He observed.

"I don't know, I'm just thinking."

"A penny for your thoughts?"

She smiled shaking her shoulders. "I'm just wondering if they loved each other so much, why separate in the first place? And thidirnu mattum yen ivlo love vandhuchu? Cancer, she's counting her days...idhulam therinju vara love, idhuku munnadi yenga ponuchu?"

(Where did this love suddenly come from? Why did it only come after knowing about her cancer? Where was it before that?)

He was amused. "What are you trying to imply?"

"I'm just saying that rather than love, it seems like she needs him so she is using him. Maybe she has some feelings for him but she's definitely taking advantage of his love for her since she needs someone."

Now it was his turn to utter a weak "wow" as he was certainly not expecting her to look at such a heart touching love story from an unconventional angle.

She patiently waited for him to rebut her point. And he did. "She initially refused to remarry him because she didn't want to be a burden. But he insisted and spent months convincing her before she gave in. She wanted him but she pushed him away because she loved him."

When she heard that, Sivaangi figured that fear of love was universal. It wasn't just her, almost anyone and everyone goes through that fear. We all tend to push people away when we need them the most. Because they mean so much to us that we do not ever want to hurt them.

She casted her eyes down, taking in a shaky breath as it started hitting close to home.

"Unaku yenna aagunalum, kadasi varaikum naa irupen apdinu past problems ah thooki potutu he came for her. Yenaku yenna aagunaalum, naa pathukuren. Nee kashtam padatha yenakaga, apdinu she stayed away from him." Dhruv persisted to change her perspective.

(He said, no matter what happens, I'll be with you until the end. And she said, no matter what I go through, please don't trouble yourself for me.)

"He wanted to protect her by being with her. She wanted to protect him by being away from him. Can love get any more beautiful?" His eyes were on her as he asked.

Sivaangi couldn't even bring herself to say a word. This wasn't just about the woman battling cancer and her husband anymore.

When no response came from her, he continued. "She realised that she wasn't protecting him by pushing him away. She was only hurting him more and more. Because he didn't care about anything, he didn't care if she was sick, he didn't care if she was blind, he didn't care if she was going to die soon. All he wanted was to be with her for as long as possible."

Her breath hitched when he concluded. "So she let him in."

His hand suddenly reached for hers. "It takes courage to push love away. But it takes immense courage to let love in."

And Ashwin's love was undoubtedly worth the pain. It was a love that she had never experienced before. It was love she had never imagined before. It was a love beyond her expectations and hopes.

That's why she pushed away. She could only accept the love she think she deserves. And she believed that she didn't deserve his love.

But now Dhruv made her wonder.

What about Ashwin? Does Ashwin deserve to be pushed away? Does a love as great as his deserve to be pushed away because of her fears?

Maybe there was love in pushing away people when you do it to protect them. But that isn't the love Ashwin deserves, does he?

He deserves the love that makes him feel loved.

Not otherwise.

"I know none of this might make sense to you, you would only understand when you experience it. I guess you still haven't seen such a love."  Dhruv smiled lightly.

That's when she realised that his hand was still on hers. She swiftly moved her hand away and stood up. And what she softly uttered before she walked off left him feeling a tad bit confused.

"Pathuruken."'

(I've seen it)

Day 5:

Ashwin stood quietly by the stove, waiting for the dish to be cooked and he could feel a strong, intense pair of eyes burning holes in the back of his head.

A pair of eyes that belonged to his brother who was seated at the couch in the living room, with his arms crossed against his chest as he thought hard about things Ashwin didn't even want to know.

After spending the entire of yesterday overcoming his trauma since he learnt about his brother's virginity that was still intact, Sakthi has now moved on and was ready to take matters into his own hands.

As a younger brother to Ashwin, he felt responsible to do something about this problem or their family tree might be at a huge risk. Of course he's there to sustain it but he can't handle the pressure of being the only one in charge of the family tree. So he was determined to help his brother.

Taking in a deep breath, he walked into the kitchen and not so casually started a conversation. "Yen friend oda appa oru therapist."

(My friend's father is a therapist)

Ashwin's long sigh explained how he didn't even have the energy to engage in a banter with his brother. "Theriyum. Andha mental institution la work panravaru thana? Ippo yenna da, yenna kondu poyi anga sekanum? Adhu thana? Oru 2 months wait pannu, call panren. Vandhu kootitu po."

(I know. He works at the mental institution right? What is it that you want? You just want to get me admitted there right? That's it right? Just wait for about 2 months, I'll give you a call and you can bring me there.)

Ashwin was quite sure he would end up in there very soon so why not use a little discount through Sakthi?

"Ayyo idha vera friend anna. Indha friend oda appa mental institution la work panla, he's a freelance therapist." Sakthi squeaked, getting more and more anxious.

(Noo this is a different friend. This friend's father doesn't work at a mental institution, he is a freelance therapist)

"Adhuku?" Ashwin turned to face him with curiosity.

(So?)

Sakthi avoided his gaze and prayed to every God in existent to protect him as he started. "Mental health related therapist illa..."

(He's not a therapist related to mental health)

"Aprom?"

(Then?)

"Sex therapist." He breathed out, and put up his hand to protect this face from any weapons that comes flying in.

To his surprise, no weapons was flung towards him. Ashwin was still calmly standing by the stove and asked. "Idha yedhuku yen kitta solra?"

(So why are you telling me this?)

Sakthi cleared his throat. "See, uhm low libido is not a rare problem. Neraya peruku iruku, it's not unfixable if you get treated early-"

(A lot of people go through this)

"Polandhuruven da!" And finally the weapon in the form of a large frying pan came flying towards him as Ashwin looked like he was ready to chop him up and grill him to have a barbecue with his kitten. 

(I would kill you!)

Groaning in pain as he rubbed his bruised head, Sakthi argued. "Oru thambi ah idhu yenaku poruppu-"

(As a brother this is my responsibility-)

"Seruppu!" And another pot came flying in before Sakthi ran out of the kitchen for life.

(Responsibility my ass!)

Ashwin couldn't take it anymore. How could a noble choice he made be perceived as a disorder?

...

After another long and draining day of work, instead of jumping onto the bed like everyone else, she was sitting outside in the dark by the fountain that kept her accompanied with the sound of the flowing water that instantly made her relax. 

She found it laughable how she demanded for space from him and came all the way here. Yet for the last 5 days, she had thought about him more than she had ever thought of him since they got married.

She really tried to keep herself busy with the duties she had to carry out but every time she paused, she still thought of him.

And when she worked, he would be somewhere at the back of her head, urging her to stop immediately so she can completely drown in the thoughts of him.

He never left her mind. Not once.

Without him, a second felt like a minute, a minute felt like an hour, an hour felt like a day and a day felt like a whole damn year.

The way her heart longed to hear his voice just once, the little excitement whenever he endearingly called out 'oi' and the soft chuckles that escapes his throat at every ridiculous thing she does or says...she missed it all.

All she had to do was pick up her phone and dial his number.

But something kept stopping her. This time it really wasn't ego, pride, or bitterness. It was something else.

She just didn't feel that she should get in touch with him until she was ready to give him what he truly deserved.

She knew that the man wouldn't care. He wouldn't complain or guilt trip her if she chose to return back home the very next day and still claim to not be ready. He would never make her feel bad for the way she felt. He would never get angry if she asks for more time.

But she still did not want to go against her own rules.

She will only go back to him when she is ready to embrace him in every possible way.

But a text wouldn't hurt right? She herself had no idea how long it will take for her to go back. Maybe staying in touch through texts wouldn't be that bad of an idea.

Taking in a deep breath, she thought hard on what she should message. There were endless things she could say and thinking too much would be stressful. So she decided to keep it simple.

Maybe an 'I miss you' would suffice. Not too extreme, not too dry. Just nice.

Nodding to herself, she was about to type when the sky cracked out a harsh thunder. Twisting her head upwards, she noticed the dark clouds gathered, prepared to pour out a heavy rain anytime now.

Before having to run back into the guesthouse, she quickly typed the text. Right before she hit the arrow, she let out a loud gasp and almost dropped her phone. It wouldn't be an exaggeration at all to say that she suffered from a mini heart attack when she realised what she had typed out.

The screen showed 'I love you' instead of 'I miss you'.

That can't be her doing. There must be some sort of fault with the messenger app for sure. It must be the autocorrect.

She shuddered at the thought of actually sending that without realising.

Not wanting to take any more risks, she turned off her phone and put it away before running back into the guesthouse as the earth started getting wet in the rain.

Day 6:

After undressing the little girl's injured leg and wrapping it up again with a clean bandage, Sivaangi was about to proceed to the next cubicle.

But she stopped on her tracks when the little girl's mother gently comforted daughter who was still sobbing for the mild injury. Hushing her softly, the mother pulled her into her lap and kept patting her. Her fingers ran through the girl's hair, making her relax slowly and she finally stopped crying.

Usually these are the moments Sivaangi would walk far, far away until she forget whatever she just saw.

But surprisingly she found herself being rooted to the ground as she stood by the door to just watch the scene with a tender smile.

She suddenly remembered the times when she would lay her head on his lap while they watched the television. But instead of watching the television, she would look up at him as he ran his fingers through her hair.

Or when she would have just gone through a breakdown and would be in the worst condition, he would pull her into his lap. His soft, comforting whispers wouldn't cease until she fell asleep.

His lap was her comfort place. The only place in the world that made her feel vulnerable yet secure.

Her vision started getting blurry and that's when she realised she was tearing up. She quickly walked out and scampered to the fountain area which was empty.

She just stood there for a few minutes, letting some tears flow out while feeling confused as to why she was even crying.

A while later once she felt stable, she searched for a penny in her pocket and tossed it inside the fountain.

"Hey it's me." Her voice shook as she politely greeted.

"You know I was always angry that you took my mother away from me?" She sniffed hard and continued. "But I wanted to tell you that now I'm a little, just a little less angry."

A tearful smile found its way to her face as she said. "You took so much away from me, but you gave me Ashwin. Aprom yepdi kovam padurathu?"

(How am I supposed to be angry now?)

He was everything she yearned for yet she never had the guts to ask for it.

"I know I asked you to make him happy with or without me. But ippo konjam peraasai." She wiped away her tears and softly asked. "Can I be his happiness? Iruka viduviya?"

(But now I've become a bit greedy. Will you let me be his happiness?)

"Take anything away from me, take it all you want but please-" her voice broke midway. "Please let me keep this one thing."

And the universe listened to it all, and conspired to move the mountains for her if that's what it takes to help her because for the first time she chose the dreams of her heart over the fears of her mind and found the courage to ask for what she truly desired.

Day 7

Like every other nights, Sivaangi was again perched by the fountain since the sun settled for the day and brought out its star-crossed lover that twinkled in the dark sky.

Tonight Sivaangi lifted her head up and was staring fondly at the moon for the first time in the last 7 days.

Her heart felt full and was bursting with an emotion that spread joy to every inch of her insides that it reflected on her face with a glow.

Though it made her crave and long for her own piece of the moon that was miles away from her, she still loved looking at it.

She was so enchanted by the view above her head that she didn't notice Doctor Dhruv who came by until he cleared his throat for attention. "Inniki after dinner yedhavudhu plans iruka?"

(Do you have any plans after dinner today?)

She stood up, blinking at his random question. "Hmm usual plan thaan, nothing special ."

(Just the usual plan.)

He teasingly smiled, "So by usual plan you mean sitting by yourself under the dark sky and just contemplating life?"

"I guess.." she shrugged with a light chuckle.

"Okay then inniki oru night yenakaga adha pannama iruka mudiyuma?" He tilted his head in an adorable way.

(Can you not carry out this plan just today, for me?)

"Purila."

(I don't understand)

"Can I take you for dinner?" He directly asked.

She smiled nervously. "Okay this is like really awkward but I'm actually married."

He seemed slightly taken aback by the information but still managed to ask back. "So you don't eat ever since you got married?"

"If it's a friendly dinner, I don't mind it at all." She made it clear.

"Yes it's a friendly dinner of course." He immediately agreed but when she just stared wordlessly, he sighed and shook his head in defeat. "Fine, I lied. What I had in mind was a romantic first date of course."

"Then I'll have to pass." She politely smiled.

"You're married, okay. But are you happily married?" He suddenly asked.

She frowned. "Excuse me?"

"No I mean rendathukum neraya difference iruku la? If you're not happily married, which I think you're not, then there shouldn't be a problem with coming out on a dinner with me." He blurted out without thinking much.

(There's a difference between them.)

Her nostrils flared in anger. "How could you say that? What do you even know about my marriage?"

"I don't know about your marriage but I've been seeing you for the last 7 days and you don't seem too happy." He simply pointed out and started giving examples. "Not mingling with people, not joining anyone for meals, sitting by yourself most of the time, randomly tearing up at-"

The fact that a man she barely knew had the audacity to denigrate her marriage riled her up so badly. "That's because I'm away from my husband. I miss him!"

"Is it?" He sounded like he was trying to push out the truth from her when there was really no other truth.

"Listen, you have no business talking about my personal life! What do you even know?! I love him! He makes me happier than I ever was and ever can be! I love him so much! How could you be so tactless? Yenna venalum pesuvingala?! There's a limit to everything Dr Dhruv! And you just crossed it!"

(You think you can say whatever you want?)

Satisfied with herself for putting him in his place, she furiously marched off.

But just a couple of seconds later, she paused as her eyes widened when realisation slowly started hitting her.

She mindlessly ran back to the doctor who was still standing by the fountain for confirmation. "Did you hear what I just said? Oh my god, I...I-" too many emotions were attacking her all at once that she was deprived of words.

"Are you alright?" He asked with concern.

"No no no, I'm not alright. I'm not. I said it. I actually said it!"

If she could admit it to a third person, she could definitely admit it to him. Right?

She assumed that it would feel scary and suffocating to admit it. But when she said it to Dhruv, it was a very different feeling from what she had imagined. A feeling she couldn't find a word to describe but it felt good that's for sure.

It made her feel strong. Stronger than ever.

Because to be able to say those words out loud would only mean that her love for him had surpassed his choices. It was above her need for him to return it back to her. She can love him even if he was not able to. It's a moment she had decided that her love for him wasn't about herself but about him.

And she had to tell him. She had stalled for months but now that she's let down her walls to the temple in her heart, she couldn't wait for even a minute.

"Say what?" Dhruv was still clueless.

If he hadn't offended her earlier, she would have thrown herself into him and gave him a tight hug.  For all the help he had done unknowingly, he deserved a hug. But maybe not after what he said.

Ignoring his questions and queries, she ran off to grab her phone. Her hands trembled as she dialled his number and she couldn't even breathe properly.

When he answered the call and she heard his breathing, that was it. Her lips trembled as she whispered helplessly. "A-Ashwin...military!"

"Oii doctor."

The voice! The damn voice! Her throat was clogged with so much of emotions, she couldn't find any words yet again. All she managed to say was his name over and over again. "Ashwin..."

"Sollu ma." He gently said.

(Yes?)

She swallowed harshly and asked. "Sollata? Ippovey sollava? Ipdiye phone la sollava?"

(Should I say it? Like right now? Through the phone?)

"Sollu."

(Yes.)

"Neenga yen varavey illa?" She felt like tearing up all over again. "I wish...I really wish you were here right now."

(Why didn't you come?)

She knew she was being unreasonable but she couldn't help it.

Before she could get a response from him, the call got cut off. Of course there will be connection issues when she was finally ready to tell him!

She started panicking and immediately tried to dial back again. And just when she placed her phone against her ear, she heard a voice from the back.

"Ippo sollu."

(Now you can tell me)

There he was.

Her military man. Her piece of the moon. Her husband.

Sivaangi just froze as she stood there trying to figure out if he was really there or if she had completely lost her sanity that she was now hallucinating him.

Before she could notice his hair that flopped messily or the dark coloured jacket he was wearing, what caught her attention was his tear-filled eyes. They were not tears of sadness nor happiness. Just relief. Pure relief that he finally saw her after going through 7 days of hell.

Instead of taking steps forward to reach him, to hold him like what she had wanted to, she just stood there and cried.

He was about to take a step forward then because he couldn't stand and watch her break down. But he abruptly stopped when he heard her voice out.

"Yenna vittudunga." She cried out.

(Leave me)

"Naa poren." She cried some more.

(I wanna go)

"Yenaku neenga venam." She cried harder.

(I don't want you)

"Poidu. Please poidu." And even harder.

(Go. Just go.)

Ashwin blinked rapidly, unable to comprehend what was going on.

He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding when she said. "Ipdilam naa solluven. Sollitey thaan irupen. Naa apdi thaan. Yenaku yenna venumnu yenakey theriyadhu. Apdiye therinjalum adha yepdi yeduthukurathunu yenaku theriyadhu. Yen kailaye thooki kuduthalum yenaku adha yepdi vechikirathunu theriyadhu."

(This are the things I'll say. I'll keep saying it. That's how I am. I myself don't know what I want. Even if I do, I wouldn't know how to attain it. And even if I get it in my hands, I still wouldn't know how to take care of it)

She closed the little distance between them and crushed into his arms, held up his face to look into the brown eyes she had been missing every single night. "Aana poidathinga. Please. Poidathinga."

(But don't go. Please don't go)

Her body trembled in tears as she spoke. "Naaney thorathunalum, vilagi ponalum, torture pannalum, poidathinga."

(Even if I push you away, even if I avoid you, even if I tortured you, don't leave me.)

She didn't have to tell him this. He knew it already. Everytime she pushed him away, she asked him to leave, all he needed to do was to turn back and look at her. He was sure he will always find it in her eyes, that she really didn't want him to leave.

"Maaten." His hands lifted her face to make her look up at him. "Unna vittutu naa yenga poven?"

(I won't) (where will I got with it you?)

"Nejama?"

(Are you serious?)

"Sathiyama."

(I promise)

His long arm tightly pulled her into his chest and he held her strong. Not strong enough to destroy her, but strong enough to let her know that nobody else will ever hurt her if he was around. He squeezed her, not strong enough to break her, just strong enough so that every ounce of her was aware that every ounce of his body and emotion was dedicated to the task at hand. Strong enough for her to feel invincible and strong enough to make her feel grounded and loved by the universe for that 5 minutes of her life in his arms.

As much as she wanted to just melt in his hold, there was a part of her that was preventing her from relaxing, and indulging in his touch and warmth as she had a lot that she wanted to say. There was too much going on in her head that she had to let it out now that she was ready.

She gently released herself from his arms so she can look at him. "Ivlo naalu neenga thaan correct option nu theriyadha naala naa velagi pola."

(I didn't avoid you all these days because I wasn't sure if you were the right option)

He listened quietly as she told him. "Therinja naala thaan Aswhin.

(I avoided because I knew you were the right option)

"Ungaluku mazhai pudikumnu anniki terrace la sonningalla? Appo theriyum." Once again her eyes were pooled with a fresh batch of tears.

(The day you told me that you love the rain, I knew it then)

"Yellarayum vittutu yenakaga kovil la irundhu veetuku odi vandhingalla? Appo theriyum." His thumb tried to wipe her eyes but they just could not stop watering.

(When you left your entire family in the temple and ran back home to me, i knew it then.)

"Aprom oru night ungaluku adi pattu, naa bandage potu vittadhum, indha ulagathula yedha pathum varadha bayam un kannu ah patha varudhunu sonningalla? Appo theriyum." Now he was starting to tear up again as the memory of the particular night flowed into his mind.

(When you came back home injured that night and I was helping to treat you, and you told me that nothing in the world scared you except my eyes, I knew it then)

"Adhuku aprom oru day full ah naa kanama ponapo, avlo kovathoda yenna pathu kathuningalla? Thittuningalla? Appo theriyum." He tucked her loose tangles behind her ears, trying to stabilize her even though he wasn't quite stable at the moment.

(When I went missing an entire day and when you saw me later, you shouted at me with so much anger. You scolded me right? I knew it then)

"Ungaluku yenna pudichalum, naa oru substitute madhri feel pannida kudathunu, yenna kalyanam pannika sollalaila? Appo theriyum." Unable to control himself anymore, his forehead rested on hers as they both shut their eyes for a mere second, feeling absolutely tattered and weak.

(Even though you liked me, you still didn't want me to feel like a substitute so you didn't ask me to marry you after your wedding with Shalini was called off, right? I knew it then)

"I was mentally and emotionally vulnerable at so many points. Naa irundha mindset la, I would have slept with you even on the very first night if you asked me to. But neenga adhuku space kudukavey illala? You waited. And you are still waiting. Appo theriyum." With her forehead still on his, she whispered out.

(You could have easily made me sleep with you considering the mindset I was in, but you never gave the space for it. I knew it then)

"I have always known it was you. And that's why it scared me. Because you're not like anyone else. You are different. You are important. Yaaru yenna vittu ponalum, yenaku vazhikum ana palagiduchu. But neenga yenna vittu poita, naa sethuduven. Oru nimisham kooda yennala neenga yen kooda illadha oru ulagatha imagine panna mudila." And she finally stripped herself off the multiple shields and guards, and surrendered to him her bare heart.

(It'll hurt no matter who walks away from me but I'm used to it. But if you walk away, I'll die, I can't even imagine a world without you for a minute)

"Why do you hold so much power? Why do you have so much control?" She just don't know and don't understand either.

"Because adhey power, adhey control unakum iruku." He softly said.

(You hold the same power, you have the AMA control)

The thought of possessing that much of power over someone, it scared her. One wrong move and she could break him.

"Bayam ah iruku Ashwiney." She admitted.

(I'm scared)

He nodded with a tiny smile, his voice all raspy due to the tears. "Yenakum thaan."

(I am too)

To be scared together made them both feel less scared.

And that's love. From the outside, it looks so beautiful. On the inside, its terrifying because it can take over your entire life. Its the strongest emotion and the darkest too. It can put you on a high for days, but it can wrap an anchor around your feet and drown you in less than a minute.

But it's a risk worth taking. It comes with a price worth paying.

He leaned in and gently kissed the tip of her nose, making her shut her eyes as a giggle escaped her lips. "So..."

"So?" She softly asked.

He pretended to look at his watch. "Time ayiduchu, camp ku poringala?"

(It's getting late, aren't you going to your camp?)

"Yendha camp?"

(What camp?)

Ashwin looked at her in disbelief while she just blinked cluelessly before they broke into little giggles, noses rubbing against each other.

He tenderly held her chin and whispered with so much love in his eyes. "Ipdiye iru."

(Always remain this way)

"Yepdi? Aludhukuta?" The ugly tears left stains all over her face as she sniffed.

(How? Crying?)

"Illa, sirichikitu. Manasula ulla happiness kannu la theridhula...ipdiye." He planted a gentle kiss on her eyes, immediately causing her to shut them.

(No, smiling. Your eyes reflect the happiness in your heart, this way)

"Adhuku neenga irukanum."

(You need to be here for that)

"Irupen."

(I will be here)

"Always?"

"Udambula uyir irukura varaikum."

(Until my last breath)

~~~

How was it? Okay ah?

Next yenna?🤔🙊

I know I made you all wait for so long, and I'm really sorry for that. Writing this chapter had been a great challenge, and I hope it didn't disappoint you.

Thank you so much for waiting patiently🙏🏼❤️