After a looooong time❤️

Unedited

Sivaangi was generally a pleasant human to be around. She's sweet, vibrant and often omitted a buoyant energy that's powerful enough to spread all around the room.

But like most humans, she too had her days where she is nothing but a little bundle of crankiness and gloom. During such times, her moods will not just swing. They roll, bounce,oscillate, pivot, fluctuate, and time to time pirouette.

Her previous roommates and friends have complained about it after being victims of the roller coaster rides her mood swings mercilessly took them on.

Now the newest victim was unfortunately Ashwin.

Being an inexperienced man when it came to relationships with women, Ashwin was initially horrified at her passive aggressive tone and snappy remarks that came out of nowhere. He even spent hours trying to figure out his mistakes that must have angered her.

But a couple of months into the marriage, he came to understand that it was simply how Sivaangi functioned. And there was really nothing he could do about it except to shower her with more love on days when even she couldn't love herself.

However, lately with her moodiness that's been shooting through the roof, even his little sprinkles of affection that usually worked wonders, have been a form of trigger for her.

She easily twisted the heartfelt compliments he passed on her, or blew up the harmless jokes he cracked to cheer her up.

And days later when her hormones finally went easy on her, she started realising how much of a pain in the neck she had been for him.

She could not even fathom the audacity she had to get mad at him for saying hi to their still unnamed kitten before greeting her when he got back from work the other day.

Or the ridiculous fight she started when he bought her a can of Pepsi instead of Coca Cola. A literal devil unleashed itself from Sivaangi's body when Ashwin innocently claimed that both drinks tasted the same.

That night Ashwin learnt that apology is always a better tool than defence in marriage.

Sivaangi had definitely been driving that man of hers insane. She wouldn't even be surprised if he came home with a signed divorce notice.

One moment she would break down and apologise for being unreasonable. And a while later she would find something else to get upset over. The cycle repeats itself.

He'd been taking all the bullets shot at him with nothing but a weak, apologetic smile even though he was not at fault. He had even stopped pestering her about her luggages that were still unpacked.

Now that Sivaangi finally felt like herself again, she decided to make up for all the tortures and distress she had subjected upon him.

Despite having a long day at college, she was still overflowing with energy to craft out a fantastic evening for her husband.

In a moment of excitement, she almost considered cooking to surprise him but luckily she remembered that the idea was to please him, not to force down inedible things down his throat in the name of dinner.

She was afraid of messing up which would cause her plan to backfire. So she decided to put off her cooking plan for another day.

Instead, she ordered his favourite food and desserts for dinner. Then, she cleaned up the house even though it was supposed to be his turn according to their duty roster.

Finally she took a refreshing shower and picked out a simple but gorgeous almond pink saree since she knows very well the millennial Indian man in Ashwin absolutely adored a traditional look on her.

She even went the extra mile to wear minimal makeup, just enough to enhance the beautiful features she already possessed.

To her dismay, there was a sudden power outage due to the heavy rain that was pouring out. But she put her creative mind to use and took out the little tea light candles from the drawers and lit them up to place them around the house.

She singlehandedly managed to transform their lovely home into a region of romance. And the cold, rainy climate worked well as the icing on the cake.

Just when she had skilfully completed her candles arrangement, the doorbell rang. With an excited smile that she had no power fighting against, she unlocked the door only to find a face she dreaded looking at almost every morning.

Priyanka lifted her eyebrows at her. "Hi."

Sivaangi tried to conceal the hostility she felt towards the woman but her voice gave it away as she immediately informed. "Avaru innum varala."

(He's not home yet)

The older woman smirked. "Theriyum."

(I know)

At least for a formality sake, she didn't wait for an invitation. She casually made her way into the house and took a seat on the couch. When Sivaangi was about to drill her with questions, her phone rang in the room. Priyanka smirked once again, gesturing her to answer the call.

A confused Sivaangi scampered into her bedroom to take the call. Upon seeing his name flashing on her screen, she immediately answered and whisper-yelled into the device without giving him a chance to speak. "Yenga irukinga? Unga Pri yedhuku inga vandhu iruka? Neenga thaan vara sonningala?"

(Where are you? And why is your Pri here? Did you ask her to come?)

The background noise from his end was so loud that Sivaangi wondered if he was in the middle of the battlefield. "Ma, naa varathuku romba late aagum. Adhu varaikum nee thaniya iruka venamnu thaan Pri ya vara sonnen. Oru company ku-"

(I might come home too late. Till then I've asked Pri to keep you accompanied)

"Ungaluku yenna paithiyam pudichiruka? Yenaku avala pudikathunu therinjum-"

(Have you lost your mind? You know I can't stand her)

"Sivaangi please understand panniko ma. Even Pugazh is out of station. Yepdi unna avlo neram thaniya vida solra?" Ashwin tried to reason even though he's aware that nothing would persuade her.

(Please try to hear me out. Even Pugazh is out of station. How am I supposed to leave you all alone at home for so long?)

"Avlo worry panna, neenga thaan varanum! Avala anapuvingala?!" She yelled lowly into the phone, making sure the woman in her living room wouldn't overhear.

(If you care so much you should come home, not send her!)

"Sivaangi-"

"Pesathinga! Yen kitta pesave pesathinga! Veetukum varathinga!" She abruptly cut the call.

(Shut up! Don't ever talk to me! And don't come home either!)

After taking in a few deep breaths, she told herself to be calm at least for the sake of the uninvited guest.

Reluctantly, she called him back. He answered in a single ring. "Sivaangi sorry-"

"Varavenamnu chumma thaan sonnen. Veetuku seekiram vanga. Adha solrathuku thaan phone pannen." She grumpily said.

(I didn't meant that. You better come home quickly. I just called to tell you that.)

But she didn't forget to add on. "I am still very very very angry! Bye!"

...

If the word 'awkward' needed a visual representation, then one just had to capture an image of the scene in the living room as both women sat on the couch opposite of each other, having an accidental and unwanted eye contact every 10 seconds before they looked away, pretending it never happened.

Almost an hour passed and they had not spoken more than 4 lines to each other. Even that 4 lines were quite meaningless and unimpressive.

"Ashwin thana call pannadhu?" Priyanka enquired even though she knew very well.

(Was that Ashwin?)

"Aama." Sivaangi responded curtly.

(Yeah)

Then she quickly added. "I'll be okay on my own so neenga irukanumnu obligation kedayathu."

(You can leave if you want)

Priyanka stretched her arm in exhaust as it produced a cracking sound. "Trust me I prefer to leave too. But Ashwin ketutan, and I agreed so I won't leave until he comes back home."

(Well Ashwin asked me to say and I agreed so)

That further riled her up as she clenched her teeth, mentally imagining the things she's about to do to the man once he returns.

How dare he treat her like a toddler who needs to be babysat?

She's a 23 year old grown woman. She's spent countless nights all by herself in a whole other continent. She can certainly survive one night on her own at home!

Even if it came from a place of concern, of all the people how could he choose that one woman Sivaangi couldn't stand being in the same room with for even a couple of minutes?

A part of Sivaangi felt the urge to converse with that woman and dig out more information about her husband since they obviously have been acquainted for a long time.

As curious as she was, the unreasonable possessiveness she had for the man stopped her from asking anything. She hated the idea of hearing about Ashwin from that woman. In fact, she didn't even like hearing the woman utter his name to begin with.

So she kept mum, trying not to bother about the golden opportunity she was allowing to slip away.

As if Priyanka could read her mind, she suddenly said. "You know something? Munnadi Ashwin and I almost dated."

With intent eyes, Sivaangi immediately turned to face her. Priyanka nodded like she wanted to double confirm that Sivaangi did hear her right.

"Oru chinna crush rendu perukum irundhuchu when we first met during training." Priyanka shared with a small smile as if she was reminiscing those sweet memories.

(A small mutual crush for both of us when we first met during training)

Bingo!

Sivaangi knew that from the very moment she saw them interacting. It was way too obvious to not notice.

He could deny all he wants, but Sivaangi was a pro at reading him. No matter how much he controlled his facial expressions and body language, she could easily see through him.

Sivaangi was just unsure about why Priyanka was voluntarily sharing this with her. Was it to simply provoke her or was it simply because Ashwin was the only common topic between them to talk about?

"So if it was a mutual crush, yen almost dated? Why not actually date?" She asked, sincerely wondering.

(Why almost dated? Why not actually date?)

Priyanka shrugged. "Crush yaaru mela venaalum varalam. Physical appearance pathu varalam. Avanga mannerisms pathu varalam. Avanga attitude pathu kuda varalam. But I can't always date the person I have a crush on. I date to marry and andha time I couldn't see myself marrying Ashwin."

(We can get a crush on anyone by their physical appearance, mannerisms, or even attitude.)

Sivaangi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why not?"

"The vibes, chemistry... it just didn't work. Naanga pesinapo something was missing in him. Yedho onnu illa. Set aagala. We became really good friends though, because oru mutual admiration and respect irundhuchu." Priyanka explained.

(Something was missing in him when we talked. Something was not there. So it didn't work. But we became really good friends since there was a mutual admiration and even respect)

Sivaangi was still confused. She's spent so much time with Ashwin, she's had countless of conversations with that man and never had she felt like something was missing in him. Not even during their very first banter when she offered him blueberry ice cream to which he proposed to tutor her English in return.

He always felt, sounded and seemed perfect to her.

Blinking cluelessly, she asked aloud. "Avaru kitta yedho onnu illana, yenna illa? I don't get you."

(What does he not have?)

Priyanka chuckled before pointing at her. "Nee thaan illa."

(Well he didn't have you.)

Sivaangi stared in silence, unable to comprehend whatever she was saying.

"Avan kooda nee illa. Unna thavira vera yaaru koodayum chemistry work out aagalanu nenakiren." Priyanka easily said before chugging down on the glass of water she had fetched for herself earlier.

(You weren't with him. I guess the chemistry only works with you and him.)

"I may be wrong but I think some people are only meant to be with some people. Meeting that right person will change you and your life. Oruthavanga unaku kudukura love mattum unna change pannadhu, nee innortharku kudukura love kuda unna change pannum."

(Being loved can change you but loving someone can change you too.)

Sivaangi didn't have any opinion to chip in so she remained silent but she wished the woman would continue talking because it felt like she was taking her somewhere with those words.

Thankfully, Priyanka was not done. "The Ashwin now that's married to Sivaangi is very different from the Ashwin who vowed to be single for the rest of his life to serve his country." She added with a wide smile.

She raised a finger to prove her point. "He's so much more open and jovial with people these days. Palaya Ashwin commands ah kathitu thirumbi pakama poitey irupan."

(The old Ashwin would simply yell out the commands and walk off.)

She raised another. "He's more human now which makes him a better leader. Munnadi lam rules rules rules. But ippo he's so much more lenient and understanding especially with his subordinates."

(Last time it was all about rules. But now he's much more lenient and understanding especially with his subordinates.)

She laughed as she narrated. "Yenga campsite pakkathulaye refugee camps iruku. Usually andha pakkam pogavey maatan Ashwin because you know how he gets around new people that he isn't familiar with? But oru naal anga oru kolandhai ku adi patruchu so we helped out. She's like 3 or 4 years old. Her name is Sivaangi."

(There's a refugee camp right beside our campsite. And Ashwin never goes near there simply because you know how he gets around new people that he isn't familiar with? But one day a kid there got hurt so we helped out. She's like 3 or 4 years old. Her name is Sivaangi.)

Sivaangi listened with utmost attention as Priyanka told her about how overly attached Ashwin grew to the child from that day onwards. He spoilt her with hugs, kisses and chocolates every single day without fail and would always be carrying her around to play with during his breaks. He would never step out of the campsite without paying the kid a visit. They even have their own secret codes and inside jokes that it made the rest of the soldiers feel left out.

"All because she has your name," Priyanka summarised.

Sivaangi slowly blinked, unable to find any words as she was still processing the madness.

"Everyone in the camp are just so curious about you. Who is this Wonder Woman who's got Ashwin Kumar wrapped around her finger? What has she done to our military officer? Ipdi pala questions oditu iruku yellarukum."

(People keep having these questions)

Instinctively, Sivaangi defended herself. "Naa yedhum pannala-"

(I didn't do anything-)

"Nee yenna panranu yenaku theriyadhu but avan panran." Priyanka simply said.

(I'm not sure about what you do, but he's definitely doing it.)

"Yenna?"

(What?)

"Love."

The woman unknowingly dropped the powerful bomb her friend had been desperately keeping away for the time being.

"He loves you." She reiterated and started explaining. "So much. Indha alavuku Ashwin ku feel panna varumnu sathiyama naa expect panla. Un pera sonnale, avanuku ulla irundhu yedho onnu vandhu adhu avan kan valiya theriyudhu. Avlo love."

(I never knew Ashwin is capable of feeling this deeply. Just your name is enough to bring out such a strong reaction from him. That says a lot)

According to Priyanka, she was simply chatting about how madly in love her friend was with his wife to kill some time.

But to Sivaangi, it wasn't as simple as that.

This was a third person debunking all the theories she made up to make life easier for herself. This woman was telling her what exactly she feared to hear.

Sivaangi was not ignorant. She knew the man had deep, strong feelings but she always convinced herself that it was just a bunch of chemicals in his brain that were making him feel excited and joyful, and once the honeymoon phase of the relationship dies down, his strong feelings will die down too.

The high of Phenylethylamine is impairing his judgement and making him believe that I'm the one for him. This clouding of judgement will soon be over and he would realise that he deserves better, that he doesn't want me.

Being a medical student, it was convenient for her to put the blame on psychology and scientific facts so she could dismiss the possibility that maybe the man truly loved her.

But now she's being forced to open her eyes to see that his heart was beyond science or psychology. It was magic.

She can lie, she can deny, she can reject, she can refuse. But her heart would still feel the truth.

And every time she acknowledges this feeling, she's immediately consumed by a terrible fear that's just ready to break her apart.

She really isn't sure which scared her more, the fact that he wanted to explore her depths and understand every inch of her or the fact that she was slowly starting to let him.

She's lost too much that she's afraid to want anything for herself.

She pushes away what she wants because she wants it too much and too much scares the hell out of her.

The love he has for her had changed him. But Sivaangi realised that she never changed. She still remained the same. Simply because she has not allowed him to love her nor has she allowed herself to love him either.

"I don't know if you know this but Ashwin was supposed to get promoted this year but nadakala because he's refusing to take part in any missions and operations that he's usually an expert on." Priyanka's voice interrupted her overwhelming thoughts.

Despite her mind being in a messy state, Sivaangi weakly questioned. "Why is he refusing?"

Priyanka shook her head in disappointment. "He said he can't leave you alone. Yedha venum naalum vittutu, yerangi vandhu work panravan Ashwin. Ippo andha work eh secondary aagiduchu."

(The work that he was ready to sacrifice anything for has become secondary.)

Sivaangi was dumbstruck, completely at loss for words.

It took her only a couple of conversations with Ashwin to understand just how passionate he was about his job. He's shed blood, sweat and tears to get to where he was, it was not a path of roses or rainbows at all.

How could he in his sane mind be willing to forsake his well-deserved elevation for her?

Has he gone mad?

"Unnala mudinja talk to him." Priyanka gently said. "Avan unna pathukanumnu nenakiran, he's so invested in you that he's neglecting himself. Appo nee thana avana pathukanum? I hope I'm not crossing the line."

(Talk to him if you can. He wants to take care of you, and he's so invested in you that he's neglecting himself. So you should take care of him right?)

Sivaangi was not moving at all, she stared into the blank space. She felt like she was in the middle of the sea, getting hit by waves after waves. Except it wasn't water that was trying to drown her, it was his love.

Every time she though this was the most he could do, this was the highest level he could reach, he effortlessly surpassed it because loving her was like second nature to him.

He's been doing it secretly since the very moment he laid his eyes on her. He's been doing it subtly since he took her hand and promised to never let go.

Loving her was easy, but concealing it was the tough part for him.

Maybe it was time for Sivaangi to make it easier for him.

Just then, the loud engine of the jeep was heard as the vehicle entered their driveway. Priyanka rose up immediately with a small smile. "That's my cue to leave. Bye Sivaangi."

The woman helped herself with the locked door and walked out. Sivaangi remained frozen until she heard her husband's hushed voice as he hastily greeted his friend.

With her heart pounding like a drum in her chest, Sivaangi got up and walked out of the main door to catch a glimpse of the military officer who was all drenched in the rain.

The moment his eyes landed on her, his natural reaction was to smile with lips parted in amazement at her gorgeous form in the saree that smoothly flowed around her. Then when reality hit him, he started mouthing a hundred of sorries, pouting like a sad puppy who was really helpless and really just did his best.

Too occupied with each other's presence, neither of them noticed Priyanka bidding goodbye and driving off in the jeep.

Ashwin's eyes widened when Sivaangi stepped out of the porch, away from the roof that was shielding her from the rain and made her way through their front yard towards him.

"Mazhai peyuthu, yenna panra Sivaangi?" Ashwin panicked and was about to make a move to drag her back into the house.

(It's raining, what are you doing?)

But she had already reached him, completely soaked under the rain. Despite the loud sound of the nature, he could hear the shaky breaths and shivers of her body very well.

He placed his pair of warm hands on her shoulder blades as he tried to make sense out of this situation.

"Sivaangi," he closely called out, causing her to shut her eyes for a fleeting moment at once.

"Yenaku theriyum nee romba kovama irukanu, adhu kaga night full ah mazhai la nikka vekkiradhu lam konjam extreme ma," he nervously attempted to defend his case.

(I know you're really angry but making me stand in the rain the whole night is a little too extreme)

When she continued staring without any response, he gently held her wet cheeks. "Ulla poyi pesalama?"

(Shall we talk inside?)

Still silence.

Ashwin pitifully looked at her in the eye, hoping to win her over with his puppy eyes. But he mentally stumbled when he noticed the way she was looking at him.

The look she was giving him, it wasn't anger. It wasn't upset. It wasn't any form of disappointment either.

It was something else.

Something that automatically caused his heartbeat to rapidly rise without his permission even.

His own pair of dried up lips trembled as he apprehensively asked. "Yen kitta yedhavudhu sollanuma?"

(Do you want to tell me something?)

He gulped hard when she nodded, her eyes still etched on his. "Sollu."

(Say it)

Her small hand tugged on his unbuttoned collar. The tiny fingers started caressing his collarbone and neck, playing with the droplets of water that conveniently landed on his skin, so softly, so slowly, that it almost felt torturous for the military officer as he found himself gasping for more air.

Struggles aside, his eyes were still firmly glued to hers. He desperately tried to read them and uncover the words they were conveying.

The words that he's yearning, craving and dying to hear from her.

Instead she said,"you should wait because you chose wrong. I won't wait because I chose well."

She inched closer, shunning away the cold air between them. Without giving him any warning, she placed both her feet on top of his wet boots to reduce the vertical difference between them, and for a better balance she circled her arms around the back of his neck.

Their noses brushed lightly, but that light touch sent shivers through his nerves and made him palpitate.

Her lips stroked against his exposed neck, his breath painfully hitched and he was rooted to the ground, afraid of moving even an inch. She lowly murmured against his skin,"if you want me to stop, tell me now."

Silence.

He did not miss the very subtle but devious side smirk she gave out right before diving in and invading the sweet, sensitive spot between his neck and collarbone.

Her lips were gentle at first, almost tricking him to relax until her tongue softly started to swipe along her chosen spot. Ashwin pursed his lips tightly, miserably trying not to make a sound as she devoured him.

About 20 seconds later when she finally saw his skin that's turned into shades of red and purple, she looked up at him, trying to catch her breath. He was quite a mess himself as he gasped for air while trying to stop his body trembling from the intense waves of pleasure that he had just experienced.

Her lips then started to brush against the side of his jaw as she again whispered out. "Or now."

When he said nothing, she tilted her head upwards with a little bit of effort as her lips traced his cheekbone. Then she slowly caressed his slightly bearded cheek with her wet lips and whispered once again. "Or now."

She then moved from the side of his face to his lips. As she settled her lips against his lips that felt like it was perfectly made for her, so gentle and soft, it almost felt like it was not there except it was very well there.

"Or-"

He pulled her closer, and the rest of her words were lost against his mouth.

His tongue slipped inside her mouth, gentle but demanding, and it's nothing like she's ever experienced, and Ashwin suddenly understood why people often described kissing as melting because every square inch of his body dissolved into hers.

Her fingers gripped his hair, pulling him even closer like she really did not want to leave even an inch of gap. His veins throbbed and his heart felt like it was about to explode. He had never wanted anyone like this before. Ever.

He kissed her gently, carefully, but it wasn't gentleness she wanted, not now, not after all this time, and she knotted her fists in his uniform, pulling him harder against her. He groaned softly, low in his throat, as he went in again, not to just taste but deeper and harder, with a fervent urgent need he's never known before.

She was still tiptoeing on his boots and clung to him like he was the only solid thing in a dizzy, swaying world.

Addicting.

That was the right word to describe how they both felt about each other. They just could not get enough. They wanted to go deeper, further and completely in, until their sanities could be knocked off their heads. Until all they knew and remembered was each other. Nothing but each other.

The sky continued to pour out heavily, causing them both to feel cold and even vulnerable as they had no one but each other to hold on to. Amidst the chilly gushes of wind, the only source of warmth was the bare skin and the hot breaths of the other.

Wet, hungry, craving, bumpy- they were a mess be it physically, mentally or even emotionally. But they were each other's mess to handle.

Ashwin's one hand conveniently settled on her bare waist thanks to her choice of clothing, while the other hand settled at the back of her neck to ease the strain and support her head as she had been tilting it upwards to reach his lips.

Their bodies just knew what to do for each other even in the heated moment when their heads were clouded by the giddiness of euphoria.

Putting the comfort and needs of the other was a mutual priority no matter what.

The high of pleasure and bliss catapulted and Ashwin was only a couple of seconds away from lifting her into his arms and walking into their house to be away from the eyes of their neighbours so they can thoroughly finish what they had started.

But the universe had other plans.  The sky cracked out a loud thunder right then, causing their lips to accidentally break away from the rhythm as their bodies jerked.

Panting for breath, with the lightest hint of smiles on the corner of their lips, they looked at each other, still in disbelief that they did what they just did.

He gently moved her wet locks away. He wanted a better view of her flustered face. Swollen and worn out lips, faint pink all over her cheeks, misty eyes that thirsted for more- it was a sight that boosted his male pride and only lured him to perpetuate their little feast.

But he held back and waited for her to speak.

Sollu.

(Say it)

It's like he knew she wanted to say something. Or maybe he was hoping she would say something.

Catching those eyes again that held a meaning he was always searching for in her, his heart thrummed against his chest. He tired his best to stay calm while anticipating for her words.

Sivaangi could very well detect his encouraging and hopeful eyes, she knew what he wished to hear too.

And she believed that she just said it. Just not the way he expected.

"Solliten."

(I've said it.)

Where words couldn't be exchanged, a kiss perfectly expressed the feelings of the heart.

That kiss told him exactly what she was hesitating to.

And it was just a matter of time before she said it to him loud and clear.

"Good night Military." Her voice came out raspy due to their recent activity.

The dimpled smile he returned her with, had no traces of the disappointment his heart squeezed out.

Maybe the passionate events of the night had unknowingly raised his expectations and for a moment he really thought she was going to admit it and accept it.

As always, she was still not there yet.

But Ashwin didn't mind waiting. Sivaangi was worth the wait.

And waiting on its own was a sign of love. Anyone can easily say 'I love you' but not everyone can wait to prove it. 

He loved her and so, he waited.

...

The house was empty as the couple were out in the veranda, doing their own things. It's been a couple of days since the steamy night they had, and these two had been voluntarily pretending such an incident never happened.

They never spoke a word of it.

Things still remained the same. Still two separate rooms. Still goodnight hugs before bedtime. Still a relationship that was somewhere in between roommates and soulmates.

One thing has changed though.

Their perspectives when it comes to bringing their relationship to the next level.

The kiss had broken down the walls of physical boundaries they had mutually set up. Now that the walls were crashed, they felt like they had the liberty to plunge in and explore more.

The little flame they had impulsively lit up was starting to spread through every inch and corner of their insides, and it was only a matter of time before it spark a huge wildfire.

In other words, the kiss had turned them on and now they were both horny. They were just one step away from jumping into bed.

The only problem was that, they both were expecting the other to take that step and initiate which resulted in nothing. No progress.

The silent game between them was frustrating, testing but weirdly exciting.

To cope better with the vexation, Ashwin even revisited one of his old hobbies - boxing. Sivaangi came back home one fine day to find a punching bag hanging from the ceiling of their veranda. He had been religiously punching the bag every single day since then.

Not that Sivaangi was complaining - sweaty, shirtless, and impressive biceps...he couldn't get more attractive. It was like winning a free ticket to a strip club.

As usual, Sivaangi was perched on the swing chair, surrounded by a huge pile of notes and books for revision while Ashwin threw his regular punches, not a great distance away from her.

When he paused for a short breather, he noticed her zoning out. With eyes glinting in mischief, he called her out. "Oii...padikirenu build up pannitu, yenna pannitu irukinga doctor?"

(You said you were gonna study, now what are you doing?)

That snapped her out of her thoughts as she quickly shook her head. "Illa oru chinna confusion Ashwiney."

(Just having a little bit of confusion.)

He naturally assumed that it was related to her studies. "Ayyayo anatomy la confusion ku naa help panna mudiyathey. Venumna Pri ta kekalam, avaluku kandipa-"

(A confusion in anatomy? I don't think I can help with that. But if you want, we can ask Pri. She will definitely know-)

The baby tiger in her roared. "Konjam neram vaaya mooduringala? Yeppo paaru Pri Pri Pri!"

(Can you be quiet? Always going on and on with your Pri!)

"Unakaga thaan ma, Pri is a military doctor-"

(I was literally trying to help, Pri is a military doctor-)

"Naa ketana?" She snapped.

(Did I ask?)

Before he could defend himself, she started complaining. "Avala mattum chellama Pri nu kupudrathu, Shalini ah kuda Shalu ma nu sweet ah kupuduringa. Yenna mattum yedho aadu maadu ah kupudura madhri oi oi oii!"

(You sweetly call her Pri. You even call Shalini as Shalu ma in such a sweet manner. But for me? I get called like some animal from the street!)

Ashwin chuckled at the absurdity. "Andha 'oi' la yevlo affection iruku theriyuma? Adha poyi Shalu ma kooda lam compare pannitu iruka!"

(There's so much affection in it. How could you compare that with Shalu ma?)

Sivaangi clarified. "Yenna oi nu solradhu yenaku problem illa, avangala short ah sweet ah kupudrathu thaan yenaku problem!"

(What bothers me isn't the way you call me but the way you call them!)

As always, he skilfully changed the topic. "Seri unaku yenna confusion? First adha sollu."

(Anyways tell me what's the confusion about first.)

Sivaangi sighed as she narrated the weird dream she's been getting continuously for the past few days. "Oru wolf iruku Ashwiney, adhu koodavey oru kutti moon pinnadi vandhutey iruku. Andha moon yevlo thaan adhu kooda vilayada try pannalum, andha wolf adha thirumbi paakavey maatukudhu, adha touch pannavum maatukudhu. Aprom oru naalu, seriyana mazhai peiyuthu. Thunderstorms lam nadakuthu. Mazhai ku aprom andha moon kanama poiduchu! Andha wolf thedi thedi paakuthu, but yengayumey illa. Aprom kadasiya mela irukura empty sky ah paathu wolf howl pannudhu."

(There's a wolf Ashwin, and it's always being followed by a tiny moon. The moon keeps trying to play with the wolf but the wolf never touches it or even pays attention to it. Then one day after a heavy rain and even thunderstorm, the moon just disappeared. The wolf kept looking for the moon but couldn't find it. In the end it's looking at the empty sky and painfully howling)

Ashwin blinked slowly, unsure of what he's expected to say. "Oru madhri scary vibe ah iruku Ashwiney, adhuvum few days ah repeated ah vandhutey iruku indha dream."

(It gives off a scary vibe, and I've been getting this dream repeatedly for the past few days)

He gave her a comforting smile. His mother has taught him that when opportunity knocks, he should open the door and embrace it. So Ashwin decided to open the door to her room and take up the opportunity. He generously offered in the most genuine tone. "Unaku bayam ah irundha sollu, I'll sleep beside you in your room."

(If you're really scared I can sleep beside you in your room)

Meanwhile Sivaangi's mother was never there to teach her to read between the lines, especially in a conversation with your husband that you got unfinished business with. So she was quick to assure him. "Yenaku bayam lam illa Ashwineyy!"

(I'm not scared.)

Ashwin chortled in defeat. He wasn't even surprised, just disappointed. Sometimes he couldn't believe how that clueless woman was supposed to be more experienced than him. Even a 15 year old teen might be quicker than her to understand the hints.

"Adhaana, neenga yevlo periya dhairiyasaali. Singapen. Yenna oru courage, yenna oru boldness." He dryly said.

(Of course you are not! Aren't you a lioness?)

"Thank you!" She proudly smirked.

"Like I said I'm not exactly scared, yenaku romba curious ah thaan iruku. Orey dream yen again and again varudhu? Is it trying to tell me something?"

(I'm just very curious. What is the dream trying to tell me?)

Before Ashwin could come up with some sort of explanation, they were interrupted by their neighbour who had stopped by unannounced.

After the typical greetings and a few minutes of random chats with the couple, Pugazh handed her a bag of delicacies as he asked. "Aprom papa ready aagitiya?"

(So have you gotten ready?)

Ashwin perked up his ears. "Yenga porathuku?"

(To go where?)

Pugazh looked between Ashwin and Sivaangi in confusion too. "Yenna papa, avan kitta sollalaya?"

(You haven't told him?)

An awkward silence filled up the air as Ashwin waited for her to say something. Sivaangi just glared at her neighbour who blinked innocently, oblivious to the ruckus he had kindled.

Clearing her throat, she told her husband. "Kochi. I'm going to Kochi for a medical camp."

This time it was Ashwin who became silent. His face fell and he nodded for the sake of acknowledgment.

Pugazh decided that it was the best for him to leave them alone now. He had unknowingly stirred up trouble for the couple but he didn't dare to stay behind to watch it all unfold. So he made up some lame excuse and left.

Unlike what Sivaangi had expected, Ashwin wordlessly turned away and started punching the bag vigorously.

Unable to ignore the guilt brewing in her, she asked. "Yen mela ulla kovatha andha punching bag ta kaaturingala?"

(Are you venting out your anger that's meant for me, towards the punching bag?)

He threw a final punch before stopping to look at her. "Adhuku thana iruku?"

(Isn't that the purpose of it?)

"Appo nejamavey yen mela kovam ah?"

(So you are angry with me?)

"Illa, yenaku kovam lam illa. Yenaku yeppo lam yedhavudhu sevathula muttikalamnu thonutho, appolam indha bag ah thaan kuthipen." Ashwin sweetly explained.

(No not angry. Just that whenever I feel like banging my head against the wall, I would punch this bag.)

Sivaangi rolled her eyes. "Ippo naa yenna kolai ah panniten? Medical camp porathu yenna thappu ah? Naa yengayum poga kudatha? Yenaku purila."

(Why are you reacting so much for this? Is going to a medical camp such a huge sin? Am I not allowed to go anywhere? I don't get it.)

No hints of smile in his eyes as he seriously asked. "Onney onnu kekuren. Adhuku mattum badhil sollu. Indha camp, is it mandatory or you're voluntarily going?"

(Let me just ask you one thing. Is this camp mandatory or optional?)

She fell quiet.

It was not an obligation at all. It was not a requirement either. It was totally up to her. And in all honesty, she wasn't keen on going for the camp either at this point of time when her exams are nearing.

Yet, she signed up for it.

Panicking with a pang of regret, she argued. "Yes I volunteered. So what about it? Neenga unga missions ku lam pogathanaala, naanum poga kudatha? Apdi thana? Let me tell you something. We are two different individuals. Our lives shouldn't always revolve around each other only."

(Just because you don't go for your missions, I'm not allowed to go anywhere also?)

"Oh is it? Separate lives vazhanumna yedhuku kalyanam pannanum? Thaniyavey irundhurlamey?" He shot back.

(If you want to live a separate life, why get married? Why not live alone?)

He then answered his own question with a sarcastic smile. "Oh wait! You married me because you needed me to stay in India, right?Marandhuten."

(I forgot that.)

He took off his gloves, tossing them away and started walking into the living room. She followed behind him, pressing her lips tightly. Her eyes glistened with hurt, she sounded like a child when she pitifully said. "You're really hurting my feelings right now."

Ashwin paused and took a deep breath before turning to look at her. "I'm sorry."

He had no problem apologising, it was never his intention to hurt her. He just wanted to let her know how hurt he was.

"Nee camp poradhu problem illa. But yedhuku pora? What's your reason? Ask yourself. Andha reason thaan yenaku prechanai."

(You going for the camp isn't an issue, but why are going? The reason behind it is the problem for me.)

Silence.

That's all she could give him. Because she couldn't bring herself to offer him her reasons. She didn't have the heart to hurt him. But what she didn't know was that, it wouldn't take long for him to figure it out.

"Aprom innoru vishyam. Naa missions and operations ku lam pogathathuku reason nee illa, naa. Unnala yenna vittutu iruka mudiyathunu illa, yennala unna vittutu poga mudiyathu. Ponalum nimmadhiya work panna mudiyathu." He explained in frustration.

(And one more thing; the reason I don't go for the missions or operations is not you, it's me. Not because you can't live without me but because I can't go without you. Even if I do, I won't be able to work in peace.)

Their little kitten that sensed the tension in the air started meowing out loud in panic. Ashwin immediately turned towards it and shot it a deadly glare, silencing it at once.

He turned back to his wife. "Adhey madhri anniki night Priyanka ah va vara sonnadhu kuda, unnala thaniya iruka mudiyathunu illa. Yennala unna thaniya iruka vida mudiyathu avlo neram. Apdi irundhalum yennala concentrate panna mudiyathu. Yennoda assurance kaga thaan Priyanka va vara sonnen."

(Same goes with that night when I asked Priyanka to come over. Not because you can't survive all alone but only because I can't live you alone. I won't be able to concentrate on anything.)

He ran his finger through his hair, feeling the sweat built up." Naa yennikumey un kitta irundhu expect pannadhu illa. Naa ipdi senja nee ipdi seiyanumnu."

(I never expect anything from you. I never do anything expecting you to do it back for me.)

Vulnerability and pain were visible in his eyes when he looked at her. "Yenaku nee romba important. Unakaga naa yenna venaalum seivan. Avlo dhaan. Badhil ku neeyum yen mela anbu kaatanum, neeyum yenakaga idhulam seiyanumnu naa expect pannavey maaten."

(You're really important to me. I would do anything for you but I won't expect you to give me back the love.)

He let out a pathetic laughter. "Unfortunately , indha pala pona manasu yenna miri sila neram aasai patrudhu."

(Unfortunately this idiotic heart of mine yearns for it at times without my permission)

He refused to give her a chance to talk. "All the best."

The last thing he told her before shutting the door of his room was something that kept her awake for the entire night. "By the way, about your dream, maybe try looking at it from the moon's perspective. Appo puriyum."

(You'll understand then.)

...

That night would definitely go down the history of all the terrible nights Sivaangi have experienced.

The first half was just her getting furious the more she pondered about how hurtful Ashwin's words were.

The second half of the night was her realising how much hurt he must have been for him to say such things.

All in all, she just laid there on the bed, regretting every second that passed by and finally when the sun rose, she was determined to set things right.

Not wasting anymore time, she scampered out of her room. Slightly taken aback by the door of his room that was ajar, she peeped in only to find it empty.

Puzzled, she turned to check the wall clock. It was only 5 a.m, there was no way he already left for work right? And he would never leave without saying goodbye to her. Right?

Feeling troubled, she quickly checked the washroom, followed by the kitchen, the store room and even the backyard. No sign of him at all.

He really left?

The realisation hit her as she stood in the middle of the empty house. Weirdly, the house felt strange and petrifying to her.

Sivaangi couldn't function. Like a child who had lost his mother in the grocery store, she felt lost, handicapped and terrified.

It wasn't the walls of the house that made up her home, it was him. 

And she just lost her home.

...

The bustling construction site filled with cheerful chit chats and banters of the workers put the military officer in a calm mood as he rested on top of a boulder.

He tired to ignore the throbbing pain on his hand that Priyanka had just wrapped up in a bandage after he had gotten injured in the most amateur way. Speaking of the devil, Priyanka came back with a bottle of water and perched on the boulder beside him.

"So what's the problem? Inniki seri illaye nee." She commented while handing the bottle to him.

(You don't seem fine today)

He took it but avoided her eyes. "Apdi lam illa."

(No, I'm okay)

"Something wrong. Dull ah iruku face morning la irundhu. Voice la oru exhaust theriyudhu. You seem lifeless." She observed her friend.

(Your face is dull, even your voice is tired.)

"Onnum illa. Yenna nondunathu podhum." He dismissed it and skilfully switched the topic. "What's up with you and Arjun? How come he didn't come here with you?"

(Nothing. Enough about me)

"Damn are you living under the rock or what?" She laughed.

"What? Why?"

"Arjun and I are not together anymore. We got divorced last year. Get updated Ashwin." She causally said.

His eyes widened. "Yenna di solra?! You're kidding me right? You guys were so-"

(What are you saying?!)

She chuckled once again but there was no joy or humour in her laughter. "Idhu romba old news da, chill. Things just didn't work. Last resort ah thaan indha decision yeduthachu."

(This is very old news, chill. It was a last resort, we had to go for it)

Ashwin was unable to just accept it. This was a couple who went against all odds to get together. A couple that used to make him feel even jealous because he wanted that kind of love too.

"Yenaku purila. You left your entire family for him! Same goes with him! Avlo love pannitu yepdi-"

(I don't get it. You loved him so much-)

"Love is not enough Ashwin." She cut him off.

Ashwin stared at her, still bewildered while she looked down, fingers fumbling with her watch as she tried to keep her composure as all the feelings came rushing back to her.

She took in a shaky breath and looked at him. "You know him. He grew up in an abusive family. Physically I brought him out of it but mentally, he was still stuck there. Avan manasu vecha mattum thaan anga irundhu veliya vara mudiyum. Avan vekkave illa kadasi varaikum."

(He can only leave that hell if he sets his heart to but he never did until the end)

She smiled sadly as she uttered. "Yosichi patha, it seemed like I was alone in the relationship. He was only there because I loved him. Not because he loved him and wanted me."

(If I think about it,)

"Avana yepdi pathukurathu, avanuku yepdi love kudukurathu, avana yepdi safe ah feel panna vekkirathu...this is all I would be thinking about all the time. Aprom in the end when he still remains broken, I'll only wonder if I'm the one who's not doing something right, if I'm the one who's not enough for him. Illa, yenaku nee podhum apdinu kooda solrathuku avan iruka maatan."

(How to take care of him, how to give him love, how to make him feel safe, this is all I would be thinking about all the time. in the end when he still remains broken, I'll only wonder if I'm the one who's not doing something right, if I'm the one who's not enough for him. He wouldn't even be there to tell me that I'm enough for him.)

At this point, Ashwin shut his eyes because it seemed like his deepest fears were suddenly speaking to him directly. "Avan yenna love pannama illa, but he just could not express it."

(It's not like he didn't love me, he just couldn't express it)

"He was too broken that he stared to break me. Broken people can only give broken love, Ashwin. And if we try to fix them, their broken pieces will cut and hurt us." She painfully confided.

Ashwin wanted to run, far away. Somewhere far away where he could pretend that he was fine, that he was not bruised and falling apart slowly because of the same person who brought life to him.

"Aprom oru naalu yosichen. Naa pinnadi thorathi pogama, if I stay still, avan yenakaga varuvananu."

(Then one day I just thought, if I don't go after him and pause for a moment, would he come after me.)

Ashwin turned to look at her with anticipation and fear in his eyes on what she's about to say. "Thirumbi kooda pakala. Avana porutha varaikum avanuku irukura aayiram kaayangalla, naa oru kayam. Avlo dhaan."

(He didn't even turn to look at me. Because to him, I'm one of the thousand wounds he already has.)

She got up, patting away the dust from her pants. "He was my entire world. Aana avan ulagathula oru chinna yedam kuda yenaku kudukala. His world was too dark and miserable so he refused to let me in. But it got lonely for me. I had no choice but to leave."

(He never gave me even a little space in his world)

Ashwin remained quiet, and suddenly breathing became one of the most difficult tasks. "Pogatha apdinu oru vaati solli irundha, naa irundhurpen. But sollala. Poidu, poidu, poidu...idhu mattum thaan sonnan."

(Had he told me just once to not leave, I would have stayed. But it was always, go, go, go...this is all he said.)

She smiled painfully. "I just wanted to be wanted by him."

Oblivious to the dismantled state of her friend, she tied up her hair and exhaled. "Anyways it's over. No point talking about it."

"You did so much to be with him," Ashwin uttered, his mind was all over the place and he wasn't sure if he knew what he was talking either.

"I did." She nodded in agreement.

"But sometimes even if you rewrite the stars, they just don't align."

After that, Ashwin couldn't hear anything else Priyanka said before she left him alone. He just sat there like a rock himself, contemplating his entire life and the choices he's made so far.

He always knew loving Sivaangi will not be an easy game but today, he couldn't help but question himself. What if it was a losing game?

Will he never be accepted? Will he never be enough? Will he never be loved? Will he never be let in?

Will he always be the one standing outside her door, begging and pleading for her to open it?

And she would never open the door not because she didn't want him to enter but because she couldn't hear the sound of him knocking amidst the battles in her head.

She might take one step forward to near him but will take ten steps back afterwards to be away from him.

However much he wants her to want him, there's nothing he could do to make it happen. Whatever he does for her, whatever he gives her, whatever he lets her take, it would never be enough. Never enough to be sure. Never enough to satisfy her. Never enough to stop her from walking away. Never enough to make her love him.

At the end, he would be the one left behind, broken, tattered and scarred for life.

All because he wanted to love her.

Ashwin never knew he could feel this much pain, and yet be so in love with the one causing it.

"Revenge yedukuringala?"

(Are you taking revenge?)

His heart skipped a beat when he suddenly heard a voice that doesn't belong there.

He turned towards its direction to find his wife standing meters away from her, panting heavily with the angriest pair of eyes that looked like it was ready to tear up any minute.

Completely shaken, he slowly stood up from the huge rock while she made her way towards him.

"Kochi poranu sonnathu kaga, revenge yedukuringala?! Kalaila pakama, bye kuda sollama, you left! College ku kuda pogama naa inga vandhuten! Avlo classes naa miss panniten inniki. If I fail it's your fault! Yenaku inga yedpi varadhunu kuda therila, wrong bus la yeriten, adhu realise panrathukey 1 hour aaiduchu. Again correct bus ah kandu pudichi, correct bus stop la yerangurathuku yevlo kashtam patten theriyuma Naa yevlo bayandhuten theriyuma?! Naa-"

(Just because I said I'm going to Kochi, you're taking revenge on me?! You left without even saying goodbye! I didn't even go to college. I came here looking for you. I've missed so many classes today and if I fail it's all your fault! I didn't even know how to get here, I took the wrong bus and only realised it an hour later. And it was so difficult to find the right bus and get down at the right bus stop! Do you know how scared I was?! How-)

She was shut down with the tightest hug as he threw himself over her, his body trembling uncontrollably while his eyes started watering.

"Naanum thaan." He whispered out as he tightly caged her body between his arms. "Naanum romba bayandhuten."

(Me too. I got so scared too.)

She blinked cluelessly with her doe eyes before she gently pushed him off. She gasped when she noticed his teary eyes. "Yedhuku aluvuringa? Yennachu? Yenna Ashwiney ipdi panra? Seri naa Kochi pola, okay vaa?"

(Why are you crying? What happened? Why are you doing this Ashwiney? Fine I won't go to Kochi, okay?)

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head like a kid. "I was stupid. So so stupid. I'm sorry."

Sivaangi was just confused. Why was he apologising when she was the one who's supposed to apologise for the stunt she pulled yesterday?

For doubting you, for doubting us.

How could he lose faith in them?

Sivaangi was not a typical woman, she surely was not a simple, easy person to be with.

But that's exactly what he loved about her. That's what makes her her.

And it surely takes someone special to love Sivaangi. Someone who's willing to look past all the dents and cracks. It takes someone with patience and a gentle spirit, someone who realises that she may appear hostile and sharp but is nothing but fragile and needs to be treated with care.

Ashwin needs to be brave to love her because she will hurt him - even if she never meant to. There may be times where he tired to hold her but she would be too afraid to let him close.

Her words might be the weapons she use to push him away and it may sting him like splinters that got under your skin.

But if he was brave enough to try...to try again and again...to keep trying until he break through those defences, Ashwin will understand that a broken Sivaangi will love him in a way that no one has ever did. Every fractured part of her will love him and reflect his love back at him a thousandfold.

"I am so sorry." He repeated it for the hundredth time.

"Yedhuku sorry kekuringa?"

(Why are you apologising?)

He shook his head stubbornly. "Therila aana sorry."

(I don't know but I'm sorry)

She thought for a while before nodding her head in agreement. "Well you should be sorry for scaring me like that in the morning."

He chuckled lightly. "Naa sticky note la yeludhitu thana ponen."

(I did leave a sticky note for you.)

"Poi! Adhulam yedhuvumey illa." She argued.

(Lies! There was nothing like that.)

"Nejamavey sticky note la yeludhi fridge la ottitu vandhen ma."

(I seriously left a sticky note for you on the fridge.)

"Neenga illadha po naa yedhuku kitchen ku poga poren illa fridge ah open panna poren? Venumey pannirkinga!" She gave him a slap in the arm.

(Why would I even go to the kitchen or check the fridge when you're not home? You did this on purpose!)

He held back his laughter. "Sorry ma naa yosikala."

(I'm sorry I didn't think that far)

"Neenga venumney revenge yedukuringa thana yen mela irukura kovam naala?" She pouted, still feeling upset from everything she went through to get to his workplace.

(You are really taking revenge on me right because you're still angry with me)

"Yenaku un mela yenna kovam?" He tilted his head.

(Why would I be angry with you?)

"Naa ungala vittutu camp porenu kovam." She easily suggested.

(Because I'm leaving you to go for the camp)

"Seri nee yedhuku yenna vittutu pora?" He asked back.

(Why are you going for the camp?)

"Adhu..."

(Well..)

"Sollu."

(Tell me)

"Therila Ashwiney. Ipdilam cross question pannathinga." She refused to answer.

(Don't cross question me like this, I don't know.)

Ashwin didn't say anything after that, not wanting to pressure her.

If she wants to go, he's willing to let her go. Because a part of him knows, wherever she goes she'll come back looking for him. She will come back to him.

Like the waves on the ocean, like the moon in the sky, like the blood of the heart, Sivaangi will always come back to Ashwin.

She breathed out and decided to offer him an explanation since it doesn't feel fair to leave him in the dark. "Naa ivlo close ah attached ah yaaru koodayum irundhadhu illa. The way I feel about you, it scares me. Yenaku oru madhri overwhelming ah iruku. Bayam ah iruku."

(I've never felt this close or attached to someone before. I feel overwhelmed. I feel scared.)

She paused before looking up at him to confess. "Aana neenga oru nimisham yen kooda illana adha vida bayam ah iruku."

(But if you're not with me, I feel even more scared)

"Aprom yen velagi pora?" He bravely asked, ready to accept whatever she says.

(Then why do you keep going away from me?)

She took her time to think because she wasn't sure. She couldn't understand herself either. She was afraid to love him. But she was even more afraid of walking away from him.

"Ungala pakkathula vechitey yennala ungala pathi yosika mudiyala." She sincerely looked at him. "A little bit of distance might do us good. To think. To reflect. To understand us better."

(I can't think about you while having you right beside me.)

It was truly unfortunate that they both never got the space that normal couples who date out there will probably have. That little space would really make or break the relationship.

"So you want a break?" He asked to confirm.

She nodded, almost feeling guilty. They literally just kissed a few days ago and she already wants a break.

But this wasn't about the kiss.

It was all the growing feelings and emotions towards Ashwin that she's been suppressing out of fear.

Ashwin realised that Sivaangi wanting a break was in fact a sign of improvement. Instead of neglecting what she feels, she wants to figure it out. Just that, she wants to do it in his absence.

She has always known a life without Ashwin.

But now she wants to know a life without Ashwin after having Ashwin.

Would she survive it?

"Okay."

"Okay?" She asked back.

He nodded with a small smile. "Po. But vandhuru."

(Go. But make sure to come back.)

"You'll be okay?" She suddenly wasn't feeling very certain about her idea.

"Nee okay na, naa okay thaan."

(If you're okay, I'll be okay.)

Without warning him, she gently threw her arms around him but he immediately reacted by pulling her into his embrace.

Her voice came out muffled but he heard her well. "Naa ungala vittutu porenu nenaikadhinga. Unga kitta varanumnu thaan poren."

(Please don't think that I'm leaving you. I'm only going so I can come to you.)

The distance will truly tell them the real meaning of closeness.

When they peeled away from each other, Sivaangi noticed his bandaged hand. With worried eyes, she asked. "Yenna aachu?"

(What happened to your hand?)

"Chinna adi thaan." He assured her.

(Just a little accident)

But she kept staring at the bandage in dissatisfaction and it didn't take him long to figure out the reason behind it. "Naa vena kalatidren, nee thirupi potu viduriya?" He cutely offered.

(Should I take it off so you can put it on for me?)

When she didn't say anything, he was about to unwrap it but she quickly stopped him. "Valikum!"

(It will be painful!)

With the tiniest hint of smile, he stared down at her. His heart wavered just by the sight of her. He wasn't sure if she would completely accept him ever. He wasn't sure if she would truly open her heart to him.

But he was sure of one thing.

Sivaangi had her own twisted way of loving Ashwin, and that love is far greater than any other forms of love he had ever received in his entire life.

Her love was like the hurricane.

It was chaotic, reckless and even wrecked. A hurricane from heaven that dropped down on his life, overturned it, tore him away like leaves and carried his entire heart with her into the abyss.

He rewrote the stars for her and it is absolutely fine if they don't align. Because stars do need to align to form the constellation of love.

...

Ashwin sighed internally while her chirpy self instructed him to angle the phone in a particular position to capture her perfectly in front of the train.

"Olunga yedu Ashwiney, naa story podanum!" She grinned and continued posing.

(Take it properly, I need to post on Instagram.)

"Mhmm yeduthuten yeduthuten." He sulkily passed back the phone to her.

(Yeah yeah I've taken it.)

Despite understanding all the logical reasons and rationality behind her little trip to Kochi, Ashwin still couldn't bring himself to sincerely smile and send her off.

It just ticked him off to think that for the next few days, he's going to come back to an empty house.

She won't be there to share his plate of food with. She won't be there to give commentaries about the show they watch together. She won't be there to laugh at his lame dad jokes. She won't be there to give him his goodnight hugs. She won't be there to even rile him up about her unpacked luggages.

Ashwin can't believe just how clingy and needy he had become over the months.

And what pissed him off even more was the fact that he was the only one who seemed to be affected. Being the unbothered person she was, she skipped around the railway station, capturing pictures and videos for her social media.

Suddenly she turned to him with mischievous eyes. "Military naa vara varikum neenga venumna yedhavudhu girlfriend vechikonga. Naa permission tharen."

(If you want you can have a girlfriend while I'm gone. I'm giving you the permission.)

He simply stared, not feeling amused at all. She giggled, absolutely happy to mess with him. "Serious ah solren Ashwiney, we are on a break anyways so konjam free ah jolly ah irunga."

(I'm serious Ashwiney, we're on a break anyways so feel free and be happy.)

"Aprom naanum oru cute kuttan oda fun panren Kochi la." She teased him. That was the final straw. He started walking away but she quickly ran after to and caught him as she burst out laughing.

(And I can also have my own fun with some cute guys there in Kochi)

Pulling him for a side hug that he wasn't even in a mood for, she continued giggling. "Why are you so cute?"

He rolled his eyes like the bitter child he was. He just was unable to join along with her in the fun. Right then, a loud announcement was made, asking the passengers to settle in as the train would leave in a few more minutes.

"Okay Ashwiney naa poren. Bye bye!" She quickly hugged him once again before running off to the compartment where her husband had already placed her bags.

(Okay I'm going now Ashwiney, bye bye!)

Ashwin blankly stared ahead for a moment when an idea suddenly struck him.

He knew that if he paused and gave it a thought, he might decide against it. So for once, he wanted to be wild, fierce and impulsive.

Just as the train started moving, he ran like a mad man. He ran like his life depended on it to board the moving vehicle.

Her eyes widened in shock when she saw him running in the speed of lightning and jumped into the train right on time.

He panted heavily, desperate to catch some breath while she stared in shock.

In between his strained breaths, he quickly explained. "Naa adutha station varaikum varen. Anga irundhu yennoda site romba pakkam thaan."

(I'll come with you until the next station. My site is very near from that station.)

Sivaangi was in disbelief, but the corner of her lips slowly curled up at the adorable antics of her military man.

Indeed, love makes the wisest man a fool.

"See yenaku theriyum, ivan yenna paithiyamanu nenakira. Naa nalla thaan irundhen, unnala thaan ipdi aayiten!" He defended himself.

(I know you're probably thinking that I'm crazy but I was perfectly normal, only became this way because of you!)

"Next station la kandipa yerangiduven." He quickly assured her.

(I'll definitely get down at the next station.)

She still was not out of the shock yet. Something tugged on her heart when she looked into his eyes. She found herself asking. "Naanum yerangiduva? Unga kooda?"

(Should I get down too? With you?)

For a moment Ashwin thought maybe he heard her wrong due to the loud sound of the railway tracks.

He shakily breathed. "Yeranguviya? Naa yerangura station la neeyum yeranguviya?"

(Will you really get down where I get down?)

"Yeranguven." She neared him, her nose rubbed against his, instinctively making him shut his eyes. Then she whispered. "But ippo illa. Poitu vandhu yeranguven. Wait pannuvingala?"

( I will, but not now. I'll get down once I'm back. Will you wait for me?)

His hand held her back, safely keeping her into his arms and promised. "Angaye irupen."

(I'll always be here you left me)

Wherever she leaves him, that's where he will be, waiting for her to come back. Even if takes all night or a hundred years.

"Station la ye vaa?" She gleefully smiled.

(In the station?)

He narrowed his eyes at her, not enjoying to be made fun of. Especially when he's feeling all emotional and sentimental.

Her eyes moved around the train, making sure her college mates weren't looking before she leaned to his side. The rays of the sun hitting him through the open doors of the train made him look nothing lesser than a piece of art.

"Chumma sonnen." She whispered.

(Just joking)

He hummed in response, his large hand playing gently with her tiny fingers that he's gonna be missing. A small smile made its way to his face when noticed the bracelet he gave her tightly wrapped around her wrist. Now that he realised, she never took it off. Not once. Since the night he put it on her in the terrace, it's always been on her wrist.

A part of them that will always follow her.

"Naa onnu kekava?" He twisted his head slightly to look at her.

(Can I ask you something?)

"Kelunga." She didn't need to think to agree.

(Sure)

He then held her shoulders and moved her body to keep her away from the train doors.

"Yedhuku indha position change?" She was confused.

(Why the change of position?)

"Train la irundhu pudichu thalli vittutena? Oru precautionary measure thaan." He nervously squeaked.

(A precautionary measure. What if you push me off the train?)

Now she was curious. "Apdi yenna kekaporinga?"

(What on are you even going to ask?)

"Adhu..."

(Well...)

"Sollunga, unga station vandhura podhu." She urged him impatiently.

(Quick, your station might arrive anytime now.)

He swallowed hard and his eyes were evidently focusing on her lips. "Orey oru vaati..."

(Just once..)

She bit back her smile and kept up her serious face. "Orey oru vaati?"

(Just once?)

"Come on, you know what I'm talking about!" Sivaangi can be oblivious to his hints, but she can also be evil and purposely torment him to push him to the limits. And now Ashwin was pretty confident that it was the latter.

"Orey oru vaati nu sonna yenna Ashwiney puriyum? Theliva sollunga."

(How would I know? Tell me clearly.)

There was definitely a sick pleasure in witnessing your loved one crumbling down and melting for you. And Sivaangi wanted it. She wanted to hear his desires and yearnings for her loudly.

There was lesser than 10 minutes for the next station to arrive. The pressure of time propelled Ashwin to have no shame or pride.

After all what's so shameful to admitting he wants something that's meant for him in the first place?

"Can I kiss you?"

She burst out laughing, even earning a few looks from the passengers standing nearby. Ashwin nudged her to quiet down while trying his best to not look bashful.

In between her laughter she managed to utter. "Vittutu porenu sonna thaan officer ku romance lam varudhu..."

(Your romance game gets stronger only when I say I'm gonna leave you huh?

"Hello, yellamey iruku. Veliya katama vechirkum, avlo dhaan." He argued.

(It was always strong, I just never showed it.)

"Ulla vachitu yenna man panna mudiyum? Imagination la ye vazhndhu mudicha podhuma?" She argued back.

(What's the point of having it if you don't show it?)

She suddenly got curious so she asked. "Seri ivlo naalu ullaye thana vechitu wait pannitu irundhinga, ippo mattum yen release panringanu therinjikalama?"

(And why you suddenly decide to show it?)

"Nee annaki-"

(Since that day you-)

She proudly smirked and cut him off. "Ohhh annaki naa kiss pannanala, ippo neengalum pannalamnu decide pannitinga. Basically ungaluku starting trouble? Naa start panni vittuta, neenga finish panniduvinga apdi thana?"

(Ohh so because I kissed you that day, you've decided to do it too. Basically you have a problem with starting it? Once I start it, you can finish it, am I right?)

"Anniki nee pannadhu pathi illa, nee sonnadhu." He simply said.

(I'm not talking about what you did, I'm talking about what you said the other day.)

"Yenna sonnen." She couldn't remember well.

(What did I say?)

He reminded her what exactly she said before she kissed him. "Un choice correct apdinu sonnella?"

(You said that you've made the right choice.)

"Aama sonnen."

(Yeah I did.)

He gave her a dimpled smile and explained. "But you need to know something. Naa wait pannadhu yen choice correct ah illayanu confirm panrathuku illa. Un choice correct thaan apdinu unaku confirm aagurathuku. Aagiduchu, idhuku mela naa yedhuku wait pannanum?"

(I waited not because I wasn't sure of my choice. I waited for you to be sure of your choice. Now that you feel that your choice is right, I don't have a reason to wait anymore.)

She blinked, processing what he just said before asking. "Appo unga choice-"

(Then what about your choice-)

"Right choice, wrong choice lam yenaku theriyadhu. Yenaku pudicha choice. Naa romba virumbuna choice. Yenaku romba mukkiyama patta oru choice." He firmly said.

(I don't know about right or wrong. You're a choice that I liked. A choice that seemed very important to me.)

His finger gently moved a chunk of her hair to settle it behind her ear.

"Vazhkai full ah un kooda vazhanum. But adhu mudiyadhuna, yevlo naalu mudiyumo avlo naalu vazhanum. Meedhi irukura naalu, un kooda vazhndha andha naatkal oda ninaivugal ah nenachitu vazhdhurunum. Avlo dhaan, yen choice clear, yen life settled."

(I want to live my entire life with you, if that isn't possible then I want to live with you for as long as I can. And for the rest of my life, I'll live with the memories I made with you. That's it. My choice is clear; my life is settled.)

Sivaangi felt a huge lump in her throat, feeling breathless and overwhelmed.

He loved her. He loved her way too much that she was afraid that she might start loving herself too.

She moved into his arms and pulled his head down to reach him. He obliged, giving her an easier access. Smiling too hard, she murmured against his lips. "Kekathinga."

(Don't ask.)

"Hmm?"

"Inimey kekathinga. Yeppo venum naalum..." she completed her own sentence with a feather like peck on his lips.

(Don't ask me for permission anymore. Anytime you want...)

"Ipdilam sonna," he gave her a peck.

(If you say things like this)

"Naa." Another peck.

"Poga." And another.

"Vida." Maybe another.

"Maaten." A final one.

(I won't let you go.)

She giggled against his lips, not having the heart to move away at all.

She was going to miss him so much. It would be hard. But she can't do anything about it. Because having that space between them both was the only way to make things work.

Without this space, he might get closer to her but she'll only grow further away from him.

She will come back to him.

The lone wolf will always come looking for the moon. And when they meet, the world would only hear its howls and wails of undying love.

~~~•••~~~

Any favourite scene?

Is Sivaangi's character frustrating? Because I'm just trying to keep it as real as possible. Being together with someone who's broken emotionally and mentally is never easy.

Any idea what's about to happen next?

Thank you for reading💜