Why is she trying to make an evening show of herself that everyone then watches? That's how she sees her life anyway. Thinking all the time about how her choices will affect others around her. How she needs to impress herself. Isn't that what everyone excepts of her? Showing how beautiful her life is and all the things she can do. While she actually has nowhere to go. While she doesn't have a clue about what she wants to do. While she doesn't know what she wants but is aware of what she doesn't want. She pretends to be different than she really is. Letting others think what they want about her. Letting them see what she wants them to see.
Thinking that everyone watches her evening show. Thinking they love it. Thinking that everything has to be written down in advance, to have a good show.

But actually the truth is that everyone is busy figuring out their own evening show. She knows that no one really watches her show, because they are consumed by writing out their own.